Clare
I swallowed the last of the antibiotics and I put the empty boxes into the trashcan. I decided today that I deserved to take a day away from Degrassi. It seems like I've been wearing myself thin lately. It's raining and storming so I just felt the need to stay inside the house.
I looked out the window to see that Eli was still standing on the sidewalk in front of my house. He's been there since my mom left for work. Even though the rain is drenching him and he's at risk for being struck by lightning…he's still standing out there. I wanted to invite him in and give him dry clothes but I knew if I did that would only stunt me. Still, I can't just let him stay out there.
I put on a pair of boots, a coat and I grabbed an umbrella. I went out to where Eli was standing. He turned his head slowly to look at me. It looked like he was crying but I couldn't tell if those were tears or rain.
"Eli you need to go home. It's storming."
"Clare I just… need you."
"Eli you can't have me. I'm sorry."
"Have you moved on?"
"What difference does it make?"
"Just answer the damn question Clare! I've been seeing you hang out with him these past two weeks."
"Eli you are torturing yourself."
"Clare please just tell me."
"No."
"Please tell me!"
"I just did Eli! I'm not involved with Declan okay!"
"That's good."
Eli pulled me into a kiss. I pushed at him trying to get away. Every time I broke the kiss he reconnected our lips. I wanted to melt right there in his arms. I nearly came unglued. I wanted to forget all of the promises I made myself. I wanted to rip them up and throw them to the wind.
For this moment I let myself go. I let myself kiss Eli's lips and enjoy his warm embrace. I let myself pretend it wasn't over. I let myself forget about the pain, the epidemic, and the other women. I let Eli hold me in the pouring rain and kiss me passionately. When I snapped back to my senses I pulled away from him and I looked him in the eyes. I kissed his cheek and I whispered in his ear.
"Goodbye Eli. Go home or you'll catch a cold."
He looked at me with a defeated expression before he slowly turned around and got into Morty. He drove away. I walked back into the house, leaving the umbrella on the porch to dry. I still can't keep myself from crying. Is that really surprising though?
I went upstairs and I took a hot shower before changing out of my wet clothes. I put on another pair of comfortable pajamas and I sat down to watch the cooking channel. Just when Paula Deen was ushering me into an evening nap I got a knock on the door. I opened it and I was surprised by who the visitor was.
"Darcy!"
"Clare!"
"I didn't know you were coming back!"
"Yes! I told mom to keep it a secret. I wanted to surprise you."
"Well come in."
"Gladly… wow this place hasn't changed one bit."
"Yeah, I know. Are you back for good?"
"Yeah I am."
"That's great. I'll take your bags to your room."
"You don't have to."
"I insist. You've been flying all day."
"Thanks little sister."
I took the bags upstairs and I hurried back down. When I did I went to the kitchen where Darcy was. She was holding the empty antibiotics box in her hand and looking at me. The look on her face resembled shock but I couldn't tell.
"Clare? This is the same medicine they gave me when I had Chlamydia. Please don't tell me that's why you had it too."
"I had that and gonorrhea. "
"What! How?"
"My ex-boyfriend."
At that moment I completely broke down in the kitchen. What is wrong with me? Why can't I stop crying over Elijah Goldsworthy? Everywhere I turn something reminds me of him and then I start crying again. Maybe I'm just being pathetic.
"Hey now…no tears."
"I've just been really weird lately."
"Well we all get a little weird sometimes. When will mom be home?"
"Not until late."
"What about dad?"
"What about him?"
"When will he be home from work Clare?"
"Dad doesn't live here anymore. Didn't you know that?"
"What are you talking about? You aren't making sense!"
"Mom and dad have been divorced for months."
"What! When?"
"Well they've been fighting for a while."
"Nobody told me."
"I'm sorry Darcy. I thought surely mom had said something to you."
"No. She just let me think that she and dad were together."
"I guess she didn't want you to worry."
"Where does dad even live?"
"Well that's the thing. I don't know. When the divorce was final he went off the charts. I tried to call him and I even went to his office. When I did he told his assistant to say he was busy because he gave up his parental rights to me for a reason."
