(Gob)
She's sleepin'. I ain't gonna try an' wake her, neither. She hasn't slept this good since Charon left. She prolly don't know it, but she cries in her sleep, twitchin' and whimperin' like she's a damned beaten dog. But right now, she sleeps, and I can't. My mind is too busy, too fucked with the dangers and thoughts of the line I just crossed. Fuck. Rubbing my head with my hands, I slip my boxers on an' find my shirt. I won't bother to get fully dressed, jus' gonna go out for a quick smoke. I can smoke in here just the same, but I need air. I need to think about all of this.
It's different now, and I know I'm in for a shit-storm. Didn't really expect things to get serious like this, an' I certainly didn't think this would happen. Prolly shoulda stopped it, prolly shoulda said no and let her sleep an' whatnot, but I didn't. Prolly cuz, I wanted it just as bad as she did. Ain't gonna deny it no more. Havin' her cuddlin' up with me, kissin' me all the time, us pretending we're somethin' like a couple when we both pretend not to be on the side. It all happened so damn fast that I didn't think much of it. We were jus' sittin outside of Megaton, ya know? Jus' sittin' there and then next thing I know she's cryin' and upset and I'm comforting her and I jus' look in her eyes and damn. It was the only thing I could think of doin'. I jus' kissed her. Dunno why or where it came from, but at that moment, I wanted to save her.
Now it's jus' gone too far and created a mess. I know she didn't want me to be nothin' more than an object of infatuation. Even that might be pushin' it. But I can't help it. I got emotions jus' like the next guy and shit happened. I got attached. I ain't ever been with no one since Nova, and damned if I wasn't enjoyin' it with Dez but…what the hell am I gonna do if Charon comes back? It's been…actually…wait. Lighting my cigarette, I pace around outside the common house. It's been, what? Three months now, yeah. That long. Three months. I dunno how I feel about this realization.
If he were comin' back, he would have by now. I know Charon, an' I know he wouldn't dare leave Dez alone for this long unless there was somethin' seriously up. But he hasn't been back. Not even a word from him. I'm thinkin' the worst. Honestly, I ain't too fond of my feelings towards it either. Charon's my friend and all, but a part of me is glad. Glad that now his return is slim, and that he might not be comin' back at all. Cuz now Dez can stay. I know she won't be stayin' here for long, it ain't in her blood to be cooped up, but while she's here, she'll be mine. Selfish as that sounds, in reality it ain't. I been by those two for as long as I can remember. Been hangin' around and hearin' of their tales and adventures. Charon's done enough to the damn girl. Dez prolly don't see it, or know it, but he's hurt her. An' a part of me…thinks it's gonna be good for Dez to get rid of him.
Not like I'm tryna trash talk my friend here, cuz I ain't. I'm jus' sayin' that maybe what Dez needs is stability and security. Her life has been one big mess of events and issues, and maybe she's gettin' too old to be doin' that. She ain't nineteen anymore, an' out here livin' past that is amazin'. But she did it. Went right up the number scale and hit twenty-five no problem. Not that she's old in a sense where she can't be doin' much but old in the sense where maybe, it's time for her to slow down. I know there's people after her and whatnot, but here, she's safe. I ain't like Charon, though. I can't fight an' protect her like he did, but I can hide her. I can keep her safe and secure, away from anyone who tries to hurt her. Plus, I'm a good worker. Can prolly take over the saloon somehow, and make a living there. There's a trapdoor in Moriarty's old office, an if it came down to it and the Outcasts came for her, she can hide down there. Ain't gonna see it unless you lookin' for it, anyways.
Shit. Me an' Dez. Never thought it would happen. Never gave it much thought. I told Charon I'd take care of her though, promised I'd sit back and make sure she stayed put. I did my part, I ain't feelin' like a failure. I jus' overdid it, is all. Dunno how I'm gonna explain myself, if and when he comes back. Jus' gonna have to jump off that bridge when I get to it. He ain't gonna take it lightly, neither. I know him, an' I know he truly cares about Dez. Maybe he'll see my side of things, though. Eh, I doubt that. He'll prolly skin me alive and hang me out to dry. Friends don't touch friend's girls. Unspoken rule, an' I broke it.
