Josh-
I feel like my head is going to explode. I'm not sure if it's from all the crying I've been doing, or the fact that I'm frustrated beyond belief.
It's been about 2 hours since I got a bit too angry, and kicked my friend, Jennifer, out of my house. All I have done since then is lay in my bed, cry, punch something, and repeat.
Have I always been this hotheaded? I wouldn't know. I don't know anything.
I need to get out of this bed right now; I can't take it any longer. I grab my crutches that are leaning against my bedside table, and try to situate them under my armpits as comfortable as possible, which isn't much.
I make my way down the stairs, one step at a time, on these stupid crutches. Not only has my brain been wiped away of all its memories, but my leg is broken as well. Fuck this shit.
I wish I would have just died in the accident. This is no way to live. Not knowing who you are, who your family is, who your friends are, who your girlfriend is.
When I finally make it to the kitchen, I see the table is full of presents, from Jennifer. Fuck, I really fucked this up. She has always been there for me, and I just lost my temper, and probably her.
There is a bag of food from McDonalds, which is now cold, and a container of cinnamon rolls. When I pick up the bag of food, I see three DVDs; 'White Men Can't Jump,' 'Space Jam,' and 'Fight Club."
I'm guessing I like these movies, I don't remember. I make the decision to park my ass on the couch all day, and watch them. Besides, it's not like I have anything else to do.
I put 'White Men Can't Jump' in my DVD player, lay on the couch, and take my cold McDonald's out of the bag. I really need to text Jennifer, and apologize. I was a total jerk, and she was right, she was just trying to help. This is just so fucking hard.
Josh: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm just so fucking frustrated. Thank you for the food. Come back and watch these movies with me? :)
I quickly notice this movie is about basketball. I wonder if I liked basketball…
Jen-
The vibration of my phone wakes me out of my blubbering state. I can't believe I had that huge, and entirely unintentional fight with Josh. What was I thinking?
I hope the text message on my phone isn't from him. I wouldn't even know what to say at the moment. I wince as I search my purse for my phone, the newly formed bruises and cuts on my knuckles smash against every item inside.
The bruises and cuts…
Josh just kicked me out. It is so hard for me to form any coherent thoughts, except that I may have just lost him forever.
I'm practically running to my car, and trying to keep my composure. This may hurt worse than the accident, because now I have to live with the fact that Josh hates me.
As soon as I'm inside the car I let loose.
Tears of mascara dripping down my face, and uncontrollable sobbing; I miss the old Josh. I miss my Josh.
A strong feeling of rage fills my body, and I punch the steering wheel. It feels good to get my anger out, so I keep doing it.
The sight of blood stops me instantly. The tears stop, and I turn on the car and speed home.
Shit. The text is from Josh… "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm just so fucking frustrated. Thank you for the food. Come back and watch these movies with me? :)"
I'm amazed that I have any tears left inside of me to cry. I should be shriveled up on the floor, my body drained of all its moisture.
I can't answer Josh right now. Instead of fucking this up even more, I decide to stay silent.
I take a swig of NyQuil straight from the bottle, and curl up into a ball in my bed. I need it to make me sleep throughout the night; I need to get a good night's sleep…
Josh-
It's been two months since I've texted Jennifer, and I've still gotten no response.
I've travelled to Austria for an interview that I'm not even sure I can do. I've been here for a day now, and after two months of studying and practicing for the interviews, I'm stuck in bed with a bad case of strep throat. I convinced my mom that I could do this on my own, and that she could trust me. So now, I'm in my hotel room, extremely lonely and very sick.
I need Jennifer back in my life.
She is supposed to arrive in Austria today, so I take a risk and text her.
Josh: Would you come to my hotel room today? We need to talk. Room 205
Almost an instant response, Jennifer: Sure Josh. See you soon.
Now I just need to figure out what the hell to say to her…
Jen-
Fuck, I have to come face to face with Josh. It's been months, but I just don't know what to say to him.
