Hi friends! Welcome back to another installment of MerDer therapy as I'm calling it now. I forgot to mention from the last chapter, the Peter Pan and Wendy costumes were not my idea. Someone commented it on my Instagram when I asked for some ideas.

This chapter is long. Very, very, VERY long. I finally get to where I want to and it's come to a place I think a lot of you might be shocked to discover. Remember MerDer is always endgame in the postitdempsey universe so no worries. I'd like to thank all those who reviewed last chapter; Paola1991, dempsxys, Leann Nickerson, jalinsod, patsy, G, baru11, J, Melanie, writer-in-newyork, izgreysfan, and all the guests as well. I love reviews they are so insightful and inspire me to continue. Grab a snack or some tissues before you start, I hope you enjoy.


The air was damp. Drops of rain beginning their decent down on Seattle in the pre-dawn hours of the morning. November air whipped Meredith's cheeks, creating a rosier hue. She had goosebumps decorating her arms as she dashed from the porch to her Lexus in the driveway. Meredith could practically scold herself for leaving the vehicle outside rather than pulling it into the garage. Especially now running through rain and a freezing forecast.

She was going back to work. Never could Meredith have thought the notion of fifteen hour surgeries would be so exhausting. Three months ago the OR happened to be a prized possession. It was the one factor in her life other than her three children that provided a sense of normalcy when everything else felt foreign. She got comfortable when Derek reappeared. Especially because he was at home which only handed Meredith her own excuse to cozy up in her abode. The perfectly-polished bubble she was residing in soon went splat when Alex came to visit the other day to tell her they needed the chief of general surgery back from leave.

The way her stomach knotted like a pretzel when she pondered going back to reality was out of character. She can remember being nothing but a lowly intern and still getting eager to do her job even if it meant she was running on minimal sleep. She was barely slogging through now. Fatigue dripped from every pore, it'd be nothing short of a miracle if she could make it to the hospital without snoozing at the wheel.

The crappy weather only added to her dreary attitude. Those light drizzles now a windstorm as the car door slammed at its hinges. A shoddy breath elicits from between chattering teeth. Her seat was ice and it chilled through the barrier of her navy sweater. The familiar hum of her engine flooded the silent space. Purring, the Lexus beamed with life, lights enhancing, music blaring from her stereo. Meredith's already running behind but it doesn't halt her from waiting until the steering wheel isn't a block of ice to reverse.

Fluttering her lids shut momentarily, Meredith reminisces to an hour ago when Derek's arms were twirled around her waist, his even breaths pulsing in puffs to her neck. The shriek of her alarm nearly caused her skin to shed off. It was a shrill she'd dreaded to hear. Subconsciously the noise almost felt like a dream. Maybe if her eyes clenched tight enough it's awful blare would cease to silence.

Except Derek groans against her eardrum and not one of pleasure. It's when his arms unravel that her brain connects the dots to understand her vacation is over.

"Mer, get up." Came a groggy chirp from behind her shoulder.

Silva caked the corners of her lip. Glops of crap crusted her corneas. A sheen of sweat dotted her brow from the humidity of their human cocoon. Meredith did not want to leave her pillow or Derek's warm chest. "No, I don't feel good." Came a moan. Her words muffled when her lips migrated to the fabric of her pillowcase.

It was rigid outside. Damp, depressing, and drizzling. A combination Meredith Grey was avoiding at every cost. A sliver of her prayed and wished Derek would feed into her phony cold, play along, and let her ring into work announcing her return would be halted. Unfortunately for her that plan sank almost immediately after it tread on water.

"You have to work. I'll be fine." Guilt eclipsed her. Yes, a small part of her was anxiety ridden that if she left him alone, there was a fair chance he might not be there when her shift ended. This phobia only stems from the last time Meredith went to work and he didn't follow.

"There's been an accident." That memory still burned to her temporal lobe. Never does she desire another horrifying ring from the police again. The abandonment phobia still runs deep. Maybe the idea of people possibly exiting wasn't so shocking to her any longer but that optimism they'll stay is there. It's when people do vanish that the abandonment complex fires away. Her alerts are shockingly high and well aware now more than ever. It's an all consuming fear that traps her into believing not swishing her head back over her shoulder means Derek's zaps away again.

But when his fingers touch the bare skin of her thigh, shifting from knee to hem of her shorts, that this tension drains. Looking back over her clavicle, her husband is nearly comatose. His lucid state is lingering by a thread, strong enough to stroke her flesh in a way that soothes her. Derek gets her issues, the mental crap, the daddy stuff, her commitment and abandonment problems, like no man before or after him. He can read her mind or finish her sentences. It's like they're communicating through twin telepathy except they aren't twins and probably don't cultivate telepathy for real.

