disclaimer: sm owns twilight.


-O-

I stared at Edward, baffled by his question and wondered what he was going to say to me. It had to be something big because he was pulling at his hair roughly, but all I could think about was how I wished it were my hands in his hair, tugging as he kissed me. I really needed a life.

"That was stupid of me to ask..." Edward began, his voice soft and rough at the same time. He sat up, shifting toward me as his eyes locked with mine. "I just, I can never read you. I don't know if you think of me as this annoying, older brother- type guy... or this person that you'll always think of as a friend and nothing more..."

Oh. My. God.

"Edward, I–"

"No," he whispered, interrupting me. I sat up, too, feeling closer to him than ever before. "I don't want to be either of those things to you."

I frowned, feeling so confused. I had no idea what he was trying to explain to me. He didn't want to be my friend? Or an 'older brother' type of person?

He smiled sweetly at my confused expression and brushed a fallen strand of hair behind my ear. "You're so oblivious to what I'm trying to say... and I feel like a complete and total moron." Letting out another ragged breath, he continued. "My best friend back home, he calls you jailbait every time I bring up your name, which is fairly often. You do realize that the feelings I have for you could put me in jail, right?"

I shook my head, not allowing myself to believe the words he was saying.

Edward let out a frustrated chuckle. "I asked if you wanted my phone number because I felt like an ass for wanting yours... I want to talk to you, to listen to your voice when we're away from each other. I hate just emailing you, though I do love your random daily emails... I just would like to talk to you at night, too... In case you haven't figured out, I like you, and I thought you would realize that eventually, considering my need to see you or be in contact with you daily.

"And I know I probably fucked up a chance at ever being what you want in a guy, with how awful I was in high school... and I also know that I still have a long way to go until I can earn some trust from you, but I would like to try. I wasn't lying when I said I liked you back in high school, and even though Angela's death was what brought us together, I'm still thankful that you came back into my life. I didn't think I'd ever see you again after I left Colorado, and I felt like such an ass for being hung up on someone so much younger than me... I still do, which makes this whole situation even more fucked up... Anyway, when I talked to Ben, I asked about you and he told me how hard you were taking it, which was understandable... and I just, I wanted to be someone you could turn to.

"So I started emailing you, or nagging actually, hoping you'd respond eventually because I couldn't let another chance to get to know you just slip away again. I wanted to be your friend even though I knew it would be hard to be just a friend to someone like you. I always thought you were beautiful, and then I got to know you... and you're just such a... you're a sweet person – genuine and someone I really like to spend time with. So I know it's crazy, this whole rambling thing I'm doing right now... and I know you're probably not ready for anything with me, but I'm going to spend the rest of the summer and however long it takes to show you that I've changed... I won't pressure you into anything.

"And if this doesn't work out between us, I'll have gained a really good friend out of it all."

I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to figure out what to say; something that didn't come out as a squeal or squeak. "But why?"

Edward laughed lowly, leaning forward to rest his forehead on my shoulder. My eyes went wide as he stopped his quiet laughter and raised his head, leaving his face just inches from mine. "Bell, seriously, did you listen to anything I just said?"

"No, I mean yes, but... you never –" You never really acknowledged me high school, I wanted to say. "–what I mean is, I... well, you never acted like you were interested in me at all."

Grabbing my hand, but keep his eyes locked with mine, he nodded regretfully. "I know you're still thinking about that night... I'm not proud of myself regarding what you saw that night. I have no excuses; I was just being exactly what you and Angela thought of me." His eyes broke away from mine as he looked down at our joined hands. "I'm not that guy anymore."

"I know," I whispered.

"You don't really mean that," he said in a strained tone. "And that's okay because I'm going to spend the rest of our time together this summer to show you that I've changed. And when you go home, I will, too."

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fight the smile that began to spread across my face. "Okay."

As if it wasn't already the best night of my life, he made it even better. Leaning forward, closing the small distance between us, Edward kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose and my chin softly. "If I kissed you on the lips, which is really what I want to do, I don't think I could get enough of you... plus, I'm into practicing restraint lately, although you're literally killing me with temptation."

I let out a small laugh as my face burned hotter than ever before. "I'm sorry."

"Don't ever apologize for that, Bell."

Bell was new.

