Several weeks have passed since I died and came to the base. Sunny and Sides were a constant reassuring presence to me, whither they were physically by me, or through our bond. Them and the other Autobots tried to help me with anything they could. Sometimes it was just answering some of my constant questions and sometimes it was helping me train some of my new powers.
In the weeks since I died I have learned how to flicker to places I can't see, stay on something moving without going through it, send visions to people, change my appearance even though I was the only one who could see myself, and grow bonds with the other Autobots. I could feel what they felt and vice versa. Having them at first felt kind of weird to me, but after a while it felt as natural as breathing. Something my ghost body did even though I didn't need to. Because of the number of bonds there were, I kept a filter on them.
What I mean by that is that I kept a lot of what I felt repressed and repressed a lot of the other bonds dampened as well so it didn't all over whelm me. Sometimes I still was sad about being dead and invisible and nonphysical, but it wasn't as bad as it used to be. Currently I was in the medical bay with Ratchet. Apparently something was wrong with Ironhide's holoform projector.
'So what's wrong with his projector thing again?' Ratchet still hadn't given me the full explanation.
"The glitch head blew something up and some of the scrap metal became lodged in the device. It's preventing him from forming a fully physical holoform. Ironhide, activate what you have now."
The mech did so and his nonphysical holoform appeared a little distance away from where I was on the berth. I flickered over to him and observed him.
'I'm creeping on you Hide.' Sometimes I got a kick out of using my ghostliness to creep on people like this. Ironhide always found it funny.
"You would little femme." The mechs holoform laughed. I stepped closer to the holoform that was Ironhide. He flickered slightly every now and then and I could tell just by looking at him that he wasn't solid. Idly I poked him, expecting my hand to go through him.
I almost died again when I was met with resistance. Me and Ironhide both shouted at the same time.
"Holy slag!"
"Holy shit!" Ironhide and I actually stared at each other for a moment, mouths gaping, before I spoke out loud,
"I can touch you!"
"I can feel and see you!" Ratchet had turned at the noise and stood frozen. Then all at once he demanded, "How did you do that?" waving my hands around wildly.
"I don't know! I just touched him and then boom!" Ratchet stared at me before for several moments before speaking quietly.
"When you removed your hand from Ironhide's non physical holoform, you began to fade away again physically, as did your voice. The last thing I heard from you was when you said you just touched him." I was stunned.
'I was speaking out loud instead of with my mind. That's why it faded away.' I said softly. The doc bot nodded sympathetically.
"I see. Well now we know it is possible for you to be physical again. We just need to figure out how to make it last longer." My mind was buzzing with thoughts. To be physical, to be able to touch things again and to be seen, the idea of it all brought tears to my eyes.
'Let's do this.'
For the next several hours after Ironhide left to report to Optimus, Ratchet and I attempted various experiments with various amounts of failure and success. Everything from having me touch different energy sources to different types of lighting and scans. The only thing that had been the most successful was the spark energy.
Ratchet had exposed me to a small amount of it briefly and I became fully physical for nearly twenty minutes, I could be seen, heard, touched and could feel things, but I still couldn't taste or smell anything. Still, it was a drastic improvement. Even though by the end of it I was so tired I could barely move.
'Anymore and I think I'll disappear Ratchet.'
The old mech gave a nod in understanding. I had told him about how using too much of my powers at a time without building them up could make me disappear. "Very well, we can continue this when you are feeling better." I said something in agreement and then flickered to the twins' room where I collapsed on one of the berths. In the pitch darkness I could see that I was still slightly visible due to the glow I was giving off still from the spark energy. I ignored it and fell into a light doze.
I had found that while I couldn't sleep, I could almost doze lightly while still being aware of everything around me. It was into this type of state that I fell into.
"Child you need to be careful. Any more of that and you would be in danger of disappearing."
Voice floated through my mind and I tiredly answered, 'I know, I just want to be physical though.'
Voiced hummed sadly. "I know little one, but you shouldn't strain yourself so much." I sighed, acknowledging what Voice said.
'What would have happened if I hadn't done this?'
"I wondered when you would ask that question. If you had gone on into the afterlife instead of staying here, your twins would have gone into despair and not returned. Eventually their grief would have killed them. If that had happened then it would have set off a chain of events that would eventually lead to the destruction of the Earth. You see, child, if the twins had died then other Autobots would begin to lose hope and would also be killed during battle until all were destroyed."
I thought this over for a while before replying, 'So I'm here to make sure they don't screw up and get the world destroyed? Sounds fair enough to me.' I could feel the amusement coming from Voice. As much as it pained me to be like this, I didn't want everybody else to die. So I could suck it up. Another thought crossed my mind.
'Voice, do you think I can actually be physical some day?'
"It becomes more and more possible every day. Just don't expect it within the next few weeks."
That was something I could live with. Me and voice carried on an idle conversation while I waited for the twins to come back. I was humming to myself when the door slid open. I didn't react until Sideswipe yelled.
"Holy Pit!" I looked up then to see both of the twins had their optics right on me. The room was still pitch dark were I was. I looked at myself and then back at the twins.
'Well look at that, I'm still glowing.'
The twins entered the room and turned on the lights, but then frowned and turned them back off. I blinked at the changes.
'What the hell was that for?' I asked while waiting for my eyes to readjust.
"Sorry femme, but it's easier to see you in the complete dark, so we turned the lights back off." I huffed at Sunny's explanation. They moved closer to me and settled on their berths. Carefully Sides reached out and brushed my arm with his figure. I shivered at the feeling. I was still completely nonsolid and couldn't feel it really but it sort of felt like a tiny breeze.
"How did you manage this?" he asked quietly. I filled them in on mine and Ratchet's experiments and the spark energy.
"So exposing you to larger doses of it might be able to make you fully solid you think?" I nodded and I could see their processors going a mile a minute.
"What if you were to stay next to our sparks while we recharged? Would anything happen?" I had asked both Ratchet and the Voice what would happen if I did something like that. Ratchet told me that it might speed up the process and Voice had told me there was no harm in it.
'Unlike with the other experiments, the spark energy was the only thing that didn't tire me out, if anything it helped restore some lost energy. It doesn't take away from the bot with the energy either.'
I watched the twins exchange a look and sighed.
That night I dozed next to Sides spark. It was strange. I could sort of connect with him on a different level while he slept. It was like I was in his conscious and he was fully aware of me too. It was a comforting experience, and for the first time since I died, I fell into a peaceful sleep.
