To Breathe Again

-Chapter 6-


Genryusai Yamamoto leaned against his cane, staring at the girl in front of him sourly. Her name was Nanao, if he remembered correctly, and he knew that he did. He forgot very little.

He had only seen her in passing over the course of the last few weeks since he had given her the supplies to spruce up his cottage down the road. Often, he caught sight of her as she walked by his house, or when she was working in the yard on outside repairs. She was always busy with some such thing. But he never bothered to say hello, or to check up on her, either (even though he didn't like that a young lady was living alone). But he could hardly mention such a thing to her, so he didn't waste his time thinking about it. Times were different, now, besides. He liked his privacy, so he could only assume that she did too.

Neither one of them had gone out of their way to approach the other. He preferred to keep to himself. She seemed to be much the same, as he hadn't noticed any visitors over there. They were perfect neighbors, he had thought. Each artfully ignoring the other.

Her presence on his doorstep had him reconsidering that right now, however.

She had shown up at his door, knocking and making a racket, and just generally disturbing him. And here she stood, still on his porch, shifting foot to foot. She probably wondered if he planned on answering her ridiculous question. Was she seriously here to give him sweets? He huffed, meeting her patient, if slightly wary, gaze.

There was nothing for it, he would have to answer her question if he was to be rid of her. Letting out a put-upon breath, he scowled at the girl.

"Pastries," he said, in that gravelly, unfriendly voice. Spoken like a man regarding a box of scorpions instead of a box of doughnuts.

"Yes," Nanao clarified, holding the gift apprehensively. Her rent money was in an envelope on top. It was a way of expressing her gratitude to him for giving her a break. She wondered if maybe she had made a mistake now, though, since he was giving her such a daunting look with those piercing eyes. "I just received my paycheck, so I wanted to drop the rent off. And the pastries…they were left over from the day at the coffee shop, and I thought maybe…"

She trailed off, as his frown lines deepened with her explanation. She didn't know what she had expected, but she had thought maybe he would take the small show of appreciation as it was meant; as a way for her to thank him for giving her the cottage without the added cost of a deposit. She had been wracking her brain for some show of gratitude to offer him, but nothing seemed fitting for the old man. She had settled on the doughnuts, because…well, everyone liked those. It was a simple solution, or so she had thought.

But now that she was here and trying to explain, she didn't know what to say. She wasn't good with this kind of stuff, anyways. She had lost touch with how to relate to people at some point over the years. And he was far from friendly or welcoming.

"You're quite early with next month's rent," he commented when she didn't finish her words. One of his papery thin hands reached out to take the envelope of cash. He left the box in her hands, though.

"Yes, I wanted to get it turned in as soon as I could."

"Hn. And the rest?"

"They were just…I mean, they were going to be tossed out-"

"-keep the damn pastries. I don't want them."

"Sir?"

"I don't need gifts, girl."

Nanao flushed, having not expected such a reception to her meager offering. "Okay. Ah, well, thank you again, for-"

"-I don't need you bumbling on my porch, either," he pointed out, stepping back to close the door in her face. He paused a moment to appraise her appearance. Although she didn't look quite as bad as she had a few weeks ago when he had last seen her, she was still obviously not taking good care of herself. Still too thin, and the dark circles under her eyes spoke of someone with long nights and little rest. "Take those home and eat, girl. You need them more than I."

The door shut before she could say anything in response, leaving Nanao with her mouth hanging open and staring at the wood grains in disbelief. She wasn't sure if she should be offended or touched.

Brows furrowed in frustration, Nanao glanced down at the box in her hands. They were just leftover doughnuts, for gods sakes.

What a grouch.

So, not knowing what else to do, she sighed and turned on her heel. Taking one of the doughnuts out, she nibbled on it as she walked the short distance to her own home.

At the front stairs, she took a moment to admire how nice the rails looked now, after she had spent her day off yesterday painting them with whitewash. She had cleared away the piles of leaves and picked all the sticks and branches from the small yard, as well. It really gave it a charming curb appeal now that it was straightened up. It still held the rustic and tired look, but at least it was in a better state than before.

Besides. It was hers, and she was damn proud.

A sudden thought hit her as she contemplated the appearance of the small cottage. For the first time in a month since coming to Shari, she didn't have any more cleaning or repairs to do. That had been the last of it.

Huh.

She chewed thoughtfully, wondering what she should do with the rest of her day.

She went in and left the box of pastries on the counter before heading to her bedroom to change. As she pulled her shirt over her head, she couldn't help but notice the smell of the shop clinging to her work clothes; coffee and warm bread. It brought a faint smile to her lips.

Throwing on lighter clothes and a pair sandals, she made her way to the door. It was a nice day out, after all the rain earlier in the week, and her boss had let her go early because of their slow business. She would miss the hours on her next paycheck, but since she had a whole afternoon to do nothing with, she thought she might just wonder around. She had free time for the first time in forever, and wasn't sure how to go about enjoying it.

