Title: Beer Very Bad
Author: Golden Waffles
Rating: T. For minor language and mentions of sex. But not in this chapter so much.
Description: It's kind of an alternate ending to "Something Blue." That night Willow gets drunk at the Bronze, something a little different happens, involving a certain blonde girl.
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own the characters or settings of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Just the situations I put them in here.
A/N: Meh. I was hoping to get a little more work in on this, but it turned out kind of super long (at least for me). I got it fixed up a little, and I'm at least a lot happier with it than last chapter. I was going to tack the dinner scene on at the end of this, but I think there's more than enough here to justify a break, and dinner's going to go pretty long, too. I think it's best that it gets its own chapter. Dinner will be much more lighthearted. I think you'll all like it. For now, enjoy having our two lovely girls in the same room at the same time, talking for the first time since the prologue.
Chapter 7:
Tara
Willow cursed her own cowardice as she paced in front of her mystery girl's door. She still couldn't think of her name. She held the neatly folded shirt in both hands, clenching and unclenching as she tried to delay the inevitable. Students passing by were starting to give her strange looks, but she was pointedly ignoring them. They had nothing to do with this mission.
After several minutes of convincing herself not to run away, she finally took a deep breath and held it while she rapped her knuckles against the door. She wasn't sure whether to hope someone answered or not. Either way, it creaked open within a few seconds, and the pretty blonde girl with blue eyes stood on the other side, wearing a shocked look.
"Willow?" Her voice sounded so surprised it almost crossed over into frightened.
"Hi. I, uh, I know you probably don't want to see me after… everything… but I kind of had some questions. About the other night. Do you think I could come in for a second?" It sounded forced and lame even in her head, but it was the most neutral thing she had been able to come up with in all of her planning and practicing. The blonde hesitated, half-hidden behind the door. "Please?"
At the final plea, her mystery girl nodded shyly and inched back to admit her. Willow stepped inside and looked around the room. She hadn't given it a really good lookover Saturday morning, and she was surprised now by some of the things she saw. Not only did books overflow the bookshelves, piling up on the desk and floor, but some of them looked ancient, like the ones from Giles's collections. The decorations were, to put it generously, eccentric. Odd paintings and posters hung from the walls and door, and she thought she saw an umbrella stand full of ostrich feathers in the corner. Not to mention some of more esoteric artifacts that were scattered throughout the room. Including one on the desk that immediately that caught her eye.
"Is that a Doll's Eye crystal?" Willow asked curiously, inspecting the jagged, pale purple crystal with a slack jaw. She couldn't believe this girl had one- they were extremely hard to come by. She herself had been searching for one for months, with no luck to speak of. The girl gave her a bewildered look.
"Um… yes? I-is that one of your questions?" Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
Willow shook her head to reorient herself and sat down in the desk chair, still studying the crystal.
"No, no. I just wanted to ask a few things, you know… about what happened… and how it happened… and stuff…" she trailed off lamely. She suddenly wished she had practiced this part more. There was a pregnant silence as Willow tried to find the words she wanted and the other girl just stared at her, trying to puzzle out her real question. The silence stretched until it was almost unbearable.
"I didn't think you'd… you know… come here," the girl said finally, taking a seat at the foot of her bed. For the first time, Willow really looked at her. Well, I guess my memory's not quite as bad as I thought. The girl was, obviously, not naked this time. In fact, she was dressed pretty conservatively for Southern California, even for winter. Her shirt was patterned blue and had long billowy sleeves that partially covered up her hands, although its hem revealed the tiniest slice of her waist before her heavy, dark, floor-length skirt took over. Her hair was neater this time, but it still revealed the dark roots in the zig-zag part. Her eyes were trained slightly down, and her hair swept forward to shelter her face by a few inches. She perched just on the edge of the bed, her arms crossed defensively over her stomach, waiting.
