Chapter 7
August 9, 1995
The Council lies. They all lie! They think I belong to them like I'm some-some- like I'm property! Who-!
I'm so angry right now I can't think straight!
The Council threatened to get rid of Maty. They threatened me with a new Watcher. Rayne! They want to give me Rayne!
And Maty- that futzusuka anshoubangou hitsu! He just stood there while those furukaisa ko daiben threatened to get rid of him.
I told them, the Council and those old foggies I wasn't going to do shit for them if they got rid of Maty. Let's see them get the evil nasties without a Slayer. There's only one right? What, are they going to kill me and get another? I wanna see them try! Let them try, I'll make them sorry- I'll yabureme senpou ato arat ichi!
I was about to threaten Maty too but he finally got some cojones and finished up my threat with something other than bodily injury and dismemberment.
They make us all jealous of each other; make it seem like being Called is the highest honor, the only thing we should aspire to. I know some of the Potentials wished the current Slayer would die just so they could get a turn… guess that meant they're wishing for my death now. Puta madre! THAT'S JUST PERFECT!
I can't help but think they get off on that, get their jollies off us bickering. They don't care who gets Called so long as they have another and there's plenty of Slayers in training. How many schools do they have? How many of us are there? Just in the Academy there were over four hundred and it seemed like a lot when I first got here but now… I'm thinking we're the smallest bunch.
I don't get it. Haven't any Slayers ever rebelled? Hasn't anyone ever told the Council 'No' and stuck to it? If anything this little vacation at home has taught me I'm no one's property. I don't belong to the Council and I sure as hell am not going to blindly follow their orders anymore.
And Rayne… she can kiss my beaner ass. She's a cold bitch and her Potential is turning out just the same. There's no way Stephanie is getting Called now. She's a year older than me and as soon as Rayne confirmed Maty's words I could tell she was already thinking of taking another Potential under her wing.
The mesuinu threw a knife at my head! I almost threw it back at her- if it weren't for Maty… he should've let me do it. I keep getting this bad vibe from Rayne. She's like a snake and Mamí always said you had to be careful with people like that because they always looked for ways of hurting you.
This was supposed to be a happy vacation. We were supposed to enjoy our time together and the party…
I don't get it. I just cant- why would Del let him do that? She's not- she isn't like she was before. He's made her different and I really don't like him. I may be childish, the way I describe this and it probably sounds like I'm just having a fit but that's not it. I just don't get it!
I'm the Slayer; I'm supposed to fight evil but what about the human evil? Who takes care of that?
Why does she let him?
I didn't tell Maty. I already knew what he'd say about the broken arm and the face paint on Delia's husband. He had it coming and to this day I don't regret giving him that reminder. I hope he kept his hands off my sister, even after they were told…
To be clear when I was Called we were sent directly to the Council where they asked Maty all sorts of questions regarding my training and what we had been doing. They knew we'd gone out to slay but they kept their traps shut on that, didn't reprimand him. How could they since I was already experienced in the field? I was still alive and didn't that mean I was somehow ahead of the game considering I'd been dusting vampires as a regular fourteen year old girl?
Not long after we were driven to the airport and I was off on my first assignment. The Council wasn't wasting any time and they kept me busy. The first year was hardest. I was traveling constantly, catching as much sleep on planes, trains, and car rides when possible and using actual down time to get my school work done. It didn't help that I kept getting the dreams. Mamí always said we had the sight; we came from a long line of brujas. Still, there were five of us and I knew my parents wanted me to get a career but I couldn't tell them I already had one. Can't you just picture it?
"Mamí, Papí. I know what I'm going to be when I grow up. I'm gonna be the Slayer only I might not get to grow up and I probably wont have to wait that long to be called because slayers don't live very long."
And the whole dying young part? Yeah, that would be a great ending to the conversation.
No, I had to keep pretending, keep them happy and for that I needed my high school diploma. I refused to die before I got it but time was running out. The longest any Slayer had lived was two, maybe three years that I had heard of, that's until Buffy even with her resurrections. But I didn't know, she wasn't even part of this until after I died. Still, I was adamant I'd last at least two years. My parents had let me go halfway around the world because they thought it was best for me. I had to give them something they could be proud of. Something just for them so that when I was gone they wouldn't feel as if I'd not had enough time… only I didn't have time.
