Chell said, "One tap for yes, two taps for no. Okay?"
The figure tapped once on the glass. So far so good.
Asking the most obvious questions seemed like a good place to start.
"Are you a test subject?"
One tap.
Then why are you in the observation room? Chell wanted to ask.
"Are you a man?"
Two taps.
"Woman?"
One tap.
Chell's next questions centered mainly around appearance. Knowing at least a little about what the person behind the glass looked like gave Chell comfort that she wasn't the only human within a thousand-mile radius.
Through a series of taps, Chell found out the woman was short, thin, black-haired, and had some kind of injury. Maybe the injury prevented her from testing. But then why would GLaDOS keep her around?
Chell knew her next question. "Does GLaDOS know you're here?"
One tap.
"Do you know who I am?"
One tap.
"Do I know who you are?"
A pause.
Two taps.
A great person once said machines were the way of the future. No one remembers who that person was, but his words held true. A machine performs its own routine in a continuous fashion, never tiring, never stopping. Given the right tools and proper work environment, a machine can be both efficient and resourceful. Everyone has to die someday; but a machine keeps marching forward in that endless routine. In three short words: machines are perfect.
But Chell wasn't a machine.
Yet she felt like one. As she and Caroline stepped back into the elevator she was slowly beginning to hate, it felt like a routine. A repetitive routine she found herself transitioning alarmingly quickly back into. The portal gun and fall boots were her tools, the tests her work environment, the testing her very own routine.
Caroline just happened to add another element to the mix albeit an unpredictable and erratic one. Chell glanced at the woman crouched on the floor, knees pulled up to her chest. What went on inside her head? On the outside she looked half-mad, staring ahead at nothing with those uncannily big eyes of hers. But beyond that… who knew? Wasn't there some term humans used to describe people like her? Something to do with cards. Not like you would know. Great. Now she was even thinking like GLaDOS.
How did she do that? How did she always find a way of getting into her head like some kind of virus? No matter what Chell did, there was always that condescending robotic voice to counter her every thought and idea. Maybe she was crazy. Maybe this was all a delusion and Chell was really lying in a warm bed dreaming. Maybe. But Chell had learned a long time ago that "maybe" was the equivalent of "if you're really that stupid then you probably think like this" in Aperture Science.
Great. Thinking like GLaDOS again. If only she could use that skill to really speak back to GLaDOS and not stand there like a deer in the… what? She didn't even know; it was most likely some other human phrase lingering just out her train of thought. Perhaps it was better she'd found no one outside of Aperture; she'd probably have no idea what to say to them.
Chell wondered if Caroline would. She wondered a lot of things about Caroline like why the hell she'd suddenly turned so violent back in the last test chamber. That outburst earlier had genuinely frightened Chell. Maybe because she'd never seen someone act like that; she really hadn't expected such a startling reaction from Caroline. To see someone just… lose it then come back again was terrifying. She had never done that; fits of anger got nothing done. But testing continuously got nothing done either.
Escape… They had to escape. But now it felt more like an obligation than something Chell truly felt the urge to fight for. But why? She'd had a taste of freedom and while she was… lonely it was still better than this hell! And Caroline surely didn't want to spend the rest of her life down here. But who knew what Caroline wanted? For all Chell knew she could have been the one to draw all those murals…
Wait. Could shehave done those? The initial thought sounded ridiculous. She could barely walk; how could she spend her days sneaking through Aperture painting intricate pictures? But the more she thought about it… could it be true? What if GLaDOS had finally caught her and decided to test her along with Chell? It would explain her immense hatred towards Caroline. But why keep someone you hate around? That didn't add up. But it would explain why Caroline was so malnourished; surviving off that meager supply of food cans couldn't be easy. But how had she stayed alive all these years? That didn't add up either. And why would she react so angrily to her own murals… forget it.
Clearly too many elements weren't adding up. Chell just couldn't put her finger on why. Nothing seemed to be adding up lately. GLaDOS let her go. GLaDOS brought her back. She met some mysterious human named Caroline. They tested together. Now here they were. Same place, same routine. Only nothing made sense.
