"Now, I shall ask you again what I asked before," Sage murmured, "Starting with how your guide, the Cait Sith, came to be injured, as I have never once heard tell of a Cait Sith permitting themselves to be placed in harm's way when the paramount thing to do would be to escape to protect themselves. He was injured protecting you, I am sure, but I'd like to hear more on the matter."
Catherine had been biting down hard on her tongue, near to the point of drawing blood, but that wasn't enough to stop the overflow of words that poured out.
"It was while we were going to Arcadia," she said, horrified at herself, though she couldn't stop speaking, "We ran into a group of redcaps and I wasn't able to use my glamour to disappear or fight. I was tired from not sleeping and didn't see the redcap coming at me from behind until it was right on top of me. Demon jumped in and clawed it to pieces, but another one jumped on him and bit down on his leg. He managed to kill it and get away, but he wasn't able to walk."
"And how did you get away from redcaps if you were both so incapable of fighting?" Sage prompted her softly.
"He used his glamour to transport us both," she went on helplessly, feeling tears gathering. "I told him to just go because he was hurt but he wouldn't leave. He said he couldn't leave me behind because he had vowed to protect me regardless of the cost to himself, and he would stand by that promise. He transported us to the healer and passed out. The healer took us inside and took care of him. She tried to get me to sleep but I couldn't. I kept pouring out the drafts she brought me and pretended like I'd taken them. I didn't tell her that I did, or why I did."
"Why did you?" asked Sage in his softest voice, his frost green eyes fixed immovably on her face.
"Because I didn't want to sleep," Catherine said, her voice cracking slightly. "Sleeping didn't matter to me anymore. It hadn't since I left Tir Na Nog, because—"
Before she could get any farther, she clapped both hands hard over her mouth, gagging as the words kept trying to tumble out, but were muffled, and Sage narrowed his eyes as he witnessed her resistance.
"It is not a wise idea to resist the effects of spill-your-guts, human," he informed her quietly, "And what harm is there in giving me the answers I want?"
But Catherine shook her head firmly and kept her hands tightly pressed over her mouth, feeling her stomach protest as she prevented the fungi from making her speak. She'd sooner throw up than continue speaking, but apparently Sage was not of the same conviction, and she started in alarm as his long fingered hands shackled her wrists, pulling her hands away from her lips with such ease that despite her hardest struggle she couldn't break away from him.
She bit down hard on her tongue, tasting blood, as he finally pried her hands away from her mouth, but she knew she wouldn't be able to hold out if he asked her another question.
"Why couldn't you sleep when you left Tir Na Nog?" the Prince asked her quietly, his eyes boring into her face, and though she bit even harder on her tongue, praying for herself to stop, the words fell out without stopping.
"Because I wasn't with you," she whispered, tears burning in her eyes, blurring her vision so she couldn't see Sage's face as he gazed down at her. "I couldn't fall asleep knowing you weren't nearby."
"…I see."
Those words again. She truly despised those words…
"And why did you come to the border between Summer and Winter?" Sage murmured, his voice lowering until he was practically whispering.
Tears streaked down Catherine's face as she fought to keep her mouth closed, but it was of no use, and her voice shook as she whispered,
"Because I wanted to see you. I needed to see you, but I knew I couldn't cross the border so I waited to see if you would come. I thought about crossing the border anyway, just to look for you, but I knew if you did find me you would kill me, so I just waited for you…"
Sage gaze down impassively at the weeping girl held in his grasp, his frost green eyes unreadable. He had thought she would say that, that her real purpose in coming to the boundary had not been for lack of anything else to do while her guardian rested himself, but because she had been searching for him. But that still did not entirely answer one other question he had.
"And why were you looking for me?" he asked quietly, leaning closer to her as tears continued to run unchecked down her face, "Why did you need to see me?"
He thought he already knew the answer, and was proven correct as Catherine hiccupped, choking on a sob, and whispered through her tears,
"Because I love you…"
So that was it, he thought, leaning away from the girl to eye her thoughtfully. Love. Or, at least the idea of love. Though she could tell him nothing but the truth, her truth was also altered to be what she herself believed in. She might believe she was in love with him, but the truth could easily be the same as every other female he had ever encountered that stated they 'loved' him when what they really loved was his power and his title, and everything he stood to gain as a Prince of the Unseelie Court. Somehow, though, he doubted that this girl's imagined love had sprung up from a craving for power and acknowledgment. She had no care in royal power or the title that would come with it. She was much too simple for such things.
So, where was her imagined love springing from, he wondered. What in her mind could possibly lead her to believe she loved him? He could not, of course, pose this question to her, because it was not as easily answered as the rest of the inquiries he had made. She believed she loved him, and without knowing exactly what about him made her think she loved him he could not hope to gain an answer. It was possible she might have a clue, but he seriously doubted it would get him as far as he was hoping, so there was no real purpose in asking.
Still, there were yet other ways to find out what he wished to know, or at least make a start on finding out what he wished to know, that did not include spiked potions.