My bare feet dig in the dirt outside. It's a cool night, an' I like the breeze. Been a long time since I felt a nice breeze like this one. Figure soon, the world will be on it's way to normalcy again. Ain't sure how that's gonna go over with people but its gotta happen sometime. Still, I can't think of things like that right now. I'm too busy wonderin' about the right now and the what if's. If Charon is alive, an' he does get back here, I'm gonna have to keep him away from Dez. I'm gonna have to actually stand up to him, and prepare myself for the beating that'll come along with it. If I'm lucky, I'll live and Dez will stay. After all, I ain't told her nothin' about knowin' he was gonna leave. For all she knows, he left her for another woman. I'm glad I didn't open my damned mouth, either. If I had, we wouldn't be in this situation, and I want us to be. I care about the kid. I care about her and want to keep her safe. If I can, maybe I can even get some normalcy in her life. She won't be goin' for that much, but she'll have to one day. I know she's gonna wake up, and she's gonna realize runnin' around all half-naked isn't really her thing. It might take a while, but I figure it'll happen.
I toss out my cig, an' I'm about to go inside when I see somethin' far across the way. The Megaton gates opening. Ain't common for 'em to be opening this late, most wanderers don't see 'em in the dark. I decide to hang around, an' figure out who the hell would be comin' in at this hour. If I didn't know Dez was upstairs sleepin', I'd say it was her an' walk away. But it ain't her. I can't see who it is, but shit if I try. Have to. If it's the Outcasts, I gotta act fast. So I feel my heart all racin' and whatnot, preparing to go and drag Dez into the saloon if worse comes to worse. The figure walks down the slope, and comes into the light that's in the middle of the town. It ain't the Outcasts. It's fuckin' worse, and I nervously light another cigarette. Then I decide, that's one helluva bad idea. Before I can even taste the damn smoke in my throat, I toss it into the dirt and head right back on up to the damned makeshift room Dez an' I share.
She's sleepin' so damn peacefully when I get back, it's a shame to wake her. Shit, I almost don't wanna. But I know I gotta, or face some sorta wrath from someone or other. The thin white blanket covers her waist, as she sleeps on her side. Her damn perfect curves are highlighted by it, and by the shadows castin' over her from the half-lit common house. Her sun-tanned arm hangs over her midsection, an' her head is placed over her arm even though there's a pillow. Orange, brown an' red hair is sprawled all 'round her head an' it's all jus' a perfect sight. Even the way her breasts are layin' an' the way they look while she's on her side is damn beautiful. She's got these plump, peach-colored lips an' their puckered as if she's kissin' someone in her sleep. Long, dark eyelashes overlap with her eyes closed, an' small freckles are all over her nose an' inner cheeks. I can look past all them scars that litter her body, even the ones that accent her face. It ain't that their ugly to me, I think they're beautiful, because without 'em she wouldn't be who she is. When I look at her like this, with the world on a momentary pause, I feel I can watch her whole life's adventure unfolding right in front of me. All cuz of them scars. The one that winds, an' twists up her back, it's kinda almost like she got it on purpose, ya know? Cuz it just fits her body so damn perfect, an' all it really does is accent the way her hips and torso curves. She's jus' that damn beautiful.
But then reality hits me hard in the ass, an' I gotta focus. Ruinin' the damn perfect picture of the image of perfection in front of me, I put my ruined an' ghoulified hand on her shoulder. I shouldn't be allowed to even look at someone like her, let alone touch.
"Dez..Dezbe…"
I whisper an' shake her tryna get her to wake up. Figure by now she'd be one of them light sleepers that jump at every small move an' go for the gun that's always on their hip, but she ain't. Trust me, she's anything but.
"Dez…Dez c'mon you gotta wake up."
I say again, shakin' her a bit harder. She takes a deep breath in, sighin' but she ain't openin' her eyes.
"What Charon?"
She mutters, and it makes me freeze up inside. Didn't expect that to come outta her mouth. Somethin' in me breaks right then an' there. I guess it's what they call 'realization'. Ain't really never had one of them big moments, before now. But I figure, I figure it was all too damn good to be true. Takin' my hand off of her shoulder, I sigh an look at her. I was foolin' myself. Shoulda known that one right off the bat. People do crazy things sometimes though, an I sure as hell ain't no exception. Who was I to think that jus' cuz we slept together, meant I was supposed to be with her? Nobody, that's who. A guy like me can't come even an inch close to what a girl like Dez needs. I was jus' a big ol' fool.