What was the point in trying to figure it all out? For all Chell knew it was some cruel, elaborate test GLaDOS had concocted to… to what? Toy with her? Get some kind of emotion out of her? Chell tossed the thought aside; it was just another puzzle piece that didn't fit.
Chell looked again at Caroline, still slightly paranoid she might snap and go on a frightening rampage again. Caroline finally seemed to realize someone was staring at her and looked up at Chell with that same condescending glare. Was that the only expression she ever used? Then again, they had nothing to smile about.
"You know, I could always come up with some form of motivation to fuel your test progress. I'd give you an incentive like cake or something but there's really no point wasting it one two people when I could save it for some much better test subject."
If they did have something to smile about, GLaDOS would make sure to shoot it down anyways! Pulling Caroline with her (and keeping the portal gun far out of her reach), Chell did her best to ignore the AI and focus on the impending test. Test #4. How could she be going so slowly? It was mostly Caroline and she knew it; she couldn't handle these tests the way Chell did. She was just holding her back and- no. Chell was not going to put her problems on Caroline. GLaDOS would do that; she wouldn't.
The two entered the next test chamber. And so the routine began again. Survey the test. Sort out the easy and hard parts. Determine a tactic. Try not to die. And… find something to do with Caroline. Something that wouldn't end with her going on a crazy rampage. Chell felt guilty just leaving her on the floor but what else she supposed to do with such dead weight- there she went again.
No more thinking. Just testing. Chell lifted the portal gun into the far-too-familiar position on her arm and began sorting out her variables.
Testing. Escaping. Testing. Escaping. Which one mattered to her more? Did they matter at all? Chell was stuck with one and the other was so far away now… the thought was depressing. And depression never lead to anything productive. Like testing and escaping. They could be productive if she could only figure things out which… dammit.
One thing she had figured out: she needed Caroline's help again.
Chell sighed and looked over at Caroline. As usual, the woman hadn't taken her eyes off Chell. It was the same way every test. She probably followed her even more closely than the video cameras in each test chamber. So Chell wasn't exactly surprised when she got up on shaky legs, probably aware by now that she was only needed to solve the next test instead of meaningful conversation or test subject bonding.
"I just need you to… yeah, that's right." It was amazing how quickly Caroline managed to figure out what needed to be done to solve this test. Maybe she had been testing her whole life too…
There she went. It was painful to watch Caroline walk. With each step it looked like her bones would pop out of her skin and she'd snap like a twig. But she kept going. Slowly, but it was better than nothing. Still, there was always that small what-if thought in the back of Chell's head that Caroline would just… break. Whether that would for better or worse… Chell was leaning toward the former.
How could Chell think something so horrible? GLaDOS was right; she was a horrible person. She didn't even need a file to tell her that. But how could it be horrible if it was true?
Dead weight. There was no point in lying to herself. Caroline was nothing but dead weight and Chell knew it. Maybe that was the real test GLaDOS had prepared for her: working with a partner that only proved to be more of a burden to her. Or driving her crazy. If she wasn't crazy already. As far as she knew, Aperture could be one long, elaborate nightmare she was having a hard time pulling herself out of.
Finally! Caroline had made it to the large red button and switched the adjacent wall of lasers off. Acting quickly, Chell slipped past the former barrier and into the other section of the test chamber. The rest was easy; a few portal placements here and there would solve this test in no time. However, as she walked past the barrier the lasers clicked back on dangerously close to her skin and she heard the agonizing sound of something cracking as it fell to the floor.
Her brief joy dissolved faster than a turret dunked into a pit of acid. Caroline had fallen again. Sprawled out on the floor, she quickly scrambled into a sitting position on the button and focused back on Chell. Why was Chell slowly beginning to hate the pair of gray eyes that followed her every maneuver around each test chamber?
Chell sighed with frustration. They weren't getting anywhere. Not under these circumstances. How could they escape when one them couldn't even carry herself around? It had been so much easier last time when she'd had someone who had worked with her, even if he was dull. And had tried to kill her. Chell pushed that little incident even farther back into her head along with pretty much everything else that had happened to her. No sense looking on the past, right?
