Will contain graphic sexual content within the story. If this offends you, please do not read. I don't mean to disrespect the site or its moderators but trying to edit out all the lemony parts and revising the writing to make it fit without them was too time-consuming.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
A Month Later
The bell rang, signaling the end of the class. Everyone stood up and groaned.
"Alright, guys. Hand in your tests. Enjoy the holiday weekend with your families and I'll see you all back here on Monday."
The class groaned in unison again and then began filing out, dropping their papers on his desk.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Black!"
"Have a good weekend, Mr. Black!"
He nodded amiably.
"Thanks, guys. You, too."
He waited until they were all gone and then he leaned back in his chair, yawning, rubbing his face tiredly.
One more class and he was off for the next four days. It would be nice to get away from this place for a while.
He gathered the papers, stuffed them into his bag and left to head to his office.
Once inside, he dropped his bag down by the desk and looked for his thermal coffee mug. What the hell? He had had it just before.
Shit. He had left it in the room. Fuck.
He closed his office door, locking it, and walked into the general office and then out into the hallway.
He yawned again and made his way back down to his classroom. The hallways were mainly empty, the next to last class in session before everyone left early. A couple of students, seniors mostly, were still there, rummaging around in their lockers, getting ready to leave. A couple greeted him and wished him a happy holiday, which he returned, but mostly he was ignored. And for that he was grateful. He was exhausted.
Quil and Embry again insisted on dragging him out again last night, refusing to let him sit at home, alone, another night. So, he went to the club with them, reluctantly, but he did have some fun. He had even spoken to a few women and gotten their numbers. A couple had even been willing to show him a real good time, right there in the back of the dark club. Right. He might be a guy who would love to get his dick wet at any opportunity but not with those women. Uh uh.
But, now he was so freakin' tired he couldn't think straight. He was thanking any mystical power there was that today was a half day. He couldn't wait to go home and crash on his couch.
He was rubbing his eyes for what felt like the thirty seventh time in the last hour when he heard a familiar voice ahead of him.
"Come on, love. Everyone's going to be there. Won't you come with me?"
Jake glanced up and sure enough, there stood Edward Cullen and his girlfriend at her locker.
She chuckled.
"Edward, I've told you. I can't. I have to cook for tomorrow. Charlie's counting on me."
If Jake said he didn't miss Bella Swan, then he would be lying. He missed her more and more every day. But, he refused to go to her and admit he'd made a mistake, to beg her to take him back.
To her credit, she hadn't tried to contact him since that last night they had been together. She hadn't sought him out to confront him or to request an explanation that she rightly deserved as to why she had been dropped from his class.
Jake found out in the next couple of weeks that Crowley had accepted her into his class and from the way Crowley boasted about her, she was top of his class in the short period of time she had been in it. Jake wasn't surprised hearing that. Bella had always been an A student and English was one of her best subjects. When she wasn't distracted, that is.
And speaking of distraction, it seemed that Bella didn't wait long until taking up with her former boyfriend after Jake had unceremoniously dumped her. Not three days later did he see her with the Cullen kid in the hallways. He had started escorting her to all her classes once again, holding her hand. Jake had never felt angrier and more hurt in his life the day he first saw them together down the hall. It had gotten so bad he took off, mumbling an excuse to the secretary, something about the flu kicking in, and left the office staff to scramble around, looking for a fast replacement for his last class. He stayed home for the next four days, drowning his sorrows in as much alcohol as he could find, knowing she had indeed used him. And to think he had told her he loved her...
After that, he returned to school a new man. He was there to do his job and he would do it well. He went out with the guys a few times and he refused to hold himself back with women. He went on a couple of dates but they were always hoping they would turn into something more and he wasn't. He could never bring himself to fuck them, though. They would be all over him, wanting it, willing to do anything to get it, and he would be close to giving in but at the last second, he could never do it. It was like when Bella had touched him that one rainy night, she somehow claimed him. And now, his dick only wanted her. No one else.
But, for the most part, he had completely forgotten about Bella Swan and was content to move on with his life as a newly single bachelor.
He had passed her in the hallway a couple of times, it was inevitable that at some point he would, but they never made eye contact and the throng of students surrounding them helped.
To the outside world, it seemed that Bella Swan and Jacob Black had forgotten each other even existed.
But on the inside, Jake never forgot her, her voice, her scent, her skin, her taste, nothing. He didn't forget a goddamn single thing about her. But, she had fucked him over and well.
And he refused to go back and give her another chance to do it right this time.
