Here's your daily dose of randomness! Eat your heart out.
"What's this?" I wondered aloud. I squinted my eyes at the map I held to my face.
"Let me see." Kiki said, looking over my shoulder. She squinted her eyes as well and said, "Are those…bones?"
"I don't know."
"What are you talking about?" Al asked, joining us as well.
"This," I pointed to the area on the map. "There's an open area right here with this symbol on it. It kinda looks like that symbol on pirate flags."
Kiki arched a brow, "You mean the symbol that also stands for death?"
"Yeah!" I said excitedly.
"You do realize that that's a bad thing, right?"
"Oh, yeah…" I said as I recalled, making her roll her eyes.
"Why are you so concerned with that anyway?" she asked, bored.
I gulped, "Because we have to go right through it."
"Please tell me your joking."
I shook my head.
"Oh boy. This is gonna be fun." Kiki muttered sarcastically.
Ten minutes later…
"I think this is the place." I told the others, looking back and forth between the clearing ahead of us and the map.
Al scanned the area, "It doesn't seem that dangerous."
"And neither do cursed bunnies, until they unleash their wrath upon you."
"So how do you want to do this, Boss?" Kiki asked me seriously, eyes darting around us warily. "This almost feels like a trap."
"Eh, let's just wing it." I said, going to march forward.
"Stop!"
I froze, mid-step and turned my head to see who had spoken. It was a girl… dressed as Greed, leather vest, pants, and the whole sha-bang. Why was she dressed as Greed? Maybe she was a big fan.
"Ummmm….who are you?" I asked.
She smiled slightly. Even her teeth were pointed. Wow. She really went full out with her cosplay outfit. "The name is Greed."
"You can't be Greed. You're a girl." Al pointed out.
'Greed' looked around frantically for a moment and then shushed Al, "Just got with it, okay?"
"Okaaay." Kiki said, taking a look at me. I shrugged, just as confused as her.
I turned back to her, "So why did you stop me from walking farther?"
"Because, the ground is riddled with cupcake mines."
"Mines?" Al questioned.
"Cupcakes!" I exclaimed.
"I knew it was a trap!" Kiki said in an I told you so voice.
"Why would there be mines here?" Al asked.
'Greed' answered, "So that no one can get there."
Our eyes followed in the direction she pointed. Across the field was a raised piece of land, not really big enough to be called a hill. Around it ran a stream of freshwater. In the center of the space was some sort of object.
I squinted my eyes but couldn't make it out, "What is it?"
"It's where people go to get their answers. The mines were placed here to ward off people."
"Did you say answers?" Al asked.
'Greed' nodded.
"You thinking about the question you're supposed to answer?" Kiki asked him.
"Yeah. But I still don't know what the question they want answered is." Al admitted sullenly.
"Sucks for you." Kiki shrugged. Then she turned to me and eyed be skeptically, "Boss. Why didn't you say anything about this place before?"
"Huh?" I asked stupidly.
"This place is kind of important and you're the author so you should have known about this."
I cocked my head to the side in thought for a minute. Then… "Oh yeah! Now I remember!"
"Dumbass!" Kiki growled and smacked my head.
"Ow! It's not my fault I'm slow." I sniffled.
"Hey!" a voice shouted in anger.
We looked around and, not finding anyone else, settled our gazes on 'Greed'. Her eyes looked scared.
Out of the bushed stormed the real Greed. He glared daggers at the fake one. "YOU!"
She chuckled nervously, "Well, I guess that's my cue." Then she took off into the forest.
"Get back here!" Greed roared and pursued her.
"Why do you think he's chasing her?" I wondered curiously.
Kiki shrugged, "Well, identity theft is highly frowned on, ya know."
"Shouldn't we help her?" Al asked.
Kiki and I exchanged a glance and wrinkled our noses, "Nah."
"But she could get hurt!" Al protested. "That was a homunculus chasing her after all."
