*Holy crap! I got more reviews than I thought I would :D Thank you guys! Especially the ones that reviewed on more than one chapters :3 I have such awesome readers ^^.

I feel like my writing went waaay down from the beginning of the year haha I think it's because I just don't take my time with these chapters like I did with other writings. I also say 'He' at the beginning of sentences waay too much. Thank you to Boba for the kind words ^^ it was a lovely funeral where I got to catch up with my family.

Deke the Parents: Pee in this Cup, Now!

Life was pretty awesome at the moment for Matthew. The hazing was all done and they survived with only a few scratches and traumatic experience, none of them had to go see a doctor which was pretty damn sweet. His tattoo had finally healed so it didn't hurt to sit down. His grades were actually improving despite him doing most of his homework in Spanish class or late at night while he watched hockey on his TV or some of the more crude cartoons that come on at midnight-ish. He even found both the boys and the girl's team a potential new player if they passed the try-outs in two days.

He could finally breathe a sigh of relief for now. It seemed like nowadays his life was just hectic, going from one problem to the next. It was total madness.

Matthew could stop chewing on his bottom lips. He could finally stop nibbling on his fingernails. He could stop drinking Pepto for the stomachaches that he gets when stressed. Or take a Tylenol to ebb away a headache.

It was difficult being the only normal (sane) person surrounded by madness and crazy peoples. Maybe he wasn't sane like he thought he was. He heard once that the crazy people thought that they were the normal ones. Oh well, he was happy so it's alright if he was a happy physco. He began whistling a happy tune as he hopped up his front porch, kicking the sides of his shoes to get rid of the dirt since the snow hasn't fallen yet.

He was finally able to have a moment of complete bliss and be able to relax and have a calm night at home. Maybe he would take a bubble bath or something like that. Just a nice normal night at home that was peaceful.

That was until he opened up the front door. That was when all hell broke loose. Shit had hit the fan and it was pretty damn messy.

"Pee in this cup! Pee in this cup right bloody now!" Arthur had thrust the plastic cup into Matthew's face, crazed expression adorning his face. His eyes seemed unfocused and his unruly eyebrows twitching. Matthew took a few steps back, not finding his dad right in his face at all comforting. He could smell the afternoon tea on his breath. Panic began settling in and his heart felt like it was lodged in his throat. What the hell was going on?

Alfred had basically tackled the poor boy to the ground, screaming a bunch of nonsense about his baby brother being a nerd? Sure he got good marks but he didn't think that qualified him being a nerd!

Flipping Matthew over onto his stomach with ease, the football captain started digging into his backpack that was still on his back while straddling him.

"What are you doing?" a muffled voice yelled out, his face being smushed into the plush rug that decorated the front door.

"Looking for evidence that you've been doing someone else's homework. Someone from the hockey team since you hang out with them so much" Alfred said in a voice that sounded like it was obvious, flipping through all of his notebooks.

"Mon Dieu! Alfred get off your brother!" Francis scurried over to rescue his poor petit chou from his brother.

"Get off me, fat ass. You're too heavy!" Matthew finally was able to turn his head enough to insult his brother. He knew that bringing his brother's weight was a punch below the belt but it was also one of the few things that made him pay attention to you. He received a wet willy in reply but at least he got off him.

"I'm not fat! It's muscles!" Alfred pouted, standing up to brush the knees of his pants.

"I want you to take this drug test right now, mister!" The british accent grew more pronounce and that only meant one thing: Arthur was beyond pissed.

"W-What?"

"You heard me"

Matthew looked over at his papa for an explanation since it seemed like his father was too far gone to make any sense.

Francis pulled out the rolled up magazine that Arthur had stolen from the Dentist office and gave a small shrug. "It's seems like you are showing some signs of drug abuse" was all that he supplied with a little sympathetic smile. This was out of his hands.

"Why do you think that?" He was handed the magazine and he quickly flipped to the page that had a little pink tab sticking out. Looking over the results he felt like laughing hysterically. Not because it was funny but because of course this would happen to the Canadian. One crazy thing after the other. God just loved screwing with him, didn't he?

"You are never home or where you say you are. You act all nervous. Money is always missing from my wallet" Arthur began listing off the reasons that he marked off in the Digest, ticking them off with his fingers. Matthew felt beyond frustrated because for each reason he would be able to give an explanation but if he did then he would also give up his biggest secret and that was one thing he wasn't going to give up anytime soon.