It's been lovely having someone who got her around again. "Maybe I'll just quit being a surgeon. Stay home with you all day and take naps at noon." She was going to miss their snuggling cat naps. Maybe the beginnings of laughter sprout after her commentary but they don't amount to much.

"You love surgery it's in your blood. A good morning surgery is your coffee." His metaphor was weird and her lids literally felt too heavy to lift. Except he was right completely. She would resent him and herself if surgery was exiled on her own behalf. Plus no job meant no support their family and Meredith wasn't seeking to move their abode of five to a cardboard box beneath a bridge.

"I hate when you're right." She spills gruffly, stripping the sheets blitzing with heat from her pale legs. Her husband only mumbles a response that her brain cannot comprehend. It's too early. She's envious he's fallen to rest again and her clock still reads 5:20 AM.

Some way or another Meredith slogs through a shower. It was the sort of morning she would sleep beneath its spray, toothbrush dangling from her lip. Derek shifts from his cozy position in their bed to press a tiny kiss to her lips just before she's needing to dash.

Meredith really does not want to go to work. She's developed feelings such as this time and time again.

I have a feeling I might die today her brain insisted before the bomb went boom! during her intern year.

Perhaps it wasn't the ten hour surgeries getting to her or even the early shift prying her from the bed. She was dreading the people she may encounter once stepping through those doors. The leave of absence wasn't a gift that only provided hours of sleep her body craved but it was a protection of avoidance from her real life.

Speaking with DeLuca was the equivalent to carving her eye sockets out with a steak knife. He evidently had not a single recollection of her whereabouts or even why she was absent from her job. Endless mountains of texts, calls, emails, angrily questioning what the ghosting was about. She knew better than most DeLuca was impatient. In the past, when her mind went blank and the only excuse was her children to keep avoidance, it fueled his temper.

Some way or another Meredith's wheels aligned within the pasty, crumpled, parking spot line. Rain continued its downpour. It inhibited her sour attitude further. Familiar cars flooded the space. Alex's Audi and Amelia's BMW. She didn't want to enter in solitude. The tap at her passenger window nearly caused her heart palpitations.

Amelia stood beyond the glass, concern dripping from every pore. With a tired motion, Meredith sank her forehead to the cool texture of wood grain coating her wheel. "What the hell happened to you?"

Peeping a glance to her sister-in-law, Meredith grunted. Drips of dampness stuck at her hairline from the nasty hurricane brewing outside. "I do not want to go inside there." She lifts her brows to gesture toward the hospital.

"Is it DeLuca?" Meredith's breath hitched. At times guilt consumed her for the way things between she and her sister had been over the last couple years. Recently their differences have fizzled but for a while there Meredith buried her anger for Derek's death on Amelia. Not because she felt it was her fault but because she was never going to be the right Shepherd. Which in reality was a shitty move on her part. Amelia was strangle one of the only people who understood her dark and twisty tendencies.

Just like now. Amelia knew the apprehension stemmed from DeLuca. "I ghosted him. Derek came back and my heart just shifted immediately back to him."

The leather crunches under Amelia's movement. Her sister-in-law migrates to face Meredith. Sympathy strikes her expression. "I know I'm Derek's sister and maybe I'll kick your ass if you say yes but, if you still feel things for DeLuca then say something. I mean if that is what this whole pouting, hiding out in your car, moping thing is anyways."

Meredith's stomach turned. Thinking of being with DeLuca now after everything that's occurred makes her nauseated. There has been moments where she lies awake at night, quivering that DeLuca slept next to her in Derek's spot. Grimy would be the proper verbiage to describe what she feels toward him.

"Oh my god no. I don't want to be with him. I mean sure he was fun to screw and pass the time with but I don't think I ever loved him. Derek is the love of my life, not him." She says with every ounce of certainty. "I'm not nervous to see him because I think I'm in love with him. I'm apprehensive because I doubt he's going to take it well." Bile burns at the back of her throat when she thinks of his attitude toward her the numerous times she turned him down.

Derek yes, tried to pursue her back when she was merely an intern, before his perfect-leggy wife popped up and he stole her panties at prom. But never was he so cocky and arrogant in the way DeLuca was with her. Derek was playful and their banter at the time was all lighthearted. A lot of the time she felt like an object with DeLuca. It sickens her knowing much of the reason she even agreed to be with him was only because the attending/resident relationship reminded her of what she held with Derek.

DeLuca was blunt and rarely took no as a suitable option. "If he wants to be a bitch baby because you're happy with your husband then I'll beat his ass no problem. I have no problem pummeling that arrogant son of bitch's face in." Amelia reminded Meredith much of Cristina in that moment. They were similar at an aggressive standpoint. She was grateful to have someone be there for her in situations like these.

"Don't murder him, please." Meredith retorts rapidly.

"I make no promises. Seriously though, just talk to him. Derek is the father of your children too and he needs to learn how to respect that. I seriously will intervene if he tries to get aggressive."

