We're coming up near the end - one more chapter after this one :(
"Did you…did you mention my name to her?" sudden fear gripped the Doctor's insides. He stood near the door, staring at his companion, the passing of seconds between them. Amy would be back soon.
Rory stood up and took a step towards him in some hurry, "No! No no, I didn't. You didn't let us in the shop earlier so I figured…" he shrugged his shoulders as he trailed off.
The Doctor nodded. Of course he wouldn't. This was considerate and loyal Rory – he caught on quickly. He cleared his throat with a rough cough, "Well then, I guess…" instead of finishing he walked to the couch, gesturing that the young man should do the same. He quickly sat down - eager to listen to whatever the Doctor had to offer.
Once settled - both men were quiet and contemplating the other. After awhile Rory couldn't quite stand it anymore, "Doctor, who is Rose?"
The Doctor fiddled with the buttons on the cuffs of his shirt.
"You tell me Rory, why do you want to know so badly? Why does the other Pond want to know?" he knew he was prolonging the story he knew he would eventually share with him. He wouldn't share all of it, not even most of it with him – but enough so that he'd understand. Hopefully enough to quench the thirst for a bit.
Rory looked at him incredulously, "Are you kidding? I - and I know this goes for Amy as well - have never seen you so…worked up over any particular person before! You didn't joke with her, didn't introduce yourself – you brought absolutely no attention to yourself….and considering it's you Doctor…"
"Hey! Sitting right here, I can hear you, you know," He began fiddling with his bow tie.
He sighed, "Right, well, it's still my point. I've spoken to her, so I know she doesn't know you – but it still doesn't explain…"
"Fine! I'll tell you," the Doctor sighed in exasperation. He looked down at his hands. He didn't want to look at Rory or anyone or anything for that matter. All he wanted was to run away, like he always did.
Rory remained quiet, waiting.
"Rose…this Rose, wouldn't know me because she hasn't met me yet. She…I…we met when she was a little older and I was wearing a different face." Wistfulness took him over as the memories played in his mind like a slideshow. He could sense that Rory was about to ask about that, but he continued – that story would be for another time.
"I met her a long time ago. She became my….friend and companion. We traveled together, saving lives and time. She saved me. Every time," he could hear the tenderness in his voice. His throat felt tight with emotions he hadn't let himself feel for awhile. It was so overwhelming that he felt he wanted to cry, but wouldn't – of course. There was so much more to Rose. But how could he begin explaining it all? How could he share with someone just how extraordinary she had been and would clearly always be?
There was no one that had touched him the way she had. Rose had come crashing into his life, quite unexpected and turned it upside down and back again. She'd cared about him and had sacrificed herself and her life a multitude of times…just to be with him. The realization never ceased to pain him. He'd hurt her, he knew that and yet, she didn't stop believing in him.
His hearts hurt suddenly at the idea that maybe that wasn't the case anymore. Flashes of tears and the hurt in Rose's eyes as the icy wind caused strands of her hair to whip gently around her face on a desolate beach flooded his mind.
He felt Rory lean forward on the couch, "Were you two…together?"
The question always made the Doctor uncomfortable, but not for any reason that others might think. Their answers had always been that they weren't like that. And the truth was that they just weren't. Not the way others believed them to be anyhow. It had made him uncomfortable each time because when the question was asked he had to fight the instinct to say 'yes.'
Rose wasn't his. He had never staked a claim to her – never one that mattered in the end. He knew his actions would scream it. The look in his eyes demanded it. But no…he never really did. In the end another part of him, one that he'd never get to enjoy, had that privilege.
Were they together? He didn't know how to answer anymore.
And so the Doctor remained quiet.
Rory coughed and tried again, his voice a whisper, "Did she love you?"
He took a sharp intake of breath. The Doctor hadn't been expecting that question and it felt like a punch in the gut. But still, the answer came easy.
"Yes," his voice cracked and his throat all but closed up. Moisture prickled his eyes and he continued to stare at his hands which were now tightly clasped in his lap. Rose had loved him. Loved him. Loved.
As much as he wanted Rose to live her life to the fullest with his human double, he hoped that she thought of him once in awhile in a happy nostalgic way. One without pain or regret. One without anger. He hoped that she thought of him.
Rory's voice disrupted his misery.
"Did you love her, Doctor?" His voice told the Doctor that he already knew the answer. The question was merely a gamble to see if he'd validate it.
"Yes." The word flowed effortlessly from between his lips.
The library was so silent that not only could one hear the crackling of the fire, but a pin would have made an echo.
"Where is she?" he whispered, almost afraid of the answer.
The Doctor sighed and finally looked at his young companion.
Instantly, he saw the response in Rory's face. He looked at him in sympathy and pain. A part of him was appreciative of that.
"She's…,"again, he was unable to put into words what had happened to her…what he had done to her, but could not fully regret, "she's…not with me. That's all that matters." There were some things that he wouldn't talk about.
Rory nodded, his mouth slightly open in surprise.
Both of them heard the Tardis doors open and Amy's voice muffled in the distance.
Unusual nervousness took a hold of the Doctor as he stumbled over his words, "Rory, don't…it's not that I don't trust her, but can you…"
"Don't worry Doctor," he smiled a genuinely caring smile and not for the first time, the Doctor was happy that Rory Williams was his newest companion. He couldn't handle a plethora of questions about Rose and her whereabouts. All he wanted was to leave this time and place and continue trying to move forward…leaving Rose's memory intact where it would always be.
"Hello there my men," Amy came bouncing in and stopped to kiss Rory on the lips as she made her way between them to sit down.
She settled the market bag on the table as she dug into it bringing out its packages.
"Some biscuits for Rory and the very particular Jammie Dodgers for the good Doctor," she handed him the package, smiling a still-apologetic smile at him. The Doctor took the package and smiled as happily as he could.
"Now," she settled herself against Rory, her head dropping to his chest, "you were going to tell us something…as to why you didn't bring us any food…"
Rory choked slightly on a biscuit he'd quickly unearthed from the box. His eyes grew wide and fearful towards the Doctor.
He felt his hearts falter – whatever it was, he could already tell, this was not good.
"Uh, well," it was Rory's turn to stammer.
Amy settled her hand on his knee, obviously unaware of her fiancé's state, "Come on already! What's the big surprise?"
He let out a chortle of a laugh, no mirth in it whatsoever, "Well, I…um…we got invited to a…a party and well…that's why I didn't…buy any food….there's…supposed to be plenty of food at the…at the…party," he stuffed what was left of the biscuit into his mouth, so as not to speak, figured the Doctor.
"A party! Where? That sounds like fun," Amy smiled as she sat up to look at Rory properly, "Rory! What's wrong, you're going to choke on that!"
Rory's eyes were wide in alarm as he painfully swallowed the huge lump of biscuit, "Um…well," he looked towards the Doctor, his eyes suddenly apologetic. The Doctor could almost feel his hearts stop, possibly taking him into regeneration as Rory let his next words flood out.
"Rose…the girl from the shop that I ran into again, invited…all of us to her party," his eyes were on the Doctor's, waiting for his reaction.
The Doctor let his head drop back, hitting the wall. The Tardis rumbled beneath his scalp in a persistent, but soothing way.
Oh, bugger.
Must say, I'm looking forward to the next chapter :D
I'm looking forward to getting to all your reviews soon!