But, that didn't mean he still didn't miss her.
He had felt a completeness with her that he never felt with anyone else. And that hollow, empty, aching feeling she left behind, that hole in his chest, made its presence known more and more each time he talked to another woman, kissed them, nearly fucked them, had his arms around them. He almost felt as if some important part of him had been torn from his soul and left him feeling even more incomplete than he had before he had ever known what it was like to touch her, kiss her, feel her.
But, he had to move on. And so he did.
That didn't mean he didn't have his occasional setbacks, though. Just like he was having one now.
Edward brushed his thumb over her cheek gently as she held her bag between her locker, open, and began swapping books.
Edward looked at her with so much love, so much adoration, it nearly made Jake gag. If Edward was looking at her this way, it could only mean one thing.
She had fucked him.
And that increased the sharp pain already stinging in Jake's chest.
"Come on, love. Surely, he'll let you go out for a couple of hours. Just a couple. I'm not gonna get to see you until tomorrow night and that's too long for me. I want to spend some time with you."
She glanced up and gave Edward a knowing smirk.
"Yeah, I bet you do."
He chuckled wickedly and she went back to what she was doing. He stroked her hair affectionately.
She had definitely fucked him.
Jake almost felt like he couldn't breathe.
"I have to get things ready for tomorrow. I told you, this is really important to Charlie. I have to get that done first. If I finish in time, I'll call you."
Edward nodded.
"Okay, love. You got a deal."
He smiled and went back to playing with the wispy strand that had escaped her ponytail as she continued to take books out of her bag and place them into her locker.
Jake felt sick to his stomach. He was about to pass them when Edward noticed him and dropped his hand, choosing to hold it up in greeting to Jake instead.
"Hey, Mr. Black! Happy Thanksgiving!"
Bella didn't move or flinch. It was almost as if she hadn't heard him. Before Jake's logical reasoning kicked in, he found himself changing direction and walking right up to them.
"Thank you, Edward. You, too. Any plans for the holiday weekend?"
Edward smiled his amiable smile.
"Yeah. Typical family get together, cousins coming down from Alaska, that sort of thing. The usual. How about you, Mr. Black? You doing anything special?"
Jake shrugged.
"Not really. Family, football. The usual."
Edward nodded politely.
"And you, Bella?"
Her back was still to him and she had still continued her movements, not engaging in the conversation at all. When she heard her name, she placed the last book in her bag, zipping it up, and then shut her locker. She turned to face him and he was shocked by what he saw.
She had no problem looking at him whatsoever. No hint of anger, regret, sadness, recognition, nothing. Her eyes were blank but he could see the new mantle of confidence she now had. A confidence that she definitely did not have the last time he had spoken to her. It made his chest hurt worse, knowing where she most likely got that confidence from. He wanted nothing more than to punch the shit out of the cockily grinning Edward Cullen that was watching Bella so proudly. Beat him to a pulp for touching what should have been his.
"Same thing. Family."
"In town?"
Jake wanted to kick his own ass for asking such a stupid question. He knew he was only making conversation to keep her there, so he could see her. Just a little bit longer. And that angered the logical part of himself that was screaming at him to stop, reminding him he was a new man now and that this little girl had no effect on him whatsoever. He ignored it.
She shrugged nonchalantly.
"Yep." She turned to Edward. "Walk me out?"
He nodded, grabbed her hand, and turned to flash Jake a friendly smile.
"See you next week, Mr. Black. Have a nice holiday weekend."
Jake nodded.
"You, too, Edward. See you next week. Have a nice holiday."
Edward began leading them away when Jake spoke again, against his will.
"Have a good Thanksgiving, Bella."
She gave him a polite yet detached smile.
"Same to you."
And then the couple made their way down the hallway and out the front entrance as Jake watched them go.
He missed her so goddamn much sometimes. And sure enough, that gaping hole that she left behind began to hurt, leaving pure emptiness in its wake. He swallowed thickly and continued his trek to his classroom.
One more class and then he could get the fuck out of there.
-DtU-
Embry called up, pleaded with him to come out, but Jake begged off, saying he had a lot to do. Embry just snorted, said "Yeah, right, you're just gonna sit at home and mope over Leah again. Whatever. Call me if you decide to grow some balls and come out with your boys," and hung up.
Leah was the "woman" they all thought Jake had had on his mind this past month. Nothing could be further from the truth.
