Author's note: Slight warning in advance, because this chapters contains a few hints to a mature theme. It really doesn't go all that far, but a warning never hurt anyone, right?
Dedication: To GirlMarauderJonas, cheers!
Disclaimer: Rien, nothing, nada etcetera…
Six: Under Pressure
Mary was still staring at her ghostly white reflection by the time she heard a quiet knock on the front door. She didn't move, not even when it opened with a soft squeaky sound. Her body remained in the same position as it had been since the moment she found out she was pregnant. She could not explain it, but for some reason this state of shock was keeping her calm; she knew that the moment she moved her bemused state mind would shoot back into gear and make her most recent discovery definite. And Mary may not know everything, but she was quite sure she preferred thinking this was all just a very bad dream.
Which is why she did not respond to her guest, not even when it turned out to be Fabio. "Mary?" he asked, still standing in the doorway.
When she didn't reply, he walked inside and, as he held up a brown paper bag, said: "Bacon and omelette-sandwich, which is the one and only true remedy to cure a hangover. I asked Natalya to make you one with extra bacon so that the salt can…"
His voice faltered when he noticed Mary was still in her nightgown and staring into the mirror. "Er… right," he said after a pause. "Slightly dishevelled look you've got going there, but I think I can dig that… eventually."
Mary, realizing the spell of her trance was already broken anyway, finally turned towards him. "What are you doing here?" she asked hoarsely.
He grinned. "A lovely good morning to you too. I thought we agreed to pay the stables a visit, but considering the state we were in last night, I wouldn't be surprised if I made that part up. I don't exactly remember what last night was all about, that Firewhiskey is some hellish drink! Now, I was also feeling like crap earlier, but Natalya's food works miracles. So eat that up and then we can g-"
"I'm not hungry."
"You may not be now, but when you take the first bite of this… Better be quick, though, it's still warm."
Mary pinched her eyes shut, hardly noticing her nails were still digging into the flesh of her wrist. Eating a bacon and omelette-sandwich was about the last thing on her mind right now. She turned back to the mirror and heaved a few deep sighs, trying to push back the renewed rush of panic that was rising up in her throat. Fabio finally seemed to realize something was wrong. He put the bag down on the coffee table and stepped up to her. "Hey, are you alright?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.
She looked at him with watery eyes. "No," she whispered back. "I am not."
"What's going on?"
Mary hesitated for a moment but then slowly stopped digging her nails into her wrist and held it up to Fabio's face. He blinked a few times, looking confused, but contrary to Sirius he did recognize the blue spot for what it was. "Wha- Are you… meu Deus, are you pregnant?"
It was even more confronting to hear someone else say it. Mary sniffed and nodded and as she crossed her arms, she realized that her arms were shaking. Fabio gazed at her with an open mouth until something seemed to click inside his brain. He jumped back in alarm, knocking over the coffee table in the process. Mary looked at him in shock, but he continued to walk backwards. "Ehm," he mumbled, holding up his hands. "How could this- I mean, last night… Did we…?"
She could not believe her own ears. What exactly was he implying here? "What?" she shrieked, looking horrified. "No, of course not!"
Fabio relaxed instantly. "Oh, good."
His reaction angered Mary even more. She knew it was wrong to scold him for something he had absolutely nothing to do with, but he was the only one around and she needed to vent her frustration on someone. "Jezus, you're a freaking idiot!" she called angrily. "Do you actually think I could be confirmed pregnant that soon?"
"Er no, well, I was just thinking…"
"-And are you saying that "if" we had sex," Mary continued, feeling even more annoyed, "you wouldn't even remember the next day?"
"Oh believe me, sleeping with you is definitely something I would remember, cherish even. But it's just that when I get really pissed I usually have forgotten everything by the time I wake up the next day. Seriously," he continued quickly when he noticed Mary was starting to look a little less angry. "They could drown me in Veritaserum and I would not be able to recall it."
"So you remember nothing of last night?"
"Not much, just that we were drinking on your porch and talked a lot. Did I explain when and how I got on the ranch?"
She nodded and he smiled wryly. "Yeah, I thought so." He took a few steps forward until he was standing in front of her. "It's okay, though. I want you to know. So it's Black's, then?"
Mary looked at him and didn't know what to reply to that. She didn't know if she could have if she wanted to, her vocal cords once again seemed blocked by the familiar rush of panic. And she knew that this time, she was not going to be able to push it away. Not when she was just realizing this was no dream after all. She was pregnant and the father of this child would not be around to help; heck, he did not even know he was becoming a dad for the second time. Would he care at all if he knew? Mary put a shaking hand to her forehead and noticed she was trembling on her legs. "What am I gonna do now?" she whispered, more to herself than to Fabio.
He opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again before actually saying it. Tears were falling down Mary's cheeks and she closed her eyes in an attempt to make the dancing spots in front of her disappear. This didn't happen; she was starting to feel dizzy and had to hold on to the heavy mirror in order to stay on her feet. This only worked for a few seconds before the mirror came down with a loud crash and Mary's legs gave way under her. Fabio jumped forward and caught her only just in time. He dropped down to his knees as he pulled her close to him; for a moment they just sat on the floor, surrounded by about a hundred pieces of glass, twinkling in the morning sunlight.
Mary clung on to his neck and cried in the presence of someone else for the first time since she had arrived on the ranch. Because of what had happened to her and her friends, of not knowing how she should feel about Sirius, of the injustice of it all, of getting pregnant without planning it again, of hating her life and everything in it and finally: hating herself for feeling this way. Fabio said nothing for a long time; he merely held her and stroke her back in a soothing manner. But after another while, he gently pushed her back up and put a cool hand against her cheek. "It's going to be okay," he said softly. "We'll figure something out."
She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "How? How on earth is this going to be okay?"
Fabio shot her a long look while biting his lip and he was about to answer when they heard the sound of crying coming from the bedroom. Looked like Erin had decided to wake up again. Mary suppressed a groan and took a deep breath before trying to get to her feet, but Fabio stopped her. "I'll take care of that," he said calmly while getting up. "You go and take a shower. We'll talk about what we're going to do later."
He reached for his wand and waved it around. The pieces of glass flew back together and into the frame, making the mirror look as impeccable as before. Mary shot him a grateful look. "Thanks, I better go freshing up then. I bet I smell like I spent the night in the dustbin."
Fabio smiled. "Your words, not mine."
He pulled her back up and kept his hands on hers for a moment. "Not feeling dizzy anymore?"
Mary shook her head. "No, it's gone. For now, that is."
She slowly released herself from his grip and headed towards the bathroom while Fabio walked to the bedroom to check on Erin. When Mary returned to the living room (with wet hair and wearing fresh clothes) a little while later, she found Fabio and her daughter in the kitchen. He was sitting on one of the stools with the baby on his lap and repeatedly blew against her nose; Erin was crowing with joy and she pushed her little fingers to his lips. Mary hastily pushed back a recent memory of Sirius and Erin in the exact same position and walked over to them. "Hey," Fabio said when he spotted her.
Erin reached out her arms to her mother and Mary gently took the baby from him. "She's quite the squealer, this kid of yours," he said as he watched her kiss Erin's head.
Mary smiled back weakly. "She's teething."
"Ah, that explains a lot."
"Yeah, the crying is even worse than before, and that is saying something, I can tell you."
"I can imagine. Listen," he said as he got up from his chair, "the bacon and omelette-sandwich is a lost case, but you really must eat something before we go."
She frowned at him. "Go where?"
"The stables! Roberto told me you grew up on a farm with horses, so a visit might take your mind of things for a moment. Besides, I have to know if you know a way of dealing with that insufferable excuse of an Unicorn in box 14."
"You mean Pegasus?"
"Yes! I swear that if that stallion remains this unmanageable, I will send him straight to the nearest butcher and have him made into a shaslick for the next annual barbecue on the ranch."
Mary failed to hold back a laugh. "He cannot be that bad."
"Well, let's find out, shall we?"
"But I cannot leave Erin behind… Is Natalya around?"
"No, she and Roberto are off for business till later this afternoon, but we could ask Fi to look after Erin."
Mary arched an eyebrow. "Fiona?"
Fabio nodded, unaware of the scepticism in her voice. "She takes care of the little twins all the time." He conjured a bowl of chopped fresh tropical fruit. "Have this on the way to Fiona," he said, handing the bowl to Mary. "You eat, and I'll carry Erin."
They arrived at the stables about an hour later. Fabio waved at Sayid and Eduardo on the way, who were on horseback and busy driving a small group of cows and their calves down a steep slope. He was the first one to enter the stables and Mary followed him inside. She wasn't sure what to expect, but her jaw literally dropped when she established the vastness of the room; from outside the stables resembled a poor and old-looking barn, but in reality the magical building was bigger than the Great Hall of Hogwarts and looked liked it could fit over sixty horses. Each and every one of the boxes was roomy and well maintained. The wooden door and walls of the boxes were topped with a rich layer of green and gold paint. Mary was still looking around in awe when Fabio noticed her astonished gaze and laughed. "Not quite what you expected, is it?"