Because now she had other problems to deal with. Like Caroline. Poor, helpless, inconvenient, burdensome, Caroline. They had to get out of here, that was a given. But how? Chell had no plan; then again, she'd never really had a plan. Things just… fell into place. But now, no matter how hard Chell tried, she couldn't come up with a feasible solution.
She could leave her.
NO. Yes, it may have been convenient but it wasn't the right thing. It was cruel and selfish and exactly what GLaDOS would have done… But there was an alternative. A perfect alternative that began to take shape in Chell's mind. Two items Caroline lacked could get them a little closer to freedom: a portal gun and fall boots. It was the perfect solution, too perfect. Because Chell couldn't simply snap her fingers and have that equipment pop out from a panel.
She'd have to ask GLaDOS.
There was the snag in the plan.
If Caroline could walk, they might be able to escape.
That settled it; Chell had to do it. Not for herself. For Caroline. Well… mostly for Caroline. For science too! All she had to do was ask. That wasn't hard. But once she factored in GLaDOS… the task at hand seemed much more difficult than it should have been.
This had to stop! Chell couldn't be afraid of her! Surely GLaDOS hadn't completely forgotten their time below Aperture when everything seemed so lost and they would both die at the hands of Wheatley. The time when they had to work together and became a sort of team. Couldn't they think like that again? As two allies, not enemies? Chell had to ask. GLaDOS had to remember. Right?
"I… c-can't…" Chell took a deep breath. She couldn't fear GLaDOS forever. Sometime she'd have to start facing her. "I can't test like this."
"Is that so? All right then. I can give you new test: escape the room filling up with deadly neurotoxin in time."
Standing up to GLaDOS could wait. "It's not that… I… I think Caroline would t-test better with me if she had a p-portal gun… and fall boots." Chell mumbled, trying not to stumble over her own words.
Caroline was looking at her like she was crazy. And maybe she was. After all, Wheatley had politely informed her she could have a minor case of serious brain damage. But Chell had to do this because… why? Why should she bother helping someone who was even crazier than she was? Someone who couldn't even walk. But it was the right thing to do. Wasn't it?
"So in layman's terms, you want to provide your testing partner with the proper Aperture Science testing equipment because you find her to be a burden to you."
Caroline's eyes narrowed at Chell. "No, I-I…"
"Oh, I'm not disagreeing with you" GLaDOS said. "It's true that Caroline is both a burden and completely worthless. So why would I bother wasting my equipment on her considering she'd most likely break it?"
If looks could pump deadly neurotoxin into the room, Caroline's look at the camera would have Chell on the floor choking in seconds. "She won't I'll… I'll make sure she doesn't-"
"So you're her mother now? Caroline's a grown woman; it's her own fault she can't fully function like one."
"I… that's not what I mean!" GLaDOS was trying to manipulate her into saying something wasn't she? Why had Chell even bothered teaching herself to speak? It was hurting her more than helping her at this point.
"I'm surprised you've kept her around this long." GLaDOS said snidely. "If I were you, not only would I be overweight and murderous but I would also have left her long before- did I say that out loud? I don't know what came over me there."
For someone who could barely walk, Chell wouldn't have been surprised if Caroline marched down to the AI's chamber and ripped her apart at the moment. It was amazing how much a person could convey with body language; Chell knew that perfectly well. So she stood her ground and faced the video camera turned directly at her.
"Look. Caroline needs- I really need her to have these things to test. I promise she'll put it to good use and… if you say no-"
"I never said I would-"
"Please." Chell said in a last-ditch attempt to change her mind.
The room was quiet too quiet. Why hadn't she said anything yet? Sometimes GLaDOS was more intimidating when she wasn't even same room as Chell. Now was another one of those times.
Chell stood nearly frozen facing the camera, waiting for something. Exactly what… she almost didn't want to find out. It took one simple word: yes. Yet it meant so much. How was it a single word could make her so tense? Only Chell's anxious breaths penetrated the silence. She could have heard the birds cawing beneath Aperture.
