"Don't Go Yet"
Chapter 6
-Breakable-
"Oh no no," Shion waved his hands up in defense, a bit embarrassed to have been noticed. He couldn't help but notice Nezumi roll his eyes before going up the stairs, obviously not wanting to hang around for the scene.
"Are you sure? There's still breakfast left." The young woman smiled brightly.
"No, I just came to visit a friend." He tried to wave the woman off politely, following after the rogue's steps.
"I guess I should have known better." The dark haired man was leaning against the wall, waiting for his friend. He opened the door and disappeared into the room. "Who could possibly mistake you? I'm a bit surprised, if I can be honest; I thought you would've gotten skin pallets or dyed your hair by now."
"You said you always liked me like this…" Shion said lightly, peeking into the small room. "…It's who I am now, why would I try to change?"
"I didn't say I wanted you to look different. I just assumed, you know? You're a great No.6 official now." The voice was still mocking as he took the superfiber scarf off, letting it rest over a chair before sitting on the bed.
"I don't see how that should change who I am…" Shion shut the door behind him, walking into the room and watching the self-named rat.
"Ah, I guess that's true…" Nezumi leaned forward, gray eyes going to the mark along his friends cheek. "…What did you want to talk about again?"
"Yesterday." Shion looked off, violet eyes muddled. "Last night… the future…."
"What about it?" The older could tell that this was going to be hard for his old friend, but… he couldn't really comfort him, now could he? Nezumi didn't even know what he was going to say.
The chairman took a deep breath, eyes zoned onto a spot just past Nezumi. "When… When I first saw you yesterday, I was so selfish… I wanted you all to myself, and despite your warning I didn't want to think of how anyone else would feel. My family… my wife… or even you. I was a selfish man, even more so when I pulled you into a kiss…" Nervous fingers ran through their owner's hair, the man trying to think.
"When I saw my daughter being born… I was sure there was nothing else that could make me feel so overcome with joy… B-But then I kissed you…" The younger swallowed hard, blinking away probing tears so he wouldn't look as weak as he had all those years ago.
"…When I married Inukashi, I made a promise to be with her for the rest of my life… W-When I asked her to be mine… I really, really meant it… so h-how could I so willingly want to take all those sweet words and toss them aside? I-It's like they meant nothing at all!" The tears were coming fast, and all he could do was wipe them away with the palm of his hands. "I-I don't know what I'm supposed to d-do Nezumi….!"
Nezumi felt absolutely useless as the younger went on. This… Shion's pain had been his fault. He had waited six years to see him again – too long. He had lost… and to all people, he had lost to Inukashi. She had not been a part of his calculation. All he could do was look at the floor beneath his boots and let his bangs hide him from what he had done. Nezumi couldn't help Shion… He couldn't try and point out an obvious answer, or root for a team – He was too involved and had too much to gain…
'All the world's a stage…'
…or lose. Gray eyes widened behind the dark bangs that veiled them, understanding what he had to do to put his friend out of his own misery.
'And all the men and woman merely players…'
Nezumi stood up, taking a breath as he put his mask on, using the sound of the white haired one's whimpering as a seal of reinforcement. Dark boots moved slowly as he moved to 'the man in charge', still looking down on him. Eyes were sharp and cold as ice; the type of smirk you made when you faced an absolute idiot lay delicately on his face.
"Shion… I really don't see a problem here. It didn't take me this long to conclude that it's become easier to hate you." The rogue said this darkly, pushing the shorter against the wall- not to be intimate, not to get closer – to be threatening. His hand held tight on his shoulder to keep him still.
'When we first met, we weren't so different…' He pushed the thought out of his mind, keeping his role in play.
"I came back because I promised to. I didn't make you kiss me in that alley – I don't know why I even allowed that to happen! It was disgusting! I've been gone a long time, and I got the time and space to learn how much you fucking make me sick. You're still so damn oblivious- you know nothing! Yet you walk around this city like you did such a great job! As if you understand everyone in these walls. You're trash!" The calloused hand released the smaller and he looked away, unable to look at him anymore.
