Broken Spirit
Zhen ate like a savage. It seemed that seven years away from the Air Temple had erased all of the heavily emphasized etiquette that the Sisters had taught her. But they spoke no criticism. Zhen was dangerously thin underneath the black robes she wore, which happened to have been her once yellow Air Bending robes, tattered and torn through what must have been hard times.
Ji and the Elder Nuns watched Zhen eat and drink in silence. She ate and drank enough to feed four girls. Zhen occasionally groaned and clenched her stomach, her insides painfully stretching as they finally got food.
"Zhen?" Ji spoke up after about twenty minutes had passed. Zhen froze and, embarrassed, wiped the food crumbs off her dirty cheeks. There was more dirt on her face than food.
"Yes…" She coughed twice "…yes." She posture was poor and untamed. The other nuns noticed and sneered at her.
"How did you get back here?" Ji ignored her flaws. She only saw her old friend.
"I…never forgot where home was." Zhen smiled, but it looked like she was forcing it out. Her face was still broken, devoid of happiness. "I saw your Bisons fly in the sky more than a week ago and…and I thought it was time to come home." Impulsively, she grabbed another mug of water. She chugged it down like it was alcohol and gasped when she finished the cup.
"Where were you? What in Heavens named happened?" Ji asked, anxious to know.
Zhen shuttered and her eyes filled with fear. She looked away and shut her eyes.
"I…don't want to talk about it. Please don't make me." Her voice whimpered again.
"What? Zhen, you"
"Let's just say that you were right. I should never have left." She covered her eyes. "Bad things did happen."
There was another very long silence while Zhen tried to pull herself together. Ji could feel her suffering. Ji actually felt pain from watching Zhen squirm. Even though she was safe now, Ji felt a dark presence cursing the aura of her sister.
"Is…" Ji started but stopped. She was about to ask where Chun was, but decided that it was best not to ask, not yet.
"How long was I gone for?" Zhen asked, rubbing a very small tear out of her left eye.
"A little more than seven years."
"Seven years?! Already?!" Zhen giggled awkwardly. "Everything moves a lot faster down in the Outside World. I can't believe…"
Zhen began to shake again. Her smile crippled and turned a horrible frown. Even the mention of the Outside World turned her into a crying lost child.
"I'm sorry Ji…" Zhen covered her eyes again. "…I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't left. It was stupid and…I missed home so much. Life is hard out there. And…" Zhen fell on her hands and began begging. "…I know I dishonored the temple by leaving so quickly. But please, I want to come back home. I'll do anything. I beg of you."
No matter which temple and now matter what age, there was always one elder monk in the Grand Council whom delighted in looking down on people. In the Eastern Air Temple, at this time, that monk was named Daio. Despite a having pretty name and being very wise, she had no patience for young people or the common mistakes that they often made. She was extremely stern and liked to teach children lessons through punishment rather than reinforcement.
As Zhen begged for forgiveness, Daio stood up and decided to answer for the entire group.
"You left so readily and now you expect us to just welcome you back?" She waved her finger around. "Your sister Ji warned you not to leave, and you left anyway! And now, only after you learned the hard way, you want things to go back to normal."
"You are always welcome here. You may stay as long as you like." Mother Superior Lio gave her final answer. Daio opened her mouth in shock, but did not say another word.
"Thank you Mother Superior, thank you." Zhen knew who she was by her robe. She sat up to look at her. "I cannot thank you en…ow!"
Zhen grabbed her stomach and flinched again. She sweating as red hot pain surged through her.
"Are you alright?" Ji asked.
"Yes…I'm just …very sore. It will pass, it always does." Zhen sighed as the pain disappeared.
"It always does? How long have you been feeling pain like this?"
"One gets used to it…" Zhen closed her eyes again and Ji's heart broke. "There. It's fine now." Her hyperventilating slowed.
"I think you need to rest." Lio said. She clapped her hands and two teenaged girls entered the room. "Prepare a bath for our guest. And a bed. She will be staying with us for a while."
Both girls bowed and waited for Zhen to stand up. Zhen shook as she moved. She did not smile, but Ji saw her eyes twinkle a bit.
