I am so sorry for the very long wait you guys. I had a huge exam and I had to prepare for it. The good news is that I got in the university for which I took the exam. The bad news is that this chapter isn't as long as the other ones, but I promise not disappointing you next time xoxo.
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all." Emily Dickinson
Chapter Seven
"Is she all right?" we asked as the doctor came out of her room.
"Yes. She was lucky she was only 5 weeks along. Otherwise the lose would have been greater. Do any of you know where we can contact the father?" he really was confusing us all.
"What are you talking about?" Morgan asked. I had no voice to ask what happened.
"She was 5 weeks pregnant, but from the force of the hit, she miscarried. It was a miracle she was pregnant in the first place… you see, she can't have children. You can see her now. Two at a time." He was very emotionless. JJ and Prentiss went in as we sat down on the uncomfortable hospital chairs.
"The rape?" Hotch asked silently. We just nodded, thinking the same. She had been pregnant and she hadn't told any of us.
"Reid. You're closer to her. Did you know?" Morgan asked.
"No…"
The girls came out and the doctor went in to check on her. We wanted to ask tem if she woke up yet. But they answered our silent question by shacking their heads.
"Get out! Get the fuck out! Get away from me! You insensitive piece of shit! Get away!" we heard her screaming and kicking as the doctor tried to give her some drugs.
"Calm down! You were just 5 weeks pregnant." The doctor said. He succeeded in giving her the drugs.
"No, no, no. I want to leave. I want to go home…" she mumbled as she fell asleep with tears streaming down her face. We had never seen her crying in the two moths we have known her.
"I want a different doctor for her." Hotch said, leaving no room for discussion.
So we waited for her to wake up. We didn't have to wait long. She woke up 6 hours later.
"Hey. How are you?" I asked her quietly as to not wake up Emily as she was sitting in the other chair.
"Can I have your phone please?" she said in a voice I had never heard from her. So broken. So I gave her the phone and left to give her privacy. I never found out who she called.
Two days passed and she was released from the hospital. We were driving her back home when she spoke for what seemed like the first time since the… 'incident'.
"I didn't even know. I knew that I couldn't have children, so why did this have to happen?" we never responded.
We helped her up the stairs and into the house. Me and Derek stayed with her. An hour or so passed when we heard the door being broken down. We grabbed our guns and hurried to the door. What we saw there shocked us. It has been a long time.
"Where is she?" he asked running passed us, leaving the broken door behind.
"What?" we asked still a little confused.
"You came!" Bella almost yelled, running towards him into his arms. "You came. You came…" she kept repeating this.
"Of course baby girl. And I'm not leaving till I see the same girl I left behind."
"Jason… I don't think she's coming back." She whispered, but we still heard her. We were still holding our guns up.
"Yes she will. I will help you. But Bella. Did something change between you and these guys?" he asked looking at us from the corner of his eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know… do they want to shoot us, or is it just me?" he asked smiling at her. Then she looked at us and smiled for the first time since she woke up.
"Guys put the guns down. I don't want to die." I blushed and put my gun away and so did Derek.
"So let's sit down so you can tell me what happened since I left."
They left us standing in the doorway, still feeling shocked that I got to see Gideon again.
Hotch gave Bella a 4 month time off. That is how long it has been. Every day after work I went over to her house and watched movies with her or played chess or did something. Gideon was there all the time, which really bothered me, but I don't know why, because I considered him my friend and mentor.
But this week was the hardest. This week was the week I realized I was in love with her. And even if she was a genius like me, she hadn't figured it out.
Gideon saw it. Unfortunately.
It was on Monday we had a talk and made me realize how much I liked her.
"So Reid. When did it happen?" he asked with a weird smile on his face.
"When did what happen?"
"When did you fall for her?"
"Gideon. You got it all wrong. I'm not in love with her? I can't be. We work together." I said foolishly trying to believe what I said.
"Yes? Than why can't you keep your eyes off of her? Why are you here all the time? Spencer you can't fool me. I was a profiler too. I see the way you look at her, memorize all the words that leave her mouth. I see the sparkle in your eyes every time you look at her."
"But it can't be."
"Deny it or not, but it's true."
That was the shock I never knew I could feel. But at the same time I wanted to smile, every moment when I was awake, and every moment I dreamed of her.
If only she could feel the same way.
Than I remembered the kiss. Well it wasn't a real kiss, but a kiss nonetheless.
I heard crying from the bathroom and went to see what happened. Jason wasn't home. Bella was on the floor crying.
"Everything will be all right." I whispered to her.
"No it's not. I'm a mess. And weak. I don't like crying, I hate to cry."
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." I whispered to her.
"Washington Irving" she finished.
"You can cry all you want. Nobody should feel closed off. You have to let go sometimes." That was the moment when she leaned in and kissed my cheek. But it was such a tender kiss. It warmed my heart. She looked at me, her eyes red from crying, but was never more beautiful to me than then. That was the moment, for me, that I stopped denying my feeling to her. I loved her. I LOVED her. And she smiled at me. That beautiful, warm smile.
"Thank you Spence. You truly are a great person, and a great friend. Thank you."
Oh yes. I was in love and she didn't even know it. I was to afraid of telling her, Jason did know. He always knew.
I just hope she won't leave my side. Even if I had to be just a friend. I can take whatever she offers me.
"To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself." Dr. Burton Grebin