Meredith's locks her shoulders to her ears, holding down her airways before releasing a shaky breath. Her arms fall and lie relaxed at her hips. The engine tires it's even hum when her finger releases the 'START' control. "I just want to get it over with. I'm ready to move on."

"You're Meredith Grey. No one tells you what to do or how to live your life. Now get your butt up and march out of this car and tell Andrew DeLuca who the boss is! You not him, figuratively and literally."

Meredith grins at Amelia's feral pep-talk. Weirdly it shook her of the shoddy nerves enough to yank her from the seclusion of her SUV.

GA

The sterile aroma of medical supplies brushes his nostrils. It was a familiar scent. The kind he associated to more than a decade. Ellis walks beside him, the tiniest hand clutched to his palm. After dropping Zola and Bailey at school for the day, he was scheduled to meet Amelia today to discuss a game plan for Catherine Fox's surgery. The likelihood he would be able to stand through a thirteen hour surgery was minimal. However it didn't mean he couldn't placate his ideas for good use. Meredith was unaware of his attendance or that he was going to contribute to the Catherine Fox case at all.

Derek relished his wife but a nervous feeling encapsulated him. Meredith would likely endure a heart attack if she caught wind he was assisting on a case. Not simply that she wasn't supportive of the notion he reel back into work but that she might get weary if ideas sparked of her husband standing in on surgery with his current medical condition.

He brushes cognizant worries away for now. If Meredith so happened to spot him or bump into him in the elevator than so be it. He texted his sister a few minutes earlier of his arrival but there was no response. He couldn't page her. Derek was still familiar with the hospital although changes have been performed in his absence. Starting with the renovation of their waiting lounge. Things progressed deeper than its cosmetic attributes. The people. Derek hardly recognized anyone wandering the corridors. Many of his favorite nurses seemed to be traded for newer models. The batch of interns he remembers is now grown and off to better things. Even the attending's, Derek did not associate most.

He felt like a prisoner of his own mind again. As if amnesia kicked in once more to wipe the recollections.

Gasps of air flutter in haggard breaths from between Derek's lips. His hands tremble, fingers shaking, cavern quivering, knees insistent to buckle. Although he refuses to stop. Not until he reaches the loft.

A seven week hospital visit to rehabilitate seemed like more than an abundance of time. Except now when his brain is thumping and swollen, eyes watering, and his calves shake the statement is laughable. His nurse, the one who'd been there when he came to, is the one who offered him this place. Her title was Alice and they bonded over his stay. She felt like the single ounce of normalcy in a storm brewing with chaos. Derek couldn't leave considering there was no place he could really go. If he returned to the states, which one was the right one? He was thankful for this abode until his memory reappeared in full, if it ever would that is.

His memories were still shot and nothing he tried brought them forth. Only tiny snippets flashed in at some points. However they were never enough to bring him full circle. Only tinges of the mystery blonde from his Polaroid. One being his blonde hissing "Derek" at him, the only reason he knew his first name. A strange recollection popped in a couple days ago. A periwinkle post-it note. Most likely a younger version of himself sits adjacent to his blonde.

Take care of when old, senile, and smelly

That you'll love me, even when you hate me

No running

This is forever

The phrases spoken reminded him of wedding vows. But, they couldn't have been at a wedding. They were scribbling words on a sticky note. His blonde wore baby blue scrubs...

Then it struck. He nearly jolted at the revelation. His mystery girl from the Polaroid was likely a doctor. Scrubs equaled physician right? The information was minimal but enough to narrow down the choices. He would dial Alice after a long nap and some food entered his growling stomach. She offered to remain close to him to help find his real life and home. He appreciates the loyalty.

"Whoa!" A taller, fit gentleman crashed head first into Derek on his way to discover Amelia's whereabouts. He was dressed in navy scrubs, digits curled tight around a cup of coffee, and a chart stuck to another. Sandy blonde hair and a pair of ocean orbs similar to his own completed his physique. Something insisted this guy was full of himself but still cared about others. Had Derek been that way?

Mr. Perfect places his items to the nurses station. Running a now free palm over his tresses, he sighs. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to run into you and..." his sentence drifts.

Ellis pulls at Derek's hand, whining and insistent they make a move immediately. "Daddy, I have to potty." His daughter makes a face. Her brow scrunches tight and her tiny legs cross.

"How do you know Meredith Grey?"

Derek's taken back by the question. How did this man know Meredith was associated to him? And what the hell made her name pop in his brain at this instant? Derek's gut somersaulted. "How do you...?"

He slaps his forehead. An extensive smile and chuckle escapes. "I completely spaced I'm sorry. I'm Atticus Lincoln, most just call me Link though. I'm an orthopedic surgeon, I work here. Well obviously I'm wearing the scrubs and all." Derek nodded slow, taking in the peppy, cheerful attitude with grains of salt. He seemed high but Doubted Link would be someone to possess drugs or inject morphine regularly.