Gazing down at Catherine, he considered how to go about this final approach to answering any and all questions he had, and for once wished that she was not such a difficult creature to figure out. He was used to females in general being rather vexing, but they, for the most part, the ones he had encountered at least, had given him some suggestion as to what they were really about. Many had shallow, material interests, including his own Mother, and were not so complex to figure out if he took the time to contemplate them. As he remembered thinking earlier, just how difficult humans and Cait Siths were to figure out, he supposed it had to be a result of the mixture of the two, as well as being female, that made Catherine so much more difficult to puzzle out. Here she sat in front of him, drugged practically to the gills with spill-your-guts, weeping for having been so humiliated by her own truthfulness, having confessed that she could no longer sleep or go without seeing him, and believed to love him, and yet he could not for the life of him figure out what about this unusual girl made her so interested in him.
Not money and land and fame. So what was left? What was left for her to find so intriguing about him? And why was she the only woman he had ever met who seemed to suffer such afflictions as insomnia as a result of going without being near him? He had known several females that encountered him to go months at a time pining away for him, but never once had heard of any women going so far as to lose sleep over his disinterest in them. So why this girl?
Well, if there was one thing Sage knew at this point, it was that there was a very simple way to discern what a woman's desires were without much effort on his part. He felt fortunate at least that his mother had educated him in such matters, though how to go about it now… Something told him that blatant seduction would not work so greatly to his advantage now, but he had one idea that might make it workable.
"You have answered all my questions," he said softly, gazing down calmly at Catherine, who was not looking up at him, but had her head down as she continued to weep pathetically. "But there is one more matter that must be dealt with before you are able to leave and return to your guide."
Catherine hiccupped, but did not speak, and continued to tremble as he bound her wrists together in one of his, and used the other to hook a finger under her chin, coaxing her face up to him. She looked dreadful, with tears still streaking down her face from slightly reddened eyes, though the jade color of her irises shone brightly as she stared up at him through half closed eyes. Her face was pale from her struggle to resist the effects of the spill-your-guts, and there was a splash of crimson blood on her quivering lips from where it had trickled down from her lacerated tongue. He looked into her eyes for a moment, wondering just what he might see swirling in their tear filled depths, and felt surprised when he could detect nothing. No sadness, no anger, not even the humiliation that he would have anticipated seeing. Just a blankness, though her tears still slipped down her cheeks, and she choked quietly on sobs.
Was this a defense mechanism, he wondered. Perhaps she was so completely distraught that she had shut herself down. It would not be the first time he had seen such a tactic. He and his brothers employed it daily, as a result of their upbringing, and he was sure they were not the only ones in any world to use such tactics.
"The matter at hand," he continued softly, keeping Catherine's face firmly turned up to him, "Is that I have, once again, granted you sanctuary and offered healing to you. These things are not done freely, and I expect repayment for my troubles."
Catherine's eyes suddenly flashed fire at him, and her eyes narrowed to jade slits as she glared hatefully up at him, for the first displaying emotion as he gazed silently back down at her.
"You can go to hell," she hissed at him, surprising him. He had not expected such fierceness from her, but he supposed he should have learned better by now.
After all, she was one of the greatest mysteries he'd ever uncovered, and he was still working his way to her core.
"That is hardly called for, human," he told her in a dangerously quiet voice, narrowing his own eyes warningly at her. "Have I really done anything worth your wrath?"
"You know you have, you bastard," she said in a voice that trembled with tears and anger. "I owe you nothing now, so you can forget me owing you any favors."
Sage felt a slow burning in his gut as his temper was roused, but he suppressed it with little difficulty and met the girl's baleful look without flinching.
"It seems that while I neglected to give you the proper amount of nightshade last night," he mused, "I may have over administered spill-your-guts. You seem to know no boundaries now when speaking to me."
"I don't want to hear you talk about boundaries! You crossed all boundaries when you drugged me!" she spat at him, twisting her wrists in a bid for freedom, but he gave her no leeway and only tightened his grip to the point that she squeaked in pain and ceased her struggles as his grip threatened to crush her bones.
It was just a show of how weak she was that he could so easily contain her with so little effort given. And she hated it. She hated that he made her weak. Why had she ever trusted him in the first place? Demon had warned her about the Princes of the Winter Court, but she'd been naïve enough to think that one of them, just one of them, could be different from the others. That was what she got for thinking like a human in a place where humans didn't tread. And no matter what anyone said about faeries being incapable of lying, she would never believe it again. The Winter Prince now sitting her— so high and mighty and set in his station over her—had lied to her from the moment he'd taken her into his care for the first time in Tir Na Nog. Even if he hadn't uttered an untruth, he sure as hell hadn't given her the truth.
But that didn't seem to make a difference to him at all. Apparently lying didn't have to mean not giving the truth. So long as you didn't go spouting some crap to someone else, you were perfectly justified otherwise. And she hated that…Hated that he could so easily jump through the loopholes of his kind like it was nothing while she struggled and fought just to stay afloat in this insanity he called home. And as if to add insult to injury, he was now asking a favor for his gracious hospitality in her time of need. Bastard… She just wanted to reach up and claw that calm milieu right off his face, just dig in with her claws and tear it apart and watch him come apart at the seams.