"She feels safe here." Ji thought, "She is home."
The bath water was clear and warm. The room was scented with perfumes. Zhen had forgotten how a private bath felt like, and in such a large porcelain bathtub. Big enough to fit five people!
Candles were lit, as there were no windows. The room was very closed off. There was not a sound to be heard, just the gentle ripping of the warm, lathered water.
Zhen washed herself slowly, finally able to pull all of her thoughts together. As she did, she noticed how long her arms and legs had grown, how she had matured physically, even though she was too thin. Her hair had gotten very long, pass her hips. She had forgotten that it was naturally dark brown and not just covered in dirt.
She remembered when she was a young girl and she used to bathe in that same tub. And she remembered all the dreams she used to have.
The bath water became black in only a few minutes and Zhen had to pour some more water for herself. Cold water was the only thing left, but that was another thing that the trials of the Outside World had taught her to get used to.
And labor. The Outside World taught her about that as well. Her hands were once elegant and soft, but they had become rough and hard, like poorly cut stone. Her feet as well. She had left the Eastern Air Temple barefoot, and the soles of her feet were swollen from walking on hard roads and working to feed herself.
The real world was hard. Interesting and full of excitement, but hard. No matter what she did or how much money she worked for, it wasn't home.
"Oh!" Zhen groaned again. The horrible pain in her stomach came back, just as sharp as before. But longer. Much longer.
Zhen was given a very luxurious bed, not the usual thing airbenders slept in. Purple sheets of silk, feather pillows and a bowl of fresh fruit by her bed in case she needed to eat more. It was temporary, just a one night thing, but it was enough to bring a smile to Zhen's face.
Ji paced around the door of Zhen's room for a moment with a cup of water. Inhaling, she prepared herself and entered.
"Hello Zhen…oh!" Ji looked away. Zhen was getting dressed. "I'm sorry. I didn't…" Ji looked back and saw a mark on Zhen's shoulder. Ji didn't pry, but she swore that part of Zhen shoulder had been burnt.
"Ji?" Zhen threw her (new) robe on, tied it quickly and turned around.
"…hello Zhen." Ji waved, nervous.
"Ji…" Zhen smiled warmly. "Oh, Ji." She ran over and hugged her sister. Ji nearly dropped the cup in her hand. "Wow. Look how much you've grown. If it weren't for your voice, I would have never recognized you. How old are you now?"
"Twenty." Ji felt nervous and awkward. That was way Zhen used to make her feel.
"You're a woman now." Zhen hugged her again. "Oh, Ji…I've missed you so much."
"I missed you too Zhen." Ji hugged her back and smiled.
"Sit down." Zhen finally let go. "We have so much to talk about. Sit, sit." Zhen grabbed a pillow for both of them and they both sat down. Zhen grabbed the bowl of fruit and pushed it towards Ji. "Hungry?"
"I'm fine. Thanks." Ji politely declined. With Zhen's hair finally cleaned, Zhen saw a familiar piece of purple silk knotted up in her hair. It was not as bright as it was when it was new.
"Ji…I can't tell you how good it is to see you." Zhen chuckled gently.
"Um…I'm glad you are happy." Ji felt nervous. She was not there just to catch up. The nuns were suspicious. Some of them didn't remember Zhen and they thought she was a strange girl. All of them wanted to know what could have possibly drove her back to the temple. Knowing that Ji was once good friends with her, the nuns sent her to talk to Zhen…to spy on her.
"Hey!" Zhen pointed at Ji.
"What?" Ji froze.
"What is that?" She laughed. "What is that?!" Zhen leaned forward and touched Ji's forehead. She brushed her hair away and saw the blue arrow underneath her locks. "Look at you! You've got your tattoos!"
"Yes. I got them…" Ji was uncomfortable again.
"They look great. So you are a master now? And you are only twenty years old?"
"The other nuns are proud of me. They let me decide things around here sometimes. And I teach."
"Well, you can't be as bad as that Wolf-bat Kyoko." Zhen laughed. Ji didn't. "Where is the old hag? I didn't see her yet."
