And we're back ladies and gentleman! Apologies about the actions of our Director. Sometimes I have absolutely no control over my characters-.

Director: (annoyed) Oh sure, you don't! I bet you don't even know where that kid is!

Me: I really don't! I've searched all over the place for him!

Director: You're totally lying.

Me: I know, but how else can I get the story moving?

Anyway (before the Director has another chance to rat me out...) Enjoy!


Chorus: Now old desire doth in his deathbed lie-.

(Enter Random Guy, standing on the balcony)

Random Guy: How can that be possible? He's not even dead yet!

Chorus: (trying to ignore him) And young affection gapes to be his heir-.

Random Guy: Doesn't that make Juliet his daughter?

Chorus: That fair for which love groaned for and would die

With tender Juliet matched, is now not fair.

Now Romeo is beloved and loves again,

Alike bewitchèd by the charm of looks-.

Random Guy: Um… this isn't Macbeth, dude.

Chorus: But to his foe supposed he must complain,

And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks.

Being held a foe, he may not have access

To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear.

And she as much in love, her means much less

To meet her new beloved anywhere.

Random Guy: How can she do that when she's practically under house arrest?

Chorus: But passion lends them power, time means, to meet,

Tempering extremities with extreme sweet.

Random Guy: "Extreme sweet?" What is this? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

Chorus: (angered beyond belief) Now you listen here, bub! You've been nothin' but a nuisance to me, the staff and the other actors!. Are you even in this play?

Random Guy: Well, I-.

Chorus: And another thing, you never bring up the Scottish Play! Y'know what happens when you say the name of the Scottish Play in the theatre?

Random Guy: Uh….

Chorus: BAD THINGS HAPPEN, DEUSH-BAG! BAD THINGS!

Director: (annoyed) Chorus, he is our bad thing. Besides, the curse doesn't exist!

(A loud crash is heard in the background. A man's scream can be heard.)

Chorus: Wanna bet?

(Tybalt limps onstage with the help of the Nurse and Juliet)

Director: What happened?

Tybalt: Some light hanging from the ceiling dropped on my leg! I think it's broken!

Chorus: See! I told ya!

(Director glares at Random Guy)

Random Guy: I swear I had nothing to do with this!

Director: Well, since our Tybalt is injured, YOU will have to take his place.

Chorus: What? What about me?

Director: You already have a role! There's a reason you got Chorus, kid.

Chorus: (pointing at Random Guy) But you said so yourself that he's a total nuisance.

Director: We might as well put him to good use.

Chorus: (angrily) Y'know what? I've been wanting to get a good role in this play for so long. I worked my butt off for auditions. I wanted so bad to get a lead, and do I get? CHORUS! The stupid CHORUS! And when I finally have a shot of getting a lead (points at Random guy) HE gets it! So you know what, Mr. Director? I QUIT! (storms offstage. The sound of a door slamming is heard offstage. The other castmates look at the Director.)

Director: (unfazed) Good thing that was his last scene. Don't worry, he'll be back. And if he doesn't, I'll just let Friar Lawrence take his place.

Friar Lawrence: (runs onstage) Woo-hoo! (runs off)

Director: Okay…. (returns his attention to Random Guy) Get into costume and grab a script, you're on in five minutes.

Random Guy: But-.

Director: No buts. Unless you want me to call security. (Random Guy shakes his head)


Well now, things have taken quite the turn haven't they?

Random Guy: (grumbling to himself) Stupid Director... putting me in this play... Author's such a-.

Me: Hey, hey, hey! It was either Tybalt or Friar Lawrence! Which one would you pick!

Random Guy: (is silenced and resumes putting on his costume)

Wow... I never thought I could get him to be quiet.