Chapter Seven
When Gibbs disappeared from the living room, Jenny assumed he was just going to use the bathroom and would be right back. Kellie had awakened as soon as he left and despite Jenny's best efforts to comfort, calm and reassure the little girl, it was clear she was still anxious around women. The last thing Jenny wanted to do was make her uncomfortable but she had no idea how to help the eight year old and was beginning to get frustrated with the hopelessness of the situation. Everything she did resulted in failure; physical comfort was rejected, she had no clue how to sign with the girl and nothing she said ever got a response. She wanted so desperately to help but all her efforts seemed to fail.
While Kellie watched the movie, Jenny snuck downstairs to check on Gibbs. She could hear voices and laughter from the top of the stairs. As she descended them, she saw images of Gibbs, Shannon and Kelly on the small TV screen. They were at the beach, building a huge sandcastle. Gibbs was digging a mote to stop the incoming tide from demolishing their creation but it wasn't deep enough and with one wave, the castle was in ruins.
Before Kelly had too much time to be upset about it, Gibbs scooped her up into his arms and blew kisses onto her belly making all kinds of noises. A stream of giggles escaped from the squirming girl's mouth as she tried to escape.
"Are you ready to grill hotdogs?" Gibbs asked.
"S'mores," Kelly said with a smirk very similar Gibbs'.
"Hotdogs first," Gibbs said.
"S'mores first," Kelly challenged.
"Mommy will be upset if we eat dessert first," Gibbs whispered.
"I heard that, Jethro!" Shannon called from her place by the cooler. "Don't make me the bad guy."
Gibbs winked and smiled at his wife as he put Kelly down on the beach in front of him. "Ok," he relented, "s'mores first then we'll roast hot dogs."
"Yay!" Kelly cheered as she danced around her father.
"You spoil her," Shannon said moving over to her husband. She cuddled into him as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.
"Ew!" Kelly sang. "Get a room!"
"I love you," Gibbs whispered to Shannon before turning and chasing a giggling Kelly down the beach.
Jenny couldn't imagine the toll this case was taking on him. A child the same age as his daughter, with the same name, showed up on the anniversary of his daughter's death. She wasn't sure how it would affect her and although she would never say it out loud, she knew she wasn't as strong as Gibbs was. She was beginning to realize she had no idea how to help either Gibbs or Kellie and the feeling of helplessness was starting to take a toll on her.
"What's going on?" she asked innocently.
"Nothing," Gibbs said unintentionally coming across as if her presence was bothering him.
Jenny misread his tone and instinctively lit into to him. "You're not the only one who's hurting, you know."
"You don't understand, Jen," Gibbs said calmly.
Jenny noted his calm tone but the built up frustration over the past days had already taken over. "But she does!" she yelled pointing towards the stairs. "Kellie's just as lost and alone as you are. She needs you, Jethro. She doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me."
Kellie's eyes widened as the screaming started. Jenny was yelling at Gibbs but she didn't understand why. Was it her fault? Did she do something wrong? Was Jenny going to hurt Gibbs or, even worse, would she kill him like her own mother had done? She sounded very angry. As soon as she heard her name she disappeared into her fort and sat in the darkness, hugging her knees and rocking herself back and forth. She decided to cover her ears in case there was a gunshot. The sound of the shot that ended her father's life echoed in her head for months. She couldn't shake the haunted feeling that followed.
Jenny calmed herself as she climbed the stairs, not wanting to scare Kellie. She knew she'd blown up at Gibbs for no good reason. She'd let the stress and pressure of the situation get the better of her and had taken it out on him which made her feel like even more of a failure. Instead of helping she had only hurt the situation. She huffed a heavy sigh as she threw her head back in defeat and closed her eyes. After a few deep breaths she went back into the living and realized Kellie had gone into hiding.
"How stupid could you have been?" she thought. She realized Kellie had most likely heard the entire argument and that had not done anything to help her win favor with the child. She knelt at the entrance of the fort and found Kellie rocking herself back and forth.
