Thanks everyone for the reviews! I appreciate them so much!

I'm surprised that this isn't my longest chapter :P I'm sorry in advance if this offends anyone in anyway. I'm also a little worried this may disappoint some viewers... I'm a nervous wreck about posting it.

Later in the Chapter - Bold - Voice in Drake's head (reappearance!). Italics - Drake's thoughts/responses to the voice in side his head. Normal - Things that are happening in the real world, and not in Drakes head. Hope this doesnt cause anyone confusion :P

Warning: ... heh... Forced Sex (I dont want to say Rape, but yahhh, Non-graphic, kind of implied Rape), Underage Drinking, Implied Drug Use, Language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Drake and Josh


Chapter 6

We arrived in San Diego around 5 o'clock Tuesday night. Kayle decided that he was finally hungry after two days of practically eating nothing. We stopped near an A&W where he got two Root Beer Floats, 4 Large Fries and 5 Papa Burgers. Hey, the kid could eat when he was hungry.

Now we're just driving back slowly to my house, and I see Kayle opening and closing his mouth, trying to form words. It takes him exactly 2 minutes and 43 seconds for that to happen.

"You know that Johnny lives in his parent's basement?"

What? That was not what I had not been expecting. I was expecting... Well, actually I don't know what I was expecting. Something about my family? His family? Josh? Carol? Johnny had definitely not been in that list of topic discussions that had arisen within my thick skull during the course of the 2 day trek. "Huh?" I ask, stating my confusion.

"Johnny is living in his Parent's basement while he's going to College." Kayle replies dully.

"Doesn't he do Bartending as a full-time job, though?" This isn't exactly my idea of the ideal conversation after what had happened. But, I guess that at this point, a conversation is better than no conversation.

"Ya, he takes night courses at the local college. He's double majoring in English. So, to save up enough money, he's living in his Parents basement, free of rent as long as he keeps it clean."

"Ahhh..." That is the only thing I can manage to squeak out in my confused state.

"Johnny's Parents aren't home tonight, and Johnny doesn't have any classes either."

Okay? I just- I, what? Did I miss something here? "Where are going with this, Kayle?" I say, sighing in exhaustion. I'm in no mood to decipher his riddles. Especially one that had to do with Johnny, someone who wasn't very important to me at the moment. If the riddle had been about Carol, Josh, Bryan, etc. then maybe I'd be in the mood for deciphering. But Johnny? Ehhh...

"Johnny's having a party tonight. There's going to be a lot of people at it. I wasn't going to go, but after everything that happened, I've decided that I need a drink... or 8. You in?" Ohhhhhh... I understand completely now!

Kayle asks me this just as we pull up to the street next to my house. The lights are all on, and I can see the living room through the window. Everyone is in there, including Mindy. They are laughing, smiling, being happy. Being a family. Josh just finished telling a joke and Walter and Megan begin to laugh out loud. Megan hold's onto her stomach, from what I guess is pain from laughing too much. Her curled hair falling from her shoulders to her chest. She's growing up… And Walter looks like he's about to spit out his drink. A glimpse of gratification crosses his eyes. He's proud to have a son like Josh.

My Mom is in the corner of the room, smiling widely. She almost spills her wine at something Mindy said. Mindy reaches for the glass just before it spills, saving the day. They both chuckle quietly when they look each other in the eye.

The scene. They are all so happy, without me even being there. Am I even needed in that house? It seems like lately, whenever I walk into a room, tension fills the air.

I can feel something breaking in my chest.

"Ya-" I begin, my tone harsh, forcing my head away from the sickening scene before me. "I'm in."


Johnny lives in a frickin' mansion. No joke. The front yard is about the size of 5 2,500 square foot houses. And that's just the front yard. The house itself is even more than that.

The basement itself has 5 bedrooms, a rec room, 6 bathrooms, a hot tub, a movie theatre, a kitchen, 3 different living rooms, and that's only half of it. The other half is off limits to us party goers. Apparently, I was born in the wrong family.

When Kayle and I drove up, almost 1 mile away from the house, there were cars parked along each side of the street. People were walking towards the place, 1 mile away from it. This must have been one heck of a party to be at!