"Er… no," she admitted, turning red. "I didn't mean-"
"I know you didn't. There is no real reason for making the stables look like a ruin from outside. Roberto just feels we shouldn't brag over the current prosperity of the ranch and I agree. Ah, here we are."
They paused in front of a box numbered "fourteen" (along with the name Pegasus which was engraved into the wood below) right next to a small room with a water pump and food supplies. The beautiful magical creature inside was snoozing in a corner, but this all changed the minute he was realizing Fabio was standing in front of his box. The Unicorn jumped forward and menacingly pushed his horn through the bars. Mary instinctively took a step backwards and Fabio scowled at the stallion. "Bloody moron," he muttered darkly before walking into the room with food supplies.
"You're giving him oat?" Mary asked curiously when she watched Fabio loading a bucket with food.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well, he's already feeling restless and oat will make him even more worked up. You should try bix instead."
Fabio shot her a long look before he nodded slowly. "You may be onto something there. Alright then, let's do this."
They walked back to Pegasus's box. The stallion snorted angrily and banged the hoofs of his front legs on the ground. "Why don't you let me?" Mary asked.
"Are you sure? He could seriously injure you with his horn and in your current condition..."
"I'm sure," she nodded, not taking her eyes of the Unicorn as she attentively watched the animal's behaviour. "He's just trying to overawe us a bit. He's not going to attack me."
"If you're sure," Fabio said, still not entirely convinced. He handed her the bucket of food and she walked up to the door and opened it.
For a moment she half-expected Pegasus to burst out of the box and undermining her theory, but he didn't. Instead the stallion backed away until he was standing at the very end of the stable. Mary stepped inside and almost closed the door behind her, keeping her eyes on the Unicorn the entire time. Making sure she was not making any sudden movements, she slowly moved forward till she was standing in front of him. Pegasus eyed her suspiciously, but did not move. Mary stretched out her arm and held her hand in front of the Unicorn's nose. The stallion sniffed it a few times before he softly licked the salt of her palm.
"What are you doing?" Fabio asked, sounding worried.
"Letting him get used to the smell of me."
"But he could bite you!"
"Not when you're keeping your hand as vertical as this," Mary replied, smiling slightly.
Pegasus was now done with licking her hand and had lowered his head to the bucket in Mary's other hand. "Oh, you're hungry now, aren't you?" she asked softly.
She carried the bucket to the wall and put it down next to the bucket of water. Pegasus had obediently followed her and started to eat hungrily. Mary softly stroke the stallion's silvery manes for a moment before she slowly walked out of the box, wiping her hands on her jeans in the process. Fabio was staring at a peaceful Unicorn having dinner with his mouth hanging wide open. "How in the name of Merlin did you do that?"
"I came in carrying a white flag, didn't you see?"
"No seriously, that is an entirely different animal. I have been working with horselike creatures for years, but I could never make it work with this one. What is your secret?"
"I approached him with an open mind. No really," she said when she saw the incredulous look on his face, "Unicorns are even more sensitive at detecting a person's feelings than ordinary horses. And you obviously dislike him. Admittedly, Unicorns – especially stallions – are less hostile to women than men. That said, why are you keeping an Unicorn anyway?"
Fabio leaned back against the door of the opposite box. "To protect an endangered species."
"Endangered?" Mary frowned. "There are hundreds of Unicorn herds in England alone."
"In Britain yes, but over here Unicorns are rarely seen. Which is why we keep one herd here on the ranch, just in case."
"So where are the other Unicorns?"
"Outside. Last time I saw the mares and foals they were sheltering from the sun under a group of trees near a shallow pool."
"The mares and their foals?" Mary snorted. "So that's why Pegasus here is getting all worked up! You separated him from his girls."
Fabio laughed. "Only temporarily," he said as he started to walk back to the entrance of the stable. "Come, the main house is not far from here. Let's get ourselves a glass of iced water and lemon."
When they walked into the kitchen of the main house it appeared to be empty. Fabio told Mary to sit down and relax while he was fetching them some drinks. She looked around the room and realized she hadn't been here since the night that horrible edition of the Daily Prophet arrived. That night when she thought things could not possibly get any worse. How very wrong she had been…
Mary sighed and forced herself to think off anything but her recently discovered pregnancy. However, this was an impossible task when Fabio returned with the drinks. "There you go," he said as sat down on the edge of the table and looked at her. "You should drink a lot, especially with…" He made a half-heartened gesture to her flat stomach and Mary resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
"I know," she said shortly before gulping down half of her glass in one go. The water was so cold it made her throat hurt. "I've been through all that before, remember?"