Just thinking about raking at his handsome face had her fingers itching, and she felt her eyes burn hotter than before so she blinked rapidly to keep them from scalding. What she didn't see, Sage did however, and what the Prince saw as she sat there, trembling in his grip, were two inch long claws curling out of her nails, pointed and lethal as daggers, and her eyes grew to an even brighter, almost acidic green while her round pupils stretched and narrowed until he was looking down into the burning green eyes of a Cait Sith.
Or, at least, he was staring into the eyes of Catherine's fey self, though she had not turned completely feline, and actually seemed completely unaware of the change, for no sooner had she done it than she was changing back, giving in completely to tears and closing her eyes, which had resumed their natural shape and color.
"I don't owe you anything," she said, choking on her sobs. "I don't care what you say or what you've done for me. You gave up any favors you might have wanted to ask for when you drugged me!"
Sage arched a dark eyebrow at her. "Is that how you look at it? That because you interpret what I have done as a grave offense that you owe me nothing in return for keeping you safe here, and even going so far as to look past the oath you swore me during your last night in Tir Na Nog?"
"You drugged me!" Catherine threw at him, her tears doubling. "Did you even stop to consider that I didn't answer your questions in the first place that it meant it was none of your business why I did what I did or what happened?"
"Am I supposed to care?"
She stopped dead, her eyes flying open to stare up into Sage's emotionless face in astonishment. The total calm and carelessness with which he had stated those simple words stopped her in her tracks, and she couldn't think of anything to say as she gazed up at the sidhe prince, who looked straight back, unmoved. He blinked slowly down at her, his vivid emerald eyes completely void of any type of emotion as he continued to pin her wrists in his crushing grip, watching as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Was he supposed to care? …No, of course he wasn't. He was a Winter Prince, heir to the Unseelie Throne. Of course he wasn't supposed to give a damn…
The mere thought of that truth nearly sent Catherine over the edge, but when she would have turned her face away just for the relief of not looking at him, his fingers tightened on her chin, holding her still, so she was forced to continue to meet his unrelenting stare.
"I asked you a question," he murmured. "I expect an answer. Am I supposed to care about what you do or do not wish to disclose to me?"
Catherine stared up at him, her lip quivering, her tongue stinging from where she'd bitten into it, and her eyes still burning and watering with the constant stream of tears. Her wrists ached from where he still clutched tightly at them, and she felt that same, strange tingling sensation both there and at her chin where his fingers touched her skin as she always did when he touched her.
"No," she whispered in defeat. "You're not supposed to give a damn about anything I say, or do, or want. It's all about you."
She said the last part because she wanted to shake him. Just a little bit. Just make him pause at the truth of the words, but he did not even seem fazed by her cold observation of him. In fact, he almost seemed amused, and the ghost of a smirk flitted briefly across his lips as he watched her, making her feel even angrier, even more belittled by him.
"You are correct," he murmured. "It is about me. Everything that is done is always for one's self, and never for the benefit of another if they do not directly get some reward out of it."
"That's not true," she said instantly.
Sage arched an eyebrow. "How is it not true?"
"Demon protected me," she said heatedly, "He protected me that day at the cost of his life without ever asking me to do anything to repay him!"
"Perhaps he is already in the pay of another," suggested Sage quietly, his eyes narrowing. "Have you considered that, human? Consider why the Cait Sith even brought you to the Nevernever in the first place. Why would he even bother with you? You are a half-breed. A disgrace. Yet he invited you to Faery and has led you around in your pointless search for answers regarding your heritage. Has it not occurred to you that perhaps he was instructed to bring you here by someone else? Someone you are searching for but he has no intention of leading you to."
Catherine felt her eyes grow round as she realized what he was suggesting, and felt her heart begin to pound haphazardly in her chest as she tried to shake her head in denial, but his hand kept her from moving, and she was left to stare into the prince's face.
"No," she said, her voice trembling. "No, Demon wouldn't do that!"
"Why not?" Sage asked, arching his jet black brows at him, cocking his head to one side so his long black hair fell over one shoulder. "What is to keep the Cait Sith from such a thing? If he is serving your father, and your father has offered him a deal for protecting you at all costs, what would stop him?"
"He would have told me," Catherine whispered. "He would have told me if he knew my father…!"
"Oh?" Sage looked disbelieving. "Have you asked him directly whether or not he knows your father? Have you specifically demanded to know whether he has knowledge of the Cait Sith that sired you? Or did you merely assume that he had no affiliation with him as he did not hasten to tell you when you decided to go in search of your father?"
Tears were coming again, and she couldn't stop them. She just couldn't believe what the Prince was saying. Demon was her only friend here. The only one she'd considered an ally in a place she had little understanding of. She had thought that if she made it a point that she was looking for her father he would automatically say he knew where to find him. She had never actually asked the Cait Sith about the man who had sired her. Why should she? What would Demon gain by not telling her what he knew?
