A/N: This o/s was written for RMHale's bday! Happy Birthday, Robyn! To read more of her b-day stories, visit Robyn's b-day blog: http:/rmhalebday(dot)blogspot(dot)com!
I pulled every cliche out of the book for the Twi parts, and PerfectlyPersuasive took on the task of not murdering the Harry Potter parts.
O_O what? Yes. That means that parts of this o/s have Harry Potter. I know. If you know me, you know I'd rather bleach my eyeballs than read HP fic, but yet, here I am, sort of writing it. So, trust me...it's worth it.
Big thanks to Tuesdaymidnight for her beta eye and HP knowledge.
Disclaimer: We don't own any of these characters...they belong to two other (older) ladies.
Harry shuffled through the door of 12 Grimmauld place from a long day of an in-house workshop, so weak from spell work that he could barely keep his fingers around his wand to Apparate home. He knew that the life of an Auror was not easy, but he never expected to be so exhausted after a simple day of mandatory training.
With a loud sigh, he collapsed onto one of the sofas in the drawing room, barely opening his tired eyes when Kreacher appeared before him with a loud crack.
"Is there anything Master Harry is needing?" he asked with almost no sign of disgust.
Harry opened one eye to look at his house elf. "A sandwich and some Firewhiskey would be lovely, Kreacher."
With simply a nod, Kreacher disappeared to gather what Harry requested. Harry smiled, but even that exhausted him further. He let his arms and legs go completely lax, melting into the sofa. He was never happier than the moment when Grimmauld Place had been completely redecorated after the war. The furniture was soft and plush, adorned in soothing colors of gold, cream and green. Now, if he could only get Mrs. Black out of the foyer, it would be the perfect home.
A moment later, Kreacher was back, placing the small plate of tiny sandwiches on the table before Harry. He had tried many times to get Kreacher to make him a real sandwich, one with lots of meats and cheeses, but Harry had finally given it up as a lost cause. Apparently, generations of Blacks only deemed the daintiest of sandwiches appropriate for Purebloods to eat. No wonder Sirius had revolted against his family, Harry thought with a small smile for his Godfather, he had gone mental from lack of protein.
Harry thanked Kreacher and asked him where his laptop was, earning an immediate scowl from the House Elf. "Kreacher knows not where Master's Muggle machine has gone," he told Harry. The Gryffindor bit back a smile. It's not like Kreacher would have brought it to him anyway. The day he re-wired and cast the spells so a few Muggle appliances like the television and his laptop would work Harry was left with a very disgruntled and unhappy house elf for months.
"Is Master wanting anything else?" Kreacher asked.
Harry shook his head. "No, thank you, Kreacher," he responded, waiting until the House Elf disappeared with a crack before Accio'ing his laptop, thankfully remembering the spell to slow it down as well before it smacked into him a rapid speed. He grimaced, absentmindedly rubbing the spot where his last computer had crashed into his head.
Opening his computer, he checked the news and weather, comparing the Muggle information to what was happening in the wizarding world. It was a shame that most wizards didn't realize how both realms ran in an almost parallel line. If one was off kilter, the other was bound to be as well. After checking that all was right in the world, he opened a new browser to check his favorite movie site.
Harry's one major Muggle addiction was going to the movies, and as of late he had gotten into a new series about vampires and werewolves that was completely absurd. None of the vampires Harry knew actually sparkled in the sunlight. It was a laughable thought, that, but he liked them none the less. He just didn't share that with anyone. Not that they would know what he was talking about anyway.
Today, like most days, Harry clicked from link to link, making his way to new sites and pages, quickly going from one thing to the next until he found some kind of fansite dedicated to the male actors of the movies. His eyes kept being drawn to one link in particular, apparently a story of some kind written by a person with a very ridiculous name.
Sex Is a Dish Best Served Steaming Hot by RobynLovesParkaPeen it was called.
There was no way Harry could NOT click the link.
His eyes scanned over the first few paragraphs, widening with surprise at what he found...
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
While men and women in too-tight clothes gyrated near him, Edward did his best to keep to himself, tucked away in a dark corner of the bar, nursing his second beer of the night. He still wasn't sure why he had agreed to join Alice for her weekly club hopping, but it probably had something to do with attempting to shut the little pixie up before she badgered him to death.
"Aren't you having the most amazing time ever?" Alice asked, acting like somebody spiked her cocktail with a combination of Pop Rocks and sugar.
"Wonderful," grunted Edward, without a hint of sincerity.
"Oh, pull the stick out of your ass, you big grump," teased Alice much to Edward's chagrin. "This place is awesome. We need to get you out on the dance floor!"
