I hope I improved the chapter.
Sakura stood in the kitchen and looked over her tea-selection, still smiling to herself about the 'old-man'.
*He'll get me for that later, I'm sure of that,* she thought. She heard his footsteps in the corridor and shortly snickered into the cabinet.
"Aren't you supposed to stay in bed?" she barely fought back a laugh.
"I guess I should, but staying in bed is something for old men," he retorted.
"Well, you have a point, but it also counts for patients who had been ordered to do so," Sakura pointed out without looking at him.
"I might be mistaken, but haven't you said that I'm pigheaded?" Kakashi asked and leant against the doorframe.
"I'm pretty sure I used the more friendly term, but you get the gist of it," she snickered.
"That wasn't really nice…" he stated amused as he sat down on a chair.
"It's the only sure way to get an emotion out of you… and I was sure that you'll get me for it anyway," she smirked.
"Am I that predictable?"
"You? Never. Smart guess, I'd say," Sakura laughed out. "Don't be mad, I simply couldn't resist and you were the one who started it."
Both laughed and Sakura looked at him, still wondering, while he played with the cup on the table in front of him. As he felt her gaze on him he lightly turned his head and looked at her.
"What's bothering you?" he asked silently.
"I'm just wondering..."
"About…?"
"About what had to happen to turn you into who and what you are today," she replied honestly.
"What makes you sure something happened at all?" he asked in a weak attempt to ward off the question.
" I just know it. The pictures in your living room, your obsession with the memorial stone... I know that there had been something with your father and your best friend, the latter was something you admitted yourself. Tsunade and Shizune are talking, just like the others your age. I didn't even have to pry, just listening to the people around me was enough."
For a long while he remained silent and looked at her. Sakura didn't dare to move or speak until he closed his eye and took a deep breath before he let out a soundless sigh.
"I failed my old team because I acted like a complete ass," he finally said silently.
Sakura was surprised, she hadn't expected an honest answer.
"Sounds familiar," she softly muttered and he shortly nodded his head.
"Genma once called me a rule-freak, do you remember? You then asked me why and I didn't respond. He referred to that time. That's why I tried so hard to teach you teamwork, to keep you from making the same mistakes I made," Kakashi tried to keep his voice calm and even, but he couldn't hide all of the sadness.
"Because I was sticking to the rules and thought that I was strong enough to handle things on my own the probably best friend I ever had in my life died. He died saving my arrogant and selfish ass."
"If you really were such a selfish person, what reason would he have had to save you?" Sakura asked after another pause of silence.
"He felt... sorry for me. On our way back home our sensei told me that they had talked about me... my past... Obito had asked him why I was such an ass..."
Sakura felt a lump in her throat. Did he really… talk about his past?
"Is it... is it right what I heard about your father?" she shyly asked after another while.
"Depends on what you've heard. That he had been a traitor? Or that he had committed suicide?" Kakashi asked without any emotion. Sakura paled.
"The... the latter...," she breathed and he nodded. Her eyes grew wide, but even wider as he continued.
"I found him. I even pulled out the katana he used for it."
She felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under her feet. That was horrible! She had been told that his father killed himself as Kakashi still was a kid. Tsunade had told her what had happened on that fatal mission, but she couldn't blame Sakumo for putting the lives of his comrades over the mission. She had done so various times already. Slowly she regained the grip on her emotions and looked at him again. Tsunade had also told her that he looked a lot like his father, it had itched her quite often when she treated him to look what's beneath that mask, but she resisted. It felt like betraying him and his trust, and she couldn't do that to him.
"That's why you're wearing that mask, right?" she concluded, which didn't surprise him at all. He nodded again. No wonder he had stuck to the damned rules, since they all had made such a big revolt out of it.
"And now I've scared you off...," he stated and looked at her.
But her reaction completely took him by surprise, she softly squeezed his hand and smiled warmly at him.
"You have... knocked me over. I never imagined you would trust me enough to tell me something this… private."
Surprised? She was the one to talk! She kept up surprising him over and over again.
"My apartment probably is just a reflection of my mental state," he said after a while.
"Idiot," she burst out and the very second the word was out she slapped her hand over her mouth. "Sorry."
But he started laughing.
"You finally mastered the obvious, Sakura."
"I didn't want to..."
"No," he grinned under his mask. "At least not like that, right?"
