Title: Kids of War And Salt
Syn: Eren Jaeger is the newbie son of Ares, and a fine piece of War God ass. Mikasa Ackerman is the experienced daughter of Athena, and she does not want to admit that this fine piece of War God ass is, indeed, fine. Some dirty tricks in a crazy game of Capture The Flag may change that. (Percy Jackson AU)
"He's kinda hot, isn't he?"
Sasha Braus, daughter of Demeter, played with the bitten apple in her hand, drying it and making it juicier at will. Mikasa Ackerman, daughter of Athena, looked up from the ant bites on her calf.
"Who?" she asked.
Sasha took a bite of her apple, wiping her messy mouth with her forearm before pointing towards the Ares cabin. "New guy over there. The one who got claimed last night."
Mikasa squinted against the sun. "Eren Jaeger?"
"Yeah, him. I'd tap it." The apple dried out again. Sasha set it down into the grass, where it decomposed immediately.
"Hmm," her companion replied, glancing at the boy. Her gaze soon flicked to the strawberry fields.
"'Hmm'?" Sasha repeated. "What's that supposed to mean? The kid's a hunk of fine ass, in my humble opinion."
"Cheating on me, Sash?" Connie Springer, son of Hermes, took a seat next to Sasha. "And with that loser? The guy can't even win a fight against Annie."
"That's unfair," Sasha said. "Mortal or not, Annie could probably beat the shit out of Zeus himself."
"True, true," Connie agreed.
"Don't talk about Zeus like that," Mikasa muttered. "You know he's listening."
"Bullshit," came another voice. The three looked up as Jean Kirschtein, son of Zeus himself, plopped down into the grass beside them. "That old man doesn't even listen when you're talking straight to his face. All that 'the gods are watching' shit may be true with some gods, like Dionysus and Hera, but it sure as shit doesn't apply to Thunderbolt up there. Anyway, what're we looking at here?"
"Eren Jaeger's fine ass," Sasha answered.
Jean snorted. "If you count being a fuckup in every possible way as 'fine', then sure, pothead. Can't believe you guys thought he was my brother."
"You're both hella angry," Connie reminded him.
"And mean-looking," Sasha added.
"And he's stubborn, like your dad," Mikasa said.
Jean scoffed. "What, do you know him? Did you guys start dating or something?"
Mikasa rolled her eyes. "He got here, like, a week ago. Please. I've just seen him get into a ton of arguments with Erwin."
"You'd make a hot couple," Sasha said, smirking.
Mikasa stood. "Thanks, but no thanks."
"Where you going?" Connie asked.
"Back to my cabin. Armin needed some help with designing our strategy for the capture the flag tonight."
"Have fun trying to outwit me, Niece," Jean laughed.
"We're driving your ass into the ground, thunderhead," Mikasa returned.
"Is that a fact?"
"Damn straight it is."
Armin Arlert, son of Athena, was not where his sister thought he'd be.
Mikasa knew for a fact that Armin was terrified by the Ares kids. The grotesque boar's head above their door, their loud, chaotic music blasting all hours of the day, how they picked fights with anyone and everyone- she knew how it unsettled him, and she knew that, since he'd arrived at Camp Half-Blood, he'd been afraid of falling victim to one of their brutal attacks.
This is why, when she was told Armin had gone to the Ares cabin when he was supposed to be sitting at his desk waiting for her, Mikasa assumed the worst, grabbed her dagger, and marched toward that nasty boar's head, a bone-chilling glint in her eye.
Dozens of kids knowingly scrambled out of her path, from the tiny newbies to the muscular, shaven-headed old-timers.
"Where's my brother?" Mikasa asked sharply, dagger in hand.
"Th-the new kid's got him…." someone answered shakily.
"Jaeger?"
"Y-yeah."
"Where is he?" The dagger rose.
"The arena. Please don't hurt me."
Mikasa raised an eyebrow. "You guys on our side tonight?"
"Yeah," the cabin answered, fear in their voices. Mikasa sheathed her dagger, the storm in her eyes calming at last.
