Author's Note: Kay, this upcoming chapter will be LONG, but well worth the read. I have to personally thank my bestest friend Shonie for this idea. We came up with it at about 3 o'clock in the morning. And, well, trust me, it's pretty funny.

If any language used offends anyone, please remember that it's just a story, and is not meant to offend.

Warning: Severe 'bitchslap' moments up ahead, and Axel gets piss drunk. :)

Chapter Seven: Don't Play with Fire

You should never try to fight a fair battle. Always having the upper hand guarantees you won't be hurt during the war

Larxene, the bitch was crazy, but she got the job done. When it came to chores and responsibilities, the blonde haired young woman could always be counted on, no matter the task. Likewise, when it came to her friends potentially embarrassing themselves, she could always be counted on to tell everyone. Like this particular day in The World That Never Was, where the spirits were high, and the insults were low.

Seated in the Lounge room were Axel, Marluxia, Saix, Xigbar, and Larxene, the latter two watching with amusement as Axel proceeded to down another shot of vodka fearlessly. It was a game Larxene called 'Century Club'.

"Another minute!" Larxene grinned excitedly, watching Xigbar down a shot of whiskey, and then Axel take another Vodka shot. Every minute, for one-hundred minutes, Larxene would call time, and each male would drink a shot of their poison of choice. They were quickly approaching the sixty-third minute, Axel beginning to falter and slur his words. Xigbar, on the other hand, sat quietly, watching Saix and Marluxia with mild distaste.

The aforementioned males were sitting opposite Axel, Larxene, and Xigbar, Saix having his arm wrapped protectively around the smaller Marluxia. The botanist had his face nuzzled into the crook of Saix's neck, occasionally nipping and kissing the tender flesh every time Larxene called a minute. It was his own version of Century Club, with the main objective to see when Saix was going to finally give in and drag Marluxia to his bedroom. So far, he'd only had success in making Saix grab and hold his hand.

"Another minute!" Larxene called. Each male took their shot and slammed their shot glasses on the table. Larxene watched Xigbar's face, bemused, "Wow. Axel must have a pretty low tolerance of alcohol. You're not buzzed at all."

"No, that's not true," Xigbar replied, "I just happen to have the alcohol tolerance of a god. Hey, I bet you I can still shoot straight." He chuckled, making a gun with his fingers and pretending to fire it at Larxene. She smiled at Xigbar, a red tint developing on her face.

"Yeah, well!" Axel slurred, slamming his fist on the table, much to the surprise of everyone, "I bet you I can still PISS straight!"

Larxene and Xigbar stared at Axel, their eyes wide. Marluxia and Saix, however, ignored them, Marluxia ceasing his attack on Saix's neck for the time being. He smiled and let his lips hover above the soft skin of his berserker lover's neck, breathing gently, "I'm not sure what to do. It's just so damn confusing," he mumbled, closing his eyes.

Saix pursed his lips together loosely, exhaling softly before speaking, "Don't let it get to you, Marluxia."

"I know, but, I just…" Marluxia murmured, holding Saix's hand with his own.

Saix turned his head and used his other hand to grab Marluxia's chin gently between his fingers, lifting the younger male's face level with his own, "Marluxia," he began softly, his ochre eyes staring into Marluxia's stunning cerulean orbs riddled with worry and doubt, "just don't worry about it. .. You're with me now."

With those words, Saix closed the gap between him and his worried lover, smiling to himself as the other male held tight to him, his supple lips moving gently against Saix's. Marluxia threaded his fingers through Saix's hair gently, moving his legs to straddle Saix, the blue haired male's hands moving to the botanist's hips. Forcefully, Saix pulled Marluxia's hips against his, thrusting his pelvis against his lover's, earning a light groan from the other boy.

Larxene, Xigbar, and Axel watched the pair, tangled in each other so intimately. Behind them, a periwinkle haired boy walked in, spotting the couple becoming so casually acquainted with each other. He cleared his throat, attracting Larxene and Xigbar's attention to himself, but failing to make the entangled couple even falter. He continued walking past Marluxia and Saix, a seemingly exhausted Xemnas trailing behind him. The silver-haired male perceived the couple in front of him with utmost disgust, pausing before he made his way to Zexion's side.