"She brought it on herself." Kiki said matter-of-factly.
"Besides, we still need to find Ed and get to Candy Mountain." I agreed.
"Hey!" yet another voice exclaimed.
We turned around to find our newest arrival. It was a young woman with tan flawless skin, a well developed figure, big blue eyes framed by thick lashes, full lips, and long wavy blond hair. She looked absolutely perfect.
I widened my eyes, "Mary Sue?"
She looked startled for a moment, "What? No! I'm The Alchemy Goddess you idiot."
"The Alchemy Goddess?" Al raised a metaphorical eyebrow.
"Uh-oh." I said, recalling who this chick was.
"It's you!" Kiki snarled.
The Alchemy Goddess smirked, "Who else did you expect?"
"Batman?" I guessed.
They paid no mind to me. They continued to glare at each other.
Al leaned over to me, "LeFay, why does it look like Kiki hates this girl?"
I opened my mouth to speak but then Kiki beat me to the punch, "Because she stole my title!"
"Ha! I didn't still it! I just made it better." The Alchemy Goddess declared.
"Hello! I'm KikiElric Goddess of Alchemy! You can't just rearrange the title and call it yours!"
"Oh, but I can."
"There can only be one goddess and that's me damn it!" Kiki raged, throwing her hands together and beginning to chant.
"Two can play at that game!" The Alchemy Goddess smiled menacingly. She placed her palms together in a similar way and chanted under her breath.
Puffs of smoke exploded between them. When the wind blew the clouds away, two summoned animals stood there. One of them was BlackFoxxKat. It was snarling at the other one, which was fairly larger than the first animal. It resembled a wolf with a few variations. It's coat was white but the tips of the fur was a light blue, as were the eyes. The beast shuffled anxiously, blue flames sparking and dying where its paws had been.
"You look a bit nervous there, Saphire." BlackFoxxKat laughed at the wolf.
The wolf bared it's teeth, "I'm just anxious to tear you apart, Black."
"Oooh, this is some major rivalry going on." I said amusedly, eating popcorn while I enjoyed the show.
"And that is?" Al asked.
"Oh, that's SaphireWhiteWolf. The Alchemy Goddess has her own summoned animal, like Kiki and Roku."
"Do you have an animal?"
I stopped munching on my popcorn, "…I never thought about it. Let me try." I tossed my popcorn behind me and put my hands together like I was a ninja from Naruto or something. Then I mumbled a bunch of gibberish.
A poof of smoke appeared in front of us. When it cleared, Al and I looked to see what it was.
"What the heck?" I asked, picking up a magic eight ball. I looked at the little window. It read, 'Try again later'. I scowled, "Should have known it wouldn't work." I tossed it like I did my popcorn. Then we went back to watching the confrontation between the goddesses.
Kiki and Black jumped into the air as The Alchemy Goddess and SaphireWhiteWolf lunched towards them. They were blurs moving through the air as they attacked one another. They ventured out into the field and that's when the explosions began.
"Oh no! The mines!" Al exclaimed.
I shook my head and sighed, "Well, it wouldn't be an epic battle without explosions."
Pretty soon the fighters had fought across the whole field, activating all of the cupcake mines as they went. They dodged the explosions effortlessly and kept up their attacks. They continued to fight even as they ventured towards the forest and out of sight.
"And there goes Kiki." I muttered. "Come on, Al. Let's just get this over with already."
We cautiously made our way across the field and got all the way to the hill. We stepped over the stream and walked up to a table. And on the table was something that most people wouldn't expect to be in a swamp.
"A printer?" Al asked.
The printer shuddered as it retorted, "No shit, Sherlock."
"Ah! It's a talking printer!" Al screamed and hid behind me.
"Well, aren't you smart?" the printer replied sarcastically.
I sighed, "It's alright Al. You don't have to be scared."
"But printers shouldn't talk! It must be possessed or something."