"You're lying," she whispered. "You don't know Demon at all!"
"I am not lying," denied Sage, "Though I cannot say with certainty that the Cait Sith is indeed in the employ of your sire. He could just as easily be working for any number of higher fey in this world without telling you. And I perhaps know the Cait Sith better than you would like to believe, human. You have not seen this world in its entirety. You have not lived here as I have. I know the workings of this world and the ways of the people within it. You do not. You are naïve and a mere child here with no real conception of what is happening around you. You only think you know what is happening when you really are as clueless and blind as a newborn babe."
Catherine couldn't even speak now, too choked up with tears to even consider speech. So she sat there, helpless, and gazed up through blurry eyes into the frost green eyes of the sidhe Prince.
"Regardless of this," he murmured, seemingly unaffected by her internal struggles, or the tears that continued to fall from her over bright eyes, "You do owe me a favor, human, and until I receive that favor on your behalf, I see no reason to permit to go anywhere. And if you insist on resisting the inevitable in repaying me, I do not see what is to stop me turning you over to the Unseelie Court. I am not bound to protect you any further than I have already, so you may wish to consider the repercussions of not abiding by the laws that are observed here. You are not in the human world anymore, so you would do well to remember as much."
She could hardly believe her ears. Not only was Sage suggesting that Demon was somehow in league with her father or any other powerful fey leading her around Nevernever with no intention of getting her any closer to answers she wanted, but now he was threatening to turn her over to his brother and the rest of the Unseelie Court if she didn't comply with his twisted fey agreement that she owed him something—anything—that he asked of her. She felt now, more than ever, that she really should have seen it coming. Should have known the warning signs and taken heed of Demon's advice when he had told her those of the Unseelie Court, particularly members of the royal family, were never people to get involved with. If only she'd considered his advice sooner…but it was too late for that now. Now she had to come to terms with her mistakes, swallow her pride, and realize that she wasn't safe in her human world anymore. As Sage had said: this wasn't the human world, human rules and ideals didn't apply here…
"Fine," she choked out at last. "Fine…You want your favor? Name it. Just say it so I can give it to you and go…"
"You really are a child," sighed the sidhe Prince, looking almost annoyed as he glanced down at her. "Thinking a favor is so easily taken care of."
She thought about telling him just what she'd like to do for his favor, but knew it would do her no good, and he wouldn't even react no matter what she said, so she didn't speak, finally glad, at least, that the spill-your-guts had seemed to wear off during her breakdown and she was no longer under the compulsion to speak what was really on her mind.
"What do you want?" she whispered, glaring at him. "Just tell me what the hell you want from me…I'm done playing this game!"
"A game, is it?" Sage asked. "I do not play games. Games are for children. But, as you wish, I will make this brief. There is one last question I have to ask of you, but it must be asked without words, since I doubt you yourself have an appropriate answer to give me."
So, he didn't play games, she thought bitterly, but he loved indulging in those stupid riddles he and the rest of the fey seemed so fond of. Funny how 'game' by definition seemed to vary here as much as 'lying' did.
"I ask as a return favor for my troubles that you grant me the answer to my question in the way I deem necessary to ask it," he said, "A kiss."
Catherine felt as though she'd just been sucker punched in the gut, and the air left her lungs in a rush as she gaped up at Sage, who remained passive, his expression giving away nothing.
"You're joking," she said weakly. "A kiss?"
There were a million things running through her head that she would just love to say to him about that, but aside from her brain feeling temporarily short circuited, she had lost all bravado that the spill-your-guts had previously invoked in her, and she couldn't think of a single thing to say to the Prince.
"A kiss," he confirmed, his emerald eyes thoughtful as he took in the stricken look on her face. "That is all."
"That's all?" she asked, appalled.
"You treat it as though it some huge atrocity," the Prince sighed, clearly growing impatient.
"Maybe not to you," she said, her voice shaking again, "But I don't make a habit of going around kissing random men because they decide to ask it as a favor. You can ask anything else of me, but not that."
"And why not that?" he inquired, arching a brow.
"Because," she stammered, a single tear sliding down her cheek, "That's not who I am. I can't just turn my feelings on and off like everyone else seems to be able to. You may think it is totally insignificant and meaningless; just a passing thing that happens between people that really means nothing in the long run, but that isn't how I look at it. To me that's as good as a commitment, from someone else to me and from me to them. That isn't something I just do because it seems like it might be a good idea or because I have a passing fancy."
"But I'm not a passing fancy, am I?" Sage murmured. His emerald eyes fairly burned with green fire as he leaned over her, his pitch black hair falling in a long curtain around him, brushing against her face as he came within mere inches of her face. "You said it yourself: You love me."
The only thing he could have done worse than that was taken the dagger in his belt and driven it through her heart. But he had said it, and she could feel her heart twisting painfully in her chest, bringing more tears to her eyes. So long as she lived, she would never forgive the sidhe Prince for that, but she doubted he would care whether he gained her forgiveness or not. It wasn't about anyone else and what they wanted; it was all about him.