I told Kayle that we should just park and walk, but Kayle just shook his head. He said that Johnny had a secret garage just for these occasions, so his real friends wouldn't have to walk.

Well, there was a secret garage, and we made it to the party at the perfect time. Everyone was just passed the 'just a little tipsy' to the full blown drunk stage. Everyone was dancing, not caring what anyone else thought. Everyone was seemingly happy.

As soon as we walked through the doors, Kayle brought me to a couch, sat me down, and said that he would be back in 2 minutes with drinks. That was 45 minutes ago. So, out of boredom, I begin walking around the basement. The walls are painted only neutral colours. There is expensive, newly furnished furniture everywhere, most of which are under the weight of people who are passed out from the alcohol consumption, or people who are having just a little too much fun. Luckily, I turn a corner and now find myself in the kitchen, where the alcohol just happens to be. Johnny-boi is at the counter, bartending for fun.

"Ehhhhhhhhh, Drakeyyyy!" He slurs, seeing me slide up next to him. "What can I do for ya, bro'?"

"Mix me the strongest thing you've got"

"Ahhhhhahhh, you an' Kayle are the purrrrfect couple, both asking me for the same thing...An' nice looking black eye you got dere. Whatt? Someting not go well over at the in-laws?" he smirks, and points to my eye.

"Fuck off, Johnny."

Johnny mixes me 2 drinks that has more booze then chase and throws it towards me. I catch it, and immediately let the bitter liquid enter my stomach.

"Another, Johnny" I demand quickly.

Johnny slowly mixes me another drink and I inhale it all in one breath.

I am in need of the taste of alcohol. The feeling of being light-head. Dizzy. Happy. By this point, all those things were no longer wants, but needs. I need the alcohol to enter my system. Now.

"You miggght wanna take it easy Drakeyyy, Kayle's alreadys sloshed outta is' mind. An' I think that dere should be at least.. umm... one... ummm... heathlshy person in ur' relationship tonight." The slur in his voice is becoming worse, thickening his accent to the point where I can barely understand him.

Then I realize what he just said. Concern begins to cloud my mind along with the alcohol. "Where is Kayle?" I'm trying really hard to hide my worry, but when the shaking in my voice reaches my ears, I realize that I'm not doing a great job.

Johnny begins to laugh, his shoulders shaking like I have just said the funniest thing in the world. He takes a swing of his own 40 of Smirnoff, which is close to being finished. Now I can understand why he was laughing.

Angered, I grab his stupid shaking shoulders and force him to look at me. "Where is Kayle, Johnny?"

"Ehhehhehehhh, I tink, I tink he's ouss-ide?"

I'm out the door in seconds, looking for Kayle. There are people everywhere. People crying. People laughing. People talking. People making out. People doing drugs. People alone. People together. People are everywhere! And it's pissing me off.

I run to the front yard, where I'm relieved to see Kayle's silhouette, bent over and talking to a bush right beside me.

"…Kayle?" Truthfully, I'm a little worried about talking to Kayle. Isn't talking to a bush, like, one step away from being mentally insane?

"Drrrakkkkkeeyyyyy! I've been looking eeerry' where for ya, mannn!" He yells happily. He lifts himself up from his bent position and throws his arms around me in a tight hug. The mix of alcohol and marijuana fills my nose.

"Kayle... are you high?" I have to ask. Maybe he was just hanging around people who were smoking pot? And maybe there's a chance that he wasn't doing it himself? Maybe?

Kayle looks at me in the eye. His pupils are small and the white around the pupil is a nice shade of red. My hope for him not smoking pot was just washed down the toilet.

His head begins to nod... and then shake... and then nod... and then shake again. "Yes... Neooooo, no, I means Yeshhh, No... Yaaaaaaaaa" His begins laughing quietly. I see his green eyes turn from their normal gentle to a hideous shade of dark as he glances at my body. He brings his lips down to mine and forces me into a brutalizing kiss. His tongue, which tastes like a mixture of his smell, only 10x worse, vigorously enters my mouth. His arms wrap themselves around my waist as I try to get away. I refuse to kiss back. My feet are scrambling underneath his and my arms are flailing, looking for an escape. Finally, I move my hands to his chest, pushing him away, although that does nothing as well.