"Yeah, but even so: you've been drinking a lot of alcohol these past few days, so I'm thinking litres of water should be the perfect remedy. After all, pregnant women shouldn't drink great amounts of alcohol."
"Who's pregnant?"
They jerked up their heads. Jonathan, carrying two baskets full of lemons, peaches and mango's, was standing in the doorway. He walked inside and put the baskets on the table before looking down at a shocked Mary and Fabio. "Come on, I can keep a secret," he grinned, interpreting their flustered faces the wrong way. "Who's the lucky lady?"
Mary's brains were working at full speed to come up with a clever lie, but she made the mistake of looking up at Jonathan, who knew her pretty well and whose eyes were now widening with shock. "Nooooo…" he gasped.
"Jonathan," Fabio said placidly.
But Jonathan was already clapping his hand to his mouth. "Oh. My. God," he panted, pointing at her. "You're pregnant?!"
Mary exchanged a glance with Fabio before shooting Jonathan a pleading look. "Please don't tell-"
"-You've got to be kidding me!" Jonathan cried, flapping his hand in front of his face in an attempt to calm himself down, before continuing to jabber: "Pregnant, from Black? Are you serious? I mean, you clearly were with Sirius, but pregnant? From him, now? Merlin's Beard, that is messed up!"
"Jonathan…" Fabio said warningly.
He rolled his eyes and sat down. "Alright, alright. Geez, keep your pants on," he muttered, looking a bit annoyed.
"With you in the room I most definitely will," Fabio replied dryly before turning back to Mary. "Listen, we'll talk about this later, alright? I have four horses to train before dinner, so I must go." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "We'll figure this out, I promise."
He shot her one last pointed look before getting up, snatching a peach from Jonathan's basket and walking outside without another word. Mary continued to stare at an old wine spot on the table, postponing the moment of having to look up as long as possible. At last, when the repeated coughs and sighs were getting on her nerves, she looked up and met Jonathan's curious gaze. "What?!" she snapped.
"Is it really true? Are you… pregnant?"
She sniffed. "Yes."
"Of him?"
She merely nodded.
"You're pretty screwed, then."
Mary groaned and dropped her head to her arms. She wished she could roll up like a ball in a corner, fall asleep and only wake up when all of this didn't happen after all. She would be back home, safely sleeping in Sirius's arms and later that day she and Lily would take Harry and Erin out for a walk in Hyde Park. But she knew that it was reality that had turned into the dream, and not the other way around.
"So what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know," she mumbled.
"You aren't considering to keep the baby, right?"
Mary shrugged. "It's not like I have other options."
"Of course you do," Jonathan said resolutely. "Do you want to have this baby or not?"
"No," she replied instantly and immediately felt guilty. "Yes… I don't know!"
"Well, I think you shouldn't," he said after another pause. "You're already forced to bring up one child without a father, although all things considered… Erin should be glad she'll never know that crazed mass-murderer…"
Mary slowly lifted her head from her arms. "I'm not even sure Sirius is guilty, Jonathan."
He stared at her and for a moment Mary thought she could see that he was considering to smack some sense into her, but he restrained himself. Instead, he managed to conjure a smile on his face. "Okay, but we're not talking about that here. Do you really want to bring another kid into the world with such a cursed ancestry, Mary?"
She tiredly massaged her temples. "Why are you saying this?"
He shrugged indifferently. "Just throwing in my two cents. I think you're a mindless fool if you keep this baby, but that's me. And what do I know?"
Mary looked at him and frowned thoughtfully. Was Jonathan right? Would it be better to break off the pregnancy and be done with it? Erase any further evidence that would lead back to her past with Sirius Black? They remained sitting there for a long time; she and Jonathan did not speak another word to each other and only looked up when Roberto and Natalya walked into the kitchen, each of them carrying baskets and bags of food supplies. Both of them jumped up to help them unpack. Mary assisted Roberto and when he kindly asked her how she was doing, she lied. He continued to talk about the main things that needed to be done on the ranch, so she did not notice when Jonathan ushered Natalya to follow him to Roberto's study room.
They did not come back till an hour later when all the groceries had been cleared away and Roberto was playing a game of cards with Mary and Fabio and Sayid, who had returned from the stables together. Sayid had won three games in a row and Mary noticed Roberto did not stand losing well. Contrary to Fabio, who was joking he never understood anything about this card game anyway. "Having fun?" Natalya asked Roberto when she appeared next to Mary's seat.