"Okay."

Edward pressed his forehead against mine. "One or two word answers from you... kinda scaring me a little." His fingers squeezed mine. "Tell me what you're thinking."

I was sure he could feel the heat emitting from my face. "I really don't know what to say..."

"Okay, can you be honest with me... is this–am I–freaking you out too much?"

I shook my head, and turned away slightly, trying to hide my blush – even though it was dark out, the fireworks and moonlight gave my embarrassment away.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward smile widely as he lay back down on the grass. "Come here," he whispered, pulling me back down with him, only this time, his arm was beneath my neck as he held me close to him. My head rested on his bicep as I clasped my hands together, resting them on my stomach.

"I got the feeling that you might not like me so much... I didn't want to just ask for your number, so I offered to give you mine, hoping by asking that it might give me some kind of clue as to how you felt about me. But you kind of ignored that part of the email..." He was so unsure of himself, which was very different for Edward to be feeling. "And you're so shy around me most of the time, but then sometimes you open up... I know it's going to take a while for you to feel like you can talk to me, and not just through email."

I loathed being shy. There is no worse feeling than wanting to say something, but not having the courage to say it. "I really will try, Edward. I don't like being this way."

"Don't feel that way, just because I'm an insecure asshole that needs to know if you like me... I like everything about you – even the shy part because it makes you so... perfect."

I laughed and nudged his side with my elbow. "Not perfect at all."

"Don't argue with me, young lady."

"Yes, sir."

We were silent again, watching the firework display begin to wrap up. I might have freaked out when Edward reached over with his other arm and grabbed my hand. I felt comfortable and yet completely unsure at the same time. I had never been in that position before – both physically and emotionally. Those feelings and experiences were new to me, yet with Edward, I felt somewhat at ease.

Edward broke the silence and extended his arm, his finger pointing to the moon. "When I was a little kid, I always wanted to be an astronaut. My parents thought I was insane, but I thought it would be so amazing to go to the moon someday. I was always one of those kids, sneaking out of my room, lugging my telescope to the deck so I could look at the sky."

"That's really... cute," I said with a smile. "What made you give up on being an astronaut?"

He laughed and brought his hand back down to mine again. "The fact that my parents have always wanted me to follow in my dad's footsteps... and it just... it was unrealistic."

"You should do what makes you happy." I hated the idea of him doing something he didn't really want. My parents really had no expectations of me, especially my dad. My mom just didn't want me to settle for something, and I had no plans of doing that. I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but it was definitely going to be something that got me out of Salida.

"I do want to be a doctor... I just hate the pressure of school right now. It's just going to get harder and harder, and I just hope that I can keep up with it."

I squeezed his hand. "I don't know if it helps... but I'm always here if you need to vent about it."

He nodded and completely changed the subject with his next question. "When's your birthday?"

"August nineteenth... why?"

Edward let out a long breath and cleared his throat. "Because I'm trying to wait until you're at least sixteen before I kiss you. It makes me feel like less of a pervert with you being just three years younger than me."

If my heart raced any faster, I was going to have a heart attack. "Oh... I'll be back in Salida by then, though."

Shrugging his shoulders, he squeezed my hand. "That just gives me more time to prove myself to you... and it keeps me out of jail. Do you have any idea what your dad would do if he knew we were just talking? He would so flip out."

"Well... that's why we won't let my dad know." It wasn't like he was interested in anything that had to do with me, so I knew it wouldn't be hard to hide my relationship... friendship... whatever it was with Edward.

"Sounds good to me... but when I come to visit in November, do you think I'll be able to steal you away for a little bit?"

Internally, I squealed. "Definitely."

Edward went onto explain that his dad would be in Salida until his contract was up, which was at the end of the year. And that meant Edward would have a reason to visit home.e said his mom was making plans for their family to go to Colorado for Thanksgiving, rather than Texas like the last year. It would be their last holiday in Colorado. I didn't know how I would sneak away from my family, but somehow I would do it.

After the fireworks had long been finished, Edward and I made our way back to Alice and Jasper's house. He held my hand and talked to me about random things, although I had no idea what he was saying as I was still in shock from his earlier admission.