"Mmmmph!" I groan into his mouth, showing him my distaste for the situation. Maybe if I speak... or attempt to speak, he'll notice.

It works. Kayle finally brings his lips away from mine, letting go of me completely. There is infuriation written on his face. "Whaa? Do you hate me neow, too?"

"N-no Kayle,-" I begin, trying to wipe the taste off of my tongue with my shirt. "It's just that you're really drunk, and I... I think that maybe we should get you inside."

Trying to explain to a drunk person why you don't want to make out with them is the hardest thing in the world. Trust me, I've been in both positions several times before.

"Oshayyy!" Kayle lets me lead him back into the house. He stumbles every step of the way, and almost falls over completely at the door frame.

"Come on, Kayle, I have you." I say gently as possible. Is this how Josh felt all the times I came home drunk? Wow, no wonder he's trying to stay away from me, I would want to too if I had to deal with this all the time.

"Heyy! Johnny!" I cry when I see Johnny, who's still in the corner of the kitchen. He's no longer mixing drinks, but is now close to being passed out on the floor.

I walk over to his body, and slap him on the face, forcing him to look at me once again. He smiles widely by the look of my distraught face. "Dwaaaaakkkeyyyyy! An- An- An Kaayle, tooo! Teehhhee, wowww, Imm Dwunk. Like, H-core dwunk"

Do not roll your eyes, Drake. Do not roll your eyes from irritation.

Trying really hard to suppress my eye roll, I can feel my left eye give a little twitch. Johnny howls at this, that is, until I slap him again.

"Johnny! Listen to me, I need to find a place for Kayle to lie down. Where can I do that?" I scream the last part into his ears.

"Ohhhhhh, welllsss, I tink mosh of the bedwooms are full. You can use my pawents room! Up-upstairs, behine door wish yello tape! ... ann turrnnnn left!"

I decide not to thank him in his drunken state. That'd be too much work and explaining. So instead, I just find the door that has yellow tape all over it. "Do No Enter" it says in bold letters. Well, I never really have been one to follow rules, and Johnny said it was alright... I think? I remove the tape and open the door, which leads to a large set of stairs.

Kayle looks up from behind me.

"Heyyyyy, we gunna go upshtairss Drakeeee?"

"Yes, Kayle, we are going to go upstairs." Sighing, I begin my next goal. Getting Kayle up the stairs to Johnny's parents room. Oh, dear god, help me now...


It takes me exactly half an hour to get Kayle up to Johnny's parents room. It was really easy to find, given the fact that Kayle has been here before and told me which direction to turn to. Kayle puked 3 times when we entered the room, and now refuses to pass out. He has stopped slurring, but he is still severely wasted.

"So, Drake?" He says from the bathroom floor.

"Ya, Kayle?" I'm bored, and trying to read some naughty magazine that I found under the extremely large bed. Said extremely large bed is what I am currently laying on. It's soft and squishy. I think it's a water bed. It's Awesome.

"Why didn't you want to kiss me back there?"

Inhale. Exhale. Talk.

"I dunno, man. I, just, the taste wasn't that good." I lie.

"Ohhh..." Kayle gets up and closes the door of the bathroom. Another trip to the toilet, I'm guessing. But then, why did he close the door?

It takes Kayle 2 minutes and 43 seconds to finally open the door again. "Well, my breath is all fresh now, how about that kiss?" He smiles maliciously.

"No, Kayle. Not tonight, alright? I'm just kind of tired, and my parents are probably wondering when I'm going to be home" I reply. I really am in no mood for a fun time tonight. It must be the alcohol.

"Check your phone" demands Kayle. "Check your phone to see if you have any messages from your parents. If you don't, then they aren't that worried."

I nod in understanding and put my hand into my jean pocket, grabbing my phone. Opening it, I see that there are only 3 text messages. Two of the Three messages are from girls asking to hang-out, and the last one is from Trevor. All are less than 7 words long.

"No message from your parents, I take it?" Kayle wants to laugh at this, I know he does, but for some reason he's holding it back.