The AI finally spoke. "Fine then. If you hurry up, your testing cripple just might be of more use in the next test."
Chell let go a suppressed sigh of relief. This was perfect! With Caroline properly equipped Chell could almost picture an escape plan. They could work together almost like… a team. Who needed GLaDOS? They wouldn't need her; not when freedom was just marginally closer. But that small margin almost made Chell excited. Like for once, she was in control and she could get them out of here. The feeling was exhilarating.
So why did Caroline look so nervous now?
"In this test, you'll find the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device and the Aperture Science Long Fall Boots for your little invalid- I mean, Caroline. Try not to break anything."
There they were. Sitting on a little pedestal like a little Christmas present, protected by the wall of glass. Nothing had ever looked so beautiful. Or maybe that was the hope of escaping clouding Chell's train of thought.
It didn't matter. She'd done it. She'd persuaded GLaDOS. It could hardly be called a victory but it just felt… good. Like for once something had gone exactly the way she'd wanted it to.
But Caroline still had that look on her face. Something between nervous and downright confused. And she seemed a little more distant. She'd been acting that way ever since they'd solved the last test, even shaking off Chell's help getting out of the elevator. Maybe it was another mood swing; funny how quickly Chell was getting used to those.
Chell noticed one problem: there was no entrance into the other room. Not even an opening in the glass to portal them through. Was this another cruel joke? Almost on cue, one of the spotless white panels opened up revealing a catwalk into the other room. It struck Chell a little odd the two rooms weren't connected. Caroline stiffly made her way through it and into the next room. Before Chell could follow in behind her the panel snapped shut.
"Oh no. You're staying right here."
Chell frowned. "What? I don't understand…"
"Did I forget to mention Caroline has to retrieve the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Gun and Fall Boots by herself? My mistake; I'm sure it won't happen again. Especially if she doesn't make it."
By herself? Well… the task wasn't impossible. But the devices were still quite a distance away for Caroline to walk to them without any support.
Why hadn't she started walking? Caroline's eyes scanned every corner and niche in the test chamber but she still hadn't move from her starting position. She finally appeared to be satisfied with the easiness of the test and took one step forward. But in that one step, the panels lined around the room began disappearing and rearranging themselves.
She should have known it would be too easy.
Chell watched with horror as the panels started shifting to reveal the myriad of obstacles blocking Caroline from the practically-sacred ASHPD and fall boots. Turrets poised to shoot at whatever crossed their path, lasers capable of searing human flesh, pitfalls placed at random, everything Chell hated about testing. And all Caroline could do was stand there, wide-eyed and just as terrified as Chell was. She had to dodge all these things?
Now it was impossible.
"She can't do that without help!" Chell said, half-angry and half-shocked. Chell didn't even think she herself could get through that hellish course GLaDOS deemed a "test."
"She can if she wants them badly enough. What I've learned from observing humans is they'll do anything if they want something. Caroline is no exception. So if she wants them, she'll find a way to get them. Without your help."
Looking down at her shaky legs, a myriad of worst-case scenarios passed through Chell's mind. Caroline couldn't do this! Chell couldn't watch this. Just knowing that Caroline probably wouldn't make it past the first few feet was enough to make Chell… hurt? Angry? Relieved? She didn't even know.
But she did know it was all GLaDOS's fault.
GLaDOS had lied to her again. Why not? It was the natural order of things by now, wasn't it? Lie about cake, lie about this, lie about that, everything GLaDOS said was just another lie piled on top of the other. She'd probably been callously lying even as a potato. As much as they hurt, Chell was used to the lies. But this was too far.
And so Chell's rubber band snapped.
Tearing her eyes from the wretched test, Chell faced the video camera in her test chamber. If she couldn't talk to GLaDOS directly, she'd sure as hell get as close to her as possible. "Why are you doing this?"
"Why am I giving Caroline a lovely incentive to not die?"
