Title of the Series: Scars Make Us Who We Are
Author: PsychoGlambertLIVE
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala
Rating: MA18+
Summary: Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.
Warning: Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I'm Lost Without You
Tommy is in his bat cave when he hears the doorbell chime.
"I'll get it!" Sauli calls loudly from downstairs. About a minute later, Sauli starts shrieking.
Tommy rushes down the stairs, thinking Sauli is getting murdered by some hit-and-run maniac who has it in for Adam. He stops in his tracks when he realizes Sauli's shrieks are shrieks of joy-not uncontrollable fear. He is so dramatic! Tommy thinks.
The front door is wide open. Sauli is clinging to some guy, who is standing just inside the foyer. Tommy is a little confused as he recognizes Katri Utala and Sauli's twin sister, Saara, holding travel carry-ons. A cab is parked on the side of the street.
Sauli releases his hold on the guy, turning around and seeing Tommy, runs over to him, grabbing his hand. "Tommy! Katri and Saara are here! And this Heikki Kauppinen!" He waves a hand towards Heikki. He drags Tommy over to the other man. "Heikki, this is Tommy Joe Ratliff."
Of course Sauli doesn't say exactly who Tommy is; nobody knows about their three-way relationship except very close friends and certain family members.
"Hei! Hauska tutustua!" Heikki grips Tommy's hand, giving him a friendly shake.
Sauli laughs, placing a hand on Heikki's shoulder. "He doesn't know Finnish; although, I have been trying to teach both him and Adam! Not working, though," he says the last part in a stage whisper, laughing again. Turning to Tommy, he translates, "He said, 'Pleased to meet you.'"
Tommy smiles a tight-lipped smile, shaking Heikki's hand in return. "Hey," he replies in way of greeting. "Nice to meet you, too."
"Hei, Tommy!" Katri holds out her arms for a hug. "So good to see you again!"
Tommy hugs her back, still wondering just who this Heikki person is. Katri had come to the States to visit a couple of months ago. "Good to see you, too, Katri." He pecks a friendly kiss on her cheek. He turns to Saara, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. "Hey, Saara, nice to see to you." Looking up, Tommy sees Sauli whispering in Heikki's ear, his arms wrapped around the other man's waist. Tommy narrows his eyes suspiciously. "Well, let's get you guys' bags in the house," he says loudly, effectively jarring Sauli out of smiling conspiratorially at Heikki.
"Oh! I'm so rude! Come on, I'll show you to your rooms." Sauli grabs Heikki's hand, pulling him along behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he tells Tommy, "Help Katri and Saara carry their bags."
Tommy purses his lips, taking care not to let Katri or Saara see that he is pissed. First, Sauli brings a guy-a guy!-into not his home, but Adam's home. Second, he thinks that he can just order Tommy around without even telling him these people were coming. And then he goes off with said guy, leaving Tommy to entertain his guests. Adam is so hearing about this.
Tommy picks up the girls' bags. "C'mon. You can stay in one of the guest rooms upstairs."
"Did Sauli tell you we were coming?" Katri asks from behind Tommy. "Because you seem a little surprised to see us."
Tommy raises his eyebrows. "No, he didn't."
"Oh. He must have forgot." Katri bites her lip, worried. "I hope we are not intruding."
"No!" Tommy turns around. "Not at all." Under his breath, he mutters, "Not you and Saara at least."
"Where is Adam?" Saara questions.
"He's on a radio tour." Tommy sets their bags down in the hall. "I suppose Sauli didn't tell you that."
Katri and Saara share a look. "No. He didn't," Katri answers.
"Well, you can stay in these two rooms," Tommy says, changing the subject. He motions to both rooms across the hall from each other. Tommy notices the door to the third guest room is shut.
As both women take their respective bags into their rooms, Tommy pulls his phone out of his pocket. Seven new texts. All from Isaac. He thumbs out a short reply.
-I'll call u 2nite. Have 2 deal w/ Sauli right now.
Slipping the phone back in his pocket, Tommy knocks lightly on the open door so as not to surprise Katri when he walks into the room.
Katri looks up from her suitcase that she is digging in. "I really am sorry for barging in to your home like this. Sauli told me that it would be okay to stay here."
"You don't need to apologize." Tommy sits down at the foot of the bed, patting the spot beside him. Katri sits next to him. Tommy sighs, getting up the nerve to ask the question that has been on his mind ever since their Finnish guests arrived. "So...are Sauli and Heikki related?"
Katri's eyes widen. "He did not tell you?" Katri looks away, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.
Tommy frowns. "No..."
"Heikki is Sauli's ex-boyfriend."
Tommy's mouth drops open. "What?!" he finally sputters. "Then why is he here?!" And what are they doing right now?
Katri sighs, bracing herself. "Heikki wants Sauli with him. That is why he came here. To win Sauli back."