I snorted, "It's not possessed! It's not really the machine talking. There's someone inside it."
"Oh?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Why are they in it?"
The printer snickered, "And come out to that nasty swamp? No thank you!"
"Starkyo, please don't yell. I already have a headache." I grumbled.
"Like I really care about how you feel."
"Gee, aren't you just a ball of saracasm?"
"Really? I didn't notice."
I rolled my eyes, "Can we just get with the program? We've got places to be."
"Of course you do."
Al looked between me and the printer curiously, "How is this…Starkyo, supposed to help us?"
In answer, I gestured towards the printer, "Starkyo, do your thing."
"A please would be nice." Starkyo snapped in annoyance."
"Please," I said in a clipped tone, "or I will sic my dragon on you."
"You have a dragon?" Al asked surprised. "Why do you have a dragon?"
"For when I play quidditch. Duh."
"Alright already! Let's just get this over with so you'll go away." Starkyo yelled. We heard a sigh and then Starkyo's voice bellowed out as if a microphone had been sitting inside the printer, "Welcome one and all to this year's annual Hunger Games!"
"What?" Al and I said as we looked at the printer in confusion.
"Oh, wait. My bad." Starkyo muttered. Then Starkyo coughed and began again, "Welcome one and all to the printer of wonder! Here you will receive your ticket home if, and only if, you are able to answer the question correctly!"
"Is this the question everyone's been talking about?" Al wondered.
"No this is a different question." Starkyo responded. "Of course it's the same question, moron!"
"You don't have to be so mean about it." Al cried.
I glared at the printer, "You made Alphonse cry! You bastard! You'll pay for that!" Even without my laptop I still had a few tricks up my sleeve. I snapped my fingers and out of the bushes a half demon popped out, wearing red robes and long white flowing hair with dog ears perched on his head.
"Who's that?" Al sniffled.
I grinned viciously, "Meet my bodyguard, Daninuyasha. He's the third brother of Inuyasha that no one ever talked about."
"So he uses a big sword too?"
I laughed, "Pht, no! He's got something way better."
Chi-chick!
Daninuyasha cocked his shotgun and pointed it at the printer, "Apologize to the metal boy or else!"
"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!" Starkyo cried in fear.
I nodded to Daninuyasha and he sunk back into the shadows to await my next call.
"So, you were saying?" I asked Starkyo pointedly.
"I was saying I need a new job." Starkyo muttered.
"Starkyo!"
"Okay! Here's the question: What is the meaning of life?"
"That's the question?" I asked incredulously. "I knew it was different for each person but jeez."
Al crossed his arms in deep thought, "The meaning of life…" Then he perked up and cheered, "Oh! I know the answer! Kittens!"
I sweat dropped, "Al, that's not "
"Congratulations! You've won!"
"Wha?" I said in shock as confetti rained down upon us.
"Yay!" Al sang.
"For answering correctly you'll receive two tickets to depart the swamp and a brand new body for your convenience!"
Suddenly, the area around Al sparkled and shimmered as the suit of armor disappeared and was replaced with his fourteen year old human body. Somehow, he already had clothes on. He stared at his hands in wonder as tears formed in his eyes, "I'm a real boy!"
"Oh, Al! You're so cute!" I said with starry eyes as I barely kept myself from glomping the adorable boy.
He blushed and scratched the back of his head, "I wouldn't say that."
I patted his shoulder, "Nonsense! With your charming personality and adorable looks girls will be all over you."
"I doubt it." he said sheepishly.
I frowned, "Saying you doubt what I say is saying that you doubt me. Never doubt the author Alphonse because the author is always right." I turned him around so that I could show him.
The field that had once been empty was filled with crowds of screaming fan girls, all with posters displaying their love for Alphonse Elric. Al's face was priceless as he took the sight in. "I have fans!" Al screamed happily.
A couple of girl's wearing identical shirts of the armored Al ran up to him.
