When you wake up, the familiar feel of Rachel surrounding you calms you. Then when you open your eyes it takes you a moment to remember where you are. You're in a tent on the stage in the McKinley High auditorium. Still in Lima. Still in Ohio. Stupid.

You move your head so that it's on Rachel's chest. The sound of her heart beating always makes you feel better. Not that you're feeling particularly bad right now, you just…It's nice.

Above the calming beats of Rachel's heart, you hear some people milling around. You're surprised that Rachel isn't up yet. She's usually already done working out and showering by the time you wake up. It must have been the late night you both had last night. You still feel bad that you drug her out in the middle of the night through the pouring rain just because you had a nightmare. You owe her so much and taking her to the Lima Revival Theatre isn't going to make anything even. You have to do something so much bigger.

Then it hits you. You let out a smile and a content sigh. It won't make up for everything she's done for you, but it may help repay her dads for letting you stay with them, feeding you and the possible corruption of their daughter. She has been to more parties with you since school started than she has in the rest of her life.

You can hear Santana start moving around in her room of the tent. You decide to start moving. You probably have a lot of work to do making yourself look presentable after running around in the rain last night. You dig around in your purse, but can't find a mirror so you whisper, "San, do you have a mirror?"

The tarp flap the separates your rooms and a hand extends to you with a mirror in it, but it is most certainly not Santana's hand. It's large and masculine so you grab the wrist and push the flap back. A very confused looking Finn looks around like he's trying to escape. He's in a shirt and boxers, his hair messed up.

"What are you doing here?" you demand, looking at a sleeping Santana on the bed behind him.

He whispers back, "I don't know where you and Rachel were, but it sounded like she was crying. Brittany gave me twenty bucks to go check on her after Santana wouldn't let her in the tent. She let me in and I sat on the bed. She looked so sad so I held her and we both fell asleep."

You narrow your eyes at him, like you don't quite believe him. Because you don't. You do let go of him though, "You better get out of here before they both wake up."

He nods and fumbles with the zipper, but makes a quick escape. Of course when you turn around Rachel is stretching. Her eyes catch yours and she says, "Good morning."

"Good morning," you reply and lay down in the bed.

She pulls you to her and adds, "After you feel asleep when we got back I got up to check on Santana. I saw him in Santana's bed last night."

"You're not mad?" you ask her.

Rachel shakes her head, "I know Santana only wants one person and Finn is awfully fun to cuddle with."

You feel your heart sink when she says that. She must have seen the pout on your face because her arms tighten around you, "You're awfully fun to cuddle with too." She pulls back and props up her head to look at you, "You know, even if Finn and Santana were sleeping together…again, I wouldn't be mad. I was the one that initiated the break with him. We're not together."

"You're sort of together," you offer, looking up at her, "A break is like putting a relationship on hold. It's still there."

You can see that she's thinking fairly hard. Finally she nods, "You're right." After she expels a breath, "I just don't know what I'm going to do."

You feel like you should tell her what you think she should do. Offer her some sage advice from a more experienced point of view. She looks at you expectantly, but you can't come up with anything other than a straight up 'dump him'. You don't really know what you're doing so you don't think that you're in a place to tell her what she should do. "Do whatever makes you happy."

"That's always good advice," Rachel grins at you.

"Oh my god, it's stuck," you hear. "It's stuck." You roll onto your back and listen again. You can hear a few people talking.

"Turn it off."

"I can't!"

"It's going everywhere."

You and Rachel are out of the tent and assessing the situation. You hear Rachel burst into laughter. Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, and Mike are all standing around a fog machine that's blowing out a thick fog around the stage. You join Rachel in laughter. Neither one of you try to help them turn it off and soon the whole room if filling with maple syrup smelling smoke. You're up to your shoulders in it.

"Has anyone seen Artie?" Tina asks.

You reach over and take Rachel's hand. She's short and you don't want to lose her in the fog. She laughs again and pulls you close to her. You can barely make out her face, but she grins up at you. She shakes her head, "Only the New Direction right?"

You keep your arm around her shoulders and turn to the group, "What happened?"