"... No" I say. They don't care. It's late on a Tuesday night. Even worse, it's late on the Tuesday night that I'm supposed to be arriving home. Shouldn't they have at least texted me by now?

"Well then, they obviously don't care. Stay here!" Kayle jumps onto the bed, his large body hovers over mine. "Let's continue what I tried to start 45 minutes ago."

"Firstly, it's been 39 minutes, not 45, and secondly, I just don't feel like doing anything like that right now." This is so strange. Me, Drake Parker, is saying 'No' to a make-out sesh. The universe has officially turned up-side down.

"Why not?" His voice is low, and on the verge of wanting to yell out in anger.

"I just don't want to alright?" I say to him in a harsh tone.

"You kissed that one 'lean' boy in grade 9. You kissed a transvestite from New York. You even kissed your own step-brother. So, if you can kiss all those guys randomly, why can't you kiss me now?"

"B-because… I don't know. I just kissed those guys, nothing more, and I still regret it! Kayle, if you're going to be like this, I'm leaving."

"…. You fucked 'Bob'… and not only that, you fucked him 4 times." He says solemnly.

"Bob happened a year ago, and that was a completely different situation." I explain, trying to get up off the bed, but Kayle grabs me, and pins me against the wall.

"What's the difference between me and 'Bob'? Did you love 'Bob' more then you love me?" He hisses, his nails digging into my skin.

"No!" I yell in fear. " Bob meant nothing! I hated Bob, but that was over a year ago! Wh-why does that even matter?" I try to suppress the scream that wants to escape my throat. God, his nails are fucking painful. I just know that that's my blood beginning to tumble down my shoulder blade.

"Because you fucked him! And you've fucked every girl in San Diego! And yet, you refuse to fuck me, Kayle, your boyfriend of almost 2 months, practically 3!"

He punches me in the eye in the same place his Dad had hit me before. The force of it sends my body from the wall and onto the mattress beneath us. My head lands awkwardly in the sheet, my stomach is laying on its front on the soft duvet. I try to turn around, but Kayle straddle's my hips, punching me again. I try cowering away from the punches, but Kayle just continues with his attack.

"That's because they never meant anything to me!" I scream, pleading, my head being pushed more into the sheets. "Y-you do though! You mean something to me, Kayle! I wanted our first time to mean something!" My muffled voice stops Kayle in his tracks.

"... I mean something to you?" I notice that his fist is still in the air, waiting to make another punch.

"Y-yes" I sound so pathetic, whimpering like this. Crying like this. Begging like this.

"Are you being honest? do I Actually mean something to you?"

"Y-yes, you do." I manage to say, whimpering again. God, I'm so weak.

"Will you come to New York with me when I transfer to Nasdaq?"

"I- yes, I'll come to New York with you! I want to be with you!" I scream. I wish we were downstairs. Even with the music and all the drunk people, someone would have heard me by now.

"Do you promise to never leave me? To stay by my side?"

"I do!" Even in my panicked state, I can't help but almost giggle, it sounds like a fucking marriage for Christ's sakes.

"Just please don't do this!" I yell.

I hear Kayle take a deep breath as he ignores my last plead. "...Do you love me?"

I can feel my clenched jaw dropping into a stern frown...I do, I do love him. I have for a long time now. I was hoping to say it for the first time under better circumstances, but now seems to be as good as ever.

Inhale. Exhale. Speak.

"Yes, I love you, Kayle." Tears are now escaping my eyelids, and Kayle seems to be pleased by this response. He lowers his body until he is fully on top of mine. His head only inches away from my ear. His hot breath wisps over it.

"And Drake, do you know what two people do when they love each other?"

I shake my head, un-sure of how to respond.

"They make love."

I can feel his hands running all over my body, his teeth tugging at my ear.

"Kayle, please, stop! I don't want to do this yet!" I'm trying to escape, but the weight of his body over mine is keeping me in place. "I'm not ready yet!" I grab onto the bed covers and try to slide out. My attempts aren't working. My arms begin to flail, trying to grab anything that I could use to hit Kayle, or even pull myself out from under him.