"Why?" she whispered. "Why do you even want that from me? You could ask anything at all and you want to ask that? Maybe you're forgetting I'm a half-breed."
But she knew he hadn't forgotten that at all. It probably just didn't make a difference to him. In his eyes, she suspected every woman was the same, no matter what she looked like or where she came from. She could have been a Grand Duchess for all he cared and he would still treat her this way. It was all about him…
"Regardless of your station," Sage murmured, "You owe me a favor, and I have named it. I will not ask for anything else. So, daughter of Cait Sith, what will you do? I do not have all day to wait for your answer."
"Why?" she demanded again, still not able to speak above a whisper, still with her voice choked with tears. "You could ask anything…"
"But I have asked this," the Prince said. "I told you I wanted the answer to a question you cannot answer me in words, because you yourself probably do not have an answer. I only wish to know the answer to that question in my mind, and this is the way I have chosen to find it. Now, will you grant me this favor or not, human? Remember your wellbeing may very well rest on your answer…"
Catherine was very sure she would never loathe another man as she much as she did the one sitting in front of her no matter how long she lived. Or, at least that was what she would like to think about the whole issue. But with her heart going a mile a minute in her chest, leaving her breathless, and her watering eyes locked with the Unseelie Prince's, she knew it wasn't true. No matter what he did, no matter what he said, no matter how this all ended—even if he did turn her over to his brother and mother in the end—she knew deep in the pit of her heart where even she couldn't quite reach that she would never hate Sage, no matter what she might wish to the contrary.
"Fine," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Fine…if that's really what you want, then fine…go ahead."
Somehow she knew she was condemning herself in some way, knowing that she would never be able to get past this. She hadn't lied when she'd told him she wouldn't be able to let go. Not just because that was who she was, but also because it was who he was. And he hadn't lied when he'd reminded her that she loved him…and that was the part she hated most of all.
Sage could see the conflict in her eyes, and could only guess at how much anguish she was in, but he didn't particularly care to delve into the feelings of a half human girl who had been foolish enough to believe that she was cared for. It was not his fault if she had led herself to thinking that this world was like her Mortal Realm, and that she knew just as much about the things here as she did there. He would not take the blame onto his shoulders for something completely beyond his control. Least of all the childish, misguided beliefs of a half-breed.
At her words, he leaned forward, seeing her expression lock up immediately, a feeble attempt to shut herself off from reality as his eyes drifted closed and he touched his lips to her tear slicked ones, tasting blood as he leaned her backwards until she fell heavily against the mattress with a small whimper, her eyes tightly shut. He propped himself above her, leaning his weight on his arms, finally releasing her wrists so her hands fell loosely to her sides as he pressed his lips more firmly against hers. She did not respond to him, lying rigid beneath him, and he sighed against her trembling mouth as he realized this was not quite what he had been aiming for. One could easily get answers from the body of another, but that required the other body to respond, and she was not.
He supposed he should have had the foresight to know she wouldn't, but he seemed to keep underestimating her in certain areas. This would be one of them. Pushing himself up to look down at the girl, who barely opened her eyes to peer back at him from under tear splashed lashes, he frowned as she continued to lay like a stone beneath him, save the trembling of her entire body.
"Perhaps I should have made myself a little clearer on this matter," he murmured, tilting his head slightly so his dark hair slid across his shoulders to coil like so much black silk on the fur throw around them. "And let me see if this might incite you to react accordingly…You seem so good at pretending, so let's say that, for a moment, pretend that you have no restraints, no regrets, and that I actually care for you. If we were to pretend that for a moment, how would you react to me then, I wonder?"
Catherine bit down on her lip, tasting her own blood, and looked away from Sage. She didn't want to look at him. He'd already said enough things against her that she would never forgive, and he just seemed to keep adding to the list. She had thought letting him kiss her was enough, but apparently she'd been wrong. Not only did she have to lay there and act like she didn't feel like her entire body was a charged electric current when he kissed her and that her heart might just come right out of her chest, but now he was telling her to kiss him back like he wasn't a bastard who had threatened and tricked her. What would he ask next, she wondered vaguely, fighting back new tears as she felt his fingers on her chin, forcing her to look at him. Maybe he'd just go the whole nine yards and ask her to strip down and get under the covers, too. Then maybe he'd be satisfied with how far he'd violated her.
"I am only asking you to show me the extent of your feelings," Sage murmured. "You have my word: I only ask you to return whatever feelings you are so keen to hide through this small exchange, and then you are free to go wherever you please. Whether that is back to your guide or even as far as your home in the Mortal Realm."
Oh, so he wouldn't ask her for sex? He just wanted her to make out with him so he could figure out just how much she felt for him. Of course, she should have expected. No self respecting Unseelie Prince would ever go so far as to sharing his bed with a common half-breed.
"So," the sidhe Prince said softly, leaning back down towards her, "Will you answer my question properly now?"
She felt his cool lips brush against hers, like the touch of butterfly wings, and closed her eyes tightly. Just let go, she thought, feeling her heart begin to jackhammer against her ribcage, making it harder to breathe. Just let it go and do it. It's just a kiss…just a kiss, and then it's over and you can leave and you'll never have to see his face again.
