Moments & Fragments 7
After Bury Your Dead. I've changed things slightly.
Jenny left her office and shut the door. Cynthia raised her eyebrows in surprise.
'Direct my calls to my cell,' the director told her. 'No-one is to disturb Agents Gibbs and Dinozzo.'
'Yes ma'am'.
Inside the office, away from prying eyes, Gibbs waited patiently as Tony continued to sit rigidly in his chair, staring at nothing. Tony had remained this way during most of Jenny's triumphant spiel about the probable death of the Frog. Tony had looked up once when Jenny had spoke of her satisfaction with Tony's part in the mission, but his expression had been as close to a scowl as Gibbs had seen him make. Tony had barely spoken a word. Jenny had pressed him to provide her with more details until Gibbs had motioned with his eyes for her to stop and leave them alone for a while.
Part of Gibbs was content to simply sit and drink in the sight of the agent that he thought he had lost. But Tony needed to talk, even if he didn't want to.
The silence was like a blanket in the director's office. Tony swallowed the growing lump in his throat. He was wrung out. It wasn't every day you narrowly escaped death and then admitted to possibly the love of your life that you are not who she thinks you are. He imagined it must surely bear some resemblance to a movie plot, but nothing came to mind. He thought about saying something funny, except there was really nothing funny about any of this. He'd gone behind Gibbs' back, he'd lied to Jeanne, and he'd narrowly escaped death.
'I messed up Boss,' he said in a small, un-Dinozzo-like voice.'
He dropped his chin to his chest and shut his eyes. Unable to hold them back any longer, Tony felt silent, hot tears seeping from beneath his eyelids down his cheeks.
Gibbs rose and dragged his chair closer to Tony's. He sat down directly opposite the younger man.
'Tony,' he said in his no-nonsense tone. Tony lifted his head and made eye-contact with his Boss. His eyes were still streaming and his lips trembled slightly. The last time he had cried was after Kate, he reflected. But that time he had been at home alone.
Gibbs fixed his blue eyes on Tony's green ones.
'You did not mess up,' he told him firmly. 'You should never have been put in that position in the first place.'
Tony gave a half laugh/half sob and looked up at the ceiling. It wasn't like he'd had much of a choice.
'I wanted to talk to you,' he told Gibbs, 'but then you left for Mexico and then I was in too deep.. and the director ordered me to keep it a secret.'
Gibbs put his hand on Tony's shoulder and squeezed gently. Tony noted the anger simmering in Gibbs' blue eyes.
'You should NEVER have been put in that position,' he repeated. 'As for talking to me, I'm listening now.'
'It's too late', whispered Tony, shaking his head. Despite his best efforts to maintain some composure, he was exhausted and emotionally sapped. Being two people simultaneously had been draining to say the least – particularly when you had to live a lie 24/7. He hadn't slept much in more than a week.
'It's never too late,' persisted Gibbs, worried by what Tony meant by that. The anger he had felt at Tony for keeping him out of the loop was nothing to the hatred he felt towards Jenny for using his number one field agent in such a reckless manner. After they'd determined that the burnt body in the car was not in fact Tony, her priority still had not been to find him. Gibbs doubted he would ever be able to forgive her, but he was determined to help Tony forgive himself.