Her husband muttered something about an unfair game and lousy cards and she smiled. "I can see that," she said before looking at Mary. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Er alright," Mary replied, exchanging a worried glance with Fabio, who was looking just as surprised. But as she followed Natalya out of the kitchen his eyes slowly shifted to Jonathan who was trying a little too hard to solve the crossword puzzle in the Daily Prophet. And everyone knew he hated crossword puzzles.
But Mary had already entered the study room. Natalya beckoned her to sit down. She herself had already sat down on the other side of the desk. "How are you holding up?" she asked when Mary had lowered herself into one of the arm chairs.
"I'm fine," Mary replied a little too quickly and Natalya raised her eyebrows.
"I'll be frank with you, Mary," she said. "I am not good at chit-chat. I rather cut right to the chase and have it over with. When did you discover you are pregnant?"
Mary looked stunned. "Wha- How did you…?" It was at that moment that she remembered Jonathan helped Natalya with unpacking the groceries and she huffed. "That vile git…."
"Well, that "vile git" may have done you a big favour. How are you feeling?"
"Er, I don't know. Confused, mostly. Occasionally nauseated. But I just can't get my head around the fact that I got pregnant. I mean, how is that even possible?"
A tiny smile crept onto the woman's face. "Ah… Well Mary, when a guy and a girl like each other very much, they tend to undress each other and-"
"Yes, I see your point!" Mary cried, unable to hide a smile herself as she held up her hand in protest.
"Did you use protection?"
"Of course. Ever since Erin "happened" we've been very careful."
"I see, but even a contraception spell isn't flawless. The caster could be a little distracted while performing the spell, the incantation might be pronounced incorrectly…"
"Or maybe I'm just this superfertile woman," Mary interrupted.
Natalya chuckled. "I sincerely doubt that, but alright… Either way, what are you going to do about this?"
"I thought I didn't have a choice."
"You always have a choice, Mary."
Natalya shot her a expectant look and Mary sighed. "I… I don't know. And what do you know about it?"
"Quite a lot, if I say so myself."
"But… No offence, but you're a housewife."
"I am now, but I used to work as an Obstetrics Healer."
"Oh."
"Like I was saying, Mary, you are welcome to have this baby and there'll always be room on this ranch to let your children grow up here safely. All I'm saying is that you need to thoroughly think this through before making up your mind. There is still time to break off the pregnancy, but rather sooner than later."
"Do you think..?"
"I think absolutely nothing about this," she replied calmly. "This must and will be your decision, but whatever you decide upon, I will respect it.
Mary swallowed with difficulty. She hated to admit it, but it was hard to not feel tempted by Natalya's words. "I… But the baby, will it feel anything?"
"Not a thing." Natalya got up from her seat and pulled a glass flask from the pocket of her dress. It was filled with a liquid that resembled the dark ground of a ditch: not exactly a tasty drink, but it would have a dark purpose after all. Natalya poured the potion into a cupper goblet (the content hissed ominously) and put it down in front of Mary. "I will leave you now," she said and briefly placed her hand on Mary's shoulder before leaving the room and quietly closing the door behind her.
Mary stared at the goblet in front of her for a while. Not only did the draft look like bottom of a ditch, it smelled like it too. Nevertheless, she would be lying if she said she wasn't tempted by swallowing the potion down and end her agony. Jonathan may have had a better take on things than she did earlier that afternoon. How on earth was she supposed to deal with another pregnancy? To burden this unborn child with the same dark history Erin was going to deal with eventually. Or would there be a way to keep the truth about their father from them forever?
She sighed and shook her head, knowing that was not the case. There would be questions about their missing dad eventually, she knew that all too well. Mary stared down into the goblet. Drinking up this smelly sludge would at least make things a little less hard than they were now. The potion hissed and a dark spiral of smoke came up and reached her nostrils. Mary gagged, how was she supposed to keep a potion like this inside? She rested her head in her hands and felt a sudden rush of nausea wash over her; it was like the unborn child was trying to have a say in this as well.
But then… It wasn't this child's fault that its father may have committed a terrible crime and forced its mother to flee the country. She closed her eyes and forced herself to listen to her body, it was giving her a clear sign. Do not break off this pregnancy. You will regret it if you do… Mary put a hand over her abdomen and almost smiled. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Sorry for considering to give you up. And for almost killing you with my binge drinking of the last few days," she added as an afterthought. Mary got up from her chair and picked up the goblet. She cast one last look at the ominously hissing potion before resolutely casting the whole lot into the fireplace and heading outside, the empty goblet still in her hand, entirely ignorant about the blackish content which had landed on the pile of wood in the fireplace and was hissing and smoking as it slowly started to dissolve the bark.
********** End of Update **********
* Song from the title: Under Pressure by David Bowie/Queen.