"Then you're safe for now. Get rest and nutrition. If we lose, it's on your asses."
"Yes, ma'am," they chorused.
Mikasa nodded and marched out, wondering how stupid this new kid was to try and pull shit like this. If Armin had a single scratch on him, she swore to the gods, Eren Jaeger would not be able to play that night. At least his siblings had had enough sense to tell her where he'd gone.
The arena. She gritted her teeth. Probably beating the shit out of him, then.
He'd get his share soon enough.
Once again, campers dutifully got their asses out of there once they caught sight of the legendary Mikasa Ackerman and her paralyzing death glare (and her sharp, sharp dagger).
She scanned the arena, stopping once she caught sight of Armin's unmistakable blond halo. He was lying on the ground. Eren Jaeger stood above him, the tip of his sword pressed against Armin's chest.
Without a thought, Mikasa jumped the bastard, pressing the edge of her dagger against his throat as he fell to the floor.
"What the fuck?!" he sputtered.
"Keep your grungy war claws off my brother," she snarled in reply. "If I ever see a scene like that again, your ass is going to be mounted on the side of my bunk. Got it, Jaeger?"
"Mikasa, wait, wait!" Armin objected, standing. "He was just training me. I wasn't in any danger, I promise."
She paused. Looked at Eren Jaeger.
"It's true."
He said that with eyebrows raised, still bewildered.
"You've only been here a week," was all she could think to say.
He rolled his eyes. "I've been training in martial arts since I was five, dude."
Reluctantly, Mikasa removed her dagger from his throat and stood, offering him a hand.
"I thought Ares kids scared you, Armin," she said as Eren grunted, pulling himself up.
He shrugged. "I met him before he was claimed."
"What a lucky thing you did," Eren said, grinning. "For your first time, you're doing pretty okay, my friend. You'll need to do some outside training, to get stronger and whatever, but you've got the technique down."
Armin grinned right back. "Thanks for doing this, Eren," he said. "And by the way, this is Mikasa. She's an Athena kid, too."
Eren squinted, rubbing his chin. "Would've pegged you as an Artemis girl."
Mikasa made a face. "Lady Artemis can't have kids," she reminded him.
Eren's ears turned pink. "Oh, yeah. But you're just so, like, strong. I guess."
"Well, Athena is a war goddess, but thanks for noticing anyway," she replied, sheathing her dagger once again. "That should work in your favor, seeing as I'm your captain tonight."
Eren blinked. "….Captain?"
"For capture the flag," Armin clarified. "Has no one told you?"
His face lit up. "Oh, I know capture the flag. But we're playing it tonight? Why did no one tell me?"
"They were probably going to prank you," Mikasa answered. "They do it with all of their newbies. Leave them alone in the cabin, and then 'kidnap' them, taking them to the arena in the middle of the night to fight the leaders. They get their ass kicked. Their siblings laugh. Then they're officially a member of their cabin."
Eren placed an astonished hand on his chest. "Well, then…..damn. Thanks for the warning, I guess."
"Don't mention it."
Armin sighed. "But if they all go back to get Eren….no, wait. They'll split up. Still, that's a heavy loss for our team. Who else do we have so far?"
"Apollo, Dionysus, Nemesis, Poseidon, and Hades."
"Ugh," he muttered, frowning. "We couldn't get Demeter? Or Hermes? Nyx?"
"Nope. Everyone's siding with Jean and Reiner."
"Well, we at least have Poseidon, Nemesis, and Hades. Not that I believe Bertholdt's going to show off anytime soon, but Isabel, at least, will. And we could use some power over the creek. Besides that, since we've got Levi, we should….oh. Oh, hold on. Armin's getting an idea."
Mikasa couldn't help but snort. "Mind sharing with your captain?"
"Sure…..let's go to the cabin, first. And Eren?"
Eren blinked, completely lost. "Um, yeah?" he replied.
Armin raised an eyebrow. "How good of an actor are you?"
Eren shifted nervously, his wrists aching and itching against the rope and the bark both. Damn, why'd he have to be so heavy?