'They have their exits and their entrances….'
With his lines done, Nezumi pulled the door open and walked out of the room, leaving his possession and a discarded Shion behind. He couldn't do it… he couldn't rip Shion's life from him just so he could be happy. He couldn't look at him if he cried…
'And one man in his time plays many parts…'
He didn't want to go too far. He took his time walking down the hall; down the stairs… some idiotic part of him still… still clung on, wanting the smaller of them to stop him. At the same time, he really wished Shion wouldn't. He could finally understand what Shion meant.
'His acts being seven ages…'
All he knew was that what he had just done… he would regret it the rest of his life. Shion though… It would make Shion's life easier. He could ease back into the world he'd worked so hard to mold.
'So we become the persona that we are prepared to show, and hide the real self away…'
-Breakable-
Falling over and crying was the first thing that he felt the need to do; the only thing he seemed to know how to do right!
'I've been a fool, oh what a fool I've been… a naïve, selfish, idiot…' The words kept falling and repeating in his head, though the words hypnotic played on and on… playing until it held nothing but the frays of his very sanity together as the stresses made it pull at the seams.
Something… snapped – or rather, clicked – inside him when he hit the floor. He didn't feel himself shatter into a million pieces. Rather, he felt himself… slip… Though from where, it wasn't certain.
Staring at the adjacent wall from his spot laying on the cool wooden floor, Shion felt emptied and hopeless… and though it was practically nature to act so, there were none of the expected tears left slipping from his hollowed amethystine eyes. He laid there for just a few moments longer before numbly pulling himself to his feet. Everything from that point moved fluidly like a dream… A cruel, twisted dream… truly a near-empathetic nightmare.
It was time to grow up and be a man, and if he were to cry anymore tears it wouldn't be for the man who had just stormed out that door. Maybe some sort of internal realization was what had prevented him from tearing up in the first place… Maybe he didn't care as much as he had assumed, and if he did – there was no room left inside him for doubts. Anything that once had been was gone… buried deep inside him locked behind an iron wall forever; a place not even his mother would be able to burrow through.
The stairs moved fast under his feet as he moved to the bottom floor to the inn. Did he always walk so fast, or was it some form of magic that made him seem to glide down the steps with that careless breeze? With a click of his tongue, he arrived at the bottom step; with a light roll on the balls of his feet he stared at the lingering wanderer with a pair of cold apathetic eyes.
"…You know…" Shion blinked, slightly surprised at the depth of his own voice, but it wasn't enough to snap him out or change the course of the verse. "Inukashi had allotted me some time to figure things out… but I suppose I should thank you for making the decision for me. Best nip it in the bud before it blooms, right? Roses were always coated in thorns…" The last bit was a bit mumbled, violet gaze flickering across the taller body.
"Before we part again… I believe these are yours." A pair of mismatched mice were pulled from his pocket and presented like little prizes, each of the creatures blinking sleepily as they adjusted to the bright light of a new day. "…I do not believe they are of any service to me anymore."
Nezumi wouldn't look at him… He already felt awful. When Shion held his hand out, he was just thankful for a new place to divert his eyes.
Then he just… broke.
Really, he couldn't help himself. The odd looks from the young lady at the front, a few more stares from a few of the people he would be sharing a roof with that night – he just had to laugh!
'If you don't laugh, you will cry…' he warned himself, unable to stop. Was he really hysterical? No, no, it was funny! When did Shion become more emotionally stable than he? When did Inukashi – Hell, why would any wife for that matter! – allow their husband to linger on such thoughts? It was hilarious!
But then it stopped being funny… All he could feel under the laughs was pain and numbness… had he always felt so alone? … Not always…. Shion had done this to him. When things stopped being funny, the real feeling left was always pain.
Nezumi reached out for the mice, but his hand landed higher. Gripping Shion's wrist, he forced the weaker man close again, this time a knife at his neck. He was just happy the manager of this small place wasn't in the right angle to see it… Though that didn't stop a gasp of surprise from the on-lookers.