As we walked up the driveway, our clasped hands did not go unnoticed by Alice, . She smiled widely and winked while she saw a few of her guests off. And Edward saw it all, but he just laughed and still held my hand. Who knew hand-holding was so amazing?

"Hey guys," Jasper greeted us as we joined him in the backyard. "You missed all the fireworks!"

"Nah, we saw them," I replied with a blush – as usual.

ooOoo

.

From: Cullen, Edward
To: Swan, Isabella
Date: July 5
th, 1998 1:36 AM
Subject: Advance Notice

I'm home now, and waiting on your call. I'm giving you 5 minutes, Swan.

Edward

.

Before Edward left the party that night, I shocked him by asking for his phone number. We were walking out to his truck and I just... I wanted him to feel less unsure about my feelings, so I blurted it out without over-thinking the subject any further. We made plans for me to call him in an hour and a half, to give him time to get home and settled in, and during that time, I paced my bedroom several times, gripping the phone in my hand.

The familiar tone sounded from my computer. You've got mail. I knew it was from Edward because rarely did anyone email me in the middle of the night. His email made me laugh, but also forced me to call him. We didn't want him to call and accidentally wake up Alice and Jasper, though I was sure Alice would be high-fiving me if she knew it was him calling me. She loved Edward.

"That was quick," Edward said, answering on the first ring.

"Well, I was threatened – what did you expect?"

He laughed loudly. "I wouldn't call it threatened, Bell... more like encouraged. I'm still shocked that I'm actually talking to you on the phone rather than typing and staring at my computer screen."

"This is much better, I think." God, I sounded so stupid.

"Me too, blusher."

We talked for a little over an hour, making plans for the next weekend. He wanted to introduce me to his friends and had already asked Alice if I could spend all day Saturday with him. She was more than happy to oblige. I was extremely nervous to meet his friends. That was a deal breaker in most cases – to be liked by the friends. Angela always told me she wouldn't have dated Ben if I didn't like him. I wondered what she would think of Edward now... I mean, before we despised him, but now, he was so different. There was still a big part of me that wondered what his intentions were and why I was important to him now, and if he would end up breaking my heart eventually.

For the first time in weeks, I had a really hard time going to sleep that night and not because I was upset – but because I couldn't stop thinking about Edward saying that he wanted to kiss me.

ooOoo

"I don't need to talk to you about the birds and the bees, do I, B?" Alice asked before we got inside Jasper's truck. They were going to Linden for a Blues Festival and it just happened to be half way to Marshall, so Edward was picking me up there for our Saturday together.

I scoffed. "No, Al... please don't."

"I feel like I'm... like I should be stricter or something."

"I love you, Al. You're doing a great job, and you can trust me... you can trust Edward. Just because my dad would be an ass and not allow me to see him, doesn't mean you have to be the same way. If I was honest with my mom, she would probably be doing the same thing as you. But if you don't want me to go with him, I will tell him to spend the day with us in Linden." Alice was being extremely understanding, letting me spend as much time with Edward as I wanted and giving me the freedom that my dad would never have given me. She even arranged for the phone company to come out and install a second line, so I could use the phone and internet whenever I wanted. I didn't want her to feel badly for being so lenient with me.

Alice gave me a big kiss on the cheek and laughed. "Love you, too, B... and no, I am not going to make you guys spend the day with us old-folk. Just promise you'll call if you need anything." Jasper had a cell phone for emergencies only, but I didn't see myself needing to call them.

"I will."

The ride to Linden seemed to take forever. It probably felt that way due to the fact that I was really excited to see Edward. I had spent the week with Alice, so I hadn't seen him since the party. We talked on the phone every day and would still send each other an email during the day, but it wasn't the same as seeing him. He wasn't just some guy I had a crush on anymore; he was my friend, too.

We planned to meet at the Dairy Queen on the outside of town and when it came into view, I couldn't contain the smile on my face. Edward was leaning against his truck, eating an ice cream. Alice turned around in her seat, teasing me on just how bad I had it for Edward. She knew every detail about our relationship; I could open up to her and knew that she wouldn't be judgmental about our age difference. Jasper was two years older than she was, and although Edward was a little over three years older than me, neither of them thought it was a big difference. I couldn't ask for more understanding people in my life.