"Anyways." Link continued. "I asked if you knew Meredith Grey because of this little cutie pie. We're friends and I've met her kids before so that's why I asked. I've never seen you around before."

His reveal settled Derek's nerves somewhat. At least this wasn't the mystery boyfriend his wife was still keeping silent about. Derek isn't angry at her for having someone else but he doesn't think jealousy will quiet itself if he ever does meet the man. "I'm her husband." He quips.

"Meredith isn't married. She told me she wasn't."

"I came back from the dead." Link looks positively terrified or possibly weirded out by his strange offering. Derek wants to snort because he possibly broke Pretty Boy.

Except Link doesn't bolt for a psych consult, instead he stays. "What? I-I don't?"

"I died three years ago. Well everyone thought I was dead. I suffered from retrograde amnesia and was living in London until a few weeks ago when all the memories flooded back. It's why Dr. Grey has been on leave for a month, I've been home. She's still my wife and this is my daughter Ellis."

"Wow that's incredible, I had no idea. I just thought she was divorced or something. Thank god, I hated her boyfriend. DeLuca, he's a real ass." An ass? To his wife? Derek's blood bubbles with fiery heat. "Oh, I thought she told you about him?" Link's apology likely stems from the expression of mortality darkening his periwinkle irises.

"I knew about him."

Guilt floods this mans features. Truly, Link seems to be empathetic of the situation. "I'm sorry. I really hope I didn't screw anything up with you and your wife. Meredith, err, Dr. Grey is a wonderful person. I saw her earlier and she seemed different but I didn't know what is was. For a while I could tell this dark aura followed her around and suddenly it's just gone. It's you, your absence was her darkness. I can help you find her if that's why you're here."

Derek somewhat enjoys Link. Mr. Perfect appears genuine. Although his brightness is slightly scorching to the cornea, he's a decent guy. "No, it's alright. I'm not here to see Mer, I'm here for my sister Amelia Shepherd."

One would have thought a bomb detonated judging from Link's eyes. They crescendoed to saucers in seconds flat. "Oh my god, you're Amelia's brother?! I remember when you died, it was in every medical magazine, blog, article! You were a legend, are a legend. You're Derek Shepherd. I don't know why I didn't connect the dots sooner. I should have recognized you immediately but your hair is shorter now and you're not wearing scrubs so I mean ah, total brain fart. Sorry to make brain jokes I understand you're really serious about your specialty and on a professional standpoint I do know brains can't actually fart."

Link likes to ramble. In the four minutes Derek's known this guy, it's evident he relishes the art of fast paced speech that barely correlates. Similar to his wife who could ramble her head off. Except Meredith's was a nervous habit and he can guess Link goes about this normally. "Link, it was nice getting to know you and I'm glad to know you're apart of the 'Derek Shepherd Fan Club' and all but my daughter is about to pee on this floor if I don't get her to daycare and I really need to find my sister."

"Yes! Right, I'm going to have a resident take my consult and I'll get little Ellis to a bathroom and you to see your sister."

"Oh, you don't have to-"

Before Derek can finish, Link extends his grip to Derek's wrist. He and Ellis are nearly sliding along the ground to an elevator.

This should be interesting.

GA

Meredith Grey hated her job. Before this very moment, she enjoyed the profession. Except now, being a surgeon at a teaching hospital meant residents and interns were placed on her service. Meredith never chose due to favoritism, the chief chose for her. Dr. Hellman and Dr. DeLuca were working a case with her today.

She is so going to beat the crap out of Alex when she finds him. Ignoring Andrew DeLuca was harder than she could have predicted. That man was nearly chasing her down hallways just to grapple her attention. Maybe hiding from a sort of ex-boyfriend was childish on her behalf but she knew better than anyone what the repercussions would consist of.

Her life was finally getting back on a track. Meredith didn't want to diminish that because of some Boy Toy she fooled around with for a few months. She sighs when standing at the OR board. There isn't a crowd which frightens her DeLuca will find her and question her. She's only spoken to him on a professional level. Asking how gallstones formed and if they could cause an inflamed pancreas during rounds today. There was a bitterness entwined with his tone she didn't appreciate. Even if they were dealing with personal matters, it was no excuse to elicit an attitude in front of patients.

Tipping forward and backwards on her navy converse, a hand curls around her shoulder to halt the movement.

Meredith gulps.

"You've been avoiding me." Crap!

Maybe if she bolts he won't be able to catch up. It's doubtful. He's younger and she knows of his stamina, even if the way she's cognizant makes her ill to think about. She turns, slow, meeting his gaze.

DeLuca's hazel eyes are dark. The way his brows knit is why she backs a step away. "Dr. DeLuca I don't think now is a good time."