For somebody who didn't even reach five feet, Alice had the strength of two lions, and managed to wrangle Edward out onto the dance floor. Standing around awkwardly while Alice shimmied and shook near him, Edward found his focus moving quickly around the dimly lit room.
His eyes passed over girls in sheer dresses and five inch heels. They swept over throngs of people dancing together, sweat darkening their shirts. They kept moving all over the bar until something caught his gaze.
Perhaps it was the shimmer of light that snagged his attention. The tall, blond man that Edward was staring at seemed to be sparkling, as if a thousand diamonds were scattered across his pale skin.
Upon closer inspection, Edward realized that the incandescent illumination of the man's skin was actually caused by an overhead disco ball which cast out rays of shimmering light.
Edward took his time soaking in the man across the room. He had never found himself so powerfully drawn to another person before...female or male. In fact, this was probably the first time Edward had ever found himself checking out a guy before.
Despite the haze caused by the manufactured smoke being pumped in from the DJ booth, Edward could distinctly see the man's face. He noticed the smattering of a five o'clock shadow against a chiseled jaw. He noticed a pair of plump, utterly kissable, ruby red lips. Finally, Edward's own jade green eyes settled on a pair of soulful orbs, as deep and blue as the Pacific ocean. Edward could almost feel the heat of the man's eyes hit him in his chest, and surprisingly further down below as well.
When Edward realized he had been caught staring, he immediately averted his gaze as the heat of his embarrassment colored his cheeks. Hoping to fade into the crowd and avoid any further humiliation, Edward swayed his hips slightly from side to side to the beat of the music.
As he attempted to dance, his mind started racing over what had just happened. Edward had never found himself attracted to a man before. Not that he would classify himself as a ladies man either. In fact, despite a few failed blind dates that ended in awkward fumbling, the majority of action he had seen had been at his own hand.
Edward didn't quite know what to make of this latest revelation. Why had he reacted so strongly to this man? Edward wasn't sure how to handle these new feelings and instead chose to ignore them as he continued to dance.
The song changed to a more subdued one, and he wondered if he could sneak away undetected by Alice. Before he was even able to do so, he felt a pair of firm, strong arms slip around his waist as a warm breath tickled across the nape of his neck.
"Well, hello there darlin'. I'm glad I finally found you."
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
Harry slammed his computer shut, his breath heavy. "Merlin," he whispered to himself, quickly conjuring a fan to cool him off. How did he not know like stories like this existed? The two men from the series were together? Bella be damned! He wanted to know more, but he didn't think it was a good idea to continue. He should just forget about it and pretend like he had never read it.
He had other things to do this evening. More important things.
Like, degnoming the garden. He nodded and clapped his hands. Yes, he should degnome the garden.
Twenty minutes later, Harry wandered back into the house after successfully uprooting one pesky creature and booting it into the neighbor's garden. He swept the back of his gloved hand across his forehead as though he was exhausted from it all, his eyes immediately falling on his laptop. He wondered what happened next? Was the blond man the Jasper character from the movies or maybe Carlisle? There were a few choices. It would drive him mental to not know. Harry didn't like stones being left unturned.
Well, except for the bloody Resurrection Stone. It should most definitely be left unturned.
Before he even realized what was happening, he was sitting on the couch with the computer open on his lap. Just a few more minutes, Harry thought to himself. He would only read until he knew who was talking to Edward...
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
Edward craned his neck in hopes of seeing the face attached to the honeyed voice that whispered in his ear. Something inside of him clenched tightly in hopes that the voice belonged to his mystery man, while another part of him filled with nerves at the mere thought.
However, as soon as Edward glimpsed a golden halo of hair that surrounded the most angelic face he had ever seen, it was as if his nerves flew right out the door.
His mystery man was even more gorgeous up close.
"I...uh..." Edward stumbled, his brain unable to form a complete sentence as his mystery man tightened his grip.
"I'm Jasper, darl, and it's more than my pleasure to meet you."
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
Harry looked away from the computer, imagining the pairing of Jasper and Edward. The actors that played those characters were quite fit, so it wasn't like it was a hardship upon his mind. In fact, thinking of the brunette and blond was quite stimulating. They made a lovely couple, Harry thought. The books should have been written about them in the first place! He would almost be less embarrassed to be such a closet fan of it then.
No, he would more than likely be just as embarrassed. No one really understood the appeal of Muggle movies, well save Hermione, but she was much too serious for such silly things. Circe! Edward and Jasper, though, Harry thought again, a smile covering his face.
"Is Master be waiting on dinner?"
The voice of his house elf brought him out of his own thoughts and he quickly made the site get smaller and go to the bar across the screen. He thought Hermione had called it minimizing one time, but he wasn't sure.