She blushed a little, damn him, he always knew how to read her.
"I just thought about... I mean, your friend must have been quite a good hearted and nice guy if he saved you even though you have acted... weird."
"Don't make it smaller, I have acted like a complete asshole."
"Well, I didn't want to be obscene..."
"We're both grown-up's, aren't we?"
"How has he been?" Sakura asked, while standing up and taking out the rest of the ice-cream she and Ino had left over.
"A lot like Naruto," he said and shook his head as she asked him if he wanted a spoon as well. "Well... to be perfectly honestly he was exactly like Naruto."
"Uchiha Obito, right? I read the name on the stone..."
"Yes," A sentimental smile was visible in his eye. "He was so clumsy, always late to meetings and came up with the most outrageous excuses one could ever think of. He was the kind of person who nearly burned himself with his own fire jutsu."
"Sounds like he had been a... hmm...," she made, looking for the right word as he spit it out.
"Looser. That's what they called him, looser Uchiha. And I did as well, never seeing what a good hearted and friendly person he had been. He joked a lot and was always oafish around Rin, that Idiot. He had such a crush on her, but she hadn't realized until he died. She wasted her attention on an ass like me who never looked at her," his voice became bitter at the end of the sentence and Sakura felt like he was talking about their team when they had been Genin.
"It must have been hell sometimes, to teach us, I mean," she said and he shortly nodded.
"You didn't make it easy, that's for sure."
"Kakashi... don't blame yourself for Sasuke," she said after another phase of silence. As she looked at him closer she had the feeling that she had hit a sore spot dead center.
"He chose to leave us, it was nothing anyone of us could've prevented from happening."
"If I just...," he started.
"If whishes were horses," Sakura stated and rolled her eyes, which caused him to shortly smile. "We were pissed of that you let us wait for hours, that you had us practice until exhaustion got the better of us and we dropped to the ground. We were angry because you always disappeared and left us alone as soon as we were within the city wall, but if there is one thing you definitely can't reproach yourself for, than it's that Sasuke left us. He chose to act out of eagerness for power. It was his choice to be selfish, pigheaded and ignorant, not yours. You don't owe him anything. You extended your hand repeatedly and he kept slapping it away. If Obito really was like Naruto, he would kick in your behind you for thinking that way."
A sad smile made its way onto his face, Sakura really had learned to read him well.
"Do you know what's shocking me?" Sakura said and stood up, stuffing the empty can into the trash bin.
Kakashi shook his head and looked at her curiously.
"That you're honestly human after all."
He looked at his now cold tea and was wondering himself now. He had told Sakura something that kept eating away at his conscience since years. The last person he told snippets about that had been Asuma. Yet, Sakura seemed to understand him. She really had matured.
Her voice dragged him out of his thoughts again.
"You know what Tsunade told us a while after Asuma-sensei's death?"
He shook his head, astonished that she still referred to the deceased Sarutobi as 'sensei' out of respect.
"Sometimes you have to let go what you loves, so you can keep it. And I guess she's right. Doubtless, we all still feel some sort of pain when we think about him, but we remember him so clearly as if he still were there. Ino says she yet can hear his laughter, the way his voice changed when he was telling stories... those things never get lost and those things are what everyone treasures. I bet Obito would say you repent enough already, if he would ever have thought that you should pay for what happened to begin with," Sakura said softly.
Kakashi never thought that such words could reach his heart in the way they did. She smiled at him, a little sad, but she did.
"Come, you should at least lie down on the couch. Rest is paramount for your healing process, I'm going to cook some dinner for the two of us."
"Can I help you?" he asked, feeling even more useless by the minute.
"No," Sakura's reply was firm.
"Then at least let me stay here and be company."
"You won't go, will you?" she asked, though she already knew his answer.
"No," he replied rather happy.
"Oh alright, you may stay," she gave in.
He watched her preparing the food, chopping the vegetables and the meat and he felt like he had when he was a little kid and watched his mother cooking. Back then he thought that he could see how she loved him, simply because it seemed like she was enjoying cooking when she did it for him. For him it was a necessity to get feed himself, he never made something fancy, it seemed too much of an effort for just one person. But obviously not for Sakura, she appeared to love cooking.
If he only knew how right he was.