For a few moments, everyone watched Saix and Marluxia, amused, until a slurred voice cut the silence, "Hey, you two, would you STOP sucking face already!?"

Abruptly, the couple pulled away from each other, Saix's hand resting on Marluxia's backside, and Marluxia's hands occupying Saix's pants. Axel stood up on a table and pointed at Marluxia and Saix drunkenly, faltering for a moment, "You faggots need to stop with the public displays of affection, you hear?"

"I hear you loud and clear," Marluxia smirked, tugging on Saix's cloak with one hand while rising to a standing position. Axel, with a triumphant smile, stepped down from the table, and laughed hysterically, pointing at Xigbar. Annoyed, Xigbar rolled his eyes before he looked back to Marluxia and Saix. Both males were heading out the door, Marluxia excitedly whispering and tugging on Saix's arm.

"Hey, Marluxia!" he called, suddenly remembering what he would inevitably have to tell the pink-haired male. Pausing, Marluxia poked his head back into the room, raising an eyebrow at Xigbar, "What?"

"I almost forgot…Before you guys go off to do…things," He shuddered, "I should probably tell you that you have dinner duty this week."

Marluxia rolled his eyes, sighing, "Alright, I'll be on it in about an hour. Who's my partner this week?"

Xigbar cautiously pursed his lips together, hesitating to speak, "Well…Xemnas is."

The atmosphere immediately died, everyone turning to look at their superior. Xemnas looked back, his eyes challenging each one of them to make a comment about his current situation. The tension was thick, until it was broken by Axel letting out a high pitched squeal, "DEMMY!"

Sure enough, the blonde sitar-player was entering the room, almost immediately being tackled by his lover. Axel hugged Demyx's waist, nuzzling his hips, "Hello Demmy's penis! Did you miss me? Did you?" He babbled, earning a strange look from everyone, save for Marluxia and Saix, who had taken the opportunity to sneak away. Demyx blushed, tugging on Axel's robe in an attempt to drag the redhead to his feet, but to no avail. Axel giggled, still talking to Demyx's crotch, earning a cough from Zexion's direction.

"Did…did you guys give him alcohol?" Demyx inquired, spotting the bottle of whiskey on the table where Axel and Xigbar had been.

"Maybe just a little bit," Larxene admitted, smiling cutely when Demyx rolled his eyes and spoke to Axel, "Hey, Axel, want to go do something...in private?" He asked the pyro. Immediately, Axel stood up and saluted Demyx,

nodding erratically. As Demyx led Axel into the hallway, Larxene began to laugh as Xigbar made a face at Demyx's suggestion.

In the distance, there was a retching sound, followed by a shriek from none other than the Melodious Nocturne, "MY ROBE! IT'S RUINED!"

It was Xigbar's turn to laugh this time as he grinned at Larxene, "Thank God I'm not on Laundry duty this week."

Larxene stopped smiling in the sudden realization at what her weekly chore was.

"You're got to be FUCKING kidding me!!"

The steady rhythm of the knife as it met wood calmed Marluxia as he chopped carrots, his hair pulled into a high, messy ponytail. His robe was slightly on crooked, and he looked worn out, yet satisfied. As he sliced the vegetable, he leaned forward to read a page in an old, worn out cookbook, nodding with a smile. He set his knife down and reached over to his right, grabbing a container of vinegar before continuing with his preparation.

"Hey, Xemnas…" he began, pausing when he realized that his supposed cooking partner was nowhere to be found. Exasperated, Marluxia rolled his eyes before heading over to a large bin and pulling out a head of lettuce. As he made his way over to the sink, he heard voices behind him, no doubt the Cloaked Schemer and Xemnas. Turning around, he spotted both smiling at each other. He made eye contact with Zexion before the young boy gave his superior a quick kiss, grinning at Marluxia.

"Anyways," Zexion began, lacing his fingers through Xemnas' own, "I've got to go, but I'll be back in a few minutes, I promise." Xemnas nodded to his lover and watched him leave before turning to face Marluxia, who had resumed slicing carrots. He was silent for a moment before he decided to begin gathering any other ingredients, moving over to the large crate of foods and pulling out tomatoes and a package of celery.

An exasperated Larxene entered the kitchen before dropping a bin of laundry, watching the two while torpidly folding the laundry.