"No!" Chell snapped. "Why are you being cruel to Caroline? Why have you been acting so cold? Why do act like we've been through nothing at all? Why do you keep throwing all this BULL SHIT at-"
"So many questions! I couldn't possibly chose to answer them all!" GLaDOS responded in a cheerfully dissonant tone. "But I will say this: you have no idea how much trouble Caroline's been to me. If I were you, I'd be a little more observant before directing judgmental comments at me."
She was doing it again. Avoiding the question. Chell felt the fiery anger from before dissolve into desperation. She just wanted answers. Ever since she'd left Aperture, all she'd wanted were answers. Was that really so much to ask? Just something to sort out all this confusion and restlessness she had in her head.
"As far as I'm concerned, I've been perfectly normal. Maybe your substantial amount of brain damage is just obscuring your-"
"Quit saying that." Chell said. "I don't believe you. I don't believe anything you're telling me. Stop lying to me for once and just… please answer me honestly. Why are you doing this?"
There was a long, awkward pause as Chell desperately waited for an answer. "You want to know my honest opinion? Here I was trying to be considerate and spare your feelings. But since you wanted to know so badly… because you're a worthless lump of flesh who was never going to find another human who would stand her."
For some reason that struck a chord in Chell. A screechy, dissonant chord. That wasn't what she'd wanted to hear. "That's not true… you're just saying that to… to…"
"To what? Hurt your feelings? Please, if I wanted to do that I'd simply gloat about your unfortunate adoption. No, this time I'm being perfectly honest. Think about it. Who would possibly want someone like you? Murderous, awkward, despicable, even you should know that humans don't take too kindly to people like you."
She was doing it again. That thing where Chell was supposed to pretend her vindictive comments didn't faze her when in reality they were slowly twisting a knife in her back. It was getting harder each time, like a virus consistently picking at a computer's firewall until the whole thing came crashing down.
"You are nothing." GLaDOS said, her words stabbing at Chell. "That's why I brought you back here. I knew you had no place in the world. So I took you back. Because honestly, no one would even know, let alone care, who you are. Why should they look at this piece of nothing, who does nothing but test, who can't even talk the right way…"
Chell's hand immediately touched her throat. She was proud she'd gained her speech back despite the odd vocal patterns. "You're wrong." she responded quietly. "I'm not…" Why couldn't she think of something to hurl back at her? Say something! Anything!
"Be honest with yourself. I mean, truly sincerely honest. You have no purpose in your short, sad life. Just testing. What would a worthless piece of nothing like you have to work for anyways?"
"But if I can find humans-"
"Then what? You'll stand there like the overweight, horrible person you've always been? Maybe there's a reason you can't find anyone out there. Maybe everyone's avoiding you because you're just that unlikable."
"That's not true!" Chell retorted defensively. It couldn't be true.
"But it is." GLaDOS purred. "You're just too stubborn to admit it. That was always your problem, so stubborn refusing to change your ways. Maybe that's why you spent you time outside here alone with nothing but Companion Cube that can't even talk. Taking up space, you're nothing more than an atom. Small, insignificant, and all around worthless."
"SHUT UP!" Chell screamed. "You're wrong… you're… you're…" Chell sank to her knees in defeat. She was right.
Chell was nothing. No one was waiting for her when she escaped. No one would care if she died right in this very test chamber. No one would ever say that they wanted her around or that she was even worth something. Why would they notice All she did was take up space. She did nothing productive because she was nothing. And when she was gone, the world wouldn't change. Because she was nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
"Why so sad? It's not my fault you don't have the mental capacity to withstand the truth." Why couldn't she just go away? "I'm only building you up for- seriously? This again?"
A crash to the floor made Chell look up. The video camera, or as GLaDOS's "eye" as Chell liked to call it, had been disconnected by a portal. But the odd part was Chell hadn't shot the portal above her. And her portal gun definitely didn't shoot portal in… bright red? But if she didn't have a portal gun like that… Chell sprung to her feet and turned around.
She'd made it.