"Al! I'm Dinrose, your biggest fan!" one girl said excitedly.
"I'm Taeniaea! Can I please have your autograph?" the other one pleaded.
Al blinked, taken aback. Then he replied shyly, "Oh, sure." He began signing autographs for them. This went on for quite a while.
Ten minutes later…
"Al," I sighed. "We've got a mission to accomplish, remember."
"Yeah, just give me a minute." he replied, distracted by the large amount of fans screaming for autographs. He kept signing away without a care in the world.
I rubbed my temples in frustration. This wasn't going well. I needed to come up with a way to get rid of all the fan girls, otherwise, Al would never concentrate.
"I know!" I exclaimed as a devious plan came to me. "CURSED BUNNY!"
Immediately, the crowd panicked and ran for their lives. Even Al was looking around for one of the little monsters.
"Relax Al." I said, laughing. "There's not really a cursed bunny."
"Then why'd you scream there was one?"
"To get rid of the fan girls." I said.
Al pouted but finally regained his focus. We stepped back over to retrieve the golden tickets that the printer had spat out.
I held them up, "With these you and Ed will be able to get back home."
Al took the tickets from me and inspected them, "How exactly does that work?"
"Well, if these were normal circumstances I would just message ZodiarkSavior to transport you and your brother out of the swamp but, seeing as I can't do that, we'll have to go deliver the tickets to ZodiarkSavior in person."
"Now all we have to do is find Brother and then we can go to Candy Mountain." Al smiled.
"Meow!"
Our heads snapped in the direction of the sound. Sitting on the printer was a brown, black, and white tiger-striped cat.
"Shoo! Get away!" Starkyo was trying in vain to scar the feline away.
"Aw! It's so cute!" Al cooed.
I froze in fear, "Al, make no sudden movements."
He glanced at me, puzzled, "What's wrong, LeFay."
"That's sydneyeakins." I whispered to him.
"Which is?"
"Annabeth Zatsune's summoned animal." I said nervously.
"You mean that giant samurai that chased us?" he cringed.
"Uh-huh."
A whistle rand in the distance and I knew we were screwed then. The cat meowed one last time and jumped up into the air, doing a backflip, and landed far out in the bushes.
"Phew!" Al said in relief.
"Don't get comfy just yet." I warned.
Then, the ground shook as Annabeth Zatsune jumped into the clearing with Sydney Eakins riding on her shoulder, her machete cutting the printer in half.
"No!" Starkyo yelled. Then a small starfish bounced out of the broken printer, an 'I'm a rebel' bandana tied around its head. Starkyo then bounced away into the depths of the swamp to avoid the fight.
"So that's what Starkyo really looks like." I said in a distracted manner.
"LeFay!" Al called me back to my senses.
I looked back to Annabeth, who was pulling her machete out of the broken printer. Then she roared, "DESTROY! DESTROY! Perish, vanish, die, all evil-doers are after all, nothing more than PILES OF USELESS JUNK!"
Then the samurai launched herself in our direction.
"Run for it!" I screamed. Al and I high tailed it, going off in a random direction.
"What are we gonna do?" Al yelled at me as Annabeth chased us.
I spotted something in the distance and said, "Look! A conveniently placed clothing store! Let's hide in it!"
We ducked into the store and closed and locked the door behind us. Panting, we slumped against the wall.
"Can I help you?" a melodic voice asked.
The two of us glanced up to find a business type woman standing in front of us. She wore a charcoal gray dress suit with a skirt and on her jacket a tad was pinned that read, "rachLA". Hm, she must be a saleslady or something.
I smiled nervously, "That's okay. I'm sure we can manage on our own."
She returned the smile easily, "Alright then. I'll go back to my other customer then." Then she walked away.
Al and I looked at each other.
"Who goes clothes shopping in the middle of a swamp?" I asked.
"Swamp people?" Al shrugged.