"Larxene," Xemnas offered as a greeting the nymph. She narrowed her eyes at him and folded her hands in her lap, smiling sweetly. Then, as quick as the sudden bout of innocence came, a sudden bout of pre-menstrual hormones kicked in with a simple, "Why the FUCK can't you men wipe your asses?"

Marluxia paused for a moment, laughing to himself before continuing. Larxene continued on her rant, her emerald eyes burning with an aggravated ire, "It's not that hard, you know! I can do it just fine! Do you know how DISGUSTING it is to wash your underwear?!"

"Now, now, Larxene, calm yourself," Xemnas began, holding up his hand, "we're busy here, can you just be quiet for a moment?"

Shocked into silence, Larxene knitted her brow at Xemnas, her lips twisted into an angry frown. She shook her head and began to fold laundry again, her hands working swiftly with the use of many years of experience. The room was silent again as Xemnas strode across the room, tomatoes in hand, to the sink.

"You know, Xemnas," Marluxia began, smirking as he felt Xemnas' attention shift to him as he spoke, "Saix is hung like a horse."

Xemnas, absolutely mortified at the words he had just heard, tripped over his own feet, dropping the tomatoes to the floor wordlessly. Larxene, on the other hand, covered up her mouth to keep from laughing. Marluxia, barely getting started, chuckled and picked up a piece of carrot, turning to Xemnas and popping the bite-sized vegetable into his mouth. He chewed a few times before winking at the surprised and somewhat flustered superior.

Larxene flew into a fit, falling out of her chair and laughing hysterically before darting out the door, grabbing a walking Zexion before taking off down the hall.

Back in the kitchen, Marluxia smiled at Xemnas, before an exasperated Larxene's voice reached their ears, "Hey, Saix, I've heard you've got a big dick!" She yelled, not caring for any form of subtle hinting.

Xemnas stared at Marluxia, his lips parted slightly in bewilderment.

"Oh, and by the way," The botanist continued, shaking his hips gently while reaching for a cucumber and holding it up, well in Xemnas' range of vision, "It's thick, too. I've never screamed so loud in my life." He chortled. He placed the cucumber on the chopping board and began to slice the emerald green vegetable, repressing every giggle that threatened to pass his lips. "Oh, be a dear, Xemmy," Marluxia drawled, waving his hand over his shoulder languidly, "Could you bring me the celery?"

Marluxia continued to slice the cucumber, expecting Xemnas to be completely silent while they prepared the dinner and he continued to mock and belittle the man.

"Here's your celery," Xemnas spat. Marluxia, expecting to see an angry Xemnas next to him, was caught completely off guard when a hard impact on the back of his skull sent his face flying into an adjacent cabinet, his face hitting the solid wood with a loud cracking noise.

"…Bitch." Xemnas mumbled before turning around and continuing to gather supplies.

Marluxia held his face for a moment, a sharp pain spreading throughout his head. He felt like his skull had split, and he rested one hand against the counter, on top of his knife, the other still cradling his injured nose. Without warning, Marluxia turned, grabbing the knife from behind him and hurling it at Xemnas, it embedding itself right in front of the walking superior. Xemnas froze, his eyes wide, before he looked to his left, seeing the smug Marluxia's grin.

Immediately, Xemnas dropped the food he had in his hands, watching in mild lament as Marluxia lifted up his right hand, flashing six burnished butcher's knives in Xemnas' direction.

He wouldn't… Xemnas thought, before heading off in the opposite direction to avoid a quickly impending blade. Or maybe he would! He thought, panic-stricken as he ran into the adjoining dinning room. Without a second thought, he reached for the table and used one arm to flip it on its side, swiftly grabbing a ceramic plate before letting all the other ones crash to the floor. He dodged behind the table and crouched behind it for safety, jumping as a blade struck and splintered the wood.

Quickly he stood up and threw the plate, watching as Marluxia chucked a knife at him at the exact same moment. The blade and ceramic met at the same time with a dull piercing sound, the knife cleaning slicing through the porcelain and leaving it in two even pieces. The knife, deferred off-course from the impact, hit the wall beside Xemnas, directly in front of a redheaded, hung-over nobody.

Axel jumped back, his sea green eyes flashing in surprise. He surveyed the damage done by Marluxia and Xemnas, his mouth open and his eyes wide, "So…this is how you guys make dinner, huh?"

