7 – The Revelatory Application

The following Monday Sheldon walked over to Howard Wolowitz's office.

"Howard, I was wondering if I could enlist your assistance in a project?"

"Um, sure. What's up?"

"Let me preface my request by saying this enterprise is of a confidential nature."

"Okay?"

"I would prefer that my roommate learn nothing of it."

"That won't be a problem, Sheldon."

"In the past you have often taken Leonard's side in disputes between us. I need to be certain."

"Sheldon, after the way Leonard behaved at my bachelor party last week I did a lot of thinking. He's not a good friend. I don't think he's even a good person. I'm just a little sorry it cost me five hundred bucks to finally figure that out, but I did. And, by the way, I believe I owe you an apology that's a few years late being delivered."

"Excuse me?"

"The Arctic thing. I helped Leonard screw up your results."

"I'm aware. And I appreciate that you have finally said something. In that regard I blame you more for your judgment than your actions. Leonard carries the responsibility for that incident and he has never said more than a half-hearted, perfunctory "I'm sorry" and that was more because he didn't want to lose his home than any true remorse. And Howard, I don't understand. What $500?"

"After you left Leonard was incredibly rude to one of the girls, borderline abusive. He actually got us thrown out. Raj left the girls a thousand dollar tip as an apology. Leonard refused to pay his share so I split it with Raj."

"That's unacceptable. I'll reimburse you, of course. The celebration was in your honor. You should not have to pay for it."

"Sheldon, you weren't even there. You don't know what happened. Raj and I saw what Leonard did and I'm ashamed to say we didn't do anything to stop him."

"Howard, you are incorrect. I am well aware of Leonard's reprehensible actions."

"Did Raj tell you?"

"No."

"Well, I know Leonard didn't tell you."

"Penny told me about it."

"Who's Penny?"

"As you are no doubt aware, the girls at Manny's do not perform under their real names. Penny is "Pam."

"Okay, I'm confused."

"After I left the celebration I walked around the block a few times, intending to reconnect with you when you ultimately departed for the evening. I came upon Penny, um "Pam", sobbing in the alley following her encounter with Leonard. I took it upon myself to comfort her and we went across the street for a cup of tea."

"Sheldon, forgive me, but that behavior is very unlike you."

"I agree that it is atypical. However, my mother taught me that it was unseemly for a gentleman to ignore a damsel in distress therefore I could not leave "Pam" sobbing in an alley. In any case, I learned that her real name is Penny and she is a psychology major at UCLA soon to graduate. We conversed for a couple of hours."

"Sheldon, you don't talk to your closest friends for more than a few minutes."

"I admit that my behavior was quite unlike me. Howard, I understand that I've only known Penny for a few days but I feel a connection with her that I have never felt with anyone before except possibly with my Meemaw."

"Sheldon, I think you might be in love."

"I admit the possibility may exist. However I believe additional research and extensive fieldwork may be required. And there are complications."

"Her job? I can understand you being uncomfortable with her being a stripper."

"Surprisingly, I have no issue with that. When she presented her reasoning for accepting that particular line of employment it made a great deal of sense to me. It was both logical and reasonable. The complications are more geographical."

"Enlighten me."

"Penny and I were both surprised to discover that she actually lives in my building, in the apartment directly above mine."

"Well, that's convenient."

"Yes and no."

"Leonard."

"He has expressed interest and he has been rebuffed. You are aware of how he can be."

"Yeah. When Leonard sets his sights on a girl he's like a dog with a bone. If he discovers that Penny is nearby he will go after her."

"As he has, as a child would, called "dibs" on her, he already regards her as his property."

"Sheldon, there is a simple solution here. Throw him out."

"I am uncomfortable with that. We have a Roommate Agreement. He has done nothing yet that violates that agreement."

"Sheldon, I think you'd agree here that something you always believed would benefit you is now harming you."

"I've already reached that conclusion. In the meantime I would like to return to the subject of my visit."

"Okay?"

"Penny has a three-year-old daughter. Between being a full-time student and work Cyndee's childcare is a complicated endeavor. I offered to design an app to assist Penny with the scheduling."

"Sheldon, do you know how to do that?"

"Theoretically, yes. However, an app that I design may not be very user-friendly for the typical exotic dancer/college student. That is why I'm here. I would like to enlist your assistance to help create a more accessible app."

"You'll have it. But first, do you even like kids?"

"I haven't had very much experience with children, not since I was one myself. Based on my experience then I would conclude that I do not like them very much at all."

"I think I'm hearing a but there, buddy."

"Cyndee bonded with me almost immediately. She fell asleep in my lap. I let her call me Moonpie. Only my Meemaw calls me Moonpie. I enjoy her presence."

"Sheldon, I wish to revise my earlier statement. You are most definitely in love. With Penny and with her daughter."

"Help me, Howard. This is completely unexplored territory for me."

"I will absolutely help you. And it will be between you and me. I won't even tell Bernadette."

"You'd best not. Bernadette could inform Amy Farrah Fowler and she continues to believe that I should pair bond with her."

"I know. She talks about it all the time. Why do you encourage her?"

"I don't believe that I do. We have interesting discussions about our work but that's all. I feel no physical attraction to her whatever. I certainly do not envision a carnal relationship."

"But you do with Penny?"

"When we are apart all that I do is replay our encounters in my mind. And with an eidetic memory those are very detailed encounters."

"I think I get why you left my party."

"I was beginning to feel something even then, a physical attraction to Penny. Once we actually began to get to know one another…"

"Okay, back to the app."

"I've set up an email account and everyone concerned is submitting their schedules to it. I've asked that they be submitted by the end of the day today. They will also provide their contact information so that reminders can be set up."

"Good. I actually believe there may be existing apps I could tweak. I think we could have something ready to go in a couple of days or sooner."

"Additionally I thought we could add Leonard's iCal calendar to assist Penny in avoiding him."

"Sheldon, it's a good idea but a short-term solution at best. He's going to figure it out. He's a pretty smart guy."

"Just easily distracted."

"Not forever."

"I know."