Chapter 7
Denial
Shika's POV
He made his way to the kitchen area, his body going through the motions of getting food prepared, but his mind was still on the young woman in the bathroom and the current situation he found himself in. While Shikamaru didn't have the heightened smell or hearing of Kiba he did know how to use what he had, and his high intelligence came in handy when a puzzle was presented to him. And what a puzzle he had on his hands at the moment. Whatever had been outside Sakura's apartment had not been a mere animal, no. This was a fellow shinobi, and the skills they had to utilize to keep themselves hidden narrowed the list down to who it had to be. He knew Sakura was an exceptional medic by far and she had her share of people coming in at all hours of the day and night to be healed. Mostly on account of the older generation being allergic to the hospital and that had influenced the younger ones to follow in the same footsteps. So in order to keep up with the flow Lady Tsunade had given Sakura permission and hospital supplies for her to have her own clinic room. And being one of Konoha's top strategists Shikamaru was privy to strictly need to know information, including knowing all the shinobi currently employed within Konoha, brought him first hand knowledge of the Elite and just who preferred the hospital and who had an aversion to it.
Sakura was such an exceptional medic that she had the clearance to treat even ANBU operatives. It was no surprise just how high Lady Tsunade held Sakura's abilities considering it was she who taught her. Over the years she had grown close to the pinkette and now considered her an adoptive daughter, second to only Shizune, her first apprentice. So it wouldn't have surprised him if he sensed a fellow shinobi outside her apartment who could have possibly been waiting before she was alone to seek her help. No, what did surprise him was the animosity he felt directed at him. Oh he knew Sakura was everyone's sweetheart, constantly helping those who needed it, so there was no way that was aimed at her. Question now was, what on earth had he done to piss them off and why did they continue to linger when they weren't seeking medical attention.
So many questions and no answers in sight. He sighed stirring the broth as his mind continually went over every possibility. Perhaps it had only been a one time thing, a mere coincidence. He snorted, yeah and as Ino would say, perhaps Tonton would spontaneously sprout wings and fly around Tsunade's head. He knew this would bug him until he could figure it out, but until then he wouldn't mention it to Sakura, she didn't need anymore stress at the moment. Another piece to a seemingly bigger puzzle that continued to elude him. But for now Sakura is the main concern.
Her behavior at most was erratic, especially when left alone and he wondered just how long it would take for her emotions to overflow into her work at the hospital. He had no clue just how she managed to hold herself together for so long without any kind of help but he could tell the burden was weighing heavily upon her slender shoulders. Shika did wonder when she'd gotten so good at hiding her inner turmoil since she was always a horrible liar, even when he'd known her when they both attended the academy. He supposed she developed the skills out of necessity over the years and now it had become like second nature to fall back under that guise instead of facing the truth. He knew sooner or later she would break down and hopefully he could be there to help put her back together again. He shook his head sadly thinking back to when she was just about to tell him something big, when she'd passed out from exhaustion.
'I guess she'll tell me when she's ready. Speaking of which, I think she's been in there long enough. I don't want her to be alone for too long lost in her thoughts. That never seems to end well.' He moved to the bathroom door and listened for a second, noticing it was way too quiet in there he knocked and called out.
"Hana? You've been in there for an hour now so I'm sure you're clean enough. Come on out and eat so we can get you back to bed." He waited a minute before he heard a muffled, "Alright, be out in a sec," Come through the door. He was determined to be there for her untill she could find the strength to stand on her own, and yet he knew he would have a hard time letting her stand on her own without him there.
Kakashi's POV
He was by no means a dense man. Kakashi could tell she was furious just by looking at her. If it wasn't the tick in her eyebrow that gave it away or the pursed lips, it certainly could've been the way she was grasping onto that heavy paperweight like she was trying to squeeze the juice from a lemon that was a dead giveaway. It was a pretty good bet that she hadn't had a very good day by the numerous holes in the wall behind him, or the extreme fish eye she was fixing upon his person. Also given the time, she usually would've been half in the bag already, but he guessed Shizune had confiscated all her sake yet again, hence the short temper pointed at him.
He probably could've prevented irritating her further if he would've used the door like a normal person instead of walking up the side the tower and climbing in the window. But, one he wasn't normal and two he just wouldn't feel right if he didn't drive her up the wall and have to dodge projectiles like his life depended on it, and most times it did. It also didn't help matters that his brain had been millions of miles away as he walked on autopilot not really paying much attention to where he was going, only to find himself at the base of the Hokage tower. He blinked and shrugged figuring now was as good a time as any to report to the Hokage. It wasn't his fault that it was past two in the morning, he hadn't exactly been paying attention to the time. It had been only by the natural instinct of preserving his own life that he'd ducked that first missile, a stapler if he recalled correctly, as it embedded itself into the drywall, narrowly missing taking out his good eye. After a good 10 minutes of tongue lashing, to which he'd stood there emotionless managing to let it go in one ear and out the other she finally let him give her the rundown of his mission. But by then he was too deep into the conversation within his own mind to really care what drivel passed his lips.