Next year he would have to be sneakier about the registration money and buying new equipment. Maybe he could get a summer job working at an ice cream stand? Him and Carlos loved ice cream. Same with Alfred but he wouldn't come to the store if the 'Communist bastard' worked there so that was another plus to getting a job: No Alfred for a few hours a day.

"The friends you hang out with nowadays are hoodlums! Bloody no good hoodlums! They are no good!" The angry Brit finally finished his list of reason why his son was a pothead or coke addict or whatever the kids were doing these days.

"Dad, they're not like that. They're really decent people, eh" They weren't angels or anything but at least they didn't kick puppies, throw rocks at the homeless or anything awful like that. It was okay to tell a little lie now and then. Luckily, he doesn't hiccup when he lies like Lars does. His eye did twitch though.

"Are they now? What about that Danish boy with the bedhead? He's always getting into fights and drinking!" The small man started flinging his arms as he ranted. Matthew had the weirdest urge to giggle when his father called Mathias a pastry.

He wanted to disagree with his father but everyone and their second cousins knew that the Dane liked his beer.

He had even showed up to their practice completely smashed a few times. Matthew felt laughter bubbled in his throat at the memory of one particular practice but fortunately the laughter came out as a burp.

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"I'm here, bitches! Let's get this party started" The teen had swung his arms up (which both held a bottle of beer in them) and attempted to lean against the doorframe. He missed it completely and smacked his head on the frame before toppling over. Beer flying in the air as he dropped.

He sat up with his leg spread out in front of him and looked up at Matthew, who in a panic ran over to see if he was hurt, with big owlish eyes and asked the Canadian "Are you okay?" in the most concern voice they've heard from the loud boy. Lukas just smacked his forehead at the antic of his idiot.

All of them just watched as the drunken boy climbed into the garbage can that they kept in the middle for their tape and other garbage. Poking out from over the rim he shouted "I'm Trashed" before laughing hysterically at his own joke, nearly tipping the garbage can, which barely held him, over.

"I think it's a safe bet that he's completely trashed" Gilbert leaned back with a smirk as he conversed with Mattie. The captain just rolled his eyes.

It was amusing to watch as he attempted to put on his equipment, determined to do it himself since he was a 'functioning alcoholic' as he deemed himself. Lukas had to tie his skates for him after the twentieth time the boy failed.

On the ice he looked like a deer taking its first steps. He was than dubbed 'Bambi' which he didn't understand.

"Ho Down!" was shouted out before Mathias collided with the boards, more at a stumble than at full speed. Luckily the boy seemed unhurt as her burst out into laughter before flipping over on his stomach and going spread eagle.

"Wh't Are ya doin'" The Swede had looked down with a hint of annoyance that he seem to only preserve for the Dane.

"Trying to hold onto the ice so I don't fall off the earth" He had lifted his head when he told Berwald this and then promptly let it fall back to the ice where he then fell asleep. They were surprised that the drunkard was even coherent enough to talk.

They spent the rest of the practice skating around the motionless body as Mathias slept blissfully, snores indicating that he was still alive. Throughout the practice, Berwald had often stopped in front of the unconscious in order to spray him with ice a few times. He didn't even stir in his slumber.

The coaches were laughing too hard to yell at him.

An annoyed Berwald and an amused Matthew had to throw his arms over their shoulders to drag him into the dressing room after the two hours were up and the Zamboni was already cleaning the ice. It didn't look like he was going to get up by himself anytime soon. So to avoid a messy situation that involved Mathias getting run over by the grouchy Zamboni driver, the two hefted him up from his pathetic little pile on the ground. The Dane then sung his homeland national anthem in that off-key voice of his on his way down.

He then peed on Gilbert's leg while in the shower.

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"He may like to party but he doesn't drink and drive and he also doesn't peer pressure me into drinking with him so I think that's a good friend" Matthew had taken the cup and was staring at it, wondering where his father had found a home drug test kit. "I also don't have to pee.. I went just awhile ago" he mumbled, trying to stall so he could attempt to calculate if he would fail if he takes it that moment. He highly doubts he could get away with stalling the process, judging from the craze eyes that were bulging from his father's head.

A water bottle was then thrusted into his face.

Out of nowhere he was being violently shaken. Alfred had grabbed hold of his shoulder and was shaking him like a maraca. The poor Canadian's head was bobbing up and down like a bobble head at the assault.