We followed the lady to the back of the store where the dressing rooms were located. Then, and I couldn't believe my eyes, Annabeth Zatsune walked out of one of the dressing stalls in a sun dress.
"Is is to your liking?" rachLA asked.
Annabeth's only reply was to sing, "I feel pretty!"
"Let's leave before she spots us." I whispered to Al. He nodded and we snuck back to the front of the store.
"What now?" Al asked.
"I've got an idea." I murmured as I began rummaging through the store. Near one of the shoe aisles I found what I was looking for, "Aha!"
"What'd you find?"
I pulled it out to show it to him, "It's a magic flying carpet!"
"Um, are you sure about this?" Al asked uneasily.
"Positive."
Al sighed, taking my advice from earlier and choosing not to doubt me. "But can we at least get a different one?"
"What's wrong with this one?"
He blushed, "The design isn't exactly appropriate."
I glanced at the rug. "Oh, ew!" I exclaimed, dropping the rug. "That's one yaoi pairing I never wanted to see." I shuddered and grabbed a nice floral patterned rug. After dropping off some cens at the counter, we left the store.
I laid the rug out on the ground and pressed the 'on' button. It began floating in the air.
"Amazing!" Al said with wide eyes.
"Yep." I agreed and we hopped on.
"LeFay, this is cool and all but how are we going to find Brother?"
"Easy," I smiled. "This magic carpet comes with a navigation system." I pressed a few buttons on the GPS.
"Please state your destination." a robotic voice said out of the device.
"Edward Elric!" I said loud and clear.
"I don't think that's what it meant." Al said.
I shook my head, "Don't worry. This will take us straight to him."
And then the magic carpet flew us through the air and over the swamp and took us to some seemingly random location.
"Are you sure this is the place?" Al asked.
I hoped off of the hovering rug and glanced around. I saw something odd about the rock of a small cliff. I approached it, pulling back the vines that obscured it.
"Al!" I called.
He came to see what I had found. "This looks promising." Al said as we stared at the large metal door embedded in the rock.
"Let's see what's inside." I said, opening the door. We were met with a long staircase descending below the swamp. We headed down.
Ten minutes later…
"This place is creepy." Al said, looking around with apprehension. All around us was some sort of laboratory, hidden underground. Monitors and control panels were scattered throughout the facility and so where rooms with walls lined with various mechanical parts. Overall, it was definitely creepy.
Another ten minutes later…
Eventually, we entered a large room. In the center was a type of shuttle sitting in a pool of water. It kind of looked like a submarine but not exactly. All around the room were glass pods, all of them empty except for two.
"Brother!" Al cried, running to one of them. He opened it and he caught Ed as he fell out.
Ed's eyes fluttered open, "What…" Then his vision focused and he realized who was holding him, "Al! You've got your body back!" They jumped up and embraced each other happily.
"You guys. What's he doing here?" I asked, pointing to the other occupied pod.
They set aside their reunion and looked to where I was pointing.
"What's that bastard doing here?" Ed exclaimed.
I frowned, "Thanks Ed for practically repeated what I just said."
"We should get the Colonel out." Al said. I helped him open it and take out Mustang.
He came to consciousness as quickly as Edward, "What's going on?"
"You're trespassing. That's what's going on." a voice said coldly.
The four of us turned to meet our next challenge.
So yeah, Kiki's gone and Ed's back with Mustang. And yet another person has shown up to thwart our young heros? Will the author and the FMA cast make it out of the creepy labratory? Will they ever reach Candy Mountain? Maybe, maybe not.
Thanks goes to: The Name Is Greed, The Alchemy Goddess, SaphireWhiteWolf, Starkyo, 4QuidditchIRideMyDragon, Daninuyasha, DinRose, Taeniaea, rachLA. I think that's all of them.
Also, thanks Annabeth Zatsune for letting me use sydneyeakins. And thanks AnimeVamp1997 for giving me a bunch of ideas for this chapter.