It was the worst conviction she'd ever tried to make to herself, but what else could she do? If she let herself believe it was more than what it was, she would only end up even more wounded than she already was, though that wasn't saying much. He'd already torn her heart out. He couldn't do much worse than that.
Catherine finally shut herself off from thought as Sage's lips brushed hers again, waiting for a reaction, and with a muffled sob she reached up to tangle her hands in his long hair, locking her lips to his as he coiled one arm tightly around her waist, lifting her slightly as she kissed him as though he did care, as though he did love her, and as though she wasn't breaking into a thousand pieces on the inside as new tears flooded her eyes behind her closed eyelids, sparkling in her lashes as they slipped free and trickled down her face. And he kissed her back like she mattered to him, and that she wasn't just a half-breed who owed him a simple favor. His mouth moved firmly over hers, dominating, and she followed his lead, letting him show her how to answer him.
She felt currents of pure electricity running between them, from his mouth to hers, and streaking trails of fire throughout her blood, making her feel hot and dazed as she ran her fingers through his silken hair, curling her fingers into it to pull him closer, and he let her. His tongue flicked out, tracing the form of her lip, lingering to clean the blood away, and she whimpered, confused and disoriented as stars danced behind her eyes and her heart thundered in her breast. Her head was spinning dizzyingly fast as he finally coaxed her to part her lips for him and he slipped inside, tasting and teasing, leaving a burning sensation behind as their breathing mingled and mixed together and she locked her arms tightly around his neck, for a moment leaving behind the harsh reality and just letting go. Really letting go.
His arms coiled around her waist, dragging her closer, and holding her to him so she could feel every muscle of his body imprinted on her as she practically drowned in his very essence. His breath was cool, but the rest of him was hot, alive, and she didn't ever want to let him go…
Sage broke away suddenly, one arm moving away to reach up and pull her hands free of their grip around his neck, and Catherine's eyes fluttered open, hazy and bewildered, to see the Prince drawing away, his ice green eyes calm and unfathomable as he hovered over her, searching her expression with that soul-piercing gaze, his mouth turned down in a slight frown. He was breathing a little more deeply than before, but nothing to suggest he was in any way afflicted or moved by what had just transpired between them. If anything, he looked even more removed than before as he gazed into her eyes, lost in thought. Then he shifted back, pushing himself further away, but still half hovering over her, though as he moved out of reach she was forced to let her now empty hands fall uselessly to her sides.
Total shame washed over her as she gazed up at the sidhe Prince, trying desperately to catch her breath, trying not to pay attention to the little sparks that continued to go off all over her body. Her lips fairly tingled with the remaining shock of his kiss, and she could still taste him on her tongue, a sweet, icy tang that she knew she would never forget, even if she washed out her mouth a thousand times with the most potent soap.
Sage knelt there above her, not speaking for a long moment, his eyes carefully scrutinizing her face, before he finally seemed to reach a wordless conclusion, and his expression cleared before going completely blank.
"I see," he murmured softly, his voice slightly breathless, and rolled away, off of the bed, to stand with his back to her.
Catherine closed her eyes, fighting back tears again, and threw an arm over her face just to block out the sights around her, wishing she could keep herself shut off a little longer so she didn't have to feel the unbearable ache that was settling deep in her chest, almost suffocating her as it constricted around her heart and lungs. It felt like a huge weight had been dropped on her, and she knew she didn't have the strength to move it, so she lay there and let it inevitably crush her, biting down hard on her lip to keep back the sobs rising fast in her throat. She could hear Sage's footsteps as the Winter sidhe moved away from her, and she hoped he would just leave. Just walk out the door and not say a word to her, but, of course, that was her expecting too much.
The Prince stopped at the door, pulling it open quietly, then glanced back over his shoulder to where the girl lay, not looking at him, though he could see from here the way her body shook with silent sobs and how she bit down almost brutally on her lip, possibly to keep from crying or screaming. Either way, it did not matter to him.
"When you are ready," he said softly, "Bane will be waiting to escort you to the border of Winter and Summer so you may return to your guide."
She didn't answer him, though he was not in the least bit surprised, and he stepped through the door and closed it behind him. He half expected to hear something slam into the door immediately after, indicating she'd thrown something after him, but there was only silence as he moved away from the room and strode across the floor to where Bane lay quietly by the fire. The familiar's eyes were open as Sage drew level with him, and held a silent understanding as his master seated himself on a small pouf with a sigh, looking drawn.
"She should be ready soon," he murmured to the wolf, who blinked once to indicate he had heard and understood, but did not speak. Sage did not believe his familiar was in any way disappointed in his behavior. Bane wouldn't have cared if he had ravaged the girl, but he suspected at least that his familiar was curious of what had led him to do what he had, even though it had only been a simple kiss, regardless of what anyone else cared to think of it.