What should she do?

She supposed she could always go to the shore in the daylight. She wanted to compare the experience to her night visits and see which was better. All of her time here and she had still never spent a day at the beach, ironically. It was practically in her backyard, but she had just never gotten around to going down there when the sun was out. It was past time.

So she walked down the dunes and out to one of the piers. She was getting very familiar with the layout, of which wooden plank stayed slippery and which were safer to step on. Walking over the old pier with well practiced steps, she observed all of the daytime activity. The place apparently comes alive during the day, with the beach filled with the sounds of people enjoying the weather and gulls crying all around, children were out with their kites, few were walking their dogs or looking for shells.

She turned away from the running children and happy faces. The vastness of the ocean was much more comfortable to stare at. She felt like she would get lost in the scene of family life if she looked too long.


Nanao sat a few hours, lost in her thoughts and watching the sail boats in the distance, wondering what it felt like to go so far out there in the water. She had never been on a boat over the ocean, but maybe it was fun. She tried to imagine having the weightless rocking under her feet and the dark blue water all around.

It looked peaceful and quiet out there, too.

Behind her on the beach, a child squealed in delight over something, and her eyes traveled to the sound without her realizing it. She took in the kids that were splashing through the waves and playing in the sand, as parents looked on with contentment.

Her chest ached, for reasons she would never acknowledge.

She decided she liked the beach better at night.

Figuring she had probably gotten too much sun by now anyways, Nanao stood and brushed herself off. Making her way over the pier and back up the dunes, she thought maybe she would run to town for sunscreen. She had the urge to walk a while, as some pent up restlessness moving inside her demanded it.

Something about her day so far seemed to make her feel very alone.

Yes, she would take a nice long walk, stop at the store for sunscreen (because she was feeling the heat on her skin already) and maybe even stop by that big bookstore that she had been itching to go to. She missed reading. It was something she loved, but hadn't had leisure time for. Maybe she could just go in and look around a while, see what the place had to offer. It was a perfect way to occupy her thoughts and pass the time.


Sosuke Aizen smiled the cool, professional smile for his boss.

Yes, he assured him, I will take a leave of absence. It would be very beneficial, I believe, as well.

It had been a difficult month, he would admit. His wife was still gone and he had searched for clues tirelessly to no avail. He had expanded his search to towns and cities in a wide radius from her last known location. He had asked around every bus and train station, stopped taxi drivers frequently, went to all the hotels he came across.

Still, he had nothing to go on.

No, he also assured, I don't need more than a few days to find some stress relief. That's all it is. Just stress from the job, sir. I'm sure rest and relaxation would do wonders, as well.

All of it got him nowhere. Not a single lead. It was so aggravating he could scream. She had nothing, nothing, so she couldn't possibly have made it far. She had taken so very little with her. And besides that, where would she go?

Wherewherewherewhere-

No, sir. That situation will never happen again, I will personally apologize to the intern on my way out, of course.

He had started drinking heavily, although that was a shameful thing for a man like him to admit. He viewed alcohol like he did drugs and any other vice; as a weakness. He usually would only drink sometimes after work, after a particularly hard day.

But he was catching himself drinking much more now, everyday and at all hours, regardless of work. And he didn't like that, but there was little option. He needed it, because it calmed him. He could function with it swimming through his veins.

And he needed to function, he needed to think and strategize and not be questioned by his pompous ass of a boss. He needed to be able to work and keep it together, so that he could also work at finding her. He needed the resources at his fingertips that the police department had to offer.

It was all for the focus. It was the only reason he drank so much lately. That's all. The alcohol helped bring the anger down to a simmer instead of the hell storm it was when left unchecked.

No, I don't need anything. Thank you for the concern, and I'm so glad for the understanding.

On his way out the door, he swung by the locker room. The intern who he had…lost his temper with was in there, packing up his things to leave for the day. He was a smart kid, Sosuke would admit. Tons of potent ional. He truly felt bad for tearing him down so harshly earlier today.

"I'm glad I was able to catch you before you left. I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier," he said, employing his best gentle tone. The one he used on troubled teens and upset family members.

The intern glanced over his shoulder and smirked a cocky smirk at him. Ah, interns. So eager to please they will take anything you could dish out at them. So willing to prove themselves, to play the arrogant tough-guy card.

"S'all right, detective Aizen. No harm, no foul."

"Still…it doesn't sit well with me. I just wanted you to know I am sincere in my apology. I think you do an exceptional job here, and you don't deserve the way I acted."

It honestly hadn't been any fault of this kid's that he had gotten so upset.

No, it was her fault. She was making him crazy.

The intern kept that smile in place as he pulled a light coat on. "S'ok. Are ya heading out?"

"Yes, actually." Sosuke considered the younger man for a moment. He couldn't remember his name, but he knew he was the best out of the group. "Would you like to join me for a drink, perhaps? I'll buy you a round, it's the least I could do."

