Thrawn left Kali out of his report, saying only that he went to warn Mercutio of the possibility that Kali might be targeting him and that Mercutio didn't believe he was truly a naval officer, forcing Thrawn to fight his way out and kill him in order to escape. He didn't think the emperor would agree that building goodwill and trying to win Kali over would be more valuable than simply killing her.
Everything he'd learned about Kali indicated that she would be laying low for a while, especially since he'd gotten to study her closely. Most likely she had gotten off-planet before he had finished making his report. At the very least, she'd be relocating her base of operations and altering her appearance. He kept the task force on the lookout in case she decided to take another job in defiance of all wisdom and logic, but he was not surprised when several weeks passed with no sign of her.
He was surprised to jolt awake in the middle of the night to find Kali standing over his bed again. She wasn't pointing a blaster at him this time, at least. Heart thudding as he remembered the threat from her last visit, he said, "I hope the new security system gave you some trouble."
She smiled. "Don't worry, I'm just here to talk." She wasn't using the synthesizer, and her hood was thrown back. Not much point, I suppose. She was silent for some time, a pensive look on her face, and Thrawn found himself caught between amusement that she wanted to talk but couldn't seem to find the words and irritation that she'd woken him up for this.
"Have you heard of sanatana dharma?" she asked finally.
Thrawn nodded. "I'd never heard of reincarnation before you mentioned it. I encountered it while learning about that and read up a bit to get some insight on you."
"So you've heard of Shiva, then?" At Thrawn's nod she went on, haltingly at first. "I am—my people, we are Shiva worshippers. We revere all the gods, of course, but we see him as the greatest. I got quite a shock when I first saw a picture of you." She smiled.
"No doubt similar to the one I had when I first saw a depiction of Shiva."
She shrugged. "Learning of your reputation, and especially seeing you in action, it's obvious to me that the resemblance is more than just superficial." The smile faded. "I couldn't help but wonder if you might be an avatar of Shiva."
Thrawn frowned, settling back as he thought back to what he'd read about the religion. "I must confess that I found the finer points of sanatana dharma a bit confusing. But I think I would know if I were the avatar of a god."
"Not necessarily." That strange little smile was back on her lips. "It wouldn't be the first time a god felt the need to hide among mortals to accomplish a divine purpose, the avatar unaware of his status until the moment comes. Plus, even if you did know, I wouldn't expect you to admit to it, especially if your purpose hasn't been fulfilled yet."
"I'd never even heard of sanatana dharma before you mentioned reincarnation. I wouldn't be much of a god if I didn't believe in my own religion, would I?"
Her smile dimmed. "Perhaps not." After a moment she asked, "Do you follow a religion?"
"Not as such," he said. "My people don't believe in gods anymore, aside from a few traditionalist communities. Some of us revere our ancestors, and we do believe in a code of action and thought emphasizing discipline, self-control, personal responsibility, and the good of family."
"And yet here you are, apart from your family, serving the empire."
Thrawn blinked, surprised by how much that stung. "At the time, every decision seemed like the best one, or even the only one." He shook his head. "It sneaks up on you while you're fighting to survive, the cumulative force of hundreds of small decisions. It's like an avalanche, building up and sweeping you away."
"Or burying you,"
The conversation lapsed into silence. Kali looked like she still had more to say but was struggling to put her thoughts into words again.
"Come here," Thrawn said softly, patting the bed beside him.
For a moment she just blinked at him, and he began to think he'd misread her, but after a few seconds she came around the side of the bed and sat down gingerly. Thrawn reached out and took her hand in his, threaded their fingers together.
"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes."
She looked up at that, her gaze meeting his. In the dark room, her eyes seemed to gleam white, the deep brown irises a core of darkness within them.
"What do you see?" she whispered.
"Strength. I see a woman who tries to make the galaxy a better place despite the cost to herself. Despite…." He closed his eyes. "Despite whatever personal tragedy haunts her." He opened his eyes to find her staring at him in shock. "I see beauty. Living art. A brilliant mind matched only by peerless skill."
"Please," she said, her voice hoarse. "Does this mean I have another chance?"
Thrawn frowned. Why is she asking me…
"Does this mean I am forgiven?"
He took her other hand. "I am not your god. I can't give you absolution, Kali."
She let out a choked laugh, almost a sob. "Yeah, right. How else could you know?"
"I studied you. Not your past, but your religion and the culture that accompanies it. Your people are not contract killers. You venerate life. Your current profession is giving you huge amounts of bad karma with every job you take, so you must have believed yourself stained beyond hope when you set down this path."
Tears streaked down her face, and he drew her close, letting her head rest on his shoulder.
"My people see wrongs a bit differently than yours. We believe that people can be, in essence, born anew. It requires a fervent desire for change, as well as action on that desire. It also requires atonement for the wrongs committed before the rebirth; that genuine desire to set things right is part of the process. There's a bit more to it, mostly ceremony that doesn't really mean anything here." He sighed. "I can't give you forgiveness. But maybe I can give you hope."
He held her for a few minutes as she shuddered silently, surprised by how small she felt in his arms. Her personality was so forceful it was easy to miss how petite she was, how slender. Her body was corded with muscle, though; her grip on him was surprisingly strong. He ran a hand over her dark hair. It was so curly it made a cloud around her head. His touch seemed to soothe her, so he indulged himself, toying with the strands. His people's hair was nothing like this; they rarely had anything other than straight or slightly wavy hair.
After a while her shaking subsided, and she sat back, wiping her eyes. "I will go with you to the Unknown Regions and see what you are doing there. Assuming I like what I see, I will join your efforts there in whatever capacity you need."
"Thank you," Thrawn said quietly. "It means more to me than I can say."
She drew back from him. "I need some time first, if you don't mind. I'll contact you in a few days." She stood and gave him one last piercing look before slipping out of the room and leaving him to his suddenly tumultuous thoughts and plans.
ψ
Thrawn waited until the last cadet left the classroom, then slipped in and let the door close behind him. Kali glanced up, her eyes rounding at the sight of him, and stood as he came close.
"I didn't expect to see you so soon."
He smiled and drew her into an embrace. "Of course I had to make sure you were settling in well here."
The light in her eyes turned mischievous. "Always so considerate, you."
He kissed her quiet, and she murmured her pleasure into his mouth. After a sweet moment he drew back reluctantly. "How have you been doing?"
"I'm fine, Thrawn. I mean, it's been tricky creating a curriculum from scratch with no prior teaching experience, but the other instructors have been really helpful and understanding."
"Good," he said, a clench releasing in his heart. He wanted so badly for her to find a new calling, a new life here, where she could put her skills to good use without putting her life at risk. Where he could spend time with her when he could find it. So considerate, indeed.
"So stop worrying," she told him with a smile, and tugged on his neck. He bent down obligingly, and she kissed him hard, his worries vaporizing as his thoughts turned to the more immediate matter of her slender body pressing into his.
"You have, perhaps, an idea for how to take these concerns off my mind?"
She grinned wickedly up at him.