"Zhen…" Ji cleared her throat and looked down at the floor. "…Kyoko…died two years ago."
Zhen stopped smiling. "…o-oh."
"She got sick. We lit her pyre and sent her ashes over the cliffs."
Zhen didn't know what to say. In a flash, Zhen's mind rewired itself and every memory she had of Kyoko yelling at her and punishing her changed into a moment when Kyoko taught Zhen life lesson or merely tried to encourage her. It is very peculiar how death can make the meanest person in you life suddenly look like a positive influence.
"…well…she had a long life." Zhen said after thinking for a while. Ji stayed silent.
"She did. But it is in the past. And now you are here. You have been gone a long time. We should talk. Tell me of what has happened to you."
Zhen's face turned into a stone statue again. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Why not?" Ji asked nicely.
"I just don't." Zhen looked away.
"I only want to know." Ji paused. "Where is Chun? I thought you would be married by now."
Zhen's eyes narrowed and she looked sad again. "…I was." She rubbed her ring finger. It was empty.
"What do you mean 'you we're?" Ji got a little angry. Marriage was supposed to be a lifelong commitment. "What does that mean exactly? Where is Chun?"
"Chun…is dead." Zhen gulped.
"What? How…" Then Ji remembered the burn mark on Zhen's back and had a horrible thought.
"Please…I don't want to…" Zhen grabbed the sides of her head "…just leave me alone." Ji could see a tear on Zhen's cheek.
"Zhen, please. I just want to know. Everyone is worried about you."
"I don't see how what happened to me is their business." Zhen growled.
"I'm not your enemy Zhen. I just want to know what happened to you."
"And I said that I don't want to talk about it!" Zhen yelled.
"Why not? We used to talk about everything. We're still sisters…right?"
"…always."
"I just want to know the truth. Where did you go when you left? What did you do?"
"It's a long story." Zhen rubbed her stomach again. She felt the pain crawling back.
"I'm not going anywhere." Ji smiled.
"Chun…met me at Omashu. We traveled around for a long time. We went all over the earth kingdom. Even Ba Sing Se. And a few months after that…" Zhen smiled and laughed under her breath. "…we got married."
She paused.
"But then…he wanted to travel more. We didn't settle down. He wanted to go to the far west of the Earth Kingdom. And…and…"
"What?"
"Ji…" Zhen's body began to shake. "…I don't…feel…"
"Zhen?"
"Ack!" Zhen covered her mouth and coughed up a hand full of vomit. The yellowish-green mixture dripped through her fingers.
"Zhen!" Ji stood up to avoid the spew. "Help! Someone get a towel!"
"Stop…I…" Zhen wiped her mouth clean. "… don't need help."
"You're sick. I knew you were sick. You still don't look that healthy, even after all you've eaten."
"Go away. I'm not sick."
Ji saw Zhen's hands gently rub her stomach. Suddenly Ji noticed that, while the rest of Zhen's body was very thin, her stomach was slightly round.
"Zhen…" Ji took a few steps backwards, nervous.
"Here!" A young girl popped into the room with a cleaning cloth. "Anything else Sister Ji?"
"Uh…" Ji took the cloth. "…no. That will be fine. Please, leave us alone for now."
The girl bowed and left. Ji handed the towel to Zhen, who began cleaning herself up.
"Zhen…you're are hiding something from me." Ji's voice was cold. Zhen didn't say anything. "Did Chun die from a sickness?"
"…no."
"Was he killed?"
"…yes." Zhen held back her tears.
"Did it have anything to do with that burn on your back?"
"Stop." Zhen shook again and hacked up another wave of vomit.
"Alright. I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore questions about Chun. But…how long were you planning on hiding…" She pointed to Zhen's stomach. "…that?"
Zhen looked up at Ji, then back at the little lump under her robe. "I just need somewhere to stay for a while. This is the only safe place I know. Please don't tell anyone."
"Don't tell anyone? I have to! Zhen, this is…not a little secret, nor is it one that can be kept. If you stay here, people are going to notice that you're pregnant."