I knew it would only result in trouble, and hardship for Josh if I responded to that text message months ago, and I figured he was in so much pain that it was best for me to just set him free.
I miss him like crazy.
I agreed to go to his hotel room today to talk, so naturally I make a pit stop at the liquor store once I arrive in Austria. I'm so nervous, and I need some liquid courage.
After browsing the aisles of the liquor store multiple times, I decide on a bottle of Fireball. Mainly, because it reminds me of Josh. Also, I'm surprised they have it here.
When I get settled into my hotel room, which happens to be a few doors down from Josh's, I open my Fireball. I don't have any cups, so I resort to drinking straight from the bottle.
I'm taking swigs as I unpack, and suddenly I'm stumbling around, and I see that the bottle is half gone. Fuck.
"Time to go see Joshy!" I say to myself.
I kick my heels off, grab my bottle, and make my way to Josh's room.
I repeatedly smash my fist against the door, and yell, "Josh! Josh!"
He opens the door with a puzzled expression on his beautiful face. After a minute of staring at me, he finally speaks, "Jennifer, are you drunk?"
"Yes I am, Joshua. Yes I am. Would you like some?" I wave the Fireball bottle in front of his face. "It's your favorite."
A sweet smile spreads over his face, "Sure, come on in."
Josh grabs the bottle from me and takes a big sip. "This is fucking delicious."
"I told you it's your favorite!" We sit next to each other on his bed. I can't help but stare at Josh's beautiful features while he drinks.
"Jennifer, I just wanted to apologize…"
"Shhhh, Josh. It's okay." I touch my index finger to his lips. He keeps blabbering, but I'm not listening, and he continues to drink.
"I'm going to pee," I say, and walk provocatively to the bathroom, making sure my ass looks perfect in my skirt.
When I get back in his room, he's laying on the bed. Due to my drunken state, I lay down with him.
We pass the bottle back and forth in silence, taking big gulps. Soon enough, the bottle is gone. I know Josh is drunk, because he rolls over and hugs me.
"Jen, I'm sorry I didn't mean to kick you out I was mad and frustrated, but I'm better now. Much, much better. I still don't know who the fuck I am though." He starts to laugh.
"You finally called me Jen…" I don't know what comes over me, courage from the alcohol maybe, but I lean in and kiss Josh.
To my surprise he doesn't pull away. He grabs the back of my head, and pulls me closer to him.
We kiss for a few minutes, and suddenly I'm straddling him. An infinite amount of time passes by, and we continue to make out. I feel Josh's hard length press against me, and it wakes me up out of my daze. What the fuck am I doing?
"Josh I am so sorry," I slowly push myself off of him. I'm mortified when I see my pink lipstick smeared around his mouth.
I can't stop hiccupping. I must have drank more than I thought. This can't be good. Josh gets up to retrieve a bottle of water from the mini fridge. "Arms up," he says.
Shit, he remembers how I cure my hiccups.
"Where did you learn how to do this?" I ask. I put my arms up, and he holds the water bottle up to my mouth as I drink. As I'm lowering my arms he says, "I don't know, I just remembered."
When my hiccups are gone I wipe my lipstick off of Josh's face. We're sitting in silence, neither one of us knowing exactly what to say to the other. Suddenly, my stomach is doing flips, and I think I have to throw up.
"I think I'm gonna be sick…" I say as I run to the bathroom. Josh follows behind, and holds my blonde hair back, as I yack my lunch into his toilet.
"I think you may have drank a bit too much," Josh says, trying to be funny. I miss his sense of humor so badly.
When my vomiting has ceased, I make myself comfortable in the fetal position on Josh's cold, tile bathroom floor. "I'll forget the kiss happened if you forget I just barfed," I say.