"Kellie, Honey, I'm sorry," Jenny said. "Everything is okay. Jethro and I just had a little misunderstanding but everything is okay." She slowly stuck her hand into the fort but Kellie panicked and scooted as far away from her as she could, shaking in fear.
Jenny closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hands. The entire evening had gone sour and fast. She decided to call in the reinforcements. She was willing to admit when she needed help and boy did she ever need help. Gibbs was sitting in the basement, no doubt mad at her, and Kellie was cowering in her fort, scared to death. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Ducky's cell phone number.
"Oh Ducky, I screwed everything up," she said as the older man hung his coat in the coat closet. "I yelled at Jethro for no reason at all and scared Kellie to death. Neither of them will talk to me. I've failed them both."
"Now, now my dear," Ducky said resting his hands on her arms, "you haven't failed either one of them. We'll get this all straightened out in no time at all. You'll see. Why don't you go downstairs and have a word with Jethro and I'll check on Kellie."
"Thank you, Ducky," Jenny said.
It had been almost an hour since Jenny had last left the basement. She slowly made her way down the stairs, trying to figure out what to say and how to fix things. The home movies Gibbs had been watching were over and she saw him sitting quietly at his worktable staring at a photograph.
"Jethro," she said quietly, hoping he wouldn't immediately kick her out, "I'm sorry. I just, I see you hurting so bad and I know Kellie is struggling and I want to help, I want to fix things, that's my nature but I don't have a clue what to do or how to help. Everything I say or do seems to only make the situation worse. I got frustrated and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
Gibbs laid the photograph of himself, Shannon and Kelly down on the table then looked up at Jenny. He felt guilty and partially responsible for the situation as well. "The hardest thing about this situation is there's nothing you can say or do to make it better, Jen," he said quietly. "Remember how you felt when you lost your father?" Jenny nodded and Gibbs could see on her face that she understood where he was going. "Was there anything anyone could say to make you feel better?"
"I think I understand now," Jenny said quietly. She'd been so focused on trying to take care of them, she hadn't connected the dots in the way Gibbs had. "I'll try to do better."
Gibbs gave Jenny a small smile before pulling her into a hug. "You're doing fine, Jen," he whispered into her hair. "Just having you here is helpful. You don't have to try to fix anything." He kissed the top of her head then just held her close to him and gently rocked her back and forth.
Ducky realized almost as soon as he was down on the floor in front of the fort that Kellie was having a panic attack. She was sweating and shaking as she rocked herself back and forth. She was gasping for air and pulling at her t-shirt as if she were choking. He reached his hand in and gently held her wrist to feel for a pulse. Her heart was racing and her teary eyes appeared to be glazed over as if she wasn't really in there.
"Kellie, it's Ducky, I work with Gibbs, can you come out here with me?" When the girl didn't respond or make any movement to come out he reached his arms in to try to pull her out but the girl began flailing her arms violently, forcing Ducky to back away.
Ducky stood and headed to the top of the basement stairs. "Jethro, I think we need you up here."
Gibbs didn't waste any time hurrying up the stairs with Jenny hot on his heels. "What's going on?" he asked.
"Kelly's having a panic attack," Ducky said. He followed as Gibbs headed for the living room. "I tried to get her out to calm her but she started to get violent. Whatever is going on in her mind is very real to her."
Gibbs dropped to his knees at the entrance of the fort he'd built earlier that evening and found Kellie really struggling. 'It's okay, Sweetheart," he said as he reached his arms in. He was met with the same violent thrashing but managed to get the girl out and wrapped his arms around her. "Shh, it's okay. Everything's okay. You're safe." Gibbs swayed the little girl back and forth as he sat on the floor with her in his lap, whispering words of encouragement to her. Jenny sat in front of Gibbs, rubbing Kellie's back but letting him do all the talking.
"You're doing good, Jethro," Ducky encouraged. "When someone has a panic attack, they usually feel as if they're going to die. Just keep encouraging her that everything is going to be okay."
