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For my crazy friend Darth Videtur:
Drabble Challenge: Palpatine/Darth Vader
Theme: Break Me
Verse: Movies/Clone Wars/Canon/Legends-EU
Timeframe: Early Empire Era
"Is… regret an emotion that the Sith are allowed to feel, Master?"
The question catches Sidious by surprise, first because it comes during the deep cycle of their joint meditation, and second, because the emotion in question is one he personally never experiences.
They are seated in the small, cool chamber across from each other in the standard poses of meditation. The lights are dimmed low, the Dark Side strong and covetous in this place.
He lifts one weathered brow to the question but otherwise remains still. "Do you still remember my teachings, before the birth of our Empire, Lord Vader?"
Vader's mask tilts down. "You taught me many things in that time, Master." As if it were so far away and not a mere space of time…
"Of course," he nods. "Recall then, our discussion on the nature of the differences between Jedi and Sith. Of the power Sith have over Jedi, who fear to experience the passion of the Dark Side."
"Yes, my master," Vader's breath remains steady, but Sidious senses the impatience in him. The younger man has never been a knowledge seeker, and this glaring personality flaw has left him missing the point again.
He waits in silence, sickly golden eyes never leaving his apprentice.
Vader's monstrous form shifts, then settles. He realizes now that his master is displeased. The stillness he adopts must strain at the joints where flesh and metal meet, but he makes no more attempts. Sidious makes no attempt to spare him. The empty air becomes stifling.
Finally, satisfied, Sidious continues his thoughts. "The spectrum of experience, Lord Vader. Joy to despair. Life to death. A Sith does not fear these things, and in fact embraces every aspect of it. We do not fear our emotions. We use them, much as we use everything else around us to bring ourselves where we must be."
Vader's respirator clicks evenly into the silence.
Sidious sighs. "The Jedi deconstructed you worse than you thought, Lord Vader. Rules, expectations, destiny. They did their utmost to turn you into something… inhuman. But they failed, did they not?"
He releases a memory of his own, of Senator Padme Amidala young and beautiful, the perfect bait to dangle in front of a confused young man. For that is what his apprentice still is, as evidenced by his amusing little question.
He feels Vader latch on to the memory like a drowning man, before Sidious looks at him and Vader reluctantly lets it dissipate into the nothingness it always was.
Sidious smiles with no intention to comfort. "To be human is to dwell with emotion. Emotions are not forbidden us, Lord Vader. You loved her once." Once. Now your soul will forever dwell in darkness, where her spirit, if it even still exists, will never dare to tread. I would hardly call that regrettable.
Vader looks to the floor, and when he speaks his voice gives nothing away. "So it is permissible." Vader's mask is inscrutable, but as ever Sidious sees through the flimsy barriers and into his apprentice's soul. He still pines after her, looking for some external confirmation of his internal misery, Sidious notes, faint disgust curling his upper lip.
If Vader seeks his blessing in this matter, he will wait a long time.
Sidious rises in a swift and graceful movement that belies his frail outward appearance. A touch of the Force prompts his apprentice to lumber to his feet. "Permissible is far from recommended, Lord Vader. The emotion of regret is weakness and will not serve you well in this time. It can drive away your focus and throw you at the mercy of the past. You and I, we have the future to look to."
"Of course, Master." The reply is too rote, too automatic.
So Sidious presses him, touching his shoulder in a warped parody of their days in the Chancellor's office, not so long ago. "The past holds only dead Jedi, thanks in large part to you, my friend."
Vader stiffens at the memories his master's words have stirred. Looking up at his protégé, Sidious is reminded of himself long ago, when the tall old Muun stood over him on the freezing jagged peaks and smiled cruelly down. "Tell me again…"
He pushes against the other Sith in the eddies of the Force, faintly concerned by the rigid set of the broad shoulders. "Regret is an emotion of the past, so let your regret turn to curiosity, the sickness in your heart to hunger. The future is for us, the living Sith."
"Yes, Master," Vader murmurs as much as his brutal vocoder can match his old voice; it is a broken parody instead.
Sidious glances sharply at his apprentice, probing for the cracks in the dark energy. There is no light of the Force here, only a simmering bloody swirl of shade. Satisfied, he decides to end the meditation early with a carefully pointed barb and one last friendly pat on the armored shoulder. "You are young, Lord Vader, and already filled with so much regret. This should not be. You must remind yourself that all was for the best…even her."
"…I can't have your will tempered by feelings of regret or compassion…"
Vader does not, will not reply to the taunt, bowing his dark head, and Sidious ignores the small rebellion. Give it time, and the young fool will forget. He begins to walk from the chambers, feeling the massive presence of his apprentice faithfully at his right shoulder, the steady hiss of the respirator. The intermediary doors slice open, allowing the two to return to the Palace Core.
As they walk quietly through the silent halls, he is not entirely surprised when Vader eventually renews the issue. "I am honored by your teachings, of course, my Master. You speak with wisdom." Sidious ignores the flattery and waits for the rest.
"Have you also ever had cause to… regret?" Vader is hesitant, as if finally fearing that he has over-stepped his bounds as the learner, but Sidious can tell: Vader has not asked the question. A boy, desperate for affection and confirmation, has asked, a boy who should have been destroyed long ago but is yet tangled in the dark mind of his apprentice.
"Regret?" Sidious growls into the pregnant silence.
Vader's fear grows. Sidious absently thinks Vader will need to see that the boy dies soon, whatever is left of him.
"Forgive me, Master. I misspoke," Vader rumbles at last.
Sidious does not take note of the apology, for his mind begins to drift. Screams of decades past waft faintly over the Force. His voice echoes in the small hallway, bereft of anger and soft and cold as freshly fallen snow. "Me? No, Lord Vader, I've had none." With the Empire a reality, the galaxy at his feet, and Lord Vader bound to his fate, the Emperor feels only the long awaited rush of simple, glorious power and the ever present edge of hunger, gnawing at him for more.
He can regret nothing.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The two quotes in italics come from the Darth Plagueis novel, in which Plagueis attempts to rip out any lingering regrets Palpatine had over his family's deaths. I've always been fascinated by that and other hints in the novel.
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