I can now understand what Josh means when he said that he feels claustrophobic in small areas.

"Yess," Kayle says on top of me. "Squirm, scream. I know you want this."

His hands are on my waist, unbuckling the leather belt that is clinging to my jeans. I begin to kick and punch and scream at anything and everything.

Kayle is just laughing.

"Yes! Scream! Cry some more. I don't know why you're trying so hard, pretending like you don't want it."

He grabs my wrists and pull them over my head, his other hand pulling off the belt that he was just currently working on.

"I know you do. Sluts like you always want it."

"Kayle, Please..." More tears fall down my face, wetting the linen cloths beneath me. I can feel Kayle unzipping and pulling down my jeans.

"And since you're a slut, you want it. And since you said you love me, you want me. Unless you lied, but you didn't lie to me, did you, Drake? Because I'd really have to hurt you if you lied to me..." I can feel his knuckles cracking behind me.

"No, no, Kayle. I do! I do love you... That's the truth…"

In one powerful jerk, my briefs are at my knees.

I didn't even notice until this moment that his own pants weren't on.

"You know Drake? I didn't realize how good it felt to be in control of someone before. But now, I'm the dominant one. I'm the one in control. And it feels amazing." His hands are running up and down my shaking spine, ripping the skin with his nails.

" I can finally understand why my Dad did it, the sensation and power is just too good to give up." He whispers lustfully.

"Kayle- You're not your Dad, please... please, don't do this!"

"Shut up!" He puts a hand into my hair and yanks it. He laughs the pain it sends through my spine.

"Please..." I'm begging. Please don't let this happen. Please.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this." he whispers.

"You're going to like what you get, slut."

Without lube, a condom, or even preparing me, he thrusts himself inside, tearing and ripping my insides apart.

A screams echoes in the room. I realize later that it was my own.

"Scream! Cry! Yes! God, you're so tight!"

I hold onto the linens, no longer trying to get away. Instead, I let myself collapse against soft mattress, succumbing to the pain.


My back is against the wall. The wall that is painted a neutral colour. I watch the glow of a clock on the other side of the room. The red digital dots flickering on and off.

On and off. On and off.

I can feel my body shaking slightly.

On and off. On and off.

I can feel Kayle in a fetal position, lying in my arms. His body shaking worse than mine by his sobs.

"I'm sorry!" He cries. "I'm so sorry!"

"I know." A sound seeps from my body.

"I didn't mean to!"

"I know." Another sound. My body.

On and off. On and off.

"You have to forgive me!"

"I do."

On and Off. On and Off.

"I'm sorry! You didn't want to, and then I forced- oh god, and you're screams. You cried. You begged me to stop, and I got off on it. All of it. You were in pain, I should have stopped... I should have stopped! But it wasn't me! Just th- the thing with my dad, and the alcohol... and the drugs. It wasn't my fault!"

"I know."

On and off. On and off. I haven't blinked yet. That's a record. 2 minutes and 43 seconds without blinking. Would Josh be proud of me?

"You have to believe me, Drake! Please believe me!" His hands that are gripping onto my shirt, tighten their hold.

"I do."

"I love you, Drake. I love you. I love you more than anyone could know!" His sobs are continuing to wet my shirt.

"I know." He hasn't ever said those words to me yet... I can feel my heart squeeze slightly in my chest.

Kayle's body begins shaking even harder. More tears fall. More snot drips. The smell of fresh vomit wavers up to my nose. After it... we... had our first time, I was in shock. I tried to get up and go to the washroom, but I couldn't use my legs. Instead, I had to lean my head over the side. I shiver at the memory. The force of bile rising from my stomach. The feeling. The smell.

Disgusting.

On and Off. On and Off. The light continues to blink even though my eyes still haven't.

"I love you, Drake. That's the truth. And I promise, I'll never hurt you again. Never, ever, ever! I'll never hurt you again! I promise!"

"I know."

On and Off. On and Off. Blink. Blink. Blink.

I begin to move my legs. I begin to walk. I begin to walk to the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kayle."

I leave Kayle's body on the blood soaked bed.

Soaked. Blood. My blood. Liquid. Mine. Kayle's. Mixed. Bed. Kayle... Kayle?