As soon as Jasper pulled into the spot next to Edward, I practically jumped out. It wasn't like I was going to run up and hug him because I was still felt too reserved to do something like that, but I did rush over to him, hoping he'd notice how excited I was to see him.

"Hi," I said breathily, tucking my hair behind my ears.

Edward was not modest about his feelings at all. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Hi, Bell."

We pulled apart when the door to Jasper's truck closed. Alice and Jasper were going inside to get an ice cream before going to the festival, but stopped to give us their 'rules'.

"Okay, try to have her home by midnight," Jasper said.

"But please, if you're running late, no speeding. I'd rather have her home a little late than you rushing to make it on time," Alice added.

Edward was an extremely careful driver, from what I could tell, or at least he was when I was in his truck. He knew how I felt about car accidents, so he was really safe with me.

"No worries, we'll be there by midnight at the latest," Edward agreed.

"And we'll call if anything's wrong," I promised.

They could trust us.

ooOoo

As we drove to Marshall, Edward informed me that his friends were at his house waiting for us to get there. We were driving out to a small pond that was located on his property. He said it was their usual hang out spot. I was so insanely nervous to meet his friends, but he kept assuring me that they would like me.

"Emmett is... well, he loves to joke around with people. I already told him to take it easy on you, so let me know if he's being an ass." He and Emmett grew up together in Marshall, so when Edward's family moved him to Colorado, it was like losing a brother. They shared a dorm room now and were both majoring in medicine. Emmett's long time girlfriend, Rosalie, was also going to school with them, so Edward spent a lot of time around her, too. He said she wasn't too open to new people, but she would warm up eventually.

The rest of his friends were guys and girls that he'd grown up with, but judging from our previous conversations, he was closest to Emmett. So I really hoped Emmett liked me.

"You look really nice today, by the way," Edward said, grinning crookedly as he grabbed my hand. I was wearing a new tank top Alice bought me and blue jean shorts; nothing special, but it was nice to hear Edward's compliments.

"You do, too," I replied, feeling my face blushing already. He was wearing a white t-shirt with the University of Texas logo on it and khaki shorts. And today he was wearing a baseball cap – I had never seen him in one, but oh my... Edward always looked good, but today he was gorgeous.

And he wanted to be mine. That fact alone was baffling to me.

"Did you bring your suit today? Cause I think we're definitely going swimming."

I nodded and brought my hand up to the strap along my shoulder. "No worries."

"Good," Edward said with a big grin. "You'll have fun today, I promise."

It was too late for breakfast, and kind of early for lunch, but Edward wanted to take me to his favorite diner in Marshall, so we stopped there when we arrived. I was still full from the ice cream that he bought for me at Dairy Queen, but I tried the famous burger he loved just to make him happy. Everyone in the diner knew him because apparently, he had an order to go almost every night of the week. The waitress told me I needed to teach him a thing or two about grocery shopping and easy dinners to make. He explained that he'd known her his whole life and she was good friends with his mother, so she sometimes checked in on him when his parents were away.

His hometown was bigger than Salida, but still reminded me of home. There were certain things I missed about home, but mainly just my mother. We talked every day, either in the morning or at night, to catch up or just check in on each other. My aunt, Alice's mom, was there to keep her company and they were doing just as much shopping as Alice and I were, so I felt better about being away, knowing that she was staying busy.

"We need to stop at the store on our way to my house, actually. Do you mind? I need to get a few things for the cookout tonight."

"That's fine with me... maybe I can show you a few things that would be easy to cook, huh?" I asked, laughing quietly.

"Okay, Miss Sass, but just know, I like to cook... I just don't cook well."

"Well, someone has to look out for your health. You can't eat steak and cobbler every night, Edward."

"Very funny, Bell. You do remember I'm going to school to be a doctor? I eat a salad sometimes," he replied as his hand came over the console and tickled my side.

I was a giggling mess around him.

After we stopped off of at the grocery store, we headed out to his place. Their house was just outside of town and to get to the house, there was a really long driveway you had to follow surrounded by thick clusters of trees. It was beautiful and peaceful. And his house... I don't know if you could really call it a house. It was a mansion. A four car garage?

Edward parked in the circle driveway and hopped out to come around to my side. I was still in shock at the enormity of his home as he opened my door.

"I... you actually stay in this huge house by yourself?"