Merlin, he hadn't even heard Kreacher come into the room! How had this story distracted him so much? Harry wondered if it had a spell on it. Maybe a compulsion charm, and that is why he was drawn to it as he was? Well, except, it was a website, and he highly doubted you could put charms on the internet.
Harry shook his head. "No. I mean, yes! Yes, I'm waiting," he fumbled through his words. "Thank you, Kreacher."
The elf eyeballed him wearily for a moment before nodding his asent and popping out of the room.
Immediately, without any mental debate at all, Harry brought the page back up...
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
Jasper's words sent a shiver up Edward's spine, and he found himself placing his own hands over the blond man's arms, drawing them closer.
The music changed again, and somehow the two men began slowly dancing. Any last bit of apprehension and doubt slipped from Edward's mind as he felt Jasper grind up against him, merging their two overly heated bodies.
"Are you here with anyone?" Jasper asked, ending his question with a nibble to Edward's earlobe.
"N-n-no..." stuttered Edward, forgetting all about Alice. "Are...are you?"
"Nope," Jasper replied, popping his "p."
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
Harry mouthed the word "nope," feeling his teeth scrape across his bottom lip as he also popped the "p" and continued to read...
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
Relief flooded Edward and he threw his head back, giving Jasper the perfect opportunity to cover the exposed skin with heated kisses.
"Then let's get out of here," Jasper said after one last kiss.
Edward gulped, knowing exactly what Jasper was insinuating, and wanting every part of it. If he was honest with himself, he had been hard as a rock since he had first seen Jasper, and the almost painful throbbing in his pants reminded him as much. Jasper was just as affected by Edward, no matter how cool he played it. He found himself pressing the evidence of his attraction up against Edward's ass. Both men moaned at the contact.
"Yes," Edward hissed in response to Jasper's previous request, and to whatever else Jasper had in store for them.
Without even bothering to grab his jacket, Edward followed behind Jasper, tethered to him by his hand. Jasper wove through the crowd like an expert and soon had the two of them in a cab and headed to his apartment. Once safely inside, Edward's nerves flared up again at the thought of actually being with another man. Jasper noticed Edward's hesitancy, and did his best not to attack the green-eyed, messy-haired man who was now standing in his apartment.
Jasper led the way to his couch before heading to the kitchen and grabbing a few beers. Edward fiddled with a nearby pillow, taking deep breaths and attempting to calm himself down. Just as he finished giving himself a mental pep talk, Jasper returned from the kitchen, beers in hand. As Jasper handed one to Edward, their fingers touched, igniting an electric spark between the two of them.
The bottles of beer were quickly forgotten as heated lips found each other. Jasper straddled Edward's lap as his lips hungrily assaulted the ones in front of him. Edward parted his lips willingly, allowing Jasper's tongue to invade and conquer his mouth.
"Darl," Jasper whispered into Edward's ear. "You feel so good...too good. I need you so badly!"
Edward's only response was a heated growl as he pulled Jasper's lips back to his own, hungrily consuming the other man. As their kisses grew more passionate, their hands explored further and soon pieces of clothing were tossed off, leaving both men in only their underwear.
Edward looked up as Jasper started to peel off his impossibly tight black boxer briefs. Jasper seemed to enjoy having Edward's eyes on his body and gave him a little show. Jasper licked his lips, moistening them thoroughly before rubbing a hand up and down his chest and stomach, stopping just above his hip bone. Edward's own hands moved as well, and he let out a moan as he cupped his straining erection.
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
"Merlin," Harry moaned, his eyes wide and his trousers tight.
"What in the world are you doing on that... thing?" Draco drawled, startling his boyfriend.
Harry jumped in his seat, the computer almost falling out of his lap from the surprise. He looked up at Draco with guilty eyes.
"No...nothing," he mumbled.
Draco arched one perfectly manicured eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're lying," he stated simply in such a way that Harry knew he must have learned it from Severus Snape.
"Just Muggle things..." he trailed off, his eyes looking everywhere but Draco.
"What sort of Muggle things, Harry?" Draco's voice took a tone of false innocent. Harry knew though that nothing about his boyfriend was innocent, the bloody Slytherin.
"You know just things with Muggles and about Muggles. Erm... all sorts of Muggleish things... You wouldn't be interested," Harry said, ending his ramble with an awkward shrug.
"I believe that I would be completely enthralled with whatever has made you so nervous," Draco replied, a hint of a smirk on his face.
"You really wouldn't," Harry insisted.
"Accio Harry's cuntpumer," Draco said at the same time.
Nothing happened.
Harry furrowed his brow. "Draco, did you just say cunt-pumer?" he questioned.
The blond let out a bored sigh. "Isn't that what the bloody thing is called?" he barked.