Because, really, you could never have too many 'eager to please' types. There was always a use for them.


Shunsui tapped a pen against the register as boredom set in.

It had been slow today, but he blamed it on the nice weather. Everyone was wanting to get outside and enjoy it, probably. Too many days cooped up indoors lately with all the rain.

He couldn't fault them. He felt cooped up himself.

He glanced at the clock and pouted when he realized it had only been ten minutes since he had looked at it last. Briefly, he entertained the thought of closing early so he could just go do something. This silence was too much, and the sunshine outside was calling his name. Maybe he'd just flip the sign over and take the day for himself.

Kicking his feet up on the counter, he settled back in the chair, contemplating.

Before he decided what he should do, the bell rang over the door.

Happy at the prospect of a customer to chat with, he looked up in time to see a woman stroll in, her shoulders set in that way he knew all to well.

He held back his wince.

This was probably bound to happen sooner or later, he thought with resignation. She had been a girl from about a month ago, after too much sake and good music. He didn't clearly remember the details of the evening, but he hadn't thought of her since, honestly. She had been an objective to get his mind back on track after his horrid visit to Sapporo.

She obviously remembered him, though. If the determined look on her features were to be believed.

"Good afternoon," he greeted neutrally. What was her name? Crap. It started with an 'M' he thought.

She smiled wryly, as if she could guess at his lapse of memory, and marched over to the counter, her pretty face pinched in a stubborn ire.

"Shunsui," she greeted curtly, hands on her hips.

Yep. She was mad. He mulled over his memory of that evening harder and blurted out the first name that popped up.

His instincts never led him wrong, after all.

"Maizi, you're looking lovely today," he said easily. He didn't bother sitting up, because this was a familiar scene. She wanted to pick a fight, he could see it in her dark eyes. They always wanted to pick a fight when he didn't turn out to be anything more than what he always was.

"It's Maura. Maura. Do you seriously not know that?"

Oops. Worthless instincts.

"Er, Maura, forgive me, the light was in my eyes and I thought you were someone else," he amended quickly. He offered her his most winning smile, which only made her jaw twitch in irritation.

"Why haven't you called me?" she demanded, cutting right to the chase.

"Was I supposed to?"

"Of course, you jerk! You don't take someone home one night, then don't call them for weeks!"

He cringed a bit at her words, unable to argue the logic, though. Distantly, he heard the bell jingle over the door, announcing a real customer. Great. That's what he needed, an audience.

"Maura, love, I thought we were both pretty clear on what that was?" he said gently and quietly. Because, really, he knew he deserved the anger most of the time from these women. He never lied to them, but they always seemed to lie to themselves. "And that's been several weeks ago. Why are you just now upset today over this?"

"Do you think it's okay to treat people like that?" she snapped furiously, but keeping her tone down too. Perhaps she wouldn't cause a scene, he hoped.

"I haven't done anything to treat you badly-" he protested, but she cut him off before he could plead his case.

"-I thought there was a connection! I thought you felt something!"

Now her voice was rising, and he figured she didn't care anymore if they had an audience or not.

"I had a great time with you," he agreed, standing finally. It was going downhill from here, and it was always better to be on your feet for such things.

"But that's it? A great time. Nothing else?" she demanded, and he saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. He never could take a woman in tears, it always tugged at him. He never meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but it always happened this way.

"Shh. Calm down, let's talk in private in the back office?" he reached out for her to steer her, because this wasn't a conversation that should be done in front of a customer.

"No!" she snapped, obviously not done with her tantrum. "I can't believe you! I thought you were special, do you know that?"

Damn, he should have closed early when he had the chance.

He took a deep breathe, and tried to choose his words carefully. It had been one night, and he didn't remember the particulars of the sex, but he knew he would never lead her on about a relationship. He was always straightforward about those things.

"Maura, I…we never made any promises-"

"-just shut up! I'm outta here!"

With that, she stormed out the door, leaving his side in a flurry of tears and cheap perfume.

As the door slammed back with more force than necessary, he slumped against the counter.

Well. That had certainly cured his boredom.

He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, wondering why such things always came back to bite him. Maybe he should take a break from the females for a while. He certainly didn't enjoy these ugly conversations, or the tears and broken hearts. What was simply a good time for him is always something entirely different for them, no matter what he does to make it clear.

Yes, he decided, he probably will just take a break from the opposite sex for a bit.

He was quite firm on that idea, too, until he remembered he had a customer. And glancing over at the sound of a book being slid quietly back onto the shelf, his eyes widened.

There she was.


AN: Quick update, I'm in a ridiculous hurry this whole damned week. Jeez. Anyways, forgive any typos, I didn't get around to double checking over this like I usually do. I'll probably get to it at some point. Spelling errors may be prominent.

PS: I have the best reviewers in the whole world. Thank you everyone who reviewed, your encouragment and excitment drives me so much! Huge thanks to all of you!