He scoffs. "No time is ever a good time for you, Meredith. I want to know what the hell is going on. You let me bone you in an on-call room a month ago and then I don't hear from you again! When I ask people where the hell you went they all answer with the same bullshit 'it's a personal matter.' I'm your boyfriend I should know where you disappear to."

His demanding nature doesn't settle well with Meredith. In fact if it weren't for the Hippocratic Oath she would pummel him into the nurses station. "I shouldn't have left unannounced but I had a damn good reason for why I did. If people told you it was personal, then it fucking was. You have not a clue what's happened to me in the last month."

"Exactly!" He spits. "I don't know what the hell is going on because you're more closed off than a brick wall. I didn't deserve to be ghosted, you could have at least called."

"I was with my freaking husband!" A crowd draws inward. Scrub nurses and residents file in to watch the disaster unfold. She's clenching her fists to keep from exploding further. What she wouldn't do to just slap the hell out of DeLuca right now.

"Husband? Meredith he's dead. How many times do I have to tell you it's okay to let go and move on? It doesn't take a month to visit someone's grave."

"That's not what I was doing..." She starts.

"Oh then what? Riding the ferryboat back and forth to talk to him? You're my girlfriend. Talk to me not a dead guy."

"I'm not your girlfriend anymore. I was never... I didn't love you. We fooled around and sometimes we went to dinner but I don't feel love toward you. I let the excitement of a resident and attending relationship get the best of me. I only wanted this because it reminded me of my husband."

DeLuca sneers and moves forward. The hot puffs of his breath hit her neck. She's uncomfortable and wishes to flee the scene. Her lab coat hits the OR board. "You're breaking up with me? I spent months chasing you and the moment I finally get you, you're turning me down for a guy who died three years ago. Get over him already. You know good and well we were in love."

She slaps him. Meredith Grey slaps someone at her place of work in front of her colleagues. Her hand stings from the collision. Tears fill her waterline. "You don't know what it's like to have someone you're in love with die like that. It doesn't matter what I was doing, it's my business, not yours. You have no right to bring him up or tell me when it's okay to move on. I don't love you." She pushes past him and the building audience. Alex or Bailey will surely hear about this and punish her in some shape or form. Meredith doesn't care.

The people surrounding blur when tears encapsulate her. It's the next hand that grabs her arm to relinquish a scream from her throat. "WHAT?!"

Link releases his hold. He steps backward a couple feet to give her space, but doesn't leave. "I didn't mean to scare you, I just..."

Meredith shakes her head and lowers her chin when drops of moisture drip from under eye to cheek. "You didn't scare me. I didn't mean to yell at you either. I'm just having a bad day."

Link pulls her in for an embrace. Usually she would restraint herself from something of this nature but this time she melts into the hug. His hands slip up and down her spine. His chin lies at her crown. Link doesn't make a peep when she cries against his scrubs nor does he ask what her deal is. She doesn't feel for him romantically but his gesture reminds her of something Derek would give. He gives off 'big brother' sort of feelings. Making her think of Mark Sloan and the way she used to protect her. Meredith could use a brotherly figure now.

"I met Derek. I had no idea that he was married to you or that he was back. He's really nice. Ellis was with him and she was doing this adorable little dance that tells she really had to pee. I took him to meet Amelia, said they were working on something together."

She's too stirred to ask why Derek was here or wonder why he didn't tell her. "Thank you." Meredith croaks. Moving her face from the warm plane of his chest, she wipes the remainder of tears from her skin.

"No problem, I would love to get know him some more. I was really fascinated by him back when I was just an intern a long time ago. Anyways, I'll let you get to wherever it is you need to be. I just know hugs usually make me feel better in bad situations." He really is a sweet guy. It makes her angry at herself she chose DeLuca and stood Link up before Derek came. Maybe she wouldn't have fallen in love with him but at the least friends.

"I have to go find my idiot husband and first hug the crap out of him and then kick him in the shin for lying about coming to the hospital." A sad snort fills the space.

He doesn't prod on the issue and instead offers a gentle stroke to her arm. "Good luck." His pager buzzes, forcing him to leave the scene.

GA

It's in this instant Derek clearly remembers why Thomas Koracick makes his skin crawl. The man was nothing short of brilliant when it came to neuroscience and surgery, he could give him that. However, any other aspect of the man was complete garbage. At least in Derek's eyes. His behavior reminded him much of the way Mark used to behave. The consistent sleeping with any and every woman. The god complex.

But a faux smirk lies against his cheeks for Amelia's sake. He doesn't understand what she sees in this man but clearly his sister wants Tom on their team. Derek keeps his mouth shut, for now at least.

"Derek, what hell hole have you been in since I last saw you?" Tom preens something similar of a Cheshire Cat. Derek struggles to keep his eyes from rolling.

