"Thank you, Helen," Erin whispered when her assistant dropped off lunch for them. The woman gave her a sweet smile as she reached out and lightly ran her hand down her shoulder. In the years that they had been together, Helen had figured out exactly who she was behind the mask that she wore at the BAU, and had managed to worm her way past Erin's carefully constructed walls to silently encourage and care for her.

"If you need anything, Erin, just let me know. Okay?"

She nodded and gazed across the table at Penelope, watching as she opened her container and dug into her food. They were now on hour four of the woman not talking to her, and Erin was going a bit mad at the silence. "I will, Helen."

Helen nodded before leaving them alone once more, and the door closing sounded so loud to her ears. She shook her head a little as she opened her container and opened the chopsticks, stabbing at a chunk of chicken. The food held little appeal for her, however, and she had to force herself to choke down a small portion of it, knowing that she would need the sustenance to keep her going for the rest of the day.

"Penelope?" she asked when she had eaten a quarter of her lunch. The woman still refused to answer her, and she drew in a deep breath before trying once more. "Ms. Garcia?"

A part of her soul ached to return to formality, but that was what caught the woman's attention. Her head shot up before she could check herself, and Erin tried not to start crying at the mix of anger, bitterness, and contempt that shone from her eyes. "I'm almost finished, and then we can get back to work, Chief Strauss. After all, I'm certain you want to find the mole before any more of your dirty laundry gets aired for all to read."

The gall dripping from her words felt like a physical slap, and Erin fought to keep from recoiling. "I couldn't trust you with that yet. I don't know you well enough yet to open my heart like that. And I know that you don't understand." Penelope snorted. "And that is precisely why I did not confide in you. That dismissiveness, that cruelty, I know that's not you, not at your core, but that's what your giving me, and it tears at the very fiber of my heart and my soul."

Penelope looked somewhat mollified by her words, but Erin just shook her head as she packed up her leftovers, sticking them in the fridge next to her water. As she knelt down in front of the appliance, she let herself cry a little, knowing that Penelope couldn't see her down there. A strangled whimper tore its way past her lips, and she steadied herself on the door as she let her free hand press against her lips in order to stop any more cries.

"Erin?"

She shook her head a little more vociferously, feeling her hair come loose from its pins. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go fix my hair," she muttered as she stood up and rushed over to her desk, pulling out her purse before slipping out of her office. "I'll be back shortly, Helen. Please, hold my calls."

"Erin! Wait. Are you okay?"

She shook her head, knowing that her assistant meant well, but in this case she would only make her cry worse. Somehow, she made it over to the bathrooms without being seen, and she locked herself away in the same stall she had used earlier that day. Sinking down onto the toilet, she allowed the hurt to pour out of her heart as she buried her face in her hands. It seemed like she was destined to be alone, no matter what she did, and that hurt more than she could ever have imagined.

Finally, she drew in a long, shaky, breath as she stood up and exited the stall, stumbling over to the sinks to stare at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she knew they would be, and she reached out for a wad of paper towel, running them under cold water before pressing them against her skin in an effort to reduce the swelling. Then she washed her face clean of any traces of makeup.

Opening her purse, she pulled out her brush before taking out the remaining pins that were holding her hair up in a tight chignon. A small shake of her head fluffed out her hair and she quickly ran the brush through it before hastily recreating her hairdo from that morning. A little too sharply, she jabbed one pin in, winching as it dragged against the tender skin of her scalp. Biting her lip, Erin looked into the mirror and let out a deep sigh.

"You should have known that it would end this way, Erin. You were a fool to even get your hopes up. You were a fool to think that even though things had thawed between you and Alex, that what John did to you had helped mend that bridge. You ruin everything you touch," she angrily hissed at her reflection before hitting the mirror roughly with the palm of her hand.

The bathroom door creaked open, and she hastily drew herself up to her full height, wondering who had decided to enter her sanctuary. Her guard was still up when she saw Alex slip into the room, a pensive look on her face until she saw Erin. Then, there was a hastily concealed anger in her gaze as she drifted over to Erin's side.

"So, Hotch told me about your conversation earlier."

Erin nodded warily as she turned and rested against the sink, using the cool porcelain to prop her body up as she thought about what she could say to the woman. "I never wanted your name dragged into this mess, Alex. We worked so hard to get to a place where we could be colleagues once more, and I truly respected that relationship."

"How did that person even find out about us? Did you keep a record of our affair?"

Erin winced at the slight venom present in Alex's voice, but she chose to remain honest, knowing that it was the best thing in this horrible situation. "I did. I needed a way to sort out my feeling, and I was always a meticulous journal writer. I had thought that the password I chose would have been secure enough, but I guess that it wasn't, if this blind item person could delve in and reveal something that was between us."

"Hmm," Alex replied, her eyes narrowing a little. "I also have another question for you. Hotch pulled me into his office, wanting to explain things away to the team, but he needed a few answers first. I guess that I need my answer from you first before I go back to him and give him my answer. Are you still in love with me?"

"No, I trained myself not to love you after I betrayed you. There were so many things that I felt, but the overwhelming guilt is what drove me to drink. I should have made better choices, I realized that the moment I saw your heart break. I, I'm sorry."

"I know you are, that's what makes this the worst. Do you have any idea who is out to destroy you?"

Erin shook her head, somewhat relieved to see that the earlier hurt had faded from view. "I wish that I did, but we haven't made any headway. And now, it looks like Penelope and I are going to be at odds for the time being. She, she didn't know about us, I didn't trust her with that, and she hates me for it. Alex…"

The woman reached out, rubbing her shoulder tenderly. Unconsciously, Erin stiffened, shaking her head. "Are you falling for her?"

"No. I can't fall for her. Everything I ever touch turns to rust and ashes, and it looks like I destroyed anything that might have occurred between us before it even started." Erin pursed her lips together as she fought not to cry. Alex tightened her hand around Erin's shoulder, and the comforting touch caused her tears to spill down her cheeks. "Please, please, do not tell her what I told you. Please, hold my breaking heart in your hands gently."

"Oh, Erin, someday you are going to realize that you are not the monster that you imagine yourself to be. I know you've changed, and while I was angry that this truth about us was thrust into the light, I should have known that you wouldn't just blab it to all and sundry. You didn't do this, the mole did. You are blameless."

"Would that I could believe you, Alex. I, I need to get out of here. If you see Penelope or Agent Hotchner, tell them something believable. I can't be here right now." She pushed past Alex and hurried from the room, her focus on trying to escape.