"It's him that's making you do his homework, isn't it! Why didn't you come to your big brother for help! I can't have a nerd for a brother! Why, Mattie, Why?" Alfred was yelling out and continued shaking poor Mattie during his fit.

He only stopped when he received a smack to the back of the head from the angry Brit who called him a 'stupid git.'

"Mathias is barely scraping by with a 60% average. I'm pretty damn sure if I was doing his homework it would be a little higher than that, eh" Matthew defended his friend and him. God his brother was an idiot.

"He's not a good friend for you to have, Matthew!"

Matthew thought of Mathias and all the things he has done for him during their long friendship. First he was one of the ones who helped him keep playing the sport that he loved and lived for. He was a partner in crime along with Gilbert. Second he was also the one who kept his hockey bag in his house and even avoided frozen hockey skates for both of them by putting it on a vent overnight. Third was that he always had his back and would never leave him hanging.

That didn't sound like a crappy friend to him at all.

"He's a good guy, dad so please don't worry about him" the comment was received with a scoff and a 'yeah right' from Alfred. His papa just mouthed a 'sorry' to him for the behavior of the two idiots harassing him at the moment.

"It's not just that drunk idiot! What about that Dutch stoner that always reeks off pot! He's probably the one that got you hooked on drugs! I'm going to kill that bloody wanker!"

It was true that Matthew was in danger of failing this test just by sitting near Lars since against all odds he probably got a contact high just being near him. The boy just smoked that much.

"I'm not addicted to drugs, dad. And Lars is one of my best friends and he would never do something like that to me" he took a small sip of the water but when he looked up to his dad's scowling face he started chugging the liquid.

Matt almost choked on his water because of a snort that escaped. He thought about Lars and his shenanigans or crazy ass theories that he came up with while high as a kite.

Lars watching cartoons so much on Saturday morning that it freaked him out when Matthew changed the channel and it had real people on it. He had a SpongeBob addiction going on for awhile. He probably watched the 1st generation of Pokémon about ten times and could name all 151 Pokémon even while completely burnt out. He even claimed that it was his goal to become a bio engineer so that he would be able to create real live Pokémon just so he could own a Cubone which he said was 'badass'.

He recalled Lars basically buying out everything in the convenience store just to subdue his munchies. He would make all these weird concoctions by mixing food products that normally would not taste good together and it would somehow turn out to be the best thing ever made. He once made a pizza that consisted of chocolate, crushed up Captain Crunch, nerds, whip cream and strawberry jam. It was better than sex. Gilbert and he even teared up when they took the first bite. It was that magical. He was a wizard with food when he blazed up. He could make anything into bacon flavored. His bacon milkshake rocked Mattie's world.

Matthew would occasionally have to drive the Sunfire since Lars would be burnt out, but the Dutchman didn't seem to notice as he sat in the passenger seat with a paper plate telling Mattie that 'See, I'm not too high to drive' and continued to steer with the plate. He even made the Canadian slam on the brakes in order to let a hedgehog cross the road.. it turned out to be a pine corn. Once they were at a stop sign and Mattie started driving after making sure the coast was clear, Lars yelled out saying that the sign hasn't turned green yet. Mattie was almost pissing himself laughing and had to pull over to have a laughing fit, Lars joining in but not having a clue why they were laughing in the first place.

"He's a riff-raff and I don't approve of you-"his next words were muffled by Alfred's hands which he shoved in his face and pushed back when he leaned towards Mattie.

"It's that jerk, isn't it!" Matthew quickly shook his head back and forth; he could feel a headache beginning to throb at the back of his head.

Lars may have been a chronic drug user but that didn't make him a bad friend. He showed up to all his practices and games to cheer him on and celebrate afterwards with a Big Gulp or Slushie. He drove him everywhere and never complained about it or asked for gas money. He always shared his stash or his snacks. Everytime that Mattie was sad/mad/nervous, Lars would either say or do something to make the boy laugh or put a smile back on his face. He had always been there by Matthew's side, supporting him and cheering him on as he continued to do what he loved.

"No, he's a nice guy too! I swear" Tears were gathering in the corner of his eyes. Maybe his puppy dog face would get them to calm down and stop this nonsense! Widening his eyes and sticking out his bottom lips, Mattie glanced at the crazy duo from beneath his eyelashes.

That only accomplished Arthur grabbing his chin and tilting his face up to see if his eyes were bloodshot from pot.