Dinner! Marluxia thought as he felt his pulse begin to slow back to a normal rate, oh God, it's almost dinner time! The pink-haired boy ran back to his previously chopped vegetables and began to assemble them into a salad, placing the large white bowl on the counter.

Pouring vinegar, salt, paper, and finely diced onions into a bowl, he mixed them together, blinking when he noticed that the vinaigrette he had been preparing had taken on a reddish hue. A drop of crimson fell from his nose into the concoction. Fuck, like they can tell the difference. He thought hastily before mixing the dressing more thoroughly and placing it next to the salad.

It's going to be a long dinner… He thought.

The members of organization XIII, save for Vexen, all sat at the splintered and butchered dining table, all of them looking strangely at their salads, and their lack of a full course meal. Xaldin, trying to lighten up the mood, smiled at Marluxia and spoke, "Well, I can certainly say that the vinaigrette is delectable." He offered politely. Marluxia didn't look up from his salad when everyone else gave their nods of agreement.

"It should be," He said bitterly, "It has my blood in it."

Immediately, the eating ceased. Everyone, save for Saix, Xemnas, Marluxia, and Larxene stared at Marluxia, and then their plates, everyone politely spitting their uneaten food back onto their plates, or into their napkins. Xemnas grimaced and swallowed the lettuce leaves which he had so graciously lathered in Marluxia's homemade dressing.

"I'm glad I don't eat that shit," Larxene mused, taking another bite of her salad and grinning at Marluxia. Everyone watched as Saix ate, the botanist's previous statements not seeming to bother him at all. "Dude," Xigbar whispered to the berserker, leaning over towards him, "you do know that Marluxia's blood is in that, right?"

Saix nodded, swallowing before he spoke, "So? I've tasted it before."

"And I've tasted his," Marluxia chuckled, watching as a few members at the table lost what might have remained of their appetites altogether, "Among…other fluids." He said, winking at Xemnas from across the table. Immediately, the superior stood. Everyone watched him as he appeared to begin to depart, as he sometimes did at dinners. But instead of that, Xemnas grinned at Marluxia and placed his foot on the cushion of his chair, using the solid piece of furniture to let him throw himself at Marluxia. As they collided, Marluxia flew out of his chair and to the floor, Xemnas sitting on his stomach and reeling his arm back for a blow.

Xigbar immediately stood up, jumping over and across the table to where the two struggled on the cold tile, taking a hold of Xemnas' poised arm. Axel leaped and grabbed the other, available arm of his superior, doing his best to hold the man back and pull him off of the Graceful Assassin. Marluxia struggled to sit up, watching as Xigbar began to shout commands to others.

"Larxene, grab Marluxia when we pull Xemnas off!" He ordered before turning to everyone else, "And you guys handle Saix!" he yelled as he watched a scarlet mist flow off of the berserker's body.

Immediately, Demyx jumped on Saix from behind, wrapping his arms around the blue-haired male's neck and trying his best to incapacitate him while Luxord and Lexaeus held his arms, Xaldin trying his best to keep Saix in place.

As Xigbar and Axel pulled Xemnas far enough off of Marluxia's stomach for him to sit up, Marluxia reeled back his arm and clouted the other Nobody with every piece of energy he had available. As the blow sent Xigbar and Axel to the floor and sent Xemnas falling back, the superior reached out and gathered a handful of the botanist's hair, ripping it out as he was sent to the floor.

Larxene grabbed Marluxia and held him as he screamed in pain from the surprise attack. Larxene struggled as the normally peaceful young man thrashed around wildly for a chance to attack Xemnas, his legs kicking and arms flailing.

"What is going on here?!"

Everyone stopped (minus the struggling four who were trying to calm down and/or knock Saix the fuck out). They all stared at their oldest member, Vexen, as he watched them all with abhorrence, his bright green eyes wide in repulsion, "The only sane one here is Zexion!" He yelled, pointing at the periwinkle haired boy.

All wide eyes turned their attention to Zexion, who was picking away timidly at Larxene's salad.

Author's Note: Bllllarghh. This took me forever! But I'm somewhat satisfied with the results. I didn't want to make the fight scenes too long, cause after a while, they can get boring.

Read and Review, please!

-MSI