Chapter Seven: A Nice Surprise

The room was tense and silent. The Doctors stood on the opposing side of the room from the UNIT troops and the general, backed up against the wall. In their heads, they would all like to pretend they had an epic, genius plan to escape but, in reality, none of them had a clue what to do if UNIT decided to shoot them all.

"Happy anniversary!" the general smiled, amused at the fearful, although now more confused, faces of all the Doctors.

"Y'what?" asked the Ninth, stepping forward slightly.

"Today is your fiftieth anniversary of welcoming humans aboard the TARDIS. We checked through the history books and with your companions. The first time you took Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright with you was on November 23rd 1963! And we're here to celebrate it!" explained the General, stepping aside to reveal a huge, TARDIS-shaped birthday cake being carried into the room by Jamie and Sarah Jane. Every companion the Doctor had been currently travelling with, much to all the Doctors' delight, flooded into the room and greeted their respective Doctor.

"Hang on a minute!" called the Tenth across the room. "If this is just a big anniversary party for us all, then why did you have to throw us in here? Emphasis on throw, General!"

"Call me Baxter," he replied, glancing at the UNIT commandoes, who remained stone-faced as everyone else rejoiced. "And we couldn't have you spoiling the surprise! Unfortunately, UNIT commandoes don't really know how to be gentle, I'm afraid!"

"Well, what about that transport technology? UNIT doesn't have that technology in…2013!" said the Second.

"Oh, please, Doctor," scoffed the General. "We had your latest companion grab it from the TARDIS."

At that moment, Clara Oswald stepped into the room, smiling and waving.

"Hi, Doctors and everyone else! Number Twelve sends their regards. I'd tell you him or her but…spoilers." she grinned, winking on the last word at the Eleventh.

"Blimey, you get around, don't you?" said the Tenth, raising his eyebrows at the Eleventh. The Eleventh responded with a vague, "Shut up." in Ten's general direction.

"And we only had limited trips on the transporter, so we could only get the first eleven of you. Also, Twelve informed us we could only have eleven incarnations here because it was a fixed point or something. Dropped Miss Clara off and left."

"Right, come on! That's enough plot-hole insulation for now! Let's party! Anyone for a jelly baby?" called the Fourth, much to the joy of everyone.


Five hours later, the party was beginning to wind down. The Doctors and their companions were strewn across the room like discarded rubbish, some of them groaning at the amount of alcohol, cake or jelly babies they had ingested.

"I'd better make sure she gets home safe!" grinned a tipsy Jack Harkness, wandering over towards a passed out Clara.

"Stop it." demanded the Ninth, slumped on a nearby chair with cake around his mouth.

"RORY! WOOOO!" screamed Amy, her arm around Rory, the Eleventh doing the same thing.

"THE LAST CENTURION! YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!" hollered the Eleventh, drunkenly pouring punch over Roy's head.

"I hate you both…" muttered Rory, as his head was drenched.

"It's a funny old business, time." slurred the Seventh to the Eighth, who nodded in drunken agreement.

"Yesh. Indeed…*hic*…it is. Yesh, indeed." the Eighth hiccupped back.

"Come on, Professor!" whined Ace, tugging on the Seventh's arm like a five year old. "I'm booored now! Let's go!"

"I'M NOT THE PROFESSOR, FOR RASSILON'S SAKE!" yelled the Seventh, turning to face Ace. "I'M THE DOC-!"

The rest of his sentence was cut off by the stream of vomit that violently exited his mouth, causing the Eighth to laugh hysterically and Ace to scream in horror as her favourite jacket was ruined.

The First and the Sixth sat on the side-lines, watching the rest of their incarnations and companions make fools of themselves.

"You know, you and me have a lot of things in common." said the Sixth, realizing they were pretty much the only people in the room not intoxicated.

"Well, not everything. There's one big difference" replied the First.

"Oh, what's that?"

"I'm liked."

The Tenth had Donna's sleeve by one hand, much to Donna's annoyance, as he slurred out some honest advice.

"Donna. You must…must promise me that…you will always take a banana to a party. Bananas are…good." he grinned, Donna having to keep him from falling over, "Promise me you will, Donna!"

"I promise." sighed Donna, her eyes rolling and the Tenth let go of her sleeve, pointing forward.

"Excellent! ALLONS-Y!" he bellowed triumphantly, before falling flat on his face.

"Sarah? Would you care for a jelly baby?" asked the Fourth, holding out the empty bag to his increasingly irritated companion.

"No." Sarah Jane grunted, staring straight ahead

"And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day!" the Second, Third, Fifth and Jamie McCrimmon were all attempting to sing, as they crashed into Adric and sent him flying to the floor.

"DOCTORS!" yelled Baxter over the cacophony of the after, after-party. Everyone stopped their shenanigans and turned to look at him, apart from the Seventh, who was still throwing up.

"I'm afraid I will have to return you all to your timelines now and wipe your memories! Otherwise, the vortex will collapse in on itself and it's barely holding together as it is! Farewell!"

The Doctors began to protest but a bright, blue light blinded everyone in the room. When it cleared, all the Doctors and companions, except for the Eleventh, had gone and several things they had been holding dropped to the ground.

"Hey…" slurred the Eleventh, moving in a zig-zag pattern towards Baxter. "This isn't the TARDIS. Is it? It's bigger on the inside…"

"You're the most recent one and can keep your memories. Something Twelve said about…keeping the timeline in order or something."

"YAY!" the Eleventh cheered, tripping over into Baxter's arms.

"Your TARDIS is just here, Doctor." said Baxter, indicating the blue box that had appeared as the others had disappeared.

"Brilliant!" yelled the Doctor again, drunkenly shoving the TARDIS key in the lock. After missing a few times, he eventually got the door open and called back, "Bye, bye, Alistair! It's been great!"

"No, I'm not-!" Baxter began but he was cut off by the door slamming shut and, a few seconds later, the TARDIS dematerialising.

A single UNIT trooper marched into the room and stood to attention in front of Baxter, saluting as he did so.

"Sir!"

"What are you here for? They've all gone now."

"The Brigadier assigned me to guard you at all times, sir! New regulations!"

"I'm afraid I won't be able to comply, trooper."

"Uh…" stuttered the guard. "Well…you have to, sir. Orders from the top."

"Ah, yes…" smiled Baxter, stepping towards the guard. "But you see...I already have a guard."

Baxter snapped his fingers and the most hated and the most hateful creature rolled into the room, its gun fixed on the trooper.

"And I'm afraid General Baxter has been dead for a long time."

The trooper fired at the Dalek but the bullets had no effect. The Dalek aimed its shot, as the trooper struggled desperately to reload.

"My name…is the Master."

"EXTERMINATE!"


DOOOOOOO! DUM DUM DUM DUM, DUM DUM DUM DUM, DUM DUM DUM DUM etc.

*cue epic announcer voice*

Coming Soon! The epic sequel to this story! Me, Myself and Who 2: The Resurrection, Reveangance, Retribution and Judgement Day!

Well, probably not that but there will be a sequel. It'll be a more serious 'this story' basically. Well, as serious as I can write Doctor Who, anyway.

I just want to thank everyone who read this, favourited it and followed it. It really means a lot. Thanks guys and I'll see you next time!