She loved it, it was fun to her. She experimented a lot and she liked it if she could entertain others with it. Right now she wanted to make something especially good for him to cheer him up. Sakura always had the feeling that there was guilt gnawing at him, but she never would've imagined the momentousness. Kakashi felt guilty for things he never could have changed. If the villagers would've reacted different to what his father did and if his father wouldn't have killed himself – heck, even if he would have died on a mission – Kakashi would've become someone completely different. A short moment she tried to imagine him like Asuma had been: open, laughing and socializing and without that damned mask of his, but failed miserably and snorted while she shook her head. Even for her vivid imagination that was a number too big.
As she put down a hot and steaming bowl of homemade ramen Kakashi was surprised. It smelled even better than Ichiraku's.
"Dig in," she winked at him and handed him over a pair of chopsticks. Sakura kept herself busy at the sink, doing the dishes and stuff so he could eat in peace but wasn't alone. After he had eaten up she placed some of her famous chocolate cookies in front of him.
"Say, isn't that labeled as 'unhealthy'?" he asked her amused.
"No, they are labeled 'nursing food'."
The caring tune in her voice touched him deeply.
"Thanks," he nearly whispered. Right that moment he didn't feel as strong anymore. Sakura made another pot of tea and brought it into the living room while he enjoyed the cookies, and damn were they good! Then she came back, filled her bowl with ramen and then sat down to eat it.
"It was delicious," he complimented her and she smiled.
"Thanks. Mom said it would be a shame if I wouldn't be able to cook myself a proper meal."
"Wise woman your mother," he smiled, one of his rare genuine smiles, where his visible eye lit up . As she was finished, both of them went into the living room and sat down on the sofa.
.
.
.
"So, you think I am an idiot," Kakashi said after a while and she rolled her eyes.
"That's so out of the context right now, senpai," she groaned.
"Drop it," he stated dryly.
"Pardon?" she asked surprised.
"That 'senpai', I never liked this stuff anyways."
"If you insist on that... But back to the topic. You ripped that out of the context. I think you're an idiot if – and put the weight on 'if' here – you go on like that. I mean, my home is my shelter from anything and after missions I'm looking forward to come back. I love hosting my friends here... I can't understand how you can keep coming home to such a... thing," Sakura said and frowned.
He remained silent. The words she said were still running through his mind, maybe he finally should change some things...
"When you're healed you should do something about your... apartment-problem," she muttered.
"I doubt that I could ever make this place cozy...," he sighed, feeling strangely relieved.
"If you need help you know where to find me," she winked with a smirk.
"Maybe I'll take you up on that," he chuckled silently.
"Guess why I told you...," Sakura snorted and sat down on her armchair.
"So you don't think that an old man can do that on his own?" he teased.
"There you go again. Ok, gramps, how about we play a game for seniors... like... Shogi?" she asked and laughed as she saw his reaction.
"If you want to lose so badly, kiddo," Kakashi snickered. "Bring it on."
"I'll mop the floor with you," Sakura laughed out and took the game out of the lowest drawer in the cupboard.
"Let's see how you try," he countered.
It was quite funny and both of them enjoyed the game. Sakura just had one move left to win the game, but then Kakashi closed his trap and she lost.
"Not bad, for a youngster," he teased.
"What have you expected? An old man has more experience," she stuck out her tongue.
"Another try?" he asked.
"Why not?" she shrugged. "We have little else to do."
.
.
.
They played until it was nearly midnight, only noticing that the time had passed as both of them got too tired to concentrate.
"You should go to bed now," Sakura yawned. "I kept you awake too long already."
"Maybe you're right," he yawned too and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
Meanwhile Sakura put away the game, it had been a while since she had this much fun while playing Shogi. As he walked back to her bedroom he saw her looking out of the living room window, and he couldn't help but realize that she had nothing in common anymore with the young girl she had been a while ago, except the hair color. He smiled, even though the cognition made him somehow sad. With an inaudible sigh he turned and went to bed, the clicking noise of the door made her turn. She felt a little change in the mood and went to look if anything was wrong.
"Are you ok?" she asked silently as she looked into her sleeping room.
"Yeah... why do you ask?" he asked back.
"Dunno... just a feeling, I guess. Sleep well, if you need something, call."
After brushing her teeth Sakura went into the living room again, switched off the light and plopped down on the couch. She took out her spare cover and lay down where he had been sitting the entire evening, and with his scent in the nose she fell asleep.