He watches Amelia nudge him, flash a face, and turn back to Derek's direction with a sweet smile. "Sorry, I mean it's good you're okay now."

"Amy I'm fine." Derek insists. He leans lowers to the chair behind him, eliciting a sigh of frustration. Enveloping his arms across his chest, he meets Tom's gaze. "London, England. The city not much of a hell hole but I'd like to consider the year I was conscious there tormenting. I lived in a tiny loft with no heat for a while and to make money in order to get back to America I worked in this shitty little convenient store stocking shelves."

He thinks a lot of his tumultuous time there. His only friend being Alice from the hospital. Derek consumed a lot of Ramen Noodles and nearly burned the only home he had down after starting a fire to keep warm one night. It wasn't just that his medical stance sucked but his memory being wiped was torturous. He was only ever graced by tidbits of information over a years span. Why did words like neuroblastoma easily come to him but the name of his own mother was absent?

"Fuck, I'm sorry man." Tom apologizes. Derek's taken back by the admission, not that he's seeking anyone's apology. He doesn't want sympathy for his time in London. When his memory flooded in like a crashing wave, Derek thought he deserved what happened to him. With the way he treated Meredith, kissing that lab tech, betraying his family, hurting Amelia, leaving his children behind.

Was it possible he was deserving of being incorrectly diagnosed? To be hit by a semi and lose enough motor function in his legs that being a surgeon was never an option again? Maybe he had been a terrible human being.

He fought with his subconscious constantly.

You deserve what happened to you.

Watch out, your second chance won't last long.

Meredith is going to leave you for her boyfriend.

Those ideas constricted him night and day. Derek was scared. Traumatized that one wrong move is going to either kill him for good or send him right back to solitude. "You don't have to apologize. It happened and I'm moving on." Derek insists. "Let's just talk about the tumor I don't want to talk about London right now."

"Der-" His sister worries.

"I'm fine." Initially his tone is stark and stone cold. His fist shakes but he unravels the digits from his palm. Derek couldn't snap now. Not when he was finally back to doing something he cared about. He wanted to save someone's life again.

"Well okay then." Tom turns his attention to the white board they rolled in from the skills lab twenty minutes ago. Already, Amelia and Tom have concocted their notions to the blank canvas. Most to all of their methods so far end in death or Catherine becoming a vegetable.

"I don't get it." He continues. "I'm good at what I do, no scratch that, I'm excellent."

"You know this is why I called you an ass at the conference, right?" Derek interrupts.

Tom grunts. "Quiet it down over there cripple I'm trying to speak."

Amelia can't help but laugh at his joke. Derek does roll back his eyes this time but ceases to fuel Tom's fire. Something tells him that man relishes going off on anyone or anything. "Now, back to my brilliance. Usually I don't get stuck this way. I resected Amelia's tumor perfectly. I mean one minute she's a crazy lunatic and the next, poof! Completely normal. God I'm good I just, ugh what is it that I'm missing."

As Tom ponders his mistakes, Derek turns his head to Amelia, mouthing "What the hell are we doing?"

She shrugs, asking him to simply trust Tom and herself. Amelia wants Derek to be proud of her. Maybe she's too proud to admit it out loud but he's cognizant. For the entirety of their lives, Amelia has yearned to amount to Derek. To do something other than be the drugged out little sister stealing and crashing his Mustang.

I'm not fragile. I'm a drug addict. I've fallen off the wagon twice and gotten back on.

That does not make you fragile Derek. It makes you very freaking strong.

He too wants to make her proud. Derek isn't seeking to be this arrogant tyrant anymore. He used to live life as though it were a competition. Derek's tired of competing. He's risen his white flag. The least he can do is prove to her he's changed. Support is now his mantra and it's what he desires to give to her and everyone surrounding him.

"Open her up." Derek says. Amelia and Tom quirk their orbs to him, confusion wandering their expressions. "I've had a similar situation to this before. It was a long time ago but the guy lived and I got it out. You don't really know of anything until your patient is lying there on the table, open in front of your eyes. Visualization is good. Besides, getting some of the tumor out is better than all the tumor, right?"

"Look at you being Mr. Glass Half Full today." His sister beams. She trails from her spot adjacent to the white board to his seat on the far left of their room. She wraps an arm around his shoulder, he lifts upward to placate a halfway hug.

"I'm trying something new." He chuckles.

Tom taps the Expo against the board. "I'm all for sibling bonding but to get back to our point, I think Derek might have a point. Shocking, I know, but he's onto something."

The noise of rubber shoe soles scratch at Derek's ear. His attention splits from Amelia, focusing in on his wife. Before his brain could panic that she had found him, his breath hitched. She stood, flushed, red rimmed eyes, sad irises. Her hair was down, golden waves contrasting to the navy scrubs.