Kayle. Crying. Begging. Holding onto his stomach.

"Why don't you love me? Why don't you love me back? Was I bad? I loved you... I love you... Why don't you love me?"

I know that he is no longer talking about me.

I glance at the clock just before I leave and think for a few seconds.

It took me 2 hours, 43 minutes and 00 seconds for my legs to be able to stand up and walk.

Kayle. First time. April 1st. Wednesday morning. 2:43 am.

I walk. Down the stairs. To the right. Thank unconscious Johnny. Out the door. Walk. Walk. Walk.

Run.


Nothing bad happened in there. Nothing. Me and Kayle just had sex. Just sex. It was only painful because he didn't stretch me first. I mean, it was bound to happen eventually, the sex. This just means that our relationship is one step ahead a little earlier. That's all.

You're denying it.

I am not denying anything. To deny something, there has to be something that happened first to deny. Nothing bad happened. At all. So there is nothing to even deny. See my logic?

I mean, it did hurt. And I did bleed. But only a bit. Nothing bad happened, really. Kayle was just in a different mind frame. He wasn't thinking correctly. I didn't want it to happen though.

Kayle, hurting me. Kayle, talking to me. Kayle, saying that I was his slut. Kayle... saying that it was nice when I cried for him. His tongue on my cheek, catching the falling moisture.

I shake my head, trying to throw the thoughts away. Stop! Stop! Stop!

You make it sound like Kayle did something bad. But Kayle didn't do anything wrong. The little voice in my head says me.

I agree. I answer back to it.

Do you?

. No...

What do you believe happened in there?

Me and Kayle had sex.

Is that all? Is that why you feel the way you do?

Yes, that's all.

Then why are you in pain?

Because I didn't want to do it tonight.

Tears are falling down my face.

But you did want to do it tonight.

No... I didn't...

But, Drake, this is a free country. A country where, if someone really doesn't want to do something, they don't have to do it. Isn't that true?

It is...

I walk up to a house.

Then what does that mean Drake?

It means that I wanted it.

I walk into the house.

And if it means that you wanted it, Drake, and if that means that you're in pain now, whose fault is it?

Mine...

I walk up the stairs of the house.

And who isn't at fault here?

Kayle.

I enter a bedroom in the house.

And why isn't Kayle at fault?

Because I wanted it and he gave me what I wanted….

I walk across a bedroom in the house.

And why did you want it?

Because I am a whore. A filthy, dirty, ugly whore…

I step up a latter in a bedroom of the house.

And who doesn't deserve such a filthy whore to call their boyfriend?

Kayle...

I kneel on the ground, on a loft next to a bed in the house.

So I ask again, Drake, what happened tonight in that bedroom?

Nothing bad, we just made love, like lovers do...

I put my hand underneath the bed, grabbing a photo.

You truly believe it now.

I look at the photo.

Good boy.

I'm at my house. In my room. Kneeling next to my bed. I can feel hot liquid falling down my face, even though I don't think I'm crying.

The photo in my hands is one I haven't looked at for years. It's of me and my biological father. It's a sunny day, and I'm around 7 years old. Me and Dad had just won a 'Father-Son' game at a local festival. We were proud of our achievement, so we decided to have a picnic. Mom made us extra chocolaty brownies to celebrate. You can tell they were extra chocolaty because there was a large chocolate rim around mine and Dad's mouth. Me and my dad laughed at this when we looked at each other, medals dangling from our necks. My mom thought the laughing was a 'hallmark moment'. She took the picture.

We were celebrating. A picnic. With brownies. I notice my Dads eyes. Green. My Dad's eyes were green. Full of life. Green. Gentle.

We're at the park. The park.

The park where me and Kayle first met.

Kayle. Party. Dad. Green Eyes. Pain. Dead. Crash. New York. Slut. Pain. Blood. Kayle. Green Eyes. Gentle. Dad. Crash.

"SHUT UP!" I scream, letting go of the picture. I feel hands clenching themselves over my ears, trying to stop any noise from entering my mind.

There was no pain. I wanted it. It would have happened eventually. Eventually. In the future. We love each other.