"You're okay, Baby," Gibbs said kissing her sweaty forehead. "Everybody's okay."
Kellie finally managed to calm herself down and sat limply in Gibbs' lap. Ducky checked her pulse again and nodded at Gibbs that it had returned to normal. After Kellie had settled down and Ducky was sure Gibbs and Jenny were okay he headed out. His work there was done for the evening.
Gibbs smiled over at Jenny hoping she wouldn't take what he was getting ready to ask her the wrong way. "Jen, can you give Kellie and I a minute to talk please?" Jenny nodded then stood from the floor. "I'm not trying to push you away," he assured her.
"I know," Jenny said. "Take your time." She headed upstairs to lie down and read and Gibbs turned his attention back to Kellie.
"Let's you and I talk for minute," he said. He pulled his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans, took out the picture of Shannon and Kelly and handed it to Kellie. "See them? That right there is Shannon and that little girl is my Kelly. They're my family. Shannon was my wife and Kelly was my daughter but one day a very bad man killed them, just like your mom killed your daddy." He watched as Kellie studied the picture of his family. "I loved them very much, just like you loved your dad. We're not all that different, Kiddo. I understand how you feel after losing your dad. I know how bad it hurts, I know you wish he could come back, I bet you even have dreams about him, am I right?"
Kellie glanced up at Gibbs then looked back at the picture. She was surprised to learn he'd lost his loved ones, even more surprised that he seemed to know exactly how she was feeling. She did have the dreams, she did miss her dad—more than anything and it did still hurt, even three years later. It hurt especially bad after seeing his face and hearing his voice. She felt so close but so far away.
"I miss Daddy," she said quietly, her voice shaky.
Gibbs looked down at her, surprised that she'd spoken. "I know you do, Baby," he said before kissing the top of her head. Kellie handed the photograph back to Gibbs then rested her head against his chest.
Gibbs felt a sense of accomplishment at the getting the girl to speak. He figured he must be doing something right. "Even though everything is a little bit scary right now, you're going to be okay," he told her. "Your mom can't hurt you anymore. You never have to see her again. You're going to get a new life and I know I'm not your dad but I'm going to take real good care of you. I promise." He ran his hand over her long brown hair as she rested in his lap. "You know what else? Jenny's going to help take care of you too. Are you maybe a little bit scared of her because of what your mom did to you?"
Kellie shrugged her shoulders then nervously traced the logo on the t-shirt Gibbs was wearing with her finger.
"Kellie, I've known Jenny for a very long time and she is a wonderful person. I think if you give her a chance, you're really going to like her."
"She yelled at you," Kelly said, her eyes diverted to the pattern her finger was tracing.
"Uh-huh," Gibbs said, "and sometimes I yell at her too but you know what? She came downstairs and apologized and then we talked and now, everything is okay."
"Is she gonna shoot you?" Kellie asked looking into Gibbs' eyes.
Gibbs smiled down at Kellie as he moved a strand of her hair out of her face. He could think of more than a few jokes to make but knew that with the seriousness of the situation Kellie had just come out of that wouldn't be a good idea. "No Kiddo, she's not going to shoot me."
He grabbed the bag off the coffee table containing the DVDs and photographs the team had made for her. "Tony, Abby, Tim and Ziva made you something this afternoon. Want to see it?"
Kellie looked at Gibbs curiously as she sat up in his lap. Unsure of what they possibly could've made her, she nodded her head. Gibbs handed her the bag and watched as she pulled out a handful of DVDs. "Those are some home movies of you and your daddy so when you get lonely and you're missing him, you can pull those out and watch them."
Kellie smiled and reached her hand in to pull out the large envelope that was in the bottom of the bag. She opened it carefully and pulled out the stack of photographs. The smile that lit up her face was priceless. Gibbs watched as she flipped through the photographs of her and her father. "We'll see if we can get some picture frames and hang those up in your room," he said.
