Megan was surprised Zach never phoned, never tried to get a hold of her. She let it go, telling herself she'd see him at work the next day, but she still had a feeling of discomfort. She was so used to him being there, especially after class, that she felt abandoned. He'd mentioned he was going to head over to Sandra Dunbar's, it didn't make her feel any better that he had gone there. She had trouble sleeping that night, and wasn't in the mood for much of anything once she got up for work the next day.
Zach sat at his desk, there bright and early, staring at some files on the computer. Megan took a seat at her desk, her customary tea sitting there, but she stared morosely at it.
"Something fascinating on that computer, Nichols? How was last night?"
Hearing Megan say his last name instead of his first was the first indication to Zach that he'd done something. He hadn't heard her call him that instead of Zach in a very long time. Flipping his computer screen down, he looked at her, taking in the black circles under her eyes and her pale skin.
"Um, we have a lot in common. We both think Jacob Garrety is a prince."
He rambled on some more, while Megan sat there, hating that he'd been around that woman, even if she was a suspect. When he asked if she'd like to go to a poetry reading, she stood up, needing to get out of the office. Once they'd arrived at the poetry reading to celebrate Garrety's life, Megan once again felt left out on the arrest. Zach had the fake piece of poetry to read, and when he did, Dunbar had fallen right for it, eventually confessing to both murders. Once they'd gotten back to One Police Plaza, Megan zipped through her paper work, wanting to get out of there, and away from Zach for awhile. She almost made it too, when suddenly Ross called her into the office.
Megan sat down in one of the chairs, wondering what had happened now. And also wondering why her partner hadn't been called in as well.
"What do you know about Nichols going to visit Sandra Dunbar last night?" Ross asked her pointblank.
"Not too much captain. He mentioned he might have a clue to something, and was going to visit her about it, but he hasn't said too much today. Although whatever he did pick up, evidently gave him enough to get her to confess to both murders." Megan answered truthfully.
"Well, she's already lawyered up, and her lawyer intend to file a complaint against Nichols. That he manipulated his client, got her defenses down and helped push her towards confessing. That he was overly familiar with her at her apartment, playing piano to her, trying to seduce her, keeping telling her that she could trust him. Do you know anything about this?" Ross grilled her.
Clenching her fists together, Megan turned white-knuckled. Not knowing what to say, just wanting to escape Ross' office and the building altogether, Megan denied any knowledge of what her partner had been up to. Seemingly satisfied with this, Ross allowed her to escape. Barely stopping at her desk to gather up her purse, she got out of the Major Case unit in record time, not waiting to see her partner, needing to get away.
Her mind reeled, Ross' words ringing in her head. Trust me, she kept hearing Zach say. Did he do this to everyone he wanted to get something out of? What did he want out of her? Was she just an experiment for him to try out techniques on, perfecting them to use on perps? Is that why she was so easy to abandon on the last night of birthing classes, he was bored, needing to use his techniques on a suspect right away? It's my own fault, she thought. I knew better than to trust him. What was I thinking? Her mind jumped from thought to thought, not being able to settle.
In spite of the crushing she was feeling in her chest, Megan held herself together. She made it out of the building, climbing into her car, sitting there for a moment. She couldn't go home, at least not right away. If she knew her partner at all, and apparently she didn't, he would look for her there first. She decided to drive to her sisters' place. She just didn't want to deal with thoughts of Zach right now. She fished her cellphone out, and shut the ringer off too. Any messages could go to voicemail, she'd check in. Throwing her phone on the seat, she put her car in gear, heading to her sisters.
Forty-five minutes later, Megan pulled into her sister's driveway. She grabbed her purse, leaving the cell on the seat, locking the car up. When she knocked on her sister's door, all Sarah had to do was take a look at Megan's pale face to know that something had happened. She opened the door wide, letting Megan walk by. She didn't say anything, knowing Megan would talk when she wanted to. Shrugging her coat off, she collapsed onto the couch, curling up as best she could.
After twenty minutes, Sarah finally asked her what was wrong. Megan just stared at her. How could she explain to her that she'd trusted the wrong man, once again? Sarah gave her some more time, and finally Megan told her a bit of what was happening.
"Well, how do you know any of that, Megan? I don't think he'd use you like that. But I do think you'll have to ask him yourself, just so you can have peace of mind."
"It doesn't matter whether it was on purpose or not. He never told me any of this stuff of going off to her place and "being a shoulder to cry on". What else am I suppose to think? He did the same thing with me."
"Talk to him later, once you've calmed down. If you don't, you'll have this thing between you for a long time. And unless you aren't coming back after you have the baby, the man will still be your partner. You need to work this out somehow."
