Chapter 7

Miranda stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep, with Andrea's naked body draped over her own. Slowly and quietly Miranda crawled out of bed, placing a pillow in her place, which the young woman quickly wrapped herself around. Miranda pulled her robe around her and headed down to her office. Curled up on the couch, she picked up the telephone and dialed James' house. She knew it was practically the middle of the night, but she just needed to hear a familiar voice, to talk to her daughters or something.

After many unanswered rings, James finally came to the phone, breathless, "Hello? Who is this?"

"James, hello."

"Miranda? I…uh…wasn't expecting your call"

"No, I, um, guess it is rather, um, late. I'll call back later—I know it was a long shot, but I had hopes that one of the girls would be awake."

"They're both asleep. Miranda, is everything okay? You don't sound like yourself."

Hmph! Miranda exclaimed. "And how would you know?"

"Randi, come on. I've known you for twenty years…."

"Listen, it's nothing. I'm sorry I phoned. I can call back to talk to the girls this afternoon."

"I don't think you've ever apologized to me before. Now I know something is wrong. Come on, Sunshine, you can talk to me."

"Sunshine?" Miranda hissed.

"You know I still have that pink post-it note. You wrote 'You are my sunshine :)' in pencil and handed it to me when you were sitting with me in the library when I was studying for my law exams."

"My god…" Miranda exhaled, a smile creeping along her face, "who knew you were such a sentimentalist?"

"Well, you're not exactly easy to forget, Randi."

"We did have such fun together, didn't we?"

"I fell in love with you all over again, every single day. Until the girls were born." James said, whispering the last part under his breath.

Miranda sighed. "I don't think I ever apologized to you for that, Jim. I was so scared—and I mean, truly terrified—and here I was with two newborns and I couldn't even bear to hold them. I was such a horrible mother—"

"No, you can't do this to yourself. You got through it, and the girls will never know the difference."

"Oh please, that's exactly why they moved in with you," Miranda snapped.

"I will not speak for them, but I can see that they miss you, Randi. It makes me miss you."

Miranda was speechless. What was James implying? Before she could speak, James continued. "I miss holding you, sitting next to you in the car, making love to you."

Miranda's breath hitched. "Oh, Jim, you don't mean that. I was a terrible wife, in so many ways. You deserve so much better."

"Baby, I looked for something better after we split. After a few very nice women, I realized there never would be anything better than you."

"But Jim, we just didn't work. I was not right for you. I—I couldn't please you, don't you remember all that?"

James did not respond immediately. Instead, they listened to each other's silence on the phone. "Randi, don't say that. It was both of our faults that it didn't work. I was not as supportive of your career as I should have been. I was also very demanding of other things back then, too, and unwilling to help you through…to support you." He paused again, and hearing his ex-wife's tears through the telephone line, he pressed on. "Do you remember how we went window-shopping at Christmas that one day in the snowstorm? You were pregnant but not showing yet, and you were horny as hell. I couldn't find you in Bergdorf's and out of nowhere you pulled me into this hidden area in the shoe salon. My god, Miranda, we were crazy for each other." He paused once more before adding, "I still love you, you know?"

Miranda's breath hitched. "Wh—What? No, no, that cannot be. You deserve so much more. Someone who can love you back. Someone worthy of your love."

"Randi, what are you talking about? Even when you're crazy, I still love you. I will until the day I die."

"But Jim, you can't love me. I don't deserve that, especially from you."

James was growing frustrated. "Was this what it was all about—back then? The touching and everything?"

Miranda closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "Yes. I—I didn't deserve your love or kindness. There were times when I wanted you so badly, Jim, but, it was like my brain wasn't connected to my body. I wanted to wrap my arms around you, but I was frozen."

"Baby, why didn't you say something?"

"I just thought it was a sign of us not fitting. It is only recently that I've learned otherwise."

"Oh," James said. "Miranda, can I ask you something?—did you ever want to touch me?"

"Oh god, yes. I thought there was something wrong with me physically because I would panic when faced with it."

"Do you touch your boyfriend Nathan?"

"What?!" Miranda shouted. "Who told you that? That is not true. I haven't had sex in years."

"So, is this going to be a habit now, calling me from your bed in the middle of the night?

"Jim, don't do this—" Miranda protested.

"No, Miranda. I won't. But if you try to tell me next week that your new boyfriend is the love of your life and has changed everything, I won't be in your corner. And remember who the girls live with."

"It's not like that," Miranda began, desperately wanting to work her way into her daughters' good graces by whatever means possible. "I still want you in my life. You are the girls' father, and I—I miss them so much." Miranda said before breaking into tears again. "I'm a failure as a parent."

"Baby, the girls love you. Don't doubt that."

"But everyone I try to love walks away from me…because they eventually realize it will always be one-sided."

"Please don't doubt yourself. You are a brilliant, sexy, witty, gorgeous, adorable woman, Miranda. Yes, you have some control issues, but you are also incredibly vulnerable and human. Anyone who really knows you can see that, and I would bet he loves you even more, knowing you allow him to see that."

"She, her." Miranda corrected.

"Excuse me?"

"You said 'I would bet he loves you'—I'm correcting you. She."

"You—you're—" James stammered. "No shit, Miranda. Now it all makes sense!"

"Please enlighten me, James."

"It wasn't me at all. You just preferred—uh, well, the other stuff."

"I suppose so. Although I would have never thought it until recently."