He said he won't ever do it again.

Its fine.

He won't ever do it again.

"Drake? Is that you? Are you back already?"

My head whips around. The lights in my room are on. Why are they on? The hands leave my ears. They were my own.

Josh is staring at me wide eyed. Scared.

I'm breathing like I just saw a ghost; Haggard and un-even. I'm begging for breath to enter my system.

"Drake..." He starts walking towards me, like I'm some wild animal who might run away if he gets too close. Maybe if it were the other way around, I might walk up to Josh the same way as well. I hope it is never the other way around.

I can feel my face fall flat, as if nothing happened. Like I hadn't just screamed out loud, and that I was just tired. I rise to my feet.

"What, Josh? I'm just trying to grab my pyjamas. Sorry if I woke you." My voice is small and weak.

Josh rubs at his eyes tiredly.

"You sure, man? I heard whimpering, and then you screamed Bloody Mary. Are you trying to tell me that was all a dream?" He laughs at what he says.

I try to laugh, but my throat hurts to much to even attempt the task. When did my throat start hurting? Why is my throat hurting?

I turn back to my bed, grabbing some pyjamas that are wrinkled on top of the clean bed sheets. I can hear Josh gasp behind me.

"Drake... your legs. There's blood.… Are you bleeding?"

I can feel my heart stop.

…What?

I look down to my pants for the first time since I pulled them on. Pulled them on over blood, and Kayle's semen-

STOP!

Think about what Josh said. Josh. Talking. Right.

Josh is right. Blood has seeped its way through the jeans. It looks like I was mugged, and had 30 untreated cuts running up and down my legs .… There's a lot of blood.

I feel sick.

"I- Don't worry about it, man" I say, jumping down to the floor beneath my loft, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that flows through my body.

"I'm really tired, so I'm just going to go to the washroom and go to bed. We have to be up for school soon, anyways." I say all of this as I try to make my way to the door, but a hand lands on my shoulder, stopping me. I flinch at the contact.

"Drake, what happened?"

I turn to Josh. His eyes are so full of worry. For me.

"N-nothing happened, Josh." My chin is beginning to quiver.

"D-did Kayle do something to you? " I flinch again the sound of Kayle's name, forcing Josh to create crazy assumptions in his head.

"Kayle did something to you, didn't he?" Josh yells at me.

"N-no, Kayle didn't do anything that I didn't want him to do!" My lips won't stop quivering. Tears are beginning to make their ways to my eyes.

"Kayle… didn't do anything that you didn't want him to do?" Josh takes a deep breath before continuing. "Righhtt….. then why is there blood crusted to your pant legs?" Josh asks me, hands on his hips. It's his accusing 'I-know-what-really-happened-so-you-might-as-well-spill' stance.

"There's blood because... because...-"

"Did he cut you?" I can tell by this point that Josh knows that it isn't a cut. He's just being hopeful. Optimistic. He's just being Josh.

My eyes shut tight at the next thing that's about to escapes my lips. "No ...Me and Kayle, we… had…uhh, ummm…"

Say it, slut.

".. sex…"

Josh visibly pales at what I say. His jaw drops, and he slouches down to the couch.

"I knew it" He's shaking his head in his hands. "I knew it. You and Kayle were in a relationship. I fucking knew it! ... Wait, unless…. Are you even in a relationship, or are you two just fuck buddies?"

I flinch again at his use of language.

Flinching. Why do I keep flinching? I never flinch.

"…. Relationship."

When he gains back his composure, Josh raises himself to his feet. It takes Josh 2 minutes and 43 seconds to complete this task after I utter the word relationship.

"…..And why didn't you tell me?" He demands, angrily.

He's angry. At me. Stop being mad at me, Josh. I can't handle it right now. It's weak, and it's pathetic. But it's true.

"...Because we haven't talked in a long time. I didn't think that you cared. I didn't think you'd want to know..." My voice begins to shake. I'm trying as hard as I can not to break down at the moment.

It's the truth, Josh. I'm telling you the truth. Please listen to me. My eyes drift down to the ground.

Don't you dare cry! Don't you dare fucking cry.