He drowned his sorrows with a six pack, thinking back to how she had looked, how he had had to keep himself from leaning in, in front of her douche of a boyfriend, and inhaling her scent, refreshing it in his memory. He'd give her one thing, the confidence looked good on her. He almost wished she could have had it when they had been together. But when he thought of how she finally achieved that confidence he shuddered and nearly cried with rage at wishing he could have been the one to give it to her. He should have been her first, not that piece of shit.
If he didn't know Edward's back story, he might almost feel guilty at hating the young kid. But, he was no innocent. Jake knew it for sure. All he had to do was look at the kid.
And to know that that had touched what was his, only made him angrier and more upset. So much that he broke out the hard stuff and tried to numb the pain.
Before he knew it, he was buzzed and well on his way to full intoxication.
And before he could stop himself, he called Sam and didn't give the man a chance to speak once he answered.
"Sam, I need Charlie's number."
Sam sighed. Jake had gone to Sam and told him everything a week after it all happened. Embry and Quil were Jake's best friends but he just couldn't talk to either one of them about it. They would tell him to forget her while slapping him on the back, congratulating him on getting it on with a student and a hot one at that. It just wasn't what he needed and he couldn't talk to his father about it. He wouldn't dare tell anyone else. Sam understood, just as he knew he would.
"Jake, I don't think that's a good idea. You haven't talked to her since this whole thing went down and you sound like you're half out of the bag as it is."
"I am not!" Jake heard a slight slur escape his lips at that statement. Okay, maybe he was a little. But, that didn't matter. Only Bella did.
"Sam, please. I need to talk to her."
"Jake, I thought you said you were gonna let this go."
Jake sat back in the couch.
"I know, man. I know. But I...I need to talk to her. Please."
"Don't you have her cell number?"
"Nah, man. I deleted it. Like an ass. Please give me the number. Please."
Sam sighed again and was silent for a moment.
"Alright, Jake. But you did not get this number from me. Understand?"
"Crystal."
Jake entered the number in his cell phone as Sam dictated it to him three times, the last slower than the other two. He hung up with Sam quickly and then hit the 'send' button on his phone.
He cleared his throat, waiting for the Chief to pick up.
But the voice picking up surprised him.
"Swan Residence."
Edward fucking Cullen. Wasn't he supposed to be at some fucking party fucking some slut or something? He almost said as much but stopped himself in time.
He made his voice deeper.
"Can I speak to Bella please?"
"Sure. May I ask who's calling?"
Jake wracked his brain quickly, as fucked up as it was.
"This is Mr. Newton."
"Mr. Newton? Okay, one second."
He could hear a giggle in the background and a playful "Edward! Doooon't. Give me the phone."
His heart sank.
By the time her voice rang through on the other end, she was breathless.
"Hello? Mr. Newton?"
He could feel the familiar lump in his throat returning, cutting his air off.
"Hello?"
A strangled whisper made its way out of his constricted throat.
"I miss you."
And then he hung up before he could say anything else.
He got up and staggered over to the half-full bottle of Vodka. He popped the cap and began downing it as fast as possible, hoping to drown out the painful memory of her giggle. The giggle that Edward Cullen would now get to hear, knowing he elicited that action in her. The giggle he himself would never get to hear. Ever. Again.
-DtU—
The next thing he knew he felt someone shaking him roughly, screaming his name.
"Jake!"
And then he felt kisses on the side of his face.
"Jake, please wake up! Wake up, baby, I'm here! Wake up! Come on, Jake, please don't do this! Please, baby, please!"
Baby? And why was this person sounding like she was about to burst into tears any second?
Oh shit, was he stuck with fucking Leah again? Had he dreamt up everything and in reality, he was stuck in hell with Leah all this time? Nagging him every day about marrying her? Fuckin' A.
He tried to remember what happened before he passed out but couldn't.
He slowly opened his eyes as much as it hurt to and blinked, trying to bring the images into focus.
"Yes, Jake, yes! That's it, baby! Open your eyes! That's it. Come on. You can do it."
He blinked a few more times and he felt kisses on his nose, his forehead, his cheeks, everywhere except his mouth. And he felt someone holding him, running a hand through his hair soothingly.
He focused a little and saw the teary brown eyes looking down on him in fear. Her soft pink lips were parted as she watched him. Her chestnut waves were cascading down, tickling his neck.
And then he recognized who it was.
"B-Bella?"
She nodded eagerly and kissed his forehead before laying her cheek against it.
"Yes. My God, Jake. You scared the shit out of me. I thought I was going to have to call 911." Her head popped up and her eyes widened as she gazed at him. "Wait, do I need to call them?"