"Do I know the lucky lady? Some famous model? Actress, maybe?"

"She's not famous, but you might know her. She is my assistant, Andrea…or 'Andy' as the girls liked to call her."

"You and Ahn-drey-uh?" James asked. "Well I guess I don't even need to ask how that began."

"Please don't. It's an unfortunate story." Miranda said, her voice heavy with regret.

"And now she's upstairs in your bed?"

"Yes."

"What did you do?"

"Me? I haven't done anything yet. And Andrea, well, she's done plenty."

"Did you touch her?"

"A little."

"Tell me, would you touch me?" James said, relaxing in his bed, tossing the covers back and pulling his dick out of his boxers.

"I—I don't understand."

"Now, if you could do it all over, would you touch me, Randi?" James asked, his voice an octave lower than it had been.

"Oh," Miranda exclaimed, realizing what he was asking. It wouldn't hurt to have a little phone sex with her ex-husband, right? He is her daughters' father, Miranda reasoned internally. "Yes, yes I would. I wish I was there right now," Miranda purred.

"Uhh," he groaned, "baby, keep talking."

"If I was there with you, I would be straddling you, my hands running up and down your strong chest. I'd snake my way down your body, trailing kisses from your earlobe to your waist. And then, I'd kneel in front of you and take you in my hands, softly stroking. Does it feel good, Jimmy?"

"Ohhh god—yes, fuck!" James shouted.

"Good, very good, keep doing it" Miranda purred. "Then I'd bend down and kiss you, tasting you, running my tongue up and down your shaft until my mouth opened into a perfect circle. I would run my hands up and down the back of your thighs and pull you into my mouth as I gently began to suck." Miranda paused, hearing muffled sounds on the line. "Are you there Jimmy? Will you come for me? I can't seem to keep my hands off you."

Miranda heard Jim scream into the phone as he came, apparently hard, judging by how long it took him to recover.

"God, Miranda, that was spectacular."

"Mmm," she murmured.

"I had no idea what I was in for when I answered that phone, did I?" James said, laughing.

"Yes, well, we did get a bit off-topic, no?" Miranda said with a smile. "But I really must go before she wakes up."

"Back to Andrea?"

"Yes."

"I would say to tell her I said hello, but that might not be appropriate."

"No, certainly not. But please do tell the girls I called. And that I do love them."

"Yes, Miranda, I will. You should tell your assistant that, too," he added. "And actually, I think the girls would support that 100%."

"Really?!"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well then, goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, Miranda."

Miranda hung up the phone and tossed it on the couch next to her. She pulled her robe tighter and curled more deeply into the couch, imagining Andrea and her daughters both happy at the same time. A creak in the floor suddenly jolted her from her dreamlike state, causing her to turn towards the door and see Andrea standing at the doorframe.

"Andrea! You scared me!" Miranda said as Andrea approached the couch, Miranda's smile fading as she noticed Andrea's concerned expression.

"Yeah. I just heard noises and woke up and you weren't there."

"I was hoping to reach the girls, but they were asleep."

"—so you helped your boyfriend Jim get off instead. I know." Andrea said as she sat at the other end of the couch.

Miranda gasped. "How long were you standing there? That is very rude, Andrea, to eavesdrop like that."

"I know. It doesn't matter, does it? Because I heard enough." Andrea said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, no, darling, you didn't hear enough. I was speaking with my first ex-husband, James. You missed me crying to him and telling him how lonely I'd been, how I regretted treating you so awfully, how unworthy I've felt of love in the past, mostly because I cannot reciprocate. You also happened to miss me telling him that I was hopeful. That things were different now, that you were not 'a new boyfriend' as he suggested, but a beautiful young woman, for whom I happen to care a great deal." Miranda sighed, "You missed ALL of that."

"I didn't think you were that close with him," Andrea said, confused.

"Lately, I really haven't been. But I have known him for twenty years, and we see each other regularly because of the girls. He is a good man and deserves so much better. It pains me to see that his wounds from our marriage still haven't healed." Miranda sighed, "But it was very good speaking with him tonight. I think—I think I actually needed it."

"Oh of course, phone sex is always good and needed." Andrea spat out.

Miranda was taken aback by the harshness of Andrea's words. "Tonight I apologized to Jim for the first time. We talked about the good times of our marriage, and I told him that I was beginning to care very deeply for you. He was supportive. I needed that, Andrea. I have nobody." Miranda paused, "And the other part, well he started and it was very much one sided, as you most likely heard. I told him what he needed to hear—what he's been waiting twenty years to hear."

"But Jesus, Miranda!"

"I owed him at least that. I had never been able to touch him in the way he craved. I couldn't even talk dirty to him. But now, I'm—I don't know—not pressured or something. It just feels different."

Miranda crawled closer to Andrea on the couch and wrapped her arms around the young woman, pulling her into an embrace.

Any other time, Andrea would have been ecstatic that Miranda wanted to cuddle, but right now, she felt like she had been cheated on and used, even if Miranda's explanation did make sense. Andrea turned her head and pushed Miranda off her chest.

Miranda's heart sank as she felt the young woman push her away.

"Miranda, I need to go. I will see you at work tomorrow," Andrea said as she stood and walked towards the doorway. She glanced back and Miranda looked absolutely pathetic. Andrea shrugged her shoulders and said, "I need to think about this. I don't want to be your plaything."

Moments later, Miranda heard her front door open and shut as the early morning silence enveloped her house.

TBC

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