"Yeah…" Willow abruptly realized that she was staring and jerked her head back to the desk, sucking in a quick breath. "Well, I was looking at this shirt this morning, because I left it on the floor— and that's really unlike me, I never do that— and I when I looked at it, I realized it wasn't mine— because it has buttons, and mine doesn't have buttons— which I think means that I stole it from you– accidentally, of course!– as I, you know, kind of sprinted out the door the other morning. And I thought that I should probably give it back to you and get mine and maybe explain some things and, well, ask a whole bunch of questions." She glanced back up. "Is that okay?"
To her surprise, at some point during her rambling speech, the blonde had looked up and cracked a slight smile. Her arms uncrossed a little as her stance relaxed.
"Yeah, Willow. That's okay." She pushed herself to her feet, looking like she had suddenly remembered something important. "Oh, c-can I get you something to drink? Water? Or tea?"
"Huh? Oh, no. Thanks. I'm fine," Willow responded automatically, still trying to puzzle out the change in her companion, trying to figure out what had made her relax. The blonde nodded to herself, fetching a mug and spoon that had been sitting on her nightstand. A thin layer of steam still rose from the top. Tea, Willow guessed. She drank tea. Old books, magical artifacts, and tea. She really is Giles, isn't she? The redhead stifled a giggle at the thought.
"I'm actually kind of glad you came," the mystery girl confessed, walking back to her spot at the foot of the bed.
"Really?" Willow's humor faded as she cringed inwardly. The guilt was back for Round 999.
"Yeah." The girl stirred her tea. Willow was suddenly jealous. She should have accepted her offer- it would give her something to do with her eyes and hands. Something besides fidgeting and glancing fitfully around the room. "I've s-seen you around, you know."
Willow froze. Uh-oh.
"You have?"
The blonde nodded knowingly.
"Uh-huh. How long did you stay behind that tree?"
Willow smiled nervously, now carefully tracing the outline of the Doll's Eye with her fingertips.
"Oh, you know, not long. A couple hours, maybe."
The girl nodded and took a small sip of her drink. As she lowered the mug, her tongue peeked out to swipe her lips. Willow found her eyes stuck again. It was extremely distracting, being this close to her. It stirred up memories of her dreams. She had to put serious effort into staying focused.
"You know… you didn't have to keep running away."
Willow blushed, forcing her gaze back to the crystal.
"I thought I did."
There was a pause as the girl just watched her for a moment. Willow felt her skin burn wherever the ice-blue eyes touched her.
"But here you are." She said it very matter-of-factly, waiting for Willow's explanation.
"Yeah. Well, the shirt…" Willow began weakly. The girl looked down again, towards the offending lump of fabric.
"That shirt…" she repeated distantly. "I hadn't even n-noticed it, really."
"I wouldn't have, probably, if my friend hadn't pointed it out. She saw it and remembered that mine didn't have buttons, so I kind of had to explain to her about… everything. She was a little thrown." Willow was surprised by how much she was saying. Against all logic, it felt incredibly easy to talk to this girl. She couldn't help herself.
"Oh." The blonde looked down into her mug. "Is she your g-girlfriend?"
"My what? No. No, no, no, no. My roommate, Buffy. We've been friends since High School. I don't have a girlfriend." The girl looked relieved at this information. Unfortunately, Willow heard more words spill out. "In fact, I just got out of a relationship. Sort of. With my boyfriend."
The blonde's face turned slightly panicked.
"B-boyfriend?" she stuttered.
"Yeah. Well, ex-boyfriend now. Again, sort of." Willow squirmed a little under her gaze. The girl raised a hand to her head, as though her neck could no longer hold it upright by itself. This new information made it too heavy.
"Oh. Oh boy. S-so… you aren't… uh… gay?" The shock in her voice almost covered up the shades of disappointment. But not quite. Willow felt herself turn at least three different kinds of red as she fumbled for an answer that didn't make her sound like a terrible person.
"Well… I mean… not historically, no." Great job, Rosenberg. No luck on that "not terrible" thing, huh?
"Then… what happened?" The blonde wrapped both her hands around the mug. Lines of tension marked the space between her eyes. Willow sucked in a stabilizing breath and tried to keep her slightly flippant tone. She wasn't sure it was the right decision, but she thought being overly serious would make this confrontation a lot more awkward.