With that, Sarah left Megan alone, mulling everything over in her mind. I don't know why I'm so upset. He's not my boyfriend. He's my friend. Just because I want him as more than a friend doesn't mean anything. It caught us our suspect, didn't it? But he got through to her the same way he did me. God, I don't know what to think. I'm still so angry with him!
Her mind whirling, Megan finally started to calm down. She still wasn't able to let go of her anger, however. She felt betrayed, and the fragile trust that she'd had with him was cracking. She left her sisters shortly afterwards. She decided to drive around, she couldn't think at her sisters' anymore. She drove for what seemed like hours. Tired, she finally went home. She went up to her apartment, and Zach was sitting in front of her door. Sighing, she figured she should have known he'd be there.
"How did you get in here? It's a locked entrance." Megan said, her tone chilly.
"One of your lovely neighbors let me in when I flashed my badge." Zach said calmly. "Don't you answer your phone? Check your messages? I've been trying to get hold of you for hours. I've been worried about you."
"What do you want, Zach? Just go home, okay?" She wasn't up for dealing with him, not now.
Zach, however, didn't pay attention to her plea. He stood up, trying to put his hand on her shoulder.
"Don't Zach, just don't. Go home."
"No, Megan, I won't. We need to talk." he said back.
Sighing, she realized he'd probably sit outside the door all night, until she let him in. She opened the door, walking in, with Zach close behind her. He had barely closed the door, when Megan lashed into him.
"So, was I an experiment? Perfecting your sympathy routine on me, so you could use it on suspects? See how much you can get a person to trust you, and then use it against them?" Her voice shredding into him.
"I didn't use you, Megan. Not at all. Yes, I went over there. But what I did there, and anything I've had with you are two different things. I wouldn't use you like that. Never."
"Right, Nichols. And that's why you skipped over the little details of telling me that this morning. The reason you skipped out last night, because you had to go comfort the poor, grieving murderess. I understand completely." She said sarcastically.
"Megan, stop, believe me, I would never use you. You mean too much to me."
"Right, I mean so much to you, yet I get raked over the coals by the captain because they're filing a complaint against you, and Ross is all up in arms over you getting cozy with the suspect. And then Ross asks me if I knew you were going there to do that."
"They're grasping at straws, Megan. She'll plead some sort of insanity, or mental incapacity, and this case will be dropped against me. It's not like I haven't had something filed against me before."
"Well, isn't that just perfect for you then. Everything just bounces off you. Me, I'm barely getting by. First my fiancé leaves me high and dry, the department makes me feel about as tall as an ant, thinking I had something to do with what he did. Then, Mike takes off, just like that. I get stuck with the "unique" partner, and get dragged along for the ride. Well, Zach, I think I'm going to get off this ride. When I come back from maternity leave---" Megan's rant was cut short by Zach kissing her softly on the lips.
Momentarily taken aback, Megan started to struggle, before finally giving into it. To be honest, she'd thought of this for so long, but definitely not under these circumstances. He pulled her in closer to him, and she snaked her hands through his hair, holding him even closer. His arms were wrapped tightly around her, not wanting her to back away from him. His kiss was gentle, and Megan found her anger fading somewhat. Her mind went into overdrive then, all she could think was No, No, No, not like this! She finally pulled herself away from him, more confused than before.
"Why'd you have to go and do that for, Zach? Why?" she said softly.
"It's been a long time coming, Megan. And I didn't want you to finish that sentence. When you come back from maternity leave, I still want you to be my partner. I don't want anyone else."
"So, you kissed me to shut me up about leaving Major Case? Nice, Zach, nice. Now, if you would just leave, I need to get some sleep. I'm tired, I'm angry and I'm sore. And I'm not up for dealing with you anymore."
As usual, he didn't listen to her. Instead, he pulled her in for another kiss, seemingly refusing to acknowledge the fact that Megan was upset with him. When they finished this kiss, he turned to the door, finally leaving Megan to the peace she thought she wanted. She held the door open, leaning against it. The fight having gone out of her, weariness and disappointment taking it's place, she said to him "I'll see you tomorrow, at work. I just need time to think, Zach."
"Thinking is all you ever do Megan. I think you do too much of it."
"Well, someone's got to be the brains of this outfit, Nichols." She closed the door on him then, locking it. She leaned against it, emotionally drained after the last few hours. She launched herself off it, getting ready for bed. Her mind raced, thinking of the kiss she'd just received. She touched her lips with her fingers, part of her wishing that he'd stayed, that she hadn't sent him away. He was good, regrettably so. Part of her was still so angry with him. And then to kiss her to shut her up? The man had her confused, ranging between wanting to kill him or to kiss him again. She didn't feel like battling anymore, she just wanted to go to bed, so she did that. Come morning, she'd deal with all of this then.