Inhale. Exhale. I look back up to Josh.

His hand is on his chin. He's thinking.

"You're right, we haven't talked in a while. So, I'll start now. I have a question for you."

I nod my head, trying to get away as quickly as possible.

"Did you want to have… uhhh... coitus with him?" I notice that he shudders at his own sentence.

Inhale. Exhale. Answer.

"Yes."

"Did you?"

"Yes. We're together. In a relationship. Of c-course I wanted to…."

"Because that seems like a lot of blood just for a first time that you were willing!" Josh snaps at me.

For the first time during this conversation, when I talk to Josh, my voice reaches a powerful tone. It's no longer weak and pathetic. I'm standing up for myself and Kayle. Why? Because Kayle hasn't done anything wrong here. If anything I was in the wrong by black mailing him into taking me to his parent's house. For taking me to the party. For allowing him to go off alone at the party for 45 minutes. The way I see it, if anything bad did happen, it would have been my fault. But nothing bad did happen.

"What do you want me to say, Josh? What are you accusing Kayle of this time? What?" I raise my hands in the air, anger rushing through my system.

"I've had sex with Mindy. We were each other's first time." He screams "She bled, but she did not bleed that much. There had to be force used to create that much blood! Did he use a condom? Lube? Did he even fucking prepare you? Because from my end, " Josh smacks his hands together as he makes his points. "It doesn't look like it. And it sure as hell looks like you didn't want to."

How can he tell?

" Because you're shaking. Your lips are quivering along with your chin. You're flinching. You look like you're in pain…. I don't like seeing you like this. I don't like seeing anyone I care about like this…" Did I say that out loud? I must have.

Josh has gone quiet. He's being as gentle as possible now.

I'm feeling exposed. He can see the blood. All of it. My cuts and bruises. I don't like this. Stop looking at it. Stop looking at me.

"Don't back away from me, Drake, please….. I saw what he did to you in the kitchen that day. You tried to get away. H-he forced you back onto him. He's using you, and you don't even realize it. And now he's done this and you won't even acknowledge it? ….Oh yah, nice black eye, purple cheek and swollen lip. He give those to you as well? I wouldn't be surprised…" Josh suddenly stops, and gives a shaky sigh. He kept his tone quiet and calm during his small speech. I am amazed that he has such control.

He lays the palm of his hand sadly on his forehead. "Why are you with someone like that, Drake? You need to get away before this" He points to my jeans and my eye. "Happens again. It's already happened. That's one too many times. Drake, I, please. It's still early. Get away from him."

I just shake my head, 'No' being my silent reply.

"Oh, god. This is all my- You could have anyone. " His eyes land on mine. They're doleful and full of worry. "Why him?"

"...Because I love him" I say quietly, grabbing the doorknob.

"Drake, don't... Please! You need to get away fro-"

I slam the door at Josh's rising voice.

I run to the guest room. I change. I notice that there is no mirror in the room. I notice that I am thankful that there is no mirror in the room. I run downstairs. I run into the kitchen. I throw the jeans into the garbage. I run back upstairs. I jump into the bed. I try to sleep. I ignore the pain.

But I can't ignore the pain. Because there can't be pain. There is no pain.

Pain would mean that something bad happened. Nothing bad happened. Nothing bad happened at all...


Chapter donnneee

I am trying as hard as I can to not make Kayle a stereotypical bad guy. I'm trying as hard as I can not to make him a bad guy in general! I do see him as 'Good' (not necessarily in this chapter...), so yes, I am trying to throw his good side that was seen in the earlier chapters, later on in the story. I believe that he is just having issues dealing with his past. He isn't 'Evil'. Well, I don't see him as evil, anyway.

... But, I feel like I didn't handle this situation properly. (Then again, I just started High School again, and my Grades are already dropping, therefore my confidence is dropping as well. So, I am in the pessismistic mindframe. Nahh well, this happens every year in September. All will be good by October :p). If anyone has ever had to deal with Marital Rape (Not even necessarily 'Marital Rape' but forced sex in a loving (not married) relationship) I am soo sorry if I have offended you, I'm trying not to offend anyone.

Review :)