"Thank you," Kellie said with the biggest smile Gibbs had ever seen. She wrapped her arms around Gibbs and gave him a hug.
"You're welcome, Baby," Gibbs said hugging her back. "Now, I think it's just about time for you to go to bed, Munchkin. Why don't you go hop in the bathtub then we'll read you a bedtime story and tuck you in."
Kellie nodded as she stood and headed for the stairs. Gibbs took a deep breath then picked up the photograph of his family that he'd shown Kellie. After looking at it for moment and smiling at his late wife and daughter he tucked it back inside his wallet and headed upstairs to find Jenny.
"Are you okay?" he asked sliding into bed behind her and pressing his body against hers.
Jenny smiled as she put her book aside. "I'm fine," she said. "What about you?"
Gibbs nodded his head then kissed the back of Jenny's neck. "I think Kellie was afraid that because we had a little argument that you were going to kill me," he said. "Abby found a video hidden on Ethan's computer that showed Rachel killing him after they'd had an argument. Kellie saw the whole thing."
"Oh no," Jenny groaned. "I must've screwed everything up."
Gibbs hushed Jenny as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I think that despite everything that happened tonight, we made progress. We had a good little talk downstairs."
Jenny gasped quietly at the news. "Did she speak?"
"Uh-huh," Gibbs said. "It's going to take time and patience but we'll learn how to help her."
When Kellie was done with her bath she headed into Gibbs and Jenny's room with a story book. She looked on curiously as the two sat wrapped in each other's arms. Her mom and dad never sat like that but her dad cuddled with her all the time and it always made her feel loved.
Gibbs turned around when he saw Kellie's shadow and smiled at her. Jenny scooted over in the bed and Gibbs patted the area between them. Kellie slowly walked over to him. He took the book out of her hand and gave it to Jenny then lifted her into the bed and put her down between him and Jenny.
Kellie looked up at him as if she had a question while Gibbs pulled the blankets over her legs. "What's on your mind, Kiddo?" he asked as he wrapped his arm around her.
Kellie adjusted herself so she was comfortable then peeked nervously over at Jenny. When Gibbs squeezed her shoulder she looked up at him. "A-are you m-mad at me?" she asked.
"What?" Gibbs asked wondering if he had done something to give her that impression. "No Sweetheart. Why would I be mad at you?"
"'Cause my-my n-name is Kellie," she stuttered.
Gibbs gave Kellie a reassuring smile before kissing her forehead. "I'm not mad at all, Munchkin," he said. "That just means I have two special Kelly's in my life. Now, what do you say we have Jenny read us a bedtime story?"
"Kay," Kellie said quietly.
Jenny scooted closer to Gibbs and Kellie and read the book the girl had brought to them while Gibbs cuddled with her. Kellie half listened to the story and half watched Jenny, looking for any signs that the woman was still angry and might blow up.
When the story was over Gibbs carried Kellie down the hall and into her room followed by Jenny. They tucked her into bed and each kissed her forehead then left her alone to sleep and headed back to their room.
"Should I back off with her?" Jenny asked. "I don't want to be too pushy or scare her."
"I think you're doing just fine," Gibbs said as he changed into his pajamas. "I've never dealt with a situation like this before but she's not going to get to know you and trust you if you're standoffish. "
"I'm just trying to figure out the right balance of being there for her but not pushing her too much," Jenny said.
"Jen," Gibbs said as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, "try not to over think it. Just love her. Kids can sense sincerity. It may take a little time but everything's going to turn out okay."
"Thanks, Jethro," she said snuggling into him. "I just don't want to screw it up, you know. I don't want to let her down."
"When it comes to raising kids everybody screws something up," Gibbs said, "but you won't let her down. You're going to be a great mom." Jenny smiled at that word. She'd never thought of herself as a mom before. She'd never been a mom before. The implications of it both excited and scared her. "Come on," Gibbs said taking her hand, "let's go have some beers and relax in front of the TV."