And Hades, his siblings were loud. And annoying. Eren was beginning to hope Ares had made a mistake, and he was Zeus's kid after all. There were only, like, five kids in that whole cabin. Meanwhile, Ares apparently couldn't keep his War Rod in his pants.
And all of these kids he'd produced were pissed that Eren's new friends had foiled their plans.
"You're a snitch," one of them growled.
"A bitch," someone else added, elbowing Eren in the side. He winced.
"We should leave you here for the demons."
Everyone shouted in agreement.
"Don't you guys want to win?" Eren asked. "Like, if you leave me, the plan goes to shit."
Someone slapped him upside the head. "Fuck you. Hiding behind Athena kids like a bitch. Can't believe you're an Ares kid."
"Honestly."
Eren exhaled in relief. That meant they knew he was right. He would be okay.
Footsteps sounded in the distance. Eren's siblings grew much, much louder. Spearheads and swords and clubs prodded and smacked him all over.
"Over there!" someone yelled. Eren's shoe was torn from his foot.
"Fight us, kid!" his siblings shouted. "You coward!"
There was rustling ahead. The footsteps stopped. The blue team stared the Ares cabin in the eye.
The Ares kids raised their weapons, ready to fight. Eren tried his best to bite back a smirk, instead opting to look terrified and pathetic.
"Tormenting your own brother?" Ymir, daughter of Hermes, asked, squinting against the dark at Eren. "During the game?"
That's right, Eren thought. Take your time. Strike up a conversation. You're practically handing us the flag.
"No," answered one of his siblings.
Eren stiffened. Wait, what?
"Honestly, we were trying to draw you guys over here so your forces would be weakened back at your flag," he continued. "The Hades, Athena, and Poseidon cabins are all on their way right now."
"What are you doing?!" Eren exclaimed. "You're giving the entire plan away!"
"Is that so?" Ymir asked, smirking. "Why tell us, though?"
The boy grinned. "We're switching over. Ackerman disrupted our initiation ceremony. It's payback time."
"Krista and Connie, run back and tell Reiner," Ymir said. "Glad to have you aboard. You gonna let the newbie down now?"
Eren prayed to Zeus, squeezing his eyes tight.
Make them say yes, Zeus, show up and make them say yes, Zeus, they told me demons live out here, Zeus, please
"No way. The runt's still gotta pass initiation."
Eren squirmed furiously against the ropes holding him to the branch. "Oh, come on! This is some bullshit!"
"Don't be so upset, Eren," Ymir grinned. "You should be fine, so long as none of the venomous ones find you."
"The- the what?"
The entire crowd, traitors and enemies alike, laughed as Eren went pale. Then they left, save for a few who lingered behind to cut up their newest brother, smacking him with their club like a pinata and stealing his other shoe, slashing at his calf.
"I'd say the monsters are gonna smell you and come over," one of them said, "but you smell like ass, so I wouldn't worry."
He and the others chortled and followed after their team. Eren struggled against the ropes again, but damn, those kids could tie a knot.
Also, everything hurt.
Eren waited for a long, long time. His cuts stopped bleeding, clotting up and scabbing over. He began to shake uncontrollably, the night's chill soaking into his bones. He was sure his hands would detach from his wrists any second now.
And then, when he was sure he couldn't be any more miserable, he heard hissing.
Loud hissing.
Something extremely thick and smooth curled around his ankle. He yelped and yanked his leg away, his wrists burning with the movement. The thing found his leg again, sliding upward now, this time even quicker.
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, ohhh sHIT!" he sang, his stomach lurching. How was this okay? How was this a game of capture the flag? How the fuck did anyone expect him to survive this?
The thing stopped moving. A brief moment passed where Eren wondered what it was doing, but it was soon interrupted by the sensation of two hot, sharp daggers digging into his thigh. He screamed.
"Eren!" someone shouted in the distance. Leaves rustled. Branches snapped. Someone was breathing heavily.
Armin burst from the bushes, panting, his entire face bright red. He stiffened at the sight of the monster on Eren's leg, and then rushed to remove it.
