A/N: J.K Rowling owns all characters in this story, she is incredible and I bow down at her feet. I am merely trying to add depth to minor characters whose lives we barely saw, and whose opinions were never stated.

Chapter 7: Obliviously guilty

-Severus...Remember a month ago when-

Oh, that's no good, how could he forget?

-Erm. Last night I couldnt sleep, and so I brewed a futuri parvulus and-

Much too formal.

-I'm expecting! And... he's yours.

Ha! I could never do that. I've barely seen the man since fifth year, or barely talked to him, except for one time, a month ago, and there I'd be, announcing that he was the father of my illegitimate son.

No. No no no! Why did things always happen to me?

Under any other circumstance, I would have been proud to announce my pregnancy to Severus. But this... was too rushed, too confusing. We had to get to know each other all over again, since we parted Hogwarts at odds those few years ago. I was still married to my highschool 'sweetheart', for Merlin's sake! I couldn't be pregnant. Why did it have to be me?

-I was wondering, if you'd ever though of, well, me and you, and, kids?

Enough. There was no point in practising in front of a bloody mirror. I'd just have to wing it and wish and hope and pray for the best.

The very, very best. I had many things to figure out that night.

Starting with how I was to get out of this blasted house.


After much internal debate, I ended up deciding to get Sirius and Peter to watch her. It wasn't spying, only keeping an eye out for her. I knew it seemed wrong, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was up.

Behind my back.

And I was determined to find out what.

Pity the map didn't work outside of Hogwarts.

She was my wife, I had the right to know who her friends were, where she came and went, what she did away from my 'prying' eyes.

I was just keeping her out of trouble. Merlin knows she always got herself into trouble, that girl. She was always too kind, I remember, in school. Too trusting. Too accepting. I remember she was friends with Snivellus Snape, that sullen Death Eater scum. Even though he was in the Order, now, I could never trust him. He had brought her down so much. Tried to make her mistrust me. No doubt tried to convert her to the Dark side, tried to recruit a new junior Death Eater. I was so glad she'd finally let go of that destructive friendship.

What I was doing wasn't wrong. I was just keeping her out of trouble.

I kept repeating that in my head, like a mantra.

What I was doing wasn't wrong.

Now I just had to go see Sirius without raising her suspicions.

I was just keeping her out of trouble.

It was my right.

Right?


I heard the front door close and breathed a sigh of relief. He was gone. Said he was going to headquarters to talk to Sirius. It was fine by me, perfect really. I had just spent the evening trying to figure out how to get him to get him out of the house, and just waiting for him to leave. I walked to our bedroom and removed the cloak from its secret hiding place.

I ran my hands through its beautiful fabric, and thought of running away. I could just leave. I could just go, with the cloak, and he wouldn't find me. I could alter my appearance, and have my baby alone. I could fake my death and assure that the Death Eaters wouldn't follow me. I could take Severus along, if only I knew I could trust him.

We could make a family, somewhere, far away, and never look back.

We could-


Lily?

I wasn't expecting to see her here. I'd forgotten the cloak, and realised I needed it only after leaving. I'd come back, hoping she would be outside, hoping she wouldn't notice me taking the cloak with me.

Instead, I'd found her-


Caught red handed.

What was I thinking? I should have waited longer. I just hoped I hadn't voiced any of my musings aloud in my husband's presence. I wondered how long he'd been there, watching me finger his invisibility cloak.

Stunned, I stared at him, and mumbled a not so plausible excuse, wondering what I could do to clear up this mess.


Blast. How could I leave with the cloak now? Lily knew that wasn't necessary if I was just going to headquarters, there were certainly enough protective spells there to keep me out of sight.

But I wasn't. I was going to an abandoned shack where Wormtail spent most of his time, in rat form. It was an old marauder meeting and hiding spot, over the summers when we weren't at Hogwarts, and one of the few Lily didn't know about.

I was just looking at your cloak

she murmured.

Why she had to do that when I wasn't around, escaped me. Why she seemed shy all of a sudden did too.

What would she think of me, if I Ieft with the cloak? She'd know I was lying.


How could I leave with the cloak now that he'd seen me? I was supposed to be reading at home, and catching up on sleep I'd lost in the past few weeks. That was what I'd told him. Of course he knew there was no way I needed the cloak to sleep, there were enough protective spells on our house, since we were core members of the Order.

He'd know I was lying.


I found it on the chair in the kitchen, I was just folding it and putting it back

she said.

Do you need it?

Was she mocking me? Was she trying to make me slip up? Confess?

She seemed sincere. But she was a master of disguise, in her expression and her appearance. It was what made her such a useful member of the Order, such a great witch, but a confusing wife. She could hide any feeling, and stay calm at all times. She was also a skilled occlumens, thanks to that snivelling little greasy git.

It struck me that she may be the spy. Dumbledore hadn't told us yet. I eyed her wearily. She would have told me.

She should have told me.


He didn't look like he was buying it. I was usually good at hiding what I felt. It was a skill that came in handy, more and more, of late. I must be losing my touch.

Yes. I need it

he stated gravely, surprising me.

I need it because I lied to you

he continued, unsteadily. This was interesting.

I need it because... Dumbledore. He said... I'd be meeting the spy. He told me not to tell you...


to protect you...

I finished lamely. I wasn't making any sense. If she was the spy, then I would look like a complete fool. And she'd know I was misleading her. Bloody hell. I was starting to lose my nerve. I should tell her it's another spy. That there are two. Just in case. But then, what if she wasn't the spy, and then she found out I was ly-


Oh.


'Oh'? I sighed with relief.


I looked down. Had Dumbledore really said that? Why was he always trying to 'protect' me? I was just as skilled a witch as any other member, and I deserved to know who the spy was.

Take it, James.

I could apparate directly into Sev's house, if I needed to.

I was angry. But I couldn't let him know that.


She sounded... forlorn. And slightly envious. Not only had I fooled her, but with a reaction like that, there was no way she was the spy.


He sounded... relieved. I'd fooled him.


I disapparated with a snap, feeling bad for lying. Poor Lily. I'd have to make it up to her.

Again.

A/N: Basically that was supposed to be an awkward conversation, where they're both so worried about the other finding about about them lying that they don't realise that the other is hiding something too. I hope I was able to convey that well enough. Hope you liked it!