"What about that Russian fellow. He's probably in a Mafia or something and he's using you as a drug mule, isn't he?" He could hear his papa mutter a 'mon dieu!' before he excused himself to make supper. You know shit is messed up when Francis wasn't being the over-dramatic one!

"No!" shouted Matthew in exasperation, saying it through the bathroom door where he pushed into and was trying to piss into the small cup without getting some on his hands. He succeeded in avoiding his hands but it somehow splashed and got on the outside of the cup, making it sticky and gross.

"He may be scary but he likes me so he's generally nice to me! Also his sister is my friend so he wouldn't do anything to upset her" he tried reasoning with his paranoid dad. He didn't even know if he heard him over Alfred's anguish cries and threats of killing that 'commie'. Mattie just rolled his eyes before he continued to wad up toilet paper to clean the mess.

Sure Ivan may be a worse drunk then Mathias but does that really make him a bad guy? Never had he hit Matthew or forced him into something he was uncomfortable with. Sure the teen teased him by calling him 'his little mouse' ever since they learned that Canadians were known for mouse-holing during the battles in Stalingrad and sometimes he scared the shit out of him but he was still a good friend to him. If someone pushed him into the locker or mistake him for Alfred and tried to beat him up, Ivan would picked them up and shove them into the nearest garbage can or opened locker. He may have an odd way of showing it but the big guy did care for him.

"He drinks Vodka likes it water!" His father yelled before making a comment to hurry up or else they'd suspect he was tampering with the evidence. Alfred said that shaking it three times is playing with yourself.

His father did not know how right he was about the Vodka bit. Matthew had lost track of the many times he glanced over at Ivan and saw the boy tipping a bottle of Vodka into his water bottle before a practice or a game. If Ivan spotted Mattie watching he would just wink and offer him a sip.

Matthew finished wiping the cup, handing it out the door to his crazy father. Washing he hands, Matthew waited for him to bring up Gilbert, another friend that his father doesn't approve of.

"And that Gilbert fellow! He's a bad seed. Always drinking and fighting like the others. Always being snarky and sarcastic. A real wanker if you ask me. He's so narcissistic too"

"Always claiming that he's awesome" Alfred inputted.

Matthew's eye twitched. That was his best friend that he was talking about. His very first friend that he made in kindergarten where Gilbert offered Matthew a crayon and they spent the rest of the day drawing dinosaurs and polar bears and eating the crayons. Gilbert was so cute when he was little with his little accent. They plan on being bros until they were old and senile in a retirement home, playing bingo for a banana. The albino even made Matthew promise that they would go to the same university.

He was also an awesome drinking buddy and you definitely need a good wingman when you go off to college or university.

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"What is he doing?" Matthew was watching Gilbert sitting on the floor, watching the TV which was playing 'Super Troopers'. He had an open blue box grasped in his hands, a tub of butter by his feet, and a jug of 2% milk in his other hand. On closer inspection, Mattie could distinguish the box was Kraft dinner.

"He said he was too drunk to work the stove so he decided to eat the KD that way" Vash murmured over the rim of his beer, also watching the smashed albino.

"Oh. Well good thing he cares about safety"

They both watched him pour a small amount of raw noodles into his mouth, some spilling onto the floor but it went unnoticed by Gilbert. He then proceeded to lick a spoon of butter and sprinkle the orange fluorescent cheese from the package. Tipping the milk jog into his mouth, the silverette began to gurgle like it was mouthwash before chewing and swallowing the mixture.

Both of the boys watching him just snorted at the antics of the crazy albino.

Finally noticing the fallen noodles, Gilbert turned to go pick them up when he caught glimpse of Matthew who just arrived at their little shindig.

"Birdie!" Gilbert reached out with both hands like a little kid who wanted to be picked up by their mother. Yup, he was definitely smashed.

"Hey Gilbert" he bent down to give the boy a quick hug, knowing if he didn't he would have a pouty drunk Gil that would not shut the hell up until he got one.

"I love you, man"

"Olive juice you too, Gilbert" The boy teased, plopping down on the couch behind the silverette who was swaying back and forth despite the fact that he was sitting down. They both turned to the TV screen. The scene was the highway patrol pulling over a speeding car that held two Germans.

"You know what I noticed about German stereotypes?"

"Hmm?"

"It's either they're Nazi's or fruity guys that love to have kinky sex like him" he pointed to the German man on the movie who was tickling the highway patrol with a big blue feather on the crotch area.