Meredith rams for his seat. Without saying a word, she encircles her arms around his neck, tight, secure, safe. "Amelia, lets leave before this makes me anymore uncomfortable." Derek watches from over Meredith's clavicle Tom nodding and motioning with his thumb to escape. He's grateful, even if his commentary was sarcastic and rude, that he's alone with Meredith now.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She sinks to his lap. Her feet dangle, barely touching the ground now. His hands soothe up and down her spine, a gesture he's fully aware is one of her favorites.

Sniffling, she retorts, "I should be kicking your ass right now."

Derek wants to laugh but the noise rebukes itself from slipping into the dissonance. "Why are you always trying to kick my ass?"

"Because you're a stupid, idiot, dumb brain-man who lies to his wife about coming to the hospital on her first day back to work with Amelia. That's why I should be kicking your ass."

This time he does relinquish a chuckle. Meredith reciprocates with one herself, but the tears do not cease their decent. "It's not lying, I just never said anything."

She slaps his shoulder, he pretends her ineffectual fists could damage him, and puckers out his lower lip. "That's lying by omission. To be a neurosurgeon you're really freaking brainless."

Meredith presses her nose to the lining of his navy t-shirt. Her fingers are cold and he can feel the icy digits through the thin material of his tee when she cascades them under his leather jacket. But he doesn't flinch or force her to remove them. She snuffles and divulges random sounds of agitation to his shirt. Derek silently wipes tears from her cheek.

"I'm having a bad day." She finally concedes to his curiosity. "And Link told me you were here and I couldn't decide if that made me mad or grateful. So now I'm crying against your chest because I'm an emotional cesspit of hormones now that you're back. I cry all the time. I cried the other week watching a Zoloft commercial. But I'm glad you're here because I get to hug you. Thank you for not dying because visiting your grave is torture and I really don't want to do that anymore."

"If it makes you feel better," Derek starts. "I met Link this morning. That man is positively the most cheerful human being I've met. He reminds me of an Izzie clone but with a penis."

Meredith snorts. "He grows on you. He's like a fungus I guess? That was a crappy simile. He's the one who got me to calm down some after what happened with DeLuca." His wife's body tenses. Moments ago she was supple and lax in his hold and now her flesh was stone.

"I know DeLuca was your boyfriend." The cat is out of the bag. Tension multiplied. "What did he do?" The assertion was harsh.

Meredith adjusts herself from her spot on his lap. She inserts her fingers to the raven mane of his hair. "It's not a big deal."

"Clearly it's a big enough deal to make you cry. Link mentioned he was an ass so what did he do to you." Judging from Meredith's contortion, he can easily guess whatever it was he'd soon be paying for.

"It's nothing. We had an argument in the hallway okay? He came up behind me and asked why I was ignoring him. I told him, it was none of his business and he didn't like that answer. Look it wasn't even that part that got me upset it was when he..."

Derek stared. His gaze never left Meredith's. Fear cascaded over her now gray optics. His fist clenched the material of the chair they were seated in.

"He brought you up and it made me mad. He didn't even know what I had, have, with you. He made comments that I should just get over you already. He made it sound like I was his property or some bone to his dog I don't know. I was uncomfortable. There was a big crowd and he wouldn't let me leave until I answered him. But I'm fine he doesn't matter-"

Derek pushes Meredith from his body. After weeks of rehabilitating in physical therapy, now was a better time than any to exercise his new found strength by bolting. His wife's body thumps to the cushion. "Derek..." She begins, reaching out to grab at his hand.

"I'll murder him." He asserts bluntly.

Without another tinge of commentary, Derek escapes the attending's lounge. Meredith calls out for him from behind. He starts with a power walk. "Where are you going?" She hisses from behind.

"I told you I will murder that arrogant cock if that's what it takes! No one makes my wife cry."

"You don't even know what he looks like!" Meredith shouts. Derek halts to a pause. Shit, she was right. Derek only knew of his name, nothing more.

A lightbulb goes off. Derek reaches for a blonde, stumpier girl, in periwinkle scrubs. She's ogling at Meredith which somewhat makes him uncomfortable but he pushes the feeling away. "Excuse me, Dr..."

"Helm. Dr. Helm. Can I help you with something?"

"Do you know where Dr. DeLuca is? I need to see him immediately." The intern seems stumped momentarily. Wondering whether or not it's appropriate to address a complete stranger of a physicians whereabouts.

However, Dr. Helm nods. "Yeah, someone told me he was going to the intern locker room to shower after some patients guts exploded on him in the OR I think."

'Serves him right' Derek's conscious sneers. "Thank you."

He's running. Granted, his legs are burning and if anything he's aching to stop just so he can catch his breath. It's been... a while since he sprinted. Memories of the morning before his crash come to mind. Running in circles to save those innocent people from death.

That had been the last time.

