I'm trying to write the next chapter of Here To Stay, but we're nearing the end of that fic and I've gotten rather attached to that one and so I'm kinda…hesitant about actually finishing the chapter because that means I'm one chapter closer to the end. But I hope y'all are enjoying this fic, too! We're getting into some of the more stressful, angsty parts now.


"So this is one of the older type tests," Paige said, holding it up. "Two lines on the display means I'm pregnant, and one line means I'm not."

"Seems simple enough," Walter said. "How long is the wait time?"

"Three minutes." Paige set down her phone. "I have an alarm set."

"Okay." He held out his arm as she sat down next to him, sliding it around her. They sat in silence for a moment, then Walter cleared his throat. "I've been meaning to ask you something."

When Paige looked at him, he detected a hint of concern in her eyes. "Okay. What?"

Walter wasn't at all sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. He supposed it shouldn't be awkward, not given the nature and longevity of their relationship, but…he still wasn't super comfortable with certain language and was always worried about being inappropriate in timing. "It's…it's about…" He cleared his throat again. "You haven't had an orgasm in a while."

"I did the night after we had dinner with Cabe and Allie."

"That was almost two weeks ago."

Paige smiled at him. "You know you're the only one who has to for us to have a baby, right?"

Walter let out a breath. "I know, but that…that doesn't mean that I don't want you to. Both of us don't decrease the chances of conception."

"Walter," Paige said, resting her hand on his thigh. "Orgasms aren't the be all, end all of sex. It's not the only moment that feels good. And it's unrealistic to expect me to finish every time."

"I…I know, I know that, but…" Walter trailed off. But you usually do a lot more often than this. He could usually bring her to her peak at least three quarters of all of their encounters – and of those times, he could get her off more than once with about a fifty – fifty success rate. It wasn't unusual for Paige to not have an orgasm, but it was extremely unusual for them to have almost a dozen sexual encounters without her having one. And what surprised him even more was she was so unconcerned. She was repeatedly doing things that she knew got him there faster while reassuring him that she wanted him to finish even if she didn't. "I just wish you would let me do more for you. I…I can't help but f – f – feel that I'm taking advantage. And I hate men that do that. I don't want to be one of those men."

"Hey. Walter." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're not taking advantage of me. To be honest, we're doing this a lot more than normal. And we have long days at work, and we have school functions for Ralph, and when we have sex on nights that we wouldn't be if we weren't trying for a baby, I just want to get it over with so I can go to sleep. But you're not taking advantage because I still want to do it, and I'm still having a good time."

"I just…I guess." Walter still felt a little uncomfortable, and guilty, but he supposed Paige had a point. "Okay. If you say so. I just…I like making you feel good."

"You do. I promise. Please don't worry about it."

It's not that easy, though. "I'll try," Walter said, nodding his head.

She smiled. "Thank you."

She leaned in to kiss him, but they jumped when a shrill sound pierced the air. "My phone," she explained, getting up and swiping her finger across the screen to silence it. She looked back at Walter, her hand hovering over the test. "Good luck," she said with a nervous smile.

"Good luck," Walter echoed, giving her a reassuring nod.

Paige picked up the test and looked at the screen. Walter saw her face fall. "No?" He asked hesitantly.

Paige's eyes closed and she dropped the test into the trash can next to the desk. It clattered against the empty bottom. She put a hand over her mouth.

"Hey." Walter got up and stepped over to her. "Hey, Paige."

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Just give me a second."

He reached around and began to rub her back, waiting until she straightened up and wiped her eyes. "I don't understand, we're both so healthy."

"Hey." He took her face in his hands. "We will have a baby. Some people try for a year before they're successful. You have said that yourself, the day before we took the first test. And the professionals say as long as you're under thirty five – which you are – it's not even necessary to go see a specialist until after the first year."

"I know that," Paige said, "and it's stupid, but every time that test comes back negative, I just get more and more anxious. I'm…scared it's never going to happen. And you and me, we've…we've always been able to pull off anything we've ever tried together, crazy, seemingly impossible things and yet when it comes to this, something that's so natural…"

"I know." Walter kissed her forehead. "I know."

"It's not fair," she said. "The first time I was so scared. I was so unprepared. For days, I wrestled with whether or not I was even going to do this. And even when I committed to carrying Ralph, I was an absolute wreck. And now that I want it…now that I'm with you…" Tears sprang to her eyes. "I just…and I feel like a terrible mother because that makes it sound like Ralph isn't enough." When Paige said her son's name, her voice cracked.

Walter pulled her against him, sliding his fingers into her hair. "You're a wonderful mother." There's nothing wrong with wanting more children. "You know that Ralph wouldn't be the person he is if he didn't have you."

Paige didn't say anything, and it didn't sound like she was crying, but Walter kept his arms tight around her, rocking them gently side to side. Eventually Paige sighed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He kissed her ear.

"So, uh…" She leaned back slightly. "Ralph won't be awake for another hour or so…"

Walter sighed internally. He knew what she was suggesting and he really wasn't in the mood. But she was upset, and he knew what it was like to want to achieve something and not being able to do anything about it. He had a feeling that she would feel powerless if he turned her down, especially while she was still reeling from this latest negative test. "Yeah, okay."

The smile on Paige's face told him he'd made the right decision.


"Are you doing okay over there, Dineen?"

Paige looked up from her paperwork. Happy was standing at her work station, looking over at her with raised eyebrows. "Yeah. Yeah I'm good. I'm great. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I couldn't help but notice that you keep re – reading that same piece of paper over and over again and I think you've signed the bottom at least three times. And I'm not that great with paperwork but I don't think that's how it is supposed to work."

"I haven't…" Paige glanced at the paperwork in front of her. The bottom had the usual line for a signature, and on it was a muddled mess that if she looked at it for a moment, she could see were multiple signatures right on top of each other. "Wow. I must be really tired." In all honesty, she was distracted more than tired, although she'd be lying if she claimed she didn't spend a good part of everyday wishing she could take a nap.

"Is 197 keeping you up or something?"

"Well, actually we…" she stopped herself. She and Walter had decided that there would only be more pressure weighing on them if they told people. "We aren't sleeping as soundly as we used to. Maybe we need to flip the mattress or something."

Happy didn't look overly convinced, but thankfully she wasn't her husband and preferred to not have her nose in their business. So she shrugged. "Okay. You'll probably want to print a new form, though."

"Yeah. Yeah, definitely."

Happy gave a slow, deliberate nod that suggested that she wasn't convinced, but turned back to her work. Paige breathed a sigh of relief.

With one last glance at Happy, Paige pulled out her phone and pulled up her fertility app, briefly questioning why she was paranoid about Happy seeing her phone out when there was no way she could get a view of the screen. "Eh," she said out loud, dismissing the thought. She studied the app. Today was, statistically, one of the least likely days that she could get pregnant. And she and Walter had already had sex this morning. Maybe tonight they could both get a full night's sleep.

But low odds aren't impossible odds. Toby once told me about how a horse won the Kentucky Derby at 91 – 1. What if tonight is when I would conceive but we don't have sex? Although sperm can live for like seventy – two hours, right? So tonight would still be okay from this morning.

Paige felt the beginnings of a headache. She groaned and leaned forward, resting her head on the pile of papers.