"Oh my gods, Armin," Eren gasped, crying, "ohhh fuck this hurts so fucking much, oh my gods, I'm dead."
"Hold….still," Armin panted, gripping the thing's head. The was a sickeningcrack. The monster turned to sand.
"Py…thon…he's….grouchy….hungry…..not venomous…you're fine…..except the blood….I'll help you down."
And he did. Eren's wrists began to swell, his hands all pins and needles. "Where's Mikasa?" he asked.
"I'll…find her….you…use your shirt…..stop the bleeding….be back…." Armin managed.
As he jogged away, his entire body sagging and sweating, Eren did as he was told and removed his shirt, tying it tightly around his thigh.
Now what? he asked himself. Staying in the forest didn't seem all that safe, anymore. He had no weapons; he couldn't just go back into the game. And Armin was already looking for Mikasa.
Just as he took a seat in the crook of the nearest tree, he heard more rustling and snapping.
He looked up. It was Mikasa.
"Mikasa!" he shouted. "There you are. Armin left a minute ago to look for you. Is everything okay?"
She squinted at him. "Damn," she muttered. "Sasha was right. You're a fine piece of ass, Eren Jaeger."
His face heated. "Uh- what?"
Mikasa smiled. "You know," she said in a lilting voice, "I know this is all a hallucination, right? Must mean I really would tap that, then. But this is not bad at all, actually. Thanks to Dionysus and his merry, generous children." She blew a kiss to the sky. "I could've had night terrors, but they gave me you, shirtless. I thank them."
Eren frowned, bewildered. "Are you…..drunk? High? Low blood sugar?"
Mikasa didn't answer, instead reaching up to twirl a strand of his hair around her finger. "You sure you're not Aphrodite's kid?" she asked him.
Eren stepped back. "You said thanks to Dionysus. Who is he, again? The…..the….wine god! Drunkenness, madness. That shit. Look, Mikasa, you're not hallucinating, you're drunk."
She laughed and, to Eren's utter shock, leaned in and kissed him, grabbing his jaw and tangling her fingers in his hair.
"I'm not drunk, soldier boy," she giggled. "I'm definitely hallucinating. I mean, I saw Armin running. He does not run. He just doesn't."
Eren was speechless. Carefully, he removed her hands from his head, stepping back.
"Oh, what, you didn't like it?" Mikasa asked, seeming genuinely hurt. "I tried my best, I did, but I-"
Out of pity, or maybe attraction, or guilt, or some sick combination of the three, Eren kissed her again. She grinned.
"I liked it," he told her, and he was a little surprised by the honesty in his words. "But right now, we need to find Armin. Can you run?"
"Bitch, I came out of Athena's head runnin'. I was like, nyooooooommm. She was like, 'Damn! Das my girl!'"
"I'm going to go with no, then," Eren sighed. He scooped her up, holding her bridal-style. Then, shoeless and bleeding, he tried his best to run towards the creek, Mikasa heavy and giggling in his arms.
"You're a prince," she chuckled, stroking his face. Eren tried his best not to laugh, mostly because he was running and needed all the air he could get, but also because he knew how embarrassed she would be when she snapped out of it.
As he neared the creek (or as least he thought was near it), the conch was sounded. Eren groaned and headed towards it.
Mikasa stiffened. "That was the Minotaur, Eren. Oh my gods."
"The Minotaur makes horn sounds?" Eren asked, incredulous.
"Yeah…..oh my gods, I'm tired, Eren. Can I go to sleep?"
"Sure thing."
"Can I get a good-night kiss?"
"Do you really like me all that much?"
Mikasa burst into laughter.
"You're just so nice," she sighed once she was done. "And pretty. And you're a good kisser."
"Thanks."
"No problem-o, Eren-o!"
She laughed again, loudly, because she was so sure she was hilarious.
And it just added to his exhaustion.
When Eren finally met up with the other campers, he gently set Mikasa down, and then collapsed. Marco, son of Apollo, assured everyone he wasn't dead, and then continued to carry him away.