He shook his head slowly, once, and lifted a trembling hand to her cheek. He felt so goddamn weak.
"You're really here."
She heard his whisper and nodded, turning to kiss his hand before looking back at him.
"I missed you so much."
She sniffled and stroked his short hair.
"I missed you, too."
He brushed his thumb over her lips gently.
"Bells, I-"
He felt it and jumped up, ignoring the stabbing pain in his body and her frightened cries of his name, and ran to the bathroom, dropping to his knees and throwing up into the open toilet. The heaving shook his whole body as it got rid of the alcohol it didn't want to keep ingested.
He felt a small hand on his back, rubbing soothingly.
When he was able to catch a breath or two in between retches, he closed his eyes and spoke while he could.
"Bells. Get out of here. You shouldn't have to see this."
And then he heaved again.
"Shhh. I'm staying." She placed a soft kiss to his right shoulder blade and rubbed wider circles on his back.
Once he was done, he flushed and closed the lid. Bella handed him a tissue and then moved back to the closet the towels were in. He laid his head on the cool lid, facing away from her. He faintly heard the sink turning on. A moment later, he felt something cold and wet on the back of his neck. He drew in a sharp breath at the contact.
"Sorry. Sorry. But it might help."
She stroked his hair gently.
He closed his eyes.
"Bells." He winced at the raspy strangled voice that spoke her name.
"Mmm?"
"I love you."
Her fingers froze and he felt her stiffen next to him.
She didn't say anything for a minute.
He opened his eyes and slowly lifted his head to look at her.
She had her eyes down to the ground and her expression was unreadable.
"Bells?"
She jolted as if he had startled her back to the present. Her eyes snapped to his.
He narrowed his eyes at her to bring her into better focus.
"Bella?"
She retracted her hands and stood up.
"I'll just go grab you another shirt."
Before he could respond, she spun on her heel and walked out of the bathroom.
His head slumped back down to the toilet lid in defeat.
A minute later, she walked back in and tossed his new shirt on the sink.
"Alright. Let's get you out of that shirt. Let's go."
He picked his head back up.
"Bells. I'm sorry."
She didn't look at him, just kept her eyes trained on his shirt.
"Lift your arms."
"Bells-"
She stepped closer to him.
"Come on, arms up."
He did as she asked. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and peeled it off him. She gingerly placed it in the sink. A quick glance allowed Jake to see how messy it had gotten. He was fucking humiliated. Here was the girl he had been thinking about, dreaming about for the past month. The girl he would give his left nut to have five minutes alone with just so he could see her, talk to her. And here she was, redressing him like a child that got sick in his bed. Definite humiliation. How could she ever think of him as anything other than repulsive ever again?
She grabbed the fresh shirt and unfolded it, grabbing the hem so she could slip it over his head.
He grasped her wrist gently.
"Bella. Please. I'm sorry. I never meant to-"
She yanked her wrist out of his grip.
"I don't want to talk about this right now, Jake."
She tossed the shirt over his head and pulled it down until it fully fit him. Then she turned towards the sink, grabbed the mouthwash and thrust it at him. He accepted it gratefully, took a swig, opened the lid of the toilet and spit it in. Meanwhile, Bella turned the sink on and began to fill it with hot water, leaving the shirt to soak in it.
"Bells, you don't have to do that. I'll take care of it."
She shrugged without looking at him.
"I don't think you're in any shape to take care of it, Jake."
He was still half-tanked and he didn't have all his wits about him yet. But he knew one thing. He needed to make her hear him.
God, what he wouldn't give for a shower.
He tried to get up so he could sit on the toilet to face her better but he still felt weak and his body trembled. Another quick wave of nausea hit him but miraculously it passed just as fast.
"Bells..."
He reached out and took a shaky hold of her left hip. She stepped away but he held on. She moved again and this time he had no choice but to let go as he stumbled and fell to the floor. He landed with a hard grunt.
"Jake!"
She dropped to her knees and threw her arms around him, trying to help him up. They both struggled to get him up to a sitting position. Her head was so close to his he couldn't resist. His hand grasped the back of her neck and pulled her to him. He crushed his lips to hers.
She protested, pushing him away, but this time without sending him back to the floor.
"Stop."
He sat back against the sink, not having the energy to fight her.
"Bells, I love you."
She jumped to her feet and glared down at him.
"Stop. saying. that."
He looked up at her pleadingly.
"It's true, Bells. I've missed you so goddamn much. I don't want to be without you anymore."