"It's funny; That's exactly what I came here to ask you about."
The blonde looked up, the lines between her eyes deepening.
"W-what do you mean?"
"Well, here's the thing… You know how I had been drinking that night?"
"Yeah." The girl blushed lightly. "We both were."
"Okay. But I think I might have had a little more than you. Or a lot, probably. I mean, I had already had at least three cups before I even saw you. By the end of the night, I must have been…" She paused to take another quick breath and think of a fair description. She was surprised by how nice the room smelled. The dusty, almost spicy scent of the books was partially smothered by the heavy floral aroma of the large pillar candles scattered around the room. It worked, though. The smell reminded her of practicing magic. She inhaled again, more slowly and deeply.
"You were a little far gone," the blonde admitted, one corner of her mouth twitching up into an almost-smile.
"That's just it. I was gone. I mean, really gone. Not just drunk, but absolutely not there." Willow tried to emphasize the point by waving her hands around violently. "I just… blacked out, I guess. I don't really remember everything that happened."
"W-what do you mean?" The girl set her mug down by her feet and straightened up seriously. "What don't you remember?"
Willow looked at her former lover, suddenly wishing more than ever that she knew her name, knew anything about her. It wasn't fair to her, to either of them, that her memory had abandoned her like it had. But she wasn't doing them any favors by delaying the confession. It didn't matter; as soon as she looked into the girl's eyes, the words came loose again.
"Anything, really," fell from her lips. The blonde continued watching the stressed redhead, apparently still trying to puzzle out the implications of that answer. In the interim, Willow's brain thought of more questions, and she found her mouth opening once again to ask one of the most pressing ones. "What's your name?"
The girl's eyebrows raised in evident surprise, then sank in disappointment. She let out a soft 'oh' as her head bowed again.
"Tara," she said finally. "It's Tara."
Willow almost winced again. Tara. Tara Tara Tara. Of course. I should have known. Terrified. Terra. Tara. I'm such a sleazebucket. I can't believe I forgot. Why didn't I listen to Buffy? Beer Bad. Beer doesn't solve anything.
"I'm sorry," she murmured. The mystery girl- the blonde- Tara kept watching the floor. "I wish I remembered. Really. I know how this must sound. You must think I'm some big sleazy jerk, which might be true, really. I mean, I've done some pretty terrible things before. Nothing quite like this, but definitely bad." She paused for a second to breathe. "I don't know why I keep talking this much. I mean, I always talk a lot, especially once I get going, but this really isn't the situation for it. I can't stop, though."
Tara raised her head a little, almost smiling again.
"You talked like that the other night, too. I thought it was just the alcohol."
Willow smiled abashedly.
"Nope. Just me."
Tara glanced up, biting her lip as though considering something very carefully.
"I thought it was cute," she admitted quietly. Willow flushed, grinning automatically. She's sweet.
"Thanks, but it's more humiliating, really." The redhead shook her head, hoping to get back on topic. "I just wish I knew what I actually said."
"So… you r-really don't remember anything?" Tara looked like she was struggling with the new information. "N-n-not even…" She ducked her head in embarrassment, then nodded her head towards the bed in lieu of finishing the sentence. The sex.
"Not really. I think I remember seeing you at the bar, but I don't remember what happened afterwards. Even the… you know."
"Wow…" Tara breathed. "That's… a lot."
"I know." Willow felt the guilt like acid in her stomach. "That's kind of why I came. I wanted to… you know… find out what happened. How it happened."
The silence between them was heavy and oppressive. Willow absently wondered if they would be better off if they weren't trapped in the tiny dorm room. She tried to imagine them taking a walk, but her head was already too full of thoughts.
"So…" Tara raised her hand and rubbed the side of her head for a few seconds. "S-s-so you don't remember me at all… and you were so drunk that night that you didn't know what you were doing… and you're straight. With a sort-of-ex-boyfriend." The blonde gave her a helpless look. "Right?"
Willow bowed her head.
"Yeah." She swallowed, feeling the burning in her stomach intensify. "Did I mention how sorry I am about all this? Because it's a lot."