Ambrosia and nectar were delicious, Eren found the next morning. Too bad an overdose was deadly.
As soon as he'd been given the clear to leave the infirmary, he made a beeline for the Athena cabin, not even stopping by his own place first (he didn't want to see the other Ares kids' ugly faces, anyway).
Armin lay on a bottom bunk, staring upward, a glazed look in his eyes.
"…..Armin?" Eren said.
"I'm never running again," Armin whispered. "Eren, I can't move. I can't move my body, Eren. I might as well be dead."
"Do you want me to call Erwin over here, or…..?"
"No, no," he sighed. "Ambrosia and nectar really will kill me. And I can't let Erwin see me like this. He thinks I'm a talented camper. And he's a centaur, and centaurs are so magical, Eren. I can't let a centaur, let alone Erwin, see me so pathetic and sore. Also, Mikasa's up there. If you see Annie, the Oracle girl, tell her our day is canceled. She can come over here, by the way. She knows I'm a dandelion."
Eren snorted and patted Armin's shoulder. "I'm sure you'll live," he assured him, climbing up to Mikasa's bunk.
He took a seat next to the ladder. Mikasa was awake, as well, also staring upward with a glazed look in her eyes.
After a moment, she frowned. "Did we-"
"You kissed me, then I kissed you," Eren told her.
"What did I say to you?"
Her face was turning red, her palms becoming clammy.
"You just talked about how good-looking I was, and how you'd tap that. Nothing really weird."
"Oh, my gods. Dearest mother Athena," she exhaled, covering her face with a pillow. "I'm really sorry. The Dionysus kids put a spell on me, and I- ugh. Sorry about that."
"No, it's fine. I did enjoy it, if it helps any."
"Yucky," Armin muttered from below them.
"You stay out of my business, child," Mikasa said. "And thanks. It does help a little, I think."
The room became quiet. Eren glanced awkwardly at his wrists. Mikasa's mind ran, hoping to find something to end the gods-awful silence before it became too uncomfortable.
Armin snickered, finally breaking it.
"I ship you two," he said.
"I hope you end up in the Feilds Of Punishment," Mikasa replied flatly.
"Only if you join me, dear sister of mine."
Eren grinned. "We were the shittiest team to ever live," he realized. "Did you guys even get close to the flag?"
"I actually had it," Mikasa said. "Hence the spell. Jean's team fights dirty. And we don't suck, we just miscalculated. I didn't think your brothers and sisters would be so…salty."
"Runs in the family, I guess," Eren replied. "I, too, am hella salty."
"Oh, I'm sure Mikasa has a solid idea of what you taste like," Armin smirked.
"Oh my gods, Armin."
"Skase prin ginoume kolo!"* Mikasa snapped.
Armin simply laughed. Eren hopped down from Mikasa's bed and flicked him on the nose.
"You're a little shit, you know that?"
"I'm a beloved son of Athena," Armin corrected him, "And I am as brilliant as I am hilarious."
"No you're not," said a girl's voice by the door. By the time Eren looked, she was already gone.
"Fila mou to kolo, Annie!"** Armin shouted after her.
"Feeling bold today," Mikasa noted.
"I am so humiliated by our loss and the failure of my plan and my current immobility that I have lost the ability to care, Mikasa," he said in response. "There are these things, Mikasa, these creatures, called fucks. And they are mine. And I do not give them."
A/N: That's it. We're done, here. No more. This took me so fucking long to write, and it's such shit, but you know what? There. The rest is up to your imagination. Did Eren rendezvous with Mikasa later for a makeout session? Did they end up fucking in the strawberry fields that night? Or did they forget the entire thing and slowly but surely grow to love each other and end up going out and being a new power couple? YOU DECIDE!
Also, though I headcanon that Armin rarely curses, and barely ever drops the F-bomb, I believe that in a PJO AU he'd have dealt w so much bullshit in his life that he wouldn't care anymore.
Same with Mikasa, who is rather conservative by nature.
Translations:
* "Shut up before I beat the shit out of you!"
**"Kiss my ass, Annie!"
*** Keikaku means plan