"Deal," he replies. "I'm sorry, my brain is just so cloudy from the alcohol. I don't want to lead you on. I'm still too confused in my head to have any feelings for anyone." I don't think Josh is as drunk as I thought he was, which makes me even more embarrassed.
"Just leave me here to die of humiliation."
"Jen, get the fuck up off the floor, and let's get some food!"
"And more alcohol?"
"Sure, why not? When in Europe."
Jen-
I wake up the next morning still in Josh's hotel room. I really need to stop winding up in his bed. I look around and see empty beer bottles, and food containers, scattered around the floor. What a fucking night.
We ate, we drank, we laughed, and we watched movies. It truly felt like old times, and I was beginning to think things could get back to the way they were.
Except we both know they can't.
I sneak out of the bed, and make my way back to my room. The pain in my head almost brings tears to my eyes. When I arrive, I pop a few Advil, strip, and get take a steaming hot shower.
I think about my kiss with Josh, and the feeling of him pressing against my leg. I missed it so much. My hand involuntarily slides down, and lands between my thighs. I quickly pull away and reprimand myself, "Stop it, Jen!"
I dry myself off, get dressed, and lay down. On top of my hangover, my throat is fucking killing me. What the hell, how did I get sick?
Josh.
I take my phone out and text him;
Jennifer: Any explanation as to why my throat is on fire?
Josh: Oh yeah… about that…
Jennifer: JOSH! I have an interview later today! Fuck. Lol
Josh: I'm sorry! I forgot I had strep
Jennifer: STREP? Josh you gave me your disease! Now I'm going to die! Thanks a lot!
Josh: Stop being over dramatic and call a damn doctor
I call my assistant, who calls a doctor to rush to my hotel. I have to go on the talk to Wetten, Dass..? later on today with Liam, Josh is too sick to attend. Luckily, my sickness isn't as bad as his, since he is stuck in bed with a fever in addition to the strep.
I need to sleep this hangover off, so I'm going to take a nap until my doctor gets here…
A boy, looking no older than 18 or 20, wearing ripped converse, jeans, and a shirt that says 'a real woman never lets her man leave hungry or horny', awakes me. "What the hell…?" I say, in my husky, just-waking-up voice.
"Hello, Miss Lawrence. I'm your doctor," he says.
"Whose little brother are you?" I try to make a joke, but I'm really lightheaded and out of it.
He ignores me and says, "We're going to give you an IV of antibiotics, okay?"
"Whatever man, just heal me with your drugs," I joke again, feeling even more dizzy.
Lying here with an IV in each arm is absolute torture, and for some reason I still feel extremely groggy.
I close my eyes slowly, and my head feels as if it weighs a ton. Then I don't remember anything else…
"Jen, wake up baby."
"Nooo, Joshy. Don't make me."
"I made you breakfast…"
I shoot straight up, "Josh, what are you waiting for? Get the fuck out of bed!"
I run downstairs, and see the breakfast buffet that Josh made for me. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast, even the breakfast potatoes he knows I love.
I turn around and see Josh leaning against the wall staring at me, "Happy birthday baby." He walks over to me, and gives me the biggest hug. "I love you so much, even if you're three years older than me."
"Oh shut up," I give him a kiss. "Thank you for the birthday breakfast Joshy, and in a few months I will only be two years older than you!"
"You know how I love older women…" He pushes me against the wall and attacks my mouth with his. I'm unsure how long he has me pinned against the wall kissing me, but suddenly it hits me, "Josh! The food is getting cold!"
I push him off me, and he looks disappointed. "I love you Josh," I smirk at him.
"I love you more."
"Josh…?"
To my disappointment, it isn't Josh, just the teenage doctor. He's adjusting my IV's, and tells me about how I passed out.
"Tell me something I don't know," I reply, being a complete bitch for no reason.
I pull out my phone, and text Josh.
Jennifer: I hate you for getting me sick.
I get butterflies in my stomach when I see his reply.
Josh: I'm sorry! Love you too!
Fuck.