"You can stay here in this room." Sauli turns around to find Heikki standing less than a foot away from him. The door to the room is shut. Sauli takes a few steps, closing the space between him and the other man. Sauli looks right into Heikki's eyes. He always loved the color of those eyes, the depth in them. The way he could lose himself in those beautiful grey eyes. Slowly, Sauli reaches a hand up, running his fingers through Heikki's long blonde hair. God, how he missed playing with that hair as they had lain in bed together in the mornings after they spent the night showing each other how much they loved one another. Sauli's gaze travels down to Heikki's mouth. And those lips; God, those lips. How those warm lips could always make his heart flutter each and every time they touched his own.
Heikki places his hands on Sauli's waist, pulling him into his chest. "Sauli," he murmurs. "I have missed you so much."
Sauli swallows. "I have missed you also, Heikki." Sauli places his hands on Heikki's strong chest, which is ripped, so much like his own. He gently pushes Heikki away from him, putting some distance between their bodies. "I have a boyfriend." Two, actually; but he can't know that. Or can he?
"But he is not here." Heikki cocks his head, raising a blonde eyebrow.
Sauli clears his throat, preparing to let another person in on their secret. "Yes. Actually, one of my boyfriends is here. Tommy Joe." The shock is evident on Heikki's face; Sauli can see it.
"Wha-what do you mean? One of them is here?! Tommy Joe is your boyfriend?!" Heikki sputters. "What about Adam?"
"Adam, Tommy, and I are in a relationship. All three of us. Together." Sauli collapses on the bed.
Heikki sits next to him. "How does that work?" he asks, genuinely confused, yet interested at the same time.
"I don't know. It just does." Sauli looks over at Heikki, the vulnerability visible in his bright blue eyes. "Like, Adam is away on tour right now; so, Tommy and I spend time together by ourselves. And then there are times when Adam and Tommy will have their alone time, and the same works for Adam and me."
Heikki furrows his eyebrows. "I don't want to pry, but, how do you have sex? You do not have to answer that if you do not want to."
Sauli smiles to himself. "It's okay. I am not shy-you should know that by now." He grins at Heikki. "We have sex together. Three-way. It's very hot." Sauli bows his head, trying to act contrite.
Heikki looks away. No matter what Sauli says, it is not right. He is not getting the attention he deserves. I've seen the way Adam and Tommy act together on stage. But he doesn't say any of that. "Sauli. Are you happy?"
Sauli widens his eyes. "Of course I am happy! Why wouldn't I be?"
Heikki puts his arms around Sauli, pulling him in for a hug. "I am simply curious," he replies.
Sauli turns his head, finding Heikki's mouth inches from his own. He swallows audibly. Tilting his head slightly, he touches his lips to Heikki's. Sauli's eyes flutter shut, his mouth moving against Heikki's slowly, gently. Heikki's lips part, his tongue tracing Sauli's bottom lip. Sauli wraps a hand around the back of Heikki's neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Heikki slides Sauli's legs across his own, tugging Sauli into his lap. They stay like that for a while, just kissing, remembering the days when they were each other's 'forever.'
It is Sauli who breaks the kiss first. Leaning his forehead against Heikki's, he whispers, "Remember the time we fell asleep looking at the stars?"
Heikki smiles softly. "How could I forget? And what happened that night?"
Sauli grins back. "Yes," he murmurs. That was the night they had sex for the first time. Before each other, they each had had boyfriends-but nothing serious. And they weren't virgins either. But the way Heikki had made him feel that night, it was like nothing Sauli had ever felt before. They had been inseparable, until The Fight. (As Sauli deemed it in his head, considering it was one of his most awful memories.)
He had always loved Heikki, even after their break-up. But he never thought he would find love again; at least, not like what Heikki and he had had before everything had fallen to pieces. And then he met Adam. That was when he realized that he wouldn't be loveless the rest of his life. His relationship with Adam was one of the most important things in his life now.
When Sauli had started dating Adam, Tommy and he had hated each other. Tommy thought Sauli was taking over Adam's life, controlling him. And Sauli didn't like the idea of Adam kissing his bassist, even if it was 'just for the fans.' There was a lot of jealousy and anger between Tommy and him that first year. Thankfully, they had become friends, and eventually boyfriends.
And now, all three of them are in a relationship that is incredibly special. Sure, they have their arguments; but what is important is that they love each other unconditionally-no matter what.
"Sauli," Heikki begins, breaking Sauli out of his reverie. "Are you okay?"
Sauli looks at his the man that used to know him so well. "Yes," he says softly. He is suddenly filled with a yearning to feel Heikki again. To feel the love that he knows is still in Heikki's heart. The same love that lingers in his heart also. But he cannot. He is Adam's and Tommy's. He owes that to them. To stay true to his boyfriends.
Before Sauli can voice his feelings, Heikki cups Sauli's face in his hands. "Sauli. I am just going to say it. I want you back. Because...I'm lost without you."