"You gotta love stereotypes" Mattie chugged the rest of his beer with Gilbert leaning up to hold the bottom of the bottle above, forcing the Canadian to chug faster if he didn't want it spilt all over his bunnyhug. He had to catch up with the albino, and he had about twenty more beers to go to do so.

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"They aren't bad influences on me!"

A scene where Ivan and Gilbert holding his legs over his head as Matthews drank from the keg, counting how many seconds he lasted while the others were screaming 'Chug! Chug! Chug!' Okay.. maybe they weren't the greatest influence on him but his father didn't have to know that.

"And I'm not doing their homework! Just because they're jocks doesn't mean that they're complete dumbasses! They can do their own homework! And some of them are getting bad marks so it's obvious that it's not me doing it!"

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Mathias made a clucking noise with his tongue as he looked over the test that they just got back. He wasn't wearing a shit-eating grin so that meant that he didn't get a very good mark. "Yeah..I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fail this class" he finally concluded after looking at all the red 'x' marking the paper.

"Why do you say that? it's just the first test of the semester. I'm sure you'll do better" Matthew tried cheering up the other blonde.

"The teacher stapled a McDonald's application to my test" The Dane said, deadpanned.

The Canadian gave a low whistle. After glancing at the poor mark and the red ink adorning the page "You Mcfucked up, man" he said.

Mathias snorted and agreed before chucking his test into the trash bin.

"Oh well. Professional hockey players don't need to know math" he gloated, relaxing into his chair with his hands behind his head.

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"I have some pretty awesome friends. And I really don't like you guys calling them idiots or accusing them of hooking me on drugs or something stupid like that" Mattie mumbled, looking down at his shoes with a sad expression.

Francis flew out of the kitchen and crushed Matthew in a bear hug, smushing their cheeks together with cries of 'you're so adorable' and 'leave my baby alone!"

During the whole lectures about the friends that Mattie was hanging out with and how much of a bad influence they were on the boy, Arthur was doing the home drug test to see if Matthew's urine contained any traces of drugs.

Once he got the results after waiting the amount of time it prescribed, he checked the little pamphlet that came in the box to see if his youngest son was a drug user.

"It's negative." The Brit looked relieved, his eyebrows un-scrunching and his tense shoulders slumping into a more relaxed state.

Matthew visibly relaxed in the Frenchman's arm but thankfully it went unnoticed by the other two.

"Are you happy? Can I go to my bedroom now? Or are you going to accuse me of being a prostitute or some other insane accusation like that?" Mattie felt like he deserved to get pissed off at them for ruining his good mood. He would've given them a three hour rant but he lacked the energy to do so. All he wanted was to get away from them before they corner him and somehow found out about his secret.

"I'm sorry, lad" Arthur look so guilt-ridden that Mattie couldn't resist giving him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Its okay" he smiled a small reassuring smile at the distort man.

After cleaning up his scattered paper that Alfred had thrown around in his fit earlier on and getting rid of the cup of pee, Mattie bid everyone a goodnight and dashed upstairs to the safety of his room where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed. Out of sight out of mind.

As soon as his door was closed, he pressed himself against it and slowly slid down it until he hit the floor. His body felt boneless. Like he was made of goo. Kumajirou waddled over to his owner, lying down beside him with his head resting on his thigh.

Letting out a shaky breathe, the boy combed a shaky hand through his hair, the other petting his dog.

"Maple. That was close"

The End of Chapter 6!

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(I'm aiming for 20 reviews this time xD I love anon reviews too so if you're too lazy to log in than its alright :3 I'm being greedy with my goals since I got so many last time which surprised me so much :O Thank you so much! You guys are pure awesomeness!)

A/N:

Sorry if the flashbacks were confusing ha. I'm just not a big fan of italic. And thanks again for so many reviews ^^ You guys are awesome. I have a question for you guys. I read on a little bio of Korea that he's friends with Canada. Does anyone know if this is true? And if it is, is it because of a comic strip? Do they interact somehow? It just confused me haha. On another note, I feel like such a little kid again haha. I've started watching Cardcaptor Sakura and that used to be like my childhood :P I don't know if it's going to affect my writing and make it more fluffy instead of the crude humor that I write due to me reading Spud and watching Spike TV. Oh well ^^ Sorry for all the random A/N that has nothing to do with the story lol. I'm surprised this story hasn't gotten any criticism haha maybe because everybody knows that this story isn't being taken serious :P Thanks again to those who reviews :3 Olive juice you guys.