Dark, colorless orbs were frozen and trying desperately to lock away the regret, the pain, the fear… to stare blankly at the bright violet warmth in front of him. When had his hand ever shaken with a blade in his grip? This had to be the first.
"And why should I play the Roman fool, and die on my own sword?" he chuckled lightly. Oh no, maybe he was hysterical. "….Live a happy life for two damned fools then." He drew the blade back, grabbing Cravat and walking out of the inn. Hamlet stopped being his when the white mouse chose to stay with Shion all those years ago…
Shion became a storm, following Nezumi out and watching him get a few paces away before he found a proper reply.
"When you dream your life is a stage, you're the worst type of fool! Or perhaps I am, for falling for a mask!" He shook his head lightly, starting off in his own direction. "Emotions were never your forte, but you'd imagine if you ever felt so strongly about something… the mask would falter just enough for the truth underneath to be seen."
Nezumi would have loved to turn and hit him. All of this was Shion's fault! He had never asked for any of it! Everything that had been done was now set there in stone and he wasn't allowed to touch it! He could feel whatever he wanted- love, hate, misery, fear, pity desire – that didn't mean anything! In the end they were all just words that still left him in the same place he'd been before!
The wall… it was still there, right between the two of them. He was an unwelcome intruder in Shion's world. Of course he cared about him, of course he wanted to grab him, kiss him, tell him everything would be fine if they figured it out – but what man would he be if he allowed that to happen?
"Go back to your damn wife already!" he growled loudly over his shoulder.
'I've fallen…' The old thought resurfaced, too late to stop the hurt in his voice; the tears were already stinging. 'Stop this right now, you're in public, you're in front of Shion! Don't you dare lose it now! …Go back to the stage, the actors, the set…!'
"Just go back and leave me alone! Stop doing this to me already!"
'What the hell am I even saying?' Nezumi didn't linger. He wanted to go home, but there never really was such a place. He reasoned the park was the closest thing he knew; he turned on his heels and ran… 'You're running from Shion…?' The thought was so odd he wanted to laugh at himself. Reduced to such a state by a mere man…
The thing was, the younger was planning to do just that… Go home and babble nonsense to his wife, take a nap – then resume life per usual when he woke up again. However, something… the cracks in Nezumi's words as they were shot at him, the quaking tone… that was something he had only heard once before in his life. Tilting his head back he could see the older running off and away, drawing a bit of attention in the busy street, but he paid no mind. Giving a long internal count to ten, he slowly started to walk in the direction his childhood friend had disappeared to.
-Breakable-
Nezumi wasn't really sure what he had in mind when he had gotten to the park. He had seen what was at the farthest north end of the city when he had been returning to No.6 … Shion was sickeningly sweet about it- replanting and rebuilding the forest of the Mao long forgotten… He knew he wouldn't have even made it halfway there before a breakdown. He told himself he didn't want to return anyway… He'd avoided it on his way in, still afraid he'd only think about the Mao Massacre.
Still, he just sat there against the tree trunk in the shade, far away from most of the people who were taking their small kids to the pond or gardens… No one paid mind to the street rat in the shadows. That's all he wanted…
Sighing, he tried to get his mindset back.
'Doesn't he feel so lucky?' he scoffed. 'He and my mother are the only people who have ever seen me act so damned childish…'
He didn't get to rest much, just starting to doze off in the nice weather when he heard familiar footsteps getting too close.
'…Why do you do this to me?' Nezumi felt himself crumble, not needing to open his eyes as the steps came closer and all too soon stopped.
~Breakable~
AN: How's that for an emotional roller coaster?
Any who~ Thank you for the reviews. I am terribly sorry for all the lateness. I'm currently in between moving houses, getting ready for college, and facing the fear of my girlfriend leaving me behind in this… crappy farm town… And then I have to try and find a job…
But, once everything calms down, I'll be updating on a more regular basis. Thank you for not yelling at me or badgering me on this fanfiction; it happened on another one and I'm just glad it only happened on that one.