Meredith chases after him. Her converse squeak against the tiles. Witnesses gape at the scene unfolding around them. Derek doesn't care. Not when his wife's happiness was at stake.

The steel doors of a familiar elevator are his saving grace. Derek breathes a sigh of joy as his fingers touch the button to pry the doors open. Luckily, no one else is in the confined box. He presses the number four and close.

Except a hand derails his perfect plan to destroy this adolescent prick.

Shit.

Meredith's face appears from between elevator doors. She seems less than amused by his antics. "Are you nuts? You could have killed yourself or caused even more damage to your legs! You hate your cane Derek, do you really want to keep that as a permanent accessory or even a wheelchair for Christ's sake? You can't over exert it because you're jealous of a boyfriend I had when you were supposed to be dead."

Meredith's verbiage pierces at his heart. "I'm not jealous, I'm protecting you!" The doors enclose behind his wife and they remain solemn in the cabin.

"Pft, sure you aren't jealous. You never are! You weren't jealous of Finn either and yet you nearly threw a tantrum when I walked down those stairs in his shirt."

Derek pants for air, gripping the metal bar behind him to keep him upright. "That was different! You knew I was in love with you."

She scoffs at the retaliation. "It is not the same! You chose Addison. I didn't choose DeLuca, I chose you."

"Oh so what he was an option? You would have chosen him over your own husband, huh?" The color drains from Meredith's expression.

She steps forward, crossing her arms along her breasts. A sniffle comes about. "You're just as arrogant as he is. Look at you, acting like I'm some kind of prize. Just like you did with Finn... you, have no idea what you're talking about. You don't want to protect me. All you want is to claim me like every other man in this hospital does. If you were my husband you'd understand what I had with him was nothing compared to what I have with you."

"I flew five thousand miles to get to you. I spent a year searching for you. I was in a medically induced coma for two. I-I figured out your name after months and months and months of struggling to recapture memories. Finally I remember the name Meredith Grey. I research you and the moment I'm set to travel to Seattle with no recollection or a single idea of who I really am at all, only a shriveled picture of us in bed, a woman named Alice tells me she's in love with me. A woman at the time, I knew, far more than you. Except I chose you and I didn't even know you. I could have stayed in London with her but I didn't. I got on a freaking plane to be with you. And thank god I did because on that plane ride when I knew nothing, everything came back. So yeah, maybe I chose wrong a decade ago but I vowed I'd never make that same mistake. So maybe I have a right to get upset some whiny, cock-wad hurt your feelings. I just want to be with you, Mer. That's what I've wanted forever."

Time stands still. His wife adjacent to his frame. Tears clog his ducts. Silence strangles him. "Another woman loved you?"

A gnarly sound brims the elevator. It contracts and shakes them. The lights power off.

"Shit." Meredith whispers to herself. She turns to the doors and begins to fiddle with the buttons. None will light or create sound.

"What's happening?" Derek questioned.

With a loudening sigh, his wife turns to meet his gaze. "We're stuck."


This chapter is a doozy I know. I spent a couple days working on this, I meant to post it last night but I ended up going out. Good thing I didn't though, I ended up going a completely different direction than what I planned.

Also, this is the longest chapter I've written. 8000 words! Phew that's a lot of Meredith and Derek. I think I needed it though, after Thursday's episode and what came about it, I've been upset since. I'm putting it out there that I don't like DeLuca or care for him in the slightest. I find him really immature and he treats Meredith like she's an object not a person. He's only in it for the chase and acting as if she's his property which is gross.

So to put a lot of your minds at ease, I'll go ahead and assure you Meredith won't ever be with him in this universe. I find it HIGHLY unlikely she would go to DeLuca rather than Derek if this situation ever occurred.

I'm slowly but surely adding in these season 15 plot lines. We got Derek, Amelia, and Tom interactions. I knew immediately when Grey's mentioned Tom knew Derek I had to use it. Also LINK! How do we feel about him? Personally I like him a lot. I think he's a good person plus I totally know he'd be a Derek Shepherd cheerleader or whatever.

If you didn't catch on, MerDer is stuck in the elevator not Meredith and DeLuca this time thank god. I tried incorporating more details of Derek's stay in London. Much of that plot line will develop later on and I can assure, this will not be the last you hear of Alice.

I felt like I needed to have this story of Derek searching for Meredith in here too. Finding this mystery girl with the blonde hair was his thing, the only thing that kept him sane. Bits and pieces of random memories came to him but the whole thing wasn't until after he made his choice.

Also, anything medical is from google or something my brain thought sounded legitimate. I'm no doctor!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the cliff hanger! I'm already working on the next chapter. Can't wait to bring in more characters and give everyone the MerDer they deserve.

Please leave a review they always are helpful! I love feedback and I'm assuming after this there will be lots. Thanks again for the support, hope you're having a lovely Sunday.