Girl like Dez, Dez herself, she don't need someone like me. Hell, I know she ain't gonna stay here in Megaton much longer, an' bringin' someone like me along would jus' make things worse. Me an' Zack would hold her back, an' drag her down. I hoped she'd stay here, or at least come back when she was done fightin' off whatever she goes an' fights but, shit I was kiddin' myself in that view, too. I ain't meant to truly take care of Dez, I'm jus' the friend. The damned friend an' I was stupid to think otherwise. Can't follow her out there an' be savin' her from Deathclaws like Charon did. He's the type of guy she needs. Not a killer, not a mercenary, but a damn smart an' strong guy with a keen set of skills built for survivin' out there. I can't even shoot a damn pistol, let alone a shotgun or even a sniper gun. If she gets hurt, I ain't gonna know what to do sides stick her in radiation, and I ain't gonna be able to fight whatever she fights on my own. I'd jus' be relyin' on her to protect me, an' I don't think that would make me much of a man.
It's the right way. The way it's supposed to be. I ain't never gonna measure up to Charon, or mean as much to her as he does. I mean a lot to her, but in a different way. I'm their friend, and who was I to think that I coulda been more? Ain't no one. Ain't stinkin' no one. S'pose I could jus' be happy for 'em though. Ain't met no other couple, willin' to sacrifice so much for one another as they did. Charon went off, riskin' his own life countless times for the damn girl, and lord knows she's done the same. Been a fight their whole lives out here, to stay together, to start a romance. It was fun, while it lasted with her, but it ain't forever, and I shoulda known that. Least…though…she has someone who can keep her happy, an not have a single doubt in her mind bout how he may feel towards her. I'd give my life for a second, to feel that way.
"Hey, hey, kid."
I try again to rouse her, time ain't on my side an' I need her awake. Finally, her eyelids do a flutterin' kinda thing, and she opens 'em. She stares off at the wall she's layin' towards, and takes a second to get her mind back. When she turns to look at me, it breaks my damn heart. Her big eyes all sleepy an' whatnot. Them, almond-shaped eyes of hers. She looks lost, an' for another short moment, I forget the reality I'm in.
"What's up?"
Her normally medium-range voice is quiet. Her voice reminds me a lot like Nova's, a few octaves off an' all that, but the same tone in speech an' all. 'Cept Dez is a lot more confident with her words, than Nova was. It comes with the life, I figure.
"Hey, you need to wake up, kid."
She sits up, an' I pull the thin blanket up to her shoulders. She's damned confused as she rubs her eyes an' I feel guilty for wakin' her up. But I couldn't let her sleep through this. Wakin' up the next day to it, prolly wouldn't have been the best idea.
"Yeah, yeah but why?"
Sounds like a lost, little girl. For a split second, I see her that way, too. Ain't never saw her that way, but then I realize, it's what she is. It truly is. Her entire life out here, she's been nothin' but a lost little girl. I never thought of it that way, ain't never let it cross my mind cuz she's so damn good at hiding it. But now it does, an' I wonder if Charon's ever realized it. Thrown out into some big, unknown world when all you've ever known is the comfort and safety of a well-built vault. Goin' after a lost dad who never really paid you much attention in the first place, only to lose him forever in an instance. She ain't got no mom, died givin' birth to her. Ain't got no other friends, not that I know of, sides me an' Zack. All she really has, or has ever had, to rely on continuously is Charon. Lost, sad, little girl out here in a world that she wasn't really meant to be in. Figure it wasn't in her daddy's agenda to ever have her leave the vault, and I don't think leaving ever crossed her mind, either. If Charon hasn't seen this, if he hasn't let it dawn on him that Dez is delicate and sensitive, despite what she portrays, then he's a real fuck-head.
"Dez…you'll see. Look, I ain't been tellin' ya the whole story these past few months…"
She cocks an eyebrow an' holds the blanket up over her. Good thing, too, cuz I can hear the common house door slammin' shut below us.
"What? What's going on? Where's my gun?"
She goes to reach for it, but I put her back in her place, shakin' my head.
"You don't need it, kid, jus'…jus' know I ain't never meant to hurt you. Ain't never meant to take advantage or none of that stuff."
"Gob? Gob, what's going on…"
Her voice is worried now, an I don't have time to explain everything. Them footsteps be comin' up the stairs right quick, an I figure it's best if I just keep my mouth shut. Dez's eyes are drillin' holes in my head, but I ignore 'em, and I jus take her hand in mine an' hold it. Ain't nothin' more I can do right now.
As the noise gets closer, the noise of them heavy footsteps, I turn my head to watch the top of the stairs. I don't really believe what's in front of me at first, and damned if I don't recognize them. All I can really focus on is how tightly Dez is squeezin' my hand, and how bad a condition Charon's in when he's full-view in front of me. I was a goddamned fool.