"Mike found the fog machine while looking for a place to get it on with Tina," Puck states.

"Noah!" Rachel scolds him.

"What the fuck?" you hear Santana. She must have woken up and walked outside the tent.

Tina decides to take over. Most likely so no one will embarrass her anymore, "We thought we could use it in one of our numbers, but it got stuck."

You can hear the hissing of the machine as it continues to billow out thick white smoke. You wonder how they managed to get it stuck. You start to walk in the direction of where the group is slowly disappearing, but Rachel takes your hand and stops you. You can barely see her to ask what's going on.

"We better stay here," She says, "I wouldn't want you to fall off of the stage."

You look around and nod. You can't really make out your feet anymore so you decide that Rachel's idea is a good one.

"Santana?" you call out, hoping that your friend didn't go walking around.

"I'm here," you voice behind you makes you jump and when you turn around you can see her. Suddenly you feel really disoriented. You don't even know where your tent is.

A game of Marco Polo starts on the other end of the stage. Santana waves in front of her face trying to clear the smoke away, "This isn't going to kill us is it?" The even way she asks leads you to believe that she doesn't really think it will.

"No," Rachel shakes her head, "It's mostly just water. Some glycerol. It's perfectly safe."

"It's getting cold in here," you mention, pulling Rachel closer to you.

Santana looks around, "I guess we could find the tent. I only took like three steps out of it."

You hear footsteps nearing you and then passing a few feet to you right. Then you hear a stumble and the rustle of the tarp of the tent. You call out, "Who's in the tent?"

"It's just me," the voice of Brittany drifts toward you, "Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah," you eye Santana who doesn't look happy at all.

"Are you at our tent Brittany?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah."

Rachel starts walking in the direction of Brittany's voice, pulling you along with her. You grab Santana before you can't see her anymore and pull her along too. She resists at first, but finds that your grip isn't tightening any. When you make it to the tent, Santana bypasses Brittany and steps into her side of the tent, zipping it up completely.

You're not really super happy with Brittany at the moment so you barely acknowledge her. Rachel must have invited her into your tent because she walks in after you and sits down on the floor by the bed. You can ear the music pounding out of Santana's headphones through the plastic wall.

"Where did you guys go last night?" Brittany asks, looking up at Rachel who is digging through her bag.

"We went to check on someone," she gives Brittany a gentle I'll-leave-it-at-that smile.

Brittany just nods and tries not to look at you. She's not very good at it. You can see her blue eyes struggling not to look at you. Finally you give her a small smile. You find it extremely difficult to be mad at her. A smile grows on her face.

You feel fingers run through your hair and you close your eyes and lean into it. You don't know if it's the color or the cut or just that Rachel's naturally affectionate, but she runs her fingers through your hair all the time. And you absolutely love it. You now understand why dogs and cats love to be pet. Sometimes when you can't sleep, Rachel will stroke your hair until you're so content you can't help, but fall asleep.

"Quinn looks like a puppy when you do that," Brittany mentions.

You smile and look up at Rachel. She smiles down at you and answers Brittany, "She is a little puppy." With a kiss to your forehead, Rachel goes back to her bag and starts digging again.

You look longing after her. You don't know what's going on with you, but you feel something every time Rachel does something like that. You know that you're an emotional mosh-pit right now and starting anything with anyone would be a horrible idea, but there's a little tingling in your stomach when she kisses you and there's a longing to be around her every second of every day. You don't want to confuse some strange grieving process with actually feelings toward her. Number one, she could become really creeped out by you and pull away or number two, you two could get involved only for you to find out that it was just a grieving thing. You don't want to hurt her. You just got her back.

When you avert your eyes to Brittany she looks like she's trying to stare a hole through the wall of the tent separating you three and Santana. She gives up with a sigh and looks down at her phone. She lightly traces the screen with her finger and swallows hard. Her eyes tentatively meet yours, "Has she…is she okay?"

Her voice is quiet and unsure. You take a deep breath and let out a shrug, "I'm not sure. I mean she's kinda messed up about everything. She'd have to be pretty messed up to make out with me right?"