"I just… I don't understand. Everything seemed fine." Tara frowned to herself, withdrawing a little. Willow shivered.
"Tara…" The word tasted oddly familiar on her tongue. "What did I do? That night?"
Tara blushed at the question, her ears turning bright red.
"You were… you were just really sweet. You talked to me."
Willow tilted her head. Sweet?
"But… how? What did I say? How did we… get to where we got to?"
Tara's face darkened even more. She shook her head slightly, trying to dismiss the question.
"I don't know, Willow… it just… happened. We were drinking and talking and… I don't know. Something… clicked… I guess. I c-can't really… I mean… I c-c-can't explain…" she trailed off, wincing as the nervous stutter threatened to swallow her words. Willow wondered if that was a normal thing, or if this was just an extra weird situation.
"Trust me, if anyone gets how weird this conversation is, it's me. But I have to know. Please." You can't just leave me like this, not knowing. Can't you imagine how scary that is?
Tara just shook her head, dipping it until her hair obscured her face.
"I just… c-can't."
Willow hopped to her feet, stepping close. She could feel desperation setting in.
"Tara, please. You're the only one who can tell me what happened. Please."
She stood directly in front of Tara, and heard her barely audible voice.
"It's… t-too embarrassing now."
"What do you mean? Why embarrassing?"
Tara shook her head. If possible, her voice got even smaller.
"I just… I thought… it w-was going so well… I mean… I thought…"
"Tara…"
"But… it wasn't, I guess."
"Hey…" Willow knelt down until she could see her companion's face. She looked absolutely mortified. Devastated even. "I'm sorry. I wish I knew what I was thinking or feeling that night." She swallowed, trying to moisten her dry throat. I really should have taken that tea. "I don't think it was just a weird fluke, though. I've had flukes, but I've never done anything like that before. And I've been… thinking about you. About us. I keep having these dreams. I don't know if they're real or not, but I can't stop thinking about it. That's the other part of why I'm here." She closed her eyes and continued onward. "I wanted to see you again. I was just scared to talk to you about all this, because, I mean, it's obviously really awkward. So I thought maybe waiting would help. I'm kind of a dummy sometimes."
"Willow…" Willow opened her eyes. Tara was looking at her with something like resignation. "It's okay. You d-don't have to worry about me. I'll be okay."
Her face told a different story, and Willow felt a little indignant that Tara would assume she was lying to make her feel better.
"That's not what that was about," Willow said flatly. Tara looked like she was about to speak, but she seemed to cut herself off, shaking her head.
"Do you know how confusing you are?" she asked, one eyebrow raised. She looked tired.
"People tell me sometimes."
One side of Tara's mouth perked up.
"Well, as long as you know…" She looked to the clock on the wall. Willow panicked momentarily. Tara was going to ask her to leave, but she wasn't done talking yet. She still didn't know anything about the mysterious girl. What was her last name? What was with the magic stuff? Was she a witch? Where was she from? What was she studying? Why had Willow approached her that night? What did they talk about? How did they get to her room? How had the romantic stuff started? How had she reacted to it? If Tara kicked her out now, she might never find out. As was becoming a horrible trend in this girl's presence, her mouth started talking before her brain could tell it to wait up.
"Do you want to go to dinner with me?"
Tara's eyebrows crept upwards incredulously at the offer.
"Willow, you d-don't have to do that. I mean it."
"I know. Tara." I know her name now, so I can use it. Tara. Tara. Tara. "I just… want to. Like as an apology. I owe you that much at least. I mean, I didn't exactly stay for breakfast, which I think is pretty traditional. And I still have questions for you. And, you know, I heard they fixed the fro-yo machine in the cafeteria, so that's pretty exciting. Really, who could say no to fro-yo? It's even fun to say!"
Tara shook her head, giggling in spite of herself at the redhead's desperate enthusiasm. Willow perked up. Maybe she wasn't lying when she said she liked the babbling.
"Alright, alright." Tara gave in, offering Willow a shy smile. "You know, you're just as charming sober."
Willow beamed.