He honestly couldn't understand it, or perhaps somewhere deep down he didn't want to. The unsettling tight feeling in his chest from seeing Shikamaru laying alongside Sakura on her bed. At the time it had screamed intimate, among other things. He knew something had been wrong with her before he'd left and she'd obviously gotten worse over the time he'd been gone. So, his natural curiosity had led him to find out what and maybe the nagging voice in his head that reminded him of just how he'd let her down as a genin had a bit to do with it. But what he couldn't explain was the deep feeling of anger that had seized his chest and made it damn near hard to breath when he'd witnessed what he had through Sakura's balcony doors. The feeling was wholly different from the rush of adrenaline and anger from the midst of battle and he honestly couldn't remember ever feeling this before. That tightness that refused to lesson as he'd almost jumped over there and made a complete ass of himself. Kakashi had never been one to fly off the handle, but what he'd witnessed set his blood boiling and his heart thundering in his ears.
Subtly he shifted from one foot to the other as he reevaluated and tried to categorize the shifting emotions swirling around inside his head. He could try and pass off the feeling as being a fluke, nothing more than a one time thing. He was a master at not only hiding from others but also bottling up any and all emotions, shoving them into the deepest, darkest hole he could find. But somehow he knew that burying this would only come back later to bite him on the ass with a vengeance. The thought of just forgetting it, leaving well enough alone was tempting and yet he just couldn't let it go. Not without finding out once and for all just what the hell was going on.
Throughout his life Kakashi hadn't been one to develop any kind of relationships past the comrades he found in his fellow shinobi, or even the casual acquaintances of higher ups. Besides the occasional one night stand to relieve tensions or his ever present dirty novels, he hadn't had the inclination nor time to even consider such frivolities.
The thought of just what these foreign feelings might mean to him was something that terrified the usually unshakable shinobi to his core. He wasn't immune to feeling the occasional attraction to the opposite sex and he knew what lust was and yet he could tell this went beyond those shallow concepts. But even thinking of venturing there, into that unknown territory made his stomach bottom out and a cold sweat plaster his back. He never once considered finding someone to have as a companion for whatever little days he had left in his dangerous profession. But the feeling of protectiveness that exploded within his chest was like prodding a long dead horse. Initially thought to never be resurrected, but stranger things have happened.
So lost in his thoughts he blinked and found himself in front of his apartment door without even realizing he'd left the tower and made his way across the village. That kind of inattention was dangerous to someone like him and if he'd been on a mission it would've spelled a messy end to his existence. Silently he shook his head and dispelled the jutsu before opening the worn out door, cringing as the hinges protested loudly and added an oiling to his mental list of things had to do now that he was home. He slipped off his sandals and unzipped his flak vest, draping it over the back of his ratty couch as he made a beeline towards his room.
Slipping off his hitai-ate he rubbed his eyes tiredly, before glancing at the only plant on his windowsill. A cactus dubbed Mr. Ukki had definitely looked better as it stood staring out the window looking like it was barely holding onto the last dredges of its life. He honestly couldn't remember where he'd gotten the thing as he had no more of a green thumb then Tsunade had the inclination to stop drinking and gambling. But the thing had more lives than an alleyway cat. No amount of neglect on his part had killed the sturdy thing off and he doubted anything less than the apartment exploding around it would dent the thing. But he'd grown a subtle respect for the stubbornness of the plant as it refused to give up over the years. Even after half a year of not watering it, its needles falling off at an alarming rate, it still hung on and refused to throw in the towel. In some ways he could relate to the plant. Prickly to outsiders, stubborn to a fault and utterly refusing to die without a fight. A deep yawn escaped his lips as he shuffled into the bathroom and poured a glass of water, making his way tiredly back to the clearly parched plant and giving it a much needed drink.
Stripping off his pants and undershirt Kakashi didn't even bother to crawl under his shuriken print comforter, opting instead to flop down like a fish on land. He buried his head into his pillow and let out a deep sigh, content enough to succumb to the overwhelming blackness overtaking his senses. But with the blackness came the shadows therein and he knew no matter what, nothing could keep them at bay for long. So he embraced it and didn't fight the long dead ghosts of his past rushing up through the inky darkness to meet him. Perhaps one day he could sleep peacefully, he just knew it probably wouldn't be in this lifetime.
(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯)