"It's not so bad," Edward said quickly, tugging at his hair. "I know it's huge, but... it's just a house. I'm still me."

"I know, Edward," I replied softly, my eyes drifting to his hand that rested on the top of my thigh. "I would be scared to be in a house that huge by myself." Not to mention, it was out of town, off of the main highway into town and surrounded by trees. What if some maniac roadside killer walked up there? My mind was going crazy with those thoughts as Edward laughed and leaned forward, kissing my forehead. And those thoughts ended instantly.

"Stop worrying, Bell," Edward whispered.

Interrupting our moment or whatever it was, a huge, burly guy walked out of the house and headed over to Edward and me with a friendly smile on his face. He literally looked like he could crush me.

Edward helped me out of the truck and stood beside me with his signature crooked smile, as always. "Hey, Em, can you help get carry the bags in?"

"Sure thing, E, but first are you going to introduce me to this pretty little thing?"

I blushed as usual.

"Em, this is Bella... Bella, this is Em," Edward said with his hand resting lightly on the small of my back.

Emmett surprised me by pulling me in for a hug, furthering my theory that Texas residents were the most affectionate people I'd ever met. He released me when Edward slapped his shoulder and told him to unload the truck. Edward pulled me into the house to meet the rest of his friends.

I was introduced to Riley, Andrew, Ethan, Eric, Kaylie, Jessie, Tanya, Rose, Lisa and Amanda, who all looked like they belonged in an Abercrombie catalogue, much like Edward. Edward had explained to me on the way there that he didn't know Tanya that well, but she was around often because Rose was her cousin and dragged her around everywhere she went. To be quite honest, she looked really stuck-up, like Rose.

"E, we're going to the pool. Bella, would you like to come along?" Rose asked as though she was forced to do so.

Knowing I really didn't feel comfortable being alone around people I didn't know, Edward answered for me. "Actually, I want to show her around first... if you don't mind?" he asked, looking down at me.

"Yeah, that's okay with me," I said shyly, feeling comforted by his hand wrapped around mine.

Edward nodded and looked back to the group of girls. "We'll join y'all in a little bit."

He proceeded to show me around the house – the living room, den, kitchen, guest rooms – four in total, the basement, and finally, his bedroom, which was on the third floor. The entire third floor was pretty much his, except for his father's office.

"This is where the magic happens," he commented, pointing to his computer desk, causing me to giggle. His room was decked out in UT memorabilia – a huge Longhorn banner covering one wall and several athletic awards on his shelves. The most important thing I noticed – a picture of us at the diamond mine. It was sitting on his nightstand, leaning up against his alarm clock. I hoped I was able to successfully contain my excitement so Edward wouldn't notice.

"I'll be right back," he said, holding up his swim trunks.

I sat on his bed while he went to change. The adjoining bathroom door was slightly open, and I felt like a complete pervert as I tried to sneak a peek. He would probably do the same if I was changing, but still, I felt guilty.

And when he came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but his shorts and cocky smile, I felt as though he just knew I was looking. "All yours, blusher."

I smiled shyly, passing by him slowly, taking in his scent. Yep, pervert, sniff away.

When we joined everyone down at the pool, Edward never left my side. Kaylie was the only girl that talked to me, while the rest talked about Rose and Emmett's upcoming trip to Vegas. Tanya had decided to go along with them and kept trying to talk Edward into going, too, right in front of me. I was going crazy with jealousy and hated that I had those feelings. Edward wrapped his arm around my torso, pulling my back to lean against his chest as he politely refused. Jealousy was long forgotten.

After spending most of the afternoon out by the pool, we drove down to the pond, bringing the food with us. Edward and Emmett started a campfire and made us hot dogs and smores. I felt more carefree than ever before. It was nice being there with Edward, having him close by all night, telling me stories of growing up there. He and Emmett successfully scared me when they told of an old lady ghost that hung out on the road where you turn off to Edward's house. They could see that I was terrified and then started trying to make me believe that she was a nice ghost from what they'd heard.

"You're a typical girl, JB," Emmett said, laughing loudly as Edward held me close to his side.

"JB?" Eric asked.

"Jailbait – E's jailbait."

"Whoa, how old are you, Bella?" Riley questioned.

"Fifteen... I'll be sixteen in a month."