"That's horrible!"
"Yeah…dad's been really weird too."
Darcy looked dumbfounded and then she started to cry. I could tell because her voice cracked but she wiped the tears before they fell from her eyes. She grabbed her coat and went for the door.
"Darcy where are you going?"
"To see dad at his office."
"You can't do it tomorrow? It's raining lions and gazelle out there!"
"No. I need to do this now. Are you coming or not?"
"Sure."
I threw on a pair of jeans and a pullover hoodie. I grabbed my keys and purse and I went outside to see that Eli was back. I guess some problems just don't go away that easy. I decided that since he was here he could make himself useful. I grabbed the umbrella and scurried across the street while Darcy looked at me strangely. Eli rolled down his window.
"Clare before you say anyth…"
"I need a ride. Well, me and my sister. To my dad's job and then back home."
"Sure. Hop in."
"Eli don't get all happy… I'm paying you gas money."
"Your money's no good here. I'm just happy to get to share a space with you."
I signaled for Darcy to come get in the car. She looked at me with a worried expression but she ran over and got in. Once everyone was buckled I got down to the introductions.
"Eli this is my sister Darcy. Darcy this is my ex boyfriend Eli."
"Ex as in… that ex Clare?"
"Yes Darcy. That ex."
She looked over at Eli evilly and then back at me. Eli swallowed nervously.
"Too bad he's so cute."
"Yeah. Too bad."
He looked over at me with an annoyed expression. I didn't let him know I saw it. When we got to my dad's job Darcy and I went into the building. His secretary let us right in. There was a woman sitting on his desk with her shirt halfway unbuttoned. Darcy cleared her throat and both the woman and my father looked to us.
"Darcy…Clare. I um… What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you dad. I just got back from Kenya to find out that you and mom were divorced."
"Yes."
"Even more disturbing… I find out that you don't want anything to do with Clare."
"Look… there are just some things kids don't understand."
"Don't sit up here and tell me that! I'm nineteen! I've watched children die of an illness there is no medicine for! I've caught malaria and I've had to explain to mothers why their children were not born crying or with life! Don't talk to me like I'm a child because I'm not! Just admit that you never wanted Clare!"
"Fine! Is that what you want me to say? I never wanted Clare!"
"Why dad? What did I ever do?"
"Nothing Clare. You were perfect…a beautiful child. Dad's just stupid. Go on out to the car. I have some things I need to get off my chest."
"Okay."
I went back out to Morty. I didn't even realize I was crying. I got in and I sat as close to the door as I could get.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Aw come on Clare… I know we are broken up and you are mad at me but I still care. You can talk to me. I've kept all of your other secrets."
"I don't trust you."
"I would never use your vulnerable state to get you to agree to be with me again."
"My dad never wanted me Eli. He said so in plain English back there. I knew that he'd always treated me different. He never talked to me or played with me. He missed my birthday parties and he only showed up for some of my awards ceremonies and plays when he felt guilty. He never wanted me and I don't know why."
"He's an idiot Clare."
"Could I get into the back part of Morty? I'd like to be alone."
"Sure."
Darcy came out of the building twenty minutes later and she was looking for me. Eli told her where I was so she got back into the hearse. He kept true to his word and he took us home. I tried to offer him gas money but he wouldn't accept it.
It'd stopped raining luckily so I didn't have to run to the house. I thanked Eli and he took off. As soon as he did Declan pulled up in the SKY. Darcy looked at me with one brow raised. I didn't know what to tell her. I invited Declan in.
"Declan this is my sister Darcy. Darcy this is my friend Declan."
"A pleasure to meet you."
"Where's Molly?"
"Fiona took her to get their weekly manicure and pedicure."
"Molly?"
"Oh… it's my daughter."
"Oh. Well you two chickadees… I'm tired so I'm hitting the sack. A trip from one continent to the other will really wear a person out."
"Goodnight Darcy."
"Goodnight."
Declan suggested we go out for icecream. I thought that was a wonderful idea so I grabbed my purse again and I hopped into the car. My mind was full of thoughts and he could tell that something was wrong.