There. He said it. Nothing but the truth.
She was ruthless.
"Bullshit. If you really felt that way, you wouldn't have gotten rid of me the way you did."
She stared hard down at him.
He held out an open hand to her and she made no move to take it.
"You're right. It was fucked up what I did. Completely fucked up. And I regret it every goddamn day."
She sneered at him.
"Yeah, I bet you do."
He lowered his hand and hung his head. So, there was no hope. He had fucked it all up. And she wasn't willing to give him another chance.
She sighed heavily and grabbed his arm, pulling and helping him to stand.
"Come on, let's get you to the bed."
She threw his arm around her shoulders and he leaned his weight on her. Thank God she was helping him. Shit, he couldn't even walk.
They slowly made their way to his bed and she cautiously lowered him to sit. Once he did, he laid back and she helped him move until his head hit the pillow. He took the opportunity to inhale her scent when her head was near his as she covered him with a light blanket. Strawberries. Just like he remembered. She stiffened and straightened up quickly.
"I'll be right back."
She didn't give him a chance to respond before turning and walking out of the room.
He felt a lump form in his throat. She fucking hated him and it was all his fault. Now, she wanted nothing to do with him. And there was nothing he could do about it.
His head was still killing him but it began to pound even worse. He shut his eyes and tried not to think about how it hurt to have her near but so very far away from him.
He was still seeing her face in his mind when he felt something cold laid gently on his forehead. He opened his eyes to see Bella pressing an ice bag to his head.
"Here. It won't get rid of the headache but it'll help." She brought his hand up to replace hers on the bag so she could sit back on the bed and look at him.
They stared at each other for a minute before Bella cleared her throat and spoke softly.
"You have a bucket here in case you need it. I left some Excedrin on the nightstand next to you and some water. You should try to take a sip or two before you go to sleep so you don't get dehydrated. Your phone is there in case you need to make a call. I cleaned your shirt as best I could and threw it in the washer. It should be salvageable." She looked away from him towards the bathroom.
He reached with his other hand and covered hers.
"Stay with me tonight."
She shook her head and still wouldn't look at him.
"I can't. Charlie's expecting me. I have to go home and finish getting everything ready for tomorrow."
He leaned forward, wincing at the slight movement and cupped her cheek, turning her to look at him.
"Please."
She covered his hand with hers, holding his palm to her cheek.
"Jake, I can't."
He moved closer until he was fully sitting up and laying his forehead against hers.
"Please."
He saw her eyes glisten and his chest began to hurt.
"Just lay with me. Please, Bells."
She remained silent for a minute and then nodded. He let out a sigh in relief.
She may be pissed at him, she may even hate him, but she definitely still had some feeling for him. And that was a beam of hope for him that he had been praying for all along.
He released her cheek, took her other hand and tugged, indicating for her to lay on his other side. She got up off the bed, making Jake's heart jump in his throat, walked around the bed, kicked her shoes off and crawled in under the blanket next to him. He waited for her to snuggle into him but instead she repositioned herself and pulled him slowly down to her so he could lay his head on her chest. She wound her arms around him and stroked his hair with one hand, placing her cheek against it.
He closed his eyes. This was heaven. How fucking foolish had he been for ever giving this up?
"Don't ever scare me like that again, Jake."
Her whisper was followed by a sniffle and something hot and wet hitting his scalp. He opened his eyes, lowered the ice bag and slowly lifted his head to look at her. Tears were sliding down her cheeks.
He brought his hand to her face and gently wiped away her tears.
"I'm so sorry, Bells."
He knew it probably wasn't the best idea considering that everything still remained unresolved between them and he had just gotten sick before but he couldn't help it. He needed her.
He softly pressed his lips to hers and his heart lifted when he felt her return the tender kiss.
He pulled back, not wanting to push his luck or give her time to snap to her senses and push him away, and laid back down on her chest, hugging her tighter.
He gently rubbed her arm with his thumb once she encased him in them again and closed his eyes, smiling at the sound of her heart beat thumping underneath his ear.
He practically purred at the feeling of her fingers making their way through his hair repeatedly. He was so relaxed and content against her.
He was just starting to drift off when he heard her whisper to his temple and then felt her kiss it softly.
"I love you."
He smiled wide and nearly started crying at just how happy those three words made him.
He tightened his arms around her, letting her know he heard her, and was delighted to feel her press her lips to his forehead and linger there as she silently acknowledged his response to her heartfelt declaration.
He didn't say it back.
He didn't say anything and neither did she.
They didn't need to.