Maty was the only one who understood, I guess he wasn't as focused on the rules, on how things should be. Maybe that's why we lasted as long as we did.
Mamí dropped the big fifteen on me, the big fancy party almost like a wedding for girls in my culture only we don't have bridegrooms- at least we aren't supposed to at that age. Like so many Mother's, mine was no different and she was super excited. I didn't want it, all that fuss and attention- really all I wanted was some time with my family but the Council didn't want me going. They said No. I'd wanted Maty to say No, that we couldn't keep to the routine. I just didn't know the Watchers Council wasn't going to let me go home at all anymore. A Slayer doesn't get personal time when you work for them.
Mamí figured I show up for vacation and everything's already set up I have no choice but to go through with the party. Only Maty didn't say any of that. He told me I was selfish for taking that from my parents when I knew how it was going to end. We both knew my time was limited, that all I would leave them with were memories. I felt guilty and I was mad at him. I gave him short monosyllabic responses for the rest of the week. He could've just said No. He could've followed the Council's orders and saved himself a lot of shit … but Maty blew them off.
I think that's when they realized Maty wasn't behaving as a Watcher should. He was breaking rules that had been in place for centuries, just little things but still… they didn't like it.
July 24, 1995
They made him dance with me. (fit of giggles) He was scared. He didn't want to dance with me not after I told him what I would do if he ever lay a hand on Delia. She didn't even make a sound when I banged his face into their kitchen counter. All those pretty yellow tiles… they got a new design after though. He made noise, threatened me but then Del gave me the knife and I told him- I told him what I would do to him if I knew he hit her again. I asked them if they had insurance and I think if Del had said No… I wouldn't have broken his arm. But they do have insurance. He wore a cast to my party and there's a picture of him ready to puke and me smiling all innocent like Papí says I do when I've misbehaved. Hope he doesn't see it. Papí always knows when I did something bad not that I'm saying this was bad but I can't tell Maty. He'll think I'm going evil or something.
Delia never asked me about that. She didn't even talk about it though I'm sure Mamí pried it out of her after I hinted she might want to spend more time at Del's. They had two kids together and if Del left him my parents would be hard pressed to keep them fed and clothed. They weren't that young anymore and both my little brothers were still living at home though they weren't very productive. There's something to say about the generation that comes before us; our parents. They have drive; a need to prove themselves, to reach for higher than they are and what they have. I can see some of that drive in others of my generation and younger as well but its not as wide spread as it had been with my parents. Sadly, Lucas and Roque don't have that same drive to do better or achieve more. They are happy to settle with whatever falls into their laps even if that's nothing at all. I blame it on the parents and mine were no exception because they allowed the boys to coast. A sort of pobrecito attitude I still don't understand.
Maty knew my work but he didn't question me. He might have been grateful I didn't do something more permanent. Good thing the Council didn't know about that. They were really ticked off and they made all sorts of threats but after the vacation I'd had I learned I was a human being and just because the Powers That Be had decided it was my turn to die young didn't mean I had to blindly follow orders.
That's how we die.
Maybe I should have just stayed quiet and let them replace Maty. Maybe then I wouldn't be caught in all this guilt. I just can't help it because had it not been for me Maty wouldn't have been there that night. No one would have gotten hurt…
January 3, 1996
I'm in Italy. This is where we spent New Year's and even though I had to work it's still beautiful here. It's a little chilly, cold really but the sun doesn't stop shining and the people, my God they are all so hospitable and nice. They're very helpful. I got lost and this- this… God how can I describe how beautiful he was. They're all gorgeous, the girls and the guys but the guys… this is what it must be like to have a crush only I cant decide which one I'm crushing on!
Life is good, even if I don't have long to live but hey! Silver lining and all… gotta enjoy life while you still can.
Italy was … I think its my favorite place in the world. There's something about the life I found comforting and homey. Their language is … it rolls off your tongue like poetry and it makes sense. I learned this fact later- after dying though I never went back.
Every language has its origin but in Europe the dominant city dialect became the accepted language instead of the mis-mash of different words not everyone could use to communicate with. But Italian …you see, Italy was never really a country because it was always under the rule of either the Spanish, the French, the Church, some uppity Prince or another– anyone with any power really. Italian didn't become a language until the 16th century when the braniacs in Italy got together and said 'Hey, we need our own language.' So that's what they did; they picked the most beautiful of dialects they could find. And where did they find it? Well, they went back to the 14th century; to Dante. Yeah, Dante's Inferno.