"So… Last day of meds. I thought you'd be happier."
"I am happy about that."
"Then is it Eli?"
"No… not right now. I think we have an understanding."
"Really?"
"Not like that. We are just going to be friends. At least I'm just going to be his friend. This issue is closer to home."
"Parents?"
"My dad…."
"Is he okay?"
"Oh he's just fine. Today I fought out that my father never wanted me."
"I'm sorry."
"Declan I don't know what to think anymore. It seems like I just keep running into walls and they keep knocking me down and making me shatter. I'm in a billion pieces right now. I'm sorry I'm dumping my emotions on you."
"It's okay. One day you'll pay me back."
"Yeah… one day I'll listen to your whining and moaning."
"Yeah…sure."
Eli
"You asshole! I hate you! I hate you!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! You were just as willing as I was!"
"My parents think I'm a whore."
"A little help here!"
Drew Torres and Bianca DeSousa managed to get the Marisol's prying fingers out of my hair. They didn't catch her before she kicked me in the nose though. I held it and groaned. Blood came trickling down. The pain was almost unbearable.
Once they got Marisol out of the restaurant I went into the restroom to see the damage. I looked at my nose. It looked swollen and red. I don't think it's broken. My eyes were started to darken. Great! I'm going to have two big shiners going to school tomorrow! This is just wonderful. While I was checking out the damage in the mirror I happened to see a figure in my peripheral. I jumped and when I looked back it was just Fitz
"Geez Fitz you almost gave me a fucking heart attack."
"Sorry. Nice injury."
"Yeah well this makes all that crap you done to me feel like a Swedish massage."
"So another one of your infected got to you huh?"
"Why is everyone calling them that?"
"Well they are infected. You started an epidemic. Are you proud of yourself?"
"Not by any means. I wish I could rewind the clock actually. Of course you know by now that Clare's left me."
"Yeah… I know."
"Now's your chance if you want her. I'd rather it be you than that slimy rich Declan kid. I know I'm not the best person but something doesn't sit right with me about him."
"Mr. Moneybags isn't so bad. He leaves nice tips."
"Yeah that helps me a whole lot. I bet you are just rolling around laughing at how crappy my life's turned out."
"No. Actually I pity you Eli. Not only because you've been beat up by girls in record numbers lately but because you seem to have lost everything. You were always the dumb type but I know you loved Clare. Even if you had a funny way of showing it."
"Got any of your new Christian wisdom to give me so that I can win her back?"
"Sorry my friend. It would take a million prayers and decades of fasting for that to happen. Good luck."
"Thanks."
I went home with my hurt nose, broken arm and lack of hope. When I got there my mom and dad were sitting on the couch watching TV. I went into the living room and I sat ride in the middle of them.
"Baby."
"Mom?"
"What are you doing?"
"Yeah Son. This isn't your usual scene. Don't you have a girl to go out with or something?"
"No dad. I don't want another girl ever again unless it's Clare!"
"Well. Why are you here?"
"I just need to be petted and coddled."
"Oh…my little pookie bear that's all you had to say."
"Come on Cece! He's sixteen. He's too old to be coddled. You should boot him off the couch."
"Shut up Bullfrog! He's my baby… Now tell Mommy what's wrong?"
"Clare doesn't want me anymore because I gave her some diseases!"
"Well I can't help you there. Um… go knit a sweater or write a song or something. Your father and I are watching TV."
"But mom… the coddling…"
"Shhhh!"
Not even my parents have any mercy on me. I hit the shower and then I lay in my bed. I wonder what Clare is doing right now?
Clare
"Declan no means no! Get off of me!"
"What's the matter with you? You're clean now!"
"That doesn't mean I'll sleep with you!"
"We've been spending a lot of time together Clare. I just thought…"
"You just thought what? That because you are rich, I'm vulnerable and we've had some good times I'd just open my legs to you?"
"I wouldn't have put it that way. I'm sorry Clare. Forgive me? I just misread the messages. I want to get to know you better."
"Fine but wait until I say it's okay next time. Don't go making any assumptions."
"Will do."
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