There stood Caroline, ASHPD perched on her arm and fall boots on her feet, a bright purple portal behind her. The equipment practically dwarfed her, like a child handling the tools they found in their father's toolbox. But it didn't matter. Because Chell could see something blazing behind Caroline's eyes: malice. For who… Chell wasn't even sure.
"What a joy. I now have two test subjects who love destroying Aperture Science equipment" said GLaDOS, clearly irritated. "Do I have to remind you that I gave you that ASHPD and I can just as easily take it away? Even if I have to pry it out of your cold, dead hands."
The statement was obviously meant to frighten Caroline, to intimidate her into obedience. So why did it seemed to have the opposite effect. Another look came over Caroline's face, the same look Chell possessed when she'd had the energy and determination to get out of here. The tension was high but it was clear GLaDOS wasn't quite in control as she wanted to be.
"Try me." Caroline hissed.
The tension was at its breaking point, with someone just about to snap. And Caroline standing on two feet, mad as hell and bent on revenge, GLaDOS equally vengeful and furious… it could go either way. However, the moment was ruined when Caroline brought her hand to her mouth trying to hide the blood leaking through her lips.
Right. They had work to do.
Without any assistance Caroline walked past Chell with just a little more confidence than before. That was when Chell saw she hadn't escaped the deadly test completely. A large, smarting burn stretched across her back. The lasers. Just looking at them brought back painful memories of the many small burns Chell herself got whenever she'd strayed a little too close to one. But Caroline didn't even flinch. She hadn't even batted an eye. Not even when GLaDOS threatened to do more than singe her with a laser.
How? How could Caroline stand her and defy her so easily when all Chell could do was stand there like a dumbstruck idiot? It was because Caroline didn't know GLaDOS, not the way Chell did. It was so easy before, when Chell was the hero and GLaDOS the monster. Black and white, good and bad, that was the way she preferred it. Before the old Aperture, before Wheatley, before waking up to the ruins… why couldn't she just go back and fix it the way she wanted to?
If she could go back, Chell would have run. She'd push past the fatigue, the injuries, and run from the monster she'd ripped apart. Then she'd learn how to talk. Afterward she'd find humans who would take her in. Then slowly but surely her memories of Aperture would fade away. If only she hadn't been so stupid. If she could on just go back.
But this was now. And now really sucked.
She didn't want to go on. But she had to. She'd worked too hard to get to this point to waste it away. But why did it have to be so hard? Couldn't she ever stroll through a wheat field to find her safe haven at the end of it? Why could she do that? Instead here she was, sweaty and emotionally drained. And she still had no idea how to untangle herself from the string of unfortunate incidents she'd been caught up in.
Well…
There was one way. But not the way she'd intended to escape. The idea had slowly creeped into her mind to the point it was consuming her. It was the quick and simple way out of this. If she could never find a way out of Aperture, away from GLaDOS, Caroline, and everything she'd lived with for as long as she remembered… she could end it all right now. A misplaced portal, one slip-up, it wasn't hard. Not physically.
No! How could she be thinking like that? Surely there had been a reason she'd escaped death so many times now. To throw it all away so willingly was foolish and stupid! But why not? If she was nothing then it wouldn't matter- but she had to stay alive for Caroline! But she practically hated Chell. And now that she could manage herself… but who knew what GLaDOS would pull next? Like it or not, Chell was responsible for keeping them alive and… Screw responsibility; the alternative would be so quick, so easy…
NO MORE. She wouldn't do that. She wouldn't even think about that again.
"You must feel like you've accomplished something. Like you've gotten the best of me. Let me remind you that this is nothing. This is just something to make you feel motivated. The sad reality is you fell for it; you actually thought you'd done something worthwhile. But you're worth nothing but tests. And if you fail at that, I highly doubt I'll even notice until the stench of your decomposing flesh contaminates my facility."
Not yet anyways.
A/N: Sorry about the month of no updates, I've been busy with exams and classes. As much as I love writing, school does come first… Anyways, once summer hits I'm hoping to have more free time to write and more creative output to get this story going!
One more little tidbit: I think I'm going to post chapter progress on my author page… does that sound like a good idea to you guys?