"It's a com-puter," Harry enunciated.
"Circe," Draco cursed to himself. "Fine. Accio Harry's com-puter... and wand!"
Harry reached for his computer, but quickly released it to try and protect his wand. Much to Harry's chagrin, both flew effortlessly into Draco's lap. His boyfriend then cast a quick Leg Locking jinx to keep Harry on the couch.
Draco started to read aloud where Harry had left off.
"'Allow me,' offered Jasper, before he dropped to his knees and pulled out Edward impressive manhood. Jasper gave Edward's cock a few slow strokes, marveling at how hard and soft it was all at the same time...like velvet coated steel," Draco read. He stopped and looked up at Harry.
"Is this what you do on this thing?" he implored as a moment of quizical shock covered his face before being replaced with the standard stoic Malfoy look of boredom.
"No, erm, not normally," Harry said with a nervous chuckle. "It's just something I came across.
"You just came across - 'P-p-please,' begged Edward, needing more form Jasper than his teasing strokes?'" Draco questioned him in disbelief.
"No. I mean yes. Merlin, Draco, just close the bloody thing and let me out of this jinx," Harry insisted.
"No," Draco replied petulantly.
"Draco!" Harry said in equal parts whine and warning.
The blond shushed his boyfriend. "It's rude to interrupt someone when they're reading," he reprimanded before continuing to read aloud.
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
It didn't take much for Jasper to comply and Edward quickly found out what it was like to feel Jasper's tongue run up and down his hardened length. When Jasper's mouth reach the tip, he flicked his tongue out, licking at the bead of fluid across Edward's weeping slit.
"You taste like candy, darl," he said as he licked his lips, causing Edward to blush. Before Edward even had a chance to reply, Jasper ducked his head back down to finish what he started.
Edward's eyes rolled backwards before closing completely. All he could do was feel Jasper's silken lips surrounding him. Jasper's wet, hot mouth latched on like a vacuum as he sucked Edward off. Only two more skillful licks later, and Edward was crying out, spilling his seed into Jasper's waiting mouth.
"Fuck yes, Jasper!" hissed Edward. "Taste the rainbow!"
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
"You have to be kidding me," Draco laughed. "Taste the rainbow? Is that really the kind of things Muggles say?"
"I wouldn't know," Harry replied softly and licked his lips, thinking that he would truly enjoy making Draco taste his rainbow right now.
Draco snorted, though, if accused of doing such a thing, he would deny it thoroughly. "Muggles are daft, aren't they?" Draco chuckled. "Anyone knows that rainbows taste absolutely disgusting. Only those revolting gnomes enjoy the taste. I mean, why else do they think gnomes are always so excited to find the end of one?"
"It's a Muggle belief that there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow and it's protected by Leperchauns," Harry told him.
"Leper-whats?" Draco asked with a laugh. "Merlin, the things Muggles come up with," he sighed. "Absolutely ridiculous."
Harry tried to shift to ease some of the pressure on his cock encased in his tight trousers, but it was a fruitless effort at best since his legs were still locked together.
"Why are you wiggling about over there?" Draco asked. His eyes widened in surprise when they landed on the lump in Harry's pants. "Well, someone is definitely enjoying themselves," he murmured. "I suppose I should let you hear the rest, no?" he said with a wink before continuing to read.
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
After wiping his mouth with his hand, Jasper looked up at Edward through hooded lashes and a wicked smirk.
"That was..." Edward struggled with finding the right words.
"I know, darl. I know," Jasper reassured him before straightening up.
"Where are you going?" Edward asked, suddenly feeling self conscious, as his now limp dick flopped against his upper thigh like a wet noodle.
"Don't you worry where I'm goin' darl. Just relax. I'll be right back."
Edward pulled a nearby afghan over his legs and felt a little more relaxed. He grabbed for one of the beers that they had forgotten about, and downed it in three quick gulps. Before he could contemplate sneaking a few sips from Jasper's beer, he heard footsteps behind him. Jasper appeared in the door frame, completely stripped of all his clothes.
In one hand he held a small bottle of lube and a condom, while the fingers of his other hand were busy mimicking the motions of a scissor. Edward didn't quite know what to make of that, but the predatory look one Jasper's face had him guessing he was about to find out...
~RobynLovesParkaPeen~
"Draco!" Harry shouted, interrupting the blond. "Merlin, Draco, please," he babbled.
"What is it, Harry, darl?" he drawled, a smirk played across his face.
Harry's breath was fast. "Please... I need you. Please," he begged.
"No need to beg," he replied, quickly lightening and levitating his boyfriend before floating him to the bedroom where he was going to prove to Harry again and again that wizards always do it better.