Apparently Brittany didn't like that joke. She looks at you with tears in her eyes and storms out of the tent. Rachel runs after her and they both disappear into the fog.

"Stop, you're going to fall off of the stage," you warn them at the door of the tent.

"Way to go Fabray," Santana says stepping out of the tent behind you.

You turn back to her, "You were listening to us?"

"Of course," Santana rolls her eyes and peers into the fog behind you. It's denser than before and it seems no one has figured out how to turn the machine off.

"You weren't listening to music?" you ask, feeling kinda stupid for asking now.

Santana shakes her head, "I just turned up the music and put the headphones under my pillow. Eavesdropping 101."

Rachel returns with Brittany who actively avoids you this time because she's upset with you. You feel a little guilty although you can rationalize everything that happened between you and Santana. She didn't seem to mind you punching Santana in the face.

You don't really know how to handle Brittany and luckily you don't have to. Santana pulls you into her side of the tent and you sit down on the bed next to her. You sigh, "You know that this probably isn't going to help."

"Yeah well neither is you going over there. You can't seem to shut your trap," Santana huffs, "You're lucky I don't beat the shit out of you again."

You roll your eyes, "You didn't the first time." You can feel the flame of anger flare in the back of your mind. You know you need to ignore it, but Santana knows exactly how to press your buttons.

"Bitch please," Santana stands up, ready to go at it again. Luckily/unluckily, you are too.

A few more words are exchanged before you're both rolling around on the bed trying to get a few good hits in. The yelling must have attracted the other two girls because you can feel Santana being pulled off of you. Brittany has her around the waist and Rachel dives on top of you to keep you from going after her again.

"Santana," you can hear Brittany trying to calm her down, "Santana…stop….you're hurting me." You start to get up when you hear that Santana's hurting Brittany, but you see that Santana has stopped struggling and is looking down at Brittany's hand, all traces of anger gone.

You fall back onto the bed and look up at Rachel who is straddling your waist. She looks sadly down at you and traces her fingers across your face where you just realize are stinging. "I really can't leave you two alone anymore can I?"

You start to open your mouth to say something, but she bends down and tenderly kisses every single stinging place on your face and neck before sitting up, "All better?"

You let out what must be the stupidest grin on the planet and nod, "All better."

She stands up and pulls you up off of the bed. Her arms slides around your waist and her head tucks itself under your chin, "You worry me sometimes Quinn."

"I'm sorry," you can feel the tears biting at the back of your eyes. You absolutely hate disappointing her.

She pulls away to run her fingers through your hair, "Don't be sorry. I just worry. I don't like you getting hurt."

Before you can tell her that this hurting isn't a cakewalk, that it flares up at stupid times and makes you do things you wouldn't normally do, a loud whirling noise fills the room. It sounds like one of the industrial fans Coach Sylvester used to bring in when the school board said that she wasn't allowed to make you practice in the summer, in the gym without some kind of way to cool you all off.

You and Rachel join Brittany and Santana in cautiously walking toward the noise. As you get closer the fog has thinned out significantly. Not so much that you let go of Rachel's hand because you still don't want her to fall.

"What happened to you baby mama?"

You turn to your left and find Puck and Lauren leaning on each other by the four foot tall fan. Mr. Schue is visible behind it with his arms crossed. You're pretty sure that you're all prematurely aging him. When he sees you his jaw falls a little. His eyes search around you and you're sure that he finds Santana looking in the same sad shape as you.

"What is going on with you guys?" he shakes his head, "There's water all up and down the hallway leading into the auditorium. Some of you left last night. I can barely see most of you. Santana and Quinn…" He shakes his head, "Everyone to the choir room."

You bow your head and let Rachel pull you toward the exit. You don't like disappointing Mr. Schue either. He's pretty much the only parental figure you have now. You're surprised when Rachel stops you both in front of Mr. Schue instead of following everyone else out the door.

"Mr. Schue," Rachel states, "Quinn and I were the ones that left last night. Quinn wanted to go check on her mother who hasn't left her bed since her daughter, Quinn's sister was killed in a car crash. I apologize for not informing you that we were leaving, but I will not apologize for leaving and neither will Quinn."