He sighed again, slouching down against the pouf, and drawing a hand slowly across his face, feeling distinctly cheated. He had hoped at least a kiss from the girl would give him some kind of clarity as to just what it was that she felt for him, as it had proved a useful maneuver with other females he had not been easily able to read. But he really felt no closer to his answer than he had felt beforehand. True, he had managed to cross out a few possible answers from his list of possibilities, but he still had a few leftover, and no solid answer. Of the things he had managed to negate as tentative possibilities, however, the girl's interest in possibly his body was definitely one. If that had been what drew her to him, she would have used the opportunity presented to let her hands roam, as had been the case with a couple females, but that was not what she had done. She had only gone so far as to cling to his shoulders and hair, and nothing more. She had not made any moves to twine her body around his, though he had given her a clear chance to do so by bringing her so close to him.
He had also learned that the girl had no experience, whatsoever, in matters of intimacy. A female's kissing experience spoke volumes. The kind of men they had been with, the kind of things they preferred, and very often their more deeply buried desires, but the girl had about as much experience under her belt as a child. No, come to consider it, she had even less experience than a child. Even a fey child knew how to properly kiss someone, and she could not even do that. He had had to lead her along as though by the hand; show her the proper way to reciprocate. It had been more of a task than he'd ever thought it could possibly be, and he truly felt a little disgruntled as he considered how much time he had wasted, even if it had only been a matter of seconds that he had allowed her to cling to him.
He sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, and frowned towards the fireplace, watching the flames dance and shimmer like so many sapphires. His plan had completely backfired, and he had no recovery to make up for it. The girl was not interested in anything typically sought after by other females that surrounded him, prowling like hungry wolves, and he had used up his last resource in the hope of retrieving an answer. Now he had nothing. She would not speak to him any longer, and he had no hopes that she would ever accept another draught from him, even if she was dying in the woods with no other resources to aid her. He might like to consider that her 'love' was just a passing fancy and perhaps over exaggerated to the degree that she honestly believed she had fallen for him and would love no other, but he would be foolish to think that a week without sleep and a senseless desire to see him again amounted to a 'passing fancy' in any shape or form. She saw something in him that had made her fall for him, or at least believed that she had fallen for him, and he had no clue as to what it could be. And now she would never tell him, even if she knew what it was.
There was nothing for it, he thought. He would just have to let this one pass him by and never bother himself with it again. Though he may desire an answer for anything, he knew when to stop looking for answers, and this was one of those times when it was a much wiser action to call a halt and move along to the next query than to mill about uselessly fretting about something of such little concern. The only thing he needed to bother himself with now was how long it would take for the girl to get her bearings and make an appearance so Bane could take her back to the border.
Given her distress, he was willing to allot at least a couple more hours before she had the ability to face him, and that was being gracious. Another woman would have taken a few minutes to gather herself and be gone from his presence once she'd detected he had no intention of going along further, but he was steadily learning more and more that the half human was not quite what he was used to handling. Keeping that in mind, he settled more deeply into his chosen pouf and allowed his eyes to drop closed, taking the opportunity to meditate on his next move forward regarding other matters that he did know well, and could handle without such trouble.
On the other side of the door, Catherine still lay flat on her back, arm over her face, and without making a sound. Tears ran down her face, but she didn't cry aloud. She was too exhausted, her mind too overwhelmed to even register that she was supposed to be making some sound of grief to accompany her tears. All she cared to think about was the hot wetness on her face, and the incessant ache that had taken control of her chest, squeezing mercilessly on her heart. She forced herself to ignore the burning on her lips, the feverish heat still running through her body, and the cool, cloying taste that still lingered on her lips. She didn't want to acknowledge them.
She sniffed quietly in the silent room, finally moving to roll onto her side and curl into a tight ball, her head tucked against her chest as more tears fell from her eyes onto the fur throw. She'd never felt more vulnerable or broken apart in her entire life… She had never imagined she would ever feel this way, but she knew she'd been stupid to think she would never know real heartbreak. Some people went their whole lives without experiencing it, and she had been stupid enough to think she would be one of those people that never had to endure the shattering pain that came with having your entire being be broken up by a single person. A person you trusted beyond all others; someone you thought cared.
She'd been stupid from the beginning to trust Sage and his pretty words. Believing that through his actions he had given a single care for her when she should have been able to realize sooner that the only reason he did what he had was because he was getting something out of it. Favors…oaths… That was all that mattered to him. It was all that the people of Faery cared about. And she had been fucking stupid enough to let herself think he wasn't exactly the same as every other goddamned faery in this goddamned place…that somehow he was different, and that she was different to him, too. Stupid…
She blinked her watering eyes, staring unseeingly at the blanket beneath her, not really paying attention to the way her tears clung to each individual strand of fur like round, glittering jewels. She felt hollow inside, and she knew it was because that in giving Sage his favor, she had also given up a part of herself, and she wasn't ever going to get it back. Whether Sage wanted it or not, he'd taken a piece of her soul with him.