"Edward! You're just asking for trouble. Are you fucking crazy?" Erin warned as her eyes went wide with shock. The funny thing – I looked just as old as all of them. I didn't see why it would matter to them. Edward and I weren't even dating; he vowed not to do anything until I was at least sixteen and even then, I was sure it would just be a simple kiss and nothing more. If we made it until then. Judging by his friends' warnings, I was afraid he'd distance himself from me now.

Always surprising me and proving my worries wrong, Edward tightened his grip around my waist. "I appreciate the concern guys, but for now, Bella and I are just friends. I know what I'm doing... so please don't sit here and act like saints. I mean, half of the guys here have been with girls with the same age difference as Bella and I. Eric, how old was that chick... Jayme, I think?"

Eric rolled his eyes and nodded. "Sixteen..."

"Okay, then... why don't you all just shut the hell up about things that aren't really your business."

And that was the end of that conversation.

Before Edward and I left to head back to Texarkana, I stopped off at the bathroom and accidentally overheard Tanya and Rose whispering about Edward. Tanya was upset that he brought me along and Rose assured her that she had no idea what that he was bringing me. Apparently, Tanya was going to, and I quote, "show Edward what he's been missing out on". I felt sick to my stomach, upset because I didn't want to have to compete with someone for Edward... but I would. I wanted him in my life.

"What's bothering you, Bell?" Edward asked as he drove down the dark highway. "You're quieter than usual."

I shook my head and attempted to smile. "I'm just tired."

"Those guys... they're just stupid. I hope you're not worried about what they said."

"I'm not..." I wanted to be honest with him, to not hold anything back, but it was so hard to open up even more. "Were you and Tanya ever –"

"Never, Bella... I've never even been alone with her. She's not exactly someone I want to be with."

"But she... seems a lot like Lauren," I retorted in a lowered voice.

Edward huffed and pulled off of the road and into the parking lot of the Dairy Queen where we met up earlier that day. We sat in silence for a minute or so until he shifted in his seat toward me. "Things like that... that's what I have to prove to you until you can trust me. I know Tanya is exactly what I used to go after, but in case you haven't noticed, I've only been interested in you lately. And that isn't likely to change, Bella. I thought I made myself pretty clear last week..."

"I know... I just, I... I don't want to get you in any kind of trouble either. I feel like spending time with me, it's causing you to take a big risk."

"How? By spending time with my really good friend?"

I nodded and stared at the console between us until Edward lifted my chin with his finger.

"We shouldn't complicate things right now... let's save that for later down the road, when I'm sneaking around Salida to see you because I definitely will be. Okay?"

A genuine smile spread across my face, and Edward kissed my burning cheek. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I'm just glad you're actually opening up to me a little," he said as the corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "Let's get you home, so I don't get on Alice and Jasper's bad side. He wants me to go hunting with him in a couple of weeks... wouldn't go too well if I piss him off," Edward added with a wink.

I decided to stop worrying for the rest of my time in Texas. I only had four weeks left. Four weeks to see Edward as much as I wanted. Going back home, to the place where I saw my best friend die and where I felt I had no friends... it made me sick to think of going there, but I couldn't think about that. I vowed to stay positive and have fun with Edward.

He wasn't Angela, but he was the closest friend I had left.


Thoughts? Let me know and I'll send a teaser to you!

If you didn't PM me or leave your email in a review, please email me if you want the epov - jengreen03(at)gmail(dot)com ... I'm working on it and hope to have it finished pretty quickly. At this time, I'm not planning on posting it on FF because this part of the story is just Bella's - I just thought since so many of you requested epov that it'd be a thank you for all the support. Later in the story, after the prologue, Epov will alternate with Bella's. So, again, thanks for reading and for your support! I love reading your comments and love your stories. I didn't realize there were so many Texans reading this story! Any of you TX peeps out there TTU fans like me? Please no gag-me-aggies (just kidding!). Had to ask. :)

Mega thanks to my red-pen queen, Jen_328 and to my pre-readers - Teacher1209 and Jadsmama. Three sweet girls that I could not do without!

Next chapter will be up next Thursday.

FicRecs:

All the Wild Horses by elusivetwilight

Strange Brew by Magnolia822

Thanks for reading! ily.