You and Mr. Schue are both pretty dumbstruck by the way Rachel just addressed that. He just opens and closes his mouth a few times. He nods and rests his hand on his chest, "Thank you for explaining that to me." He nods to you both and gestures for you to lead the way out of the auditorium.

You both settle into your regular seats in the glee room, next to Santana. Santana and Brittany are sitting next to each other, but you think it was more of a convenience thing that them actually wanting to. Santana's arms are crossed and she's staring hard at the front of the room.

"Okay guys," Mr. Schue leans back on the piano, "I know that this lock-in wasn't the bonding experience that I hoped it would be. Do any of you have any ideas? I really want us to go back to being the family we were before the summer."

There is an awkward silence over the group. You look at Rachel who is usually brimming with ideas. You find her looking at the cuts on the knuckles of your hand that's intertwined with yours in her lap. Her shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath and she looks up at you. When she sees you looking she smiles, but it's forced.

You know that Rachel greatly disapproves of violence. You just don't know what comes over you. You find a challenge presented by Santana and you can't back down. You have to admit that you feel less inner turmoil after one of your fights, but if the expense is disappointing Rachel then you'll just keep the turmoil.

Mr. Schue sends you all home with a promise that you'll think of team building activities. Rachel sweet talks Finn and Puck into breaking down your tent and soon you're on your way home. Santana's in the backseat staring out the window. You look back at her and she meets your eyes. You don't have to say sorry. You've known each other for a long time and words aren't needed. She just nods before returning her gaze out the window.

You rest your head on the headrest and watch the road as it rushes under you. Rachel pulls to a stop in front of Santana's house. She promises to come over to Rachel's house at four in preparation for the talk with Brittany.

As you're driving back to Rachel's house, you look over at her. Her eyes are firmly on the road, but you know that she knows that you're watching her. A soft smile plays on her lips and at the next stop sign she looks at you and quirks an eyebrow. It's only a few seconds, but it makes your stomach flutter. When her eyes are back on the road you take her right hand in yours and lace your fingers together.

"I'm sorry for fighting Santana again," you breathe out.

She squeezes your hand, "You have nothing to be sorry for Quinn."

"I…I should have better control of myself," you confess. You've been thinking that for a while. You shouldn't break into tears at random times or get angry at the drop of a hate. You should be in complete control like you were before. "I just…anger comes so quickly that I…before I know it I'm trying to hit Santana."

"It's all part of your grieving," Rachel tells you as she pulls into her driveway. She cuts the engine and looks at you. Her face falls when she sees tears again. She pushes the armrest up and pulls you over to her.

After she places a few kisses on your head, you pull at her shirt trying to get her closer, "I'm so tired of grieving, but I always feel like I haven't done it enough or I do it too much. I always feel like I'm doing it wrong. I should know what to do."

The fingers traveling through your hair help calm you from the peak of emotions you were teetering on. "Everyone does it differently. You just have to let yourself go through it at your own pace." She looks at you and gives you a smile that makes you weak all over. "I'll be here for you through all of it no matter how long it takes."

"What about after?" you ask. You despise the weakness in your voice, but you're not afraid of what Rachel will think. No matter what you do she's always there with a hug, a kiss and a warm embrace.

She chuckles and trails her fingers up and down your arm, "Where's you there in fifth grade? We're best friends forever. I have at least twenty bracelets and necklaces that you gave me to prove it."

You can't help, but feel relieved. You hug her briefly again before helping her get everything out of the car and back up to her room. Rachel's dads are dancing around the kitchen and making lunch so of course Rachel joins them. You watch them and laugh like nothing is wrong because when you watch them all dancing around and singing together like that, nothing is wrong.


As a warning, I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next. My house is pretty much in the middle of all this wildfire mess. My friends that are ten miles from me are being evacuated and I can smell the smoke. I don't like to keep you guys waiting, but some things can't be helped. Thank you for your understanding and continued reading. Both mean more to me than words can express.