I read it.
I haven't been to Hell … not one that resembles anything Dante wrote in his Inferno. I suppose he could've hade some firsthand knowledge of Hell and still survived. Maybe a sister Slayer gave him a tour of a HellMouth who knows…
February 15, 1996
Still in Italy.
Man, I'm stuffed! I got all sorts of pastries and chocolate from my valentines. Five! Wow, Maty was super pissed off. It was funny watching him send one after another right back out the door, one of the guys even brought me a bottle of wine. Maty sent him back out with the bottle, not that I was sad to see it go but jeez! Can't a girl enjoy the last moments on earth?
Maybe some gelato will mellow him out and I just love the food. Yum…
April 28, 1996
Called home today. Mamí and Papí were happy to hear from me. Haven't called them in over a month. Guess they were starting to worry. They want to know when I'm coming home but… I just can't. It's too hard being there and not- I have to lie. All the time and I know Papí can see through the lies. Last time I was home he almost called me out on this, why I was being so serrada. Como si les mintiera a proposito. Only it is on purpose, all these lies.
Mar has been filling Mamí's head with mierda, la pendeja. I had to tell Mamí not to worry, I wasn't having orgies over here and then I lied and told her I was too busy studying to flirt with boys.
Maty says I shouldn't dwell on that. He says I need to stay focused because the Council wants to put me through some sort of test.
Just because I'm turning eighteen and he wasn't supposed to tell me. I'm not supposed to know they plan on locking me in with a bunch of crazed vampires without my Slayer-ness. Haven't I proven that's not necessary? I was fourteen and slaying as a Potential for a year!
I need to go shopping.
June 15, 1996
We're going to Prague.
Maty says we got a job over there… some badie by name of Jonas. I'll read the dozier on the plane- or maybe we get to go on a train this time. Cool! Maybe I shouldn't say 'cool' anymore; I'm a few months from turning eighteen.
I haven't forgotten about that stupid test either.
The council doesn't trust Maty. He told me they're sending some stuffy suits to make sure it's all done on the up and up. Like I need my Slayer abilities to dust a vamp. It's all in my head anyway, what I need to get out of there alive. I don't even want to think about the others that made it to eighteen and then didn't pass this dumb ass test. What where they missing-
I'll show them.
Show them. Yeah, I guess I did. We ended up trailing Jonas for a couple of months and by the time we found him I'd turned eighteen. The test had to wait but Rayne didn't. The snake set us up, or rather she set me up and Maty was just… he wasn't supposed to be there. He shouldn't have been there.
Giles said he made it out. I couldn't believe it! Maty, alive?
Ocotober 30, 1996
I sent Mamí and Papí my diploma. Express mail or over night delivery, whatever. They'll have it end of the week at the latest. I blew my allowance for this month on them too, sent Mamí some figurines and lots of pretty clothes so she can flirt with Papí. I even got him a suit, a light summer suit from Italy; Maty helped me pick it out. I stuck a note in the jacket pocket ordering Papí to take Mamí on a date. I'm sure he'll find it.
I sent post cards too, sent everything from Italy before we left.
I had another dream last night, it was bad. Maty had to wake me up and I hit him. It was an accident, swear!
Still, I couldn't get back to sleep and we stayed up, well, he tried. He kept trying to talk to me but I wasn't into talking and I guess it wasn't so smart to lie down together if I wanted him to stay awake.
I must've fallen asleep too because next thing I know the suns making its glaring presence known. Maty was all embarrassed cus I was snuggled into his side and me teasing him didn't help. Finally I just had to tell him to get over it. So we fell asleep, who cares? I really don't but it was nice- felt like I was home somehow…
January 14, 1997
I've been having those dreams every night since we left Italy. They keep getting confusing but I always see her, this blond girl and she's slaying.
Maybe she's one of them; the one's before me… something about her feels different though. I can't get rid of her eyes, green, burning with an inner fire, glittering like agates…
There I go, all prosey and shit. I haven't told Maty but this time it feels wrong. Something isn't right.
Nothing went right but nothing ever goes right when you're closing a HellMouth.
AN: Posting will get sporadic from now on. Guess you'll be wondering what happens at this HellMouth...
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