She sniffed again, blinking away tears as a kind of empty understanding washed over her, and she breathed a shaky sigh as she put her hands beneath her and pushed herself up into a sitting position, raising a hand to wipe away the tears in her eyes. It didn't help her to sit here anymore, she realized dimly. She could cry for weeks if she wanted but the point of the matter was that nothing she did was going to change what had happened, and nothing was going to change what Sage thought of her. To him, she would always be a half-breed daughter of Cait Sith; just another nameless girl who had owed him a couple of favors. A few weeks from now, he probably wouldn't even remember her name, assuming he remembered it now, even. He had not once said her name in the entire time she had been here, so maybe he'd already forgotten, which was fine with her.
Lowering her feet to the floor, she rose unsteadily to her feet, taking a deep breath to center herself as she looked up into the large mirror across from her. She didn't recognize the girl looking back at her with red rimmed eyes and disheveled copper hair. This girl, with her flat, empty green eyes and pale face, was a stranger to her, and she blinked once at her before turning away from her reflection. She had once heard that mirrors were windows to the soul, and it was very obvious just by looking that her soul had died. Taking another deep breath, pushing her hand through her unkempt hair to keep it out of her face, she walked slowly over to the fireplace, slipping her shoes onto her feet and pushing her arms through the sleeves of her jacket as she lifted it from the grate, pulling it tightly around her. She felt like she was walking in a dream as she made her way to the door and let her hand fall to the handle, and for a moment she hesitated just inside, wondering what she would do if Sage waited for her on the other side.
Giving a humorless smile, she shook her head, realizing her own stupidity. Sage may wait in the other room, but he would never wait for her. He had no care for her; no interest. He had made that much very clear in the past half hour, and she needed to remember that. He was a Winter Prince, she was a half-breed. Such worlds did not connect for any reason, least of all a simple thing like love.
She sighed again, closing her eyes briefly, then tugged lightly on the doorknob and stepped out into the main room. Bane lay on the rug by the fire, looking to be asleep, but his amber eyes opened slowly as she closed the bedroom door behind her, and she stepped forward towards him she caught sight of Sage's black hair spilling over the edge of a pouf as the Prince lay half stretched out next to his familiar, eyes closed, though she doubted he slept.
She turned her gaze away from him so she didn't have to see his face, and instead looked at Bane as the familiar rose slowly to his paws, watching her attentively.
Taking a slow, careful breath, she looked into the intelligent amber eyes of the wolf and murmured, "I'm ready to leave."
He dipped his head to her, then turned to lead the way towards the hidden doorway that led out of the Lodge. She followed him in silence, not daring to look back at Sage, and biting down on her tongue to keep from uttering a word. She owed him no thanks, so she would give him none. He had collected his favor, and that was enough. She followed Bane as the great gray wolf stepped through the hidden doorway leading out of the Lodge, and only when she was through the door did she lose her will to look ahead and glanced back. But she did not see Sage. All that she could see now as she stood in the biting cold and snow of the Winter forest was a great tree towering up to the sky, with one long gouge running down its robust trunk.
"Human," Bane murmured, and she turned to look at the wolf, who was already several paces ahead of her, looking back through the snow that was falling softly around them, "Come. I will take you to the border."
She nodded wordlessly and walked after the wolf, her shoes crunching in the snow and her head bowed. Bane did not speak to her for the rest of the time that they walked, and she was secretly grateful for the silence between them. Around them, the forest was silent, and the snow made no sound as it fell from heaven to blanket the surrounding land in pure white. Trailing behind Bane, holding her jacket tightly around her to keep out the bite of the cold, Catherine felt one last tear fall from her eye onto the snow at her feet. It froze instantly, creating a sparkling diamond against the white powder, and with it she let everything else go.
The pain, the betrayal, the anger, the sadness. Her mother had raised her to believe in herself, and to rely on few except those that truly cared for her, and those that didn't care didn't matter. She had been brought up to know that she would be hurt along the span of her lifetime, and that while it may ache and burn and fester like a wound inside of her, no wound could remain open forever. True, some wounds would not always heal, and some would leave scars in their wake, but you could always recover with the right healing so long as you didn't let yourself believe that you couldn't overcome your wound. It might take a long time, but so long as you let yourself believe you could overcome it, you could. You would always know it was there, and it might hinder you sometimes, but it would never take you over completely if you didn't let it.
And Catherine knew her mother was right… It may hurt, and it may take what seemed like forever to heal, and even if she never forgot who or what had caused her pain, she couldn't let it rule her.
"I know it's hard," her mother's voice murmured, "And it hurts, but don't ever think you can't beat it."
Still, at that moment, even remembering the words her mother had spoken to her so many times, Catherine couldn't recover herself… She continued to trail along behind Bane in silence, vaguely aware of the sun rising somewhere behind her, turning the white snow to a glittering gold, as in her mind's eye a dark haired prince with frost-like emerald eyes gazed down at her, frozen and untouchable. The dull ache in her heart remained, a constant reminder, long after she and Bane had parted ways at the border, and stayed her constant companion on her long trek back through the wyldwood, now bathed in the light and warmth of Summer, though it didn't quite melt the ice that remained from Winter.
