Chapter 7

It was two weeks. Well, fourteen days, seven hours and thirty-four minutes to be precise. But who was counting? Not Sarah anyway, as she frowned at the clock from where she stood filling in her paperwork in the cardiology bay. She was fine. Just fine.

She was making a good impression on Dr Kingston, ever since Kate's accident, he even allowed her in on the more complicated surgeries. She was carving out her own friendships in the cardiology department. She was determined to push herself. To show Joey and any remaining doubters that she would be a good doctor. And while doing so, she was proving to Connor just how she could get along fine without him.

But it was like an open wound. Bandage it up and it would be fine, but passing him in the corridor, or doing a consult with him? Then was like ripping the bandage off and starting from the beginning again. She missed his company, his smile, him. But he was putting the space between them, and if there was one thing she was good at it was putting up walls against the people who hurt her. She wasn't going to back down. She might have crossed a line with him that evening but he was the one putting distance between them. He could have talked though it with her and they could have got through it, even if it was awkward. But he had hurt her and now he was icing her out. She had had enough of that her whole life.

She was the first to admit that she was never a people person when she had been growing up, and she got shut out of all the circles, and friendships. And she was damned if she was going to let him be the only one making life hard. She could throw his ice right back at him.

It had been a quiet shift, as quiet as she had gotten so far, but the alarm rang through from ED. Car pileup, multiple casualties, all help needed. She saw Connor race from one of the patients rooms. Dr Kingston nodded to her too, she had no immediate patients on her list. And she knew ED like the back of her hand.

She was already researching a fellowship in emergency medicine. She had a lot of free hours now that she didn't have coffees with Connor, or spend time hanging out with Joey. If it wasn't for the entire Connor scenario, she would say she was just coming into herself. She was building herself up and she was happy.

She arrived to the floor when the ambulances arrived. The chaos, the panic, the urgency, it didn't scare her anymore. She noticed a student, standing like a deer caught in headlights, and she approached her, told her follow her. The girl reminded her of herself. And she had needed someone to believe in her back then. It was just a pity Sarah's person couldn't stand to be in the same room as her.

"Dr Reese, Treatment 2." Maggie called as she took control of the next trolley coming through the doors.

And the patients kept coming. Broken bones. Showing the student how to intubate a patient. Ruptured lungs. Two code Blues. She finished helping Natalie stitching a little boy's arm while Natalie put a stent on his broken bone, before letting breathing again.

She told the student to go and have a break while she filled out the paperwork. How many times had Ethan and Will done that for her during her rotation? She had lost count but she had appreciated it. She thought it was time to pay on the favour. She stood at the bay with Maggie filling out more paperwork when a new patient was rushed through.

"Elderly woman, heart irregularity, chest pains, vision coming and going…" Sarah's head shot up at her new buzzword that was 'heart' and saw Conor already beside the trolley.

It was while later, she was dotting her i's and crossing her t's when she saw him come out from the cubicle and scan the area. From the corner of her eye she could see his eyes land on her, and then land on her again and by the time he walked over to her, she could practically feel the annoyance rolling off him waves.

"Dr Reese?" He asked, after he had cleared his throat.

She didn't look up from the files in front of her. If he wanted to treat her with distance, she could play that game too.

"Yes, Dr Rhodes?" She sighed as if he was wasting her time.

"My patient, she's requesting a second opinion, would you mind having a look?"

She looked up at him, his eyes still guarded, his expression giving nothing away. It always hit her, just how much she wanted to get behind that armour again. Instead, she lifted her chin, "Sure." She took the tablet in his hands and let him follow her back.

"Mrs Danes? I'm Dr Reese, Dr Rhodes said you would like a second opinion?" He stood beside her and she found she couldn't stand still. She felt like she could have cut the awkwardness between them with a knife.

"Oh, once you don't mind dear? My son is a doctor, he's always saying I should be extra cautious about these things."

"I understand." She was focusing on her patient, but all she could feel was his presence at her side. "Could you describe what you're feeling?"

The woman did just that, and after Sarah checked her chest twice, her pupils, and covered the vitals she needed, she looked over to where Connor was standing.

"Dr Rhodes?" She put weight in her words, worry weaving its way into her voice, "Just here?" He nodded and took her place to listen to the woman's heart. In doing so, there was a lot of shifting around, both parties avoiding contact and she wondered if things could get any more awkward.

He straightened himself up and slightly lifted his eyebrows. She wasn't sure how she felt about being able to know what he was saying without him using words. But the walls broke down for a split second when he finally met her eye.

"I'll be right back Mrs Danes." He smiled and excused himself.

Sarah tried to smile and shuffled back to retrieve the tablet she had left down to do a better check of the woman's history.

The woman sighed, "Young love." And Sarah watched her shake her head fondly. Losing lucidity was never a good sign.

"I'm sorry?" It could mean the patient condition was deteriorating quicker than they thought.

"You two. You and the other doctor. I know a lover's tiff when I see one, I should know, I've plenty of them in my time with my Lucas. Ten years ago and I would have him back just to fight with if it meant I could have him back again."

"Me and Dr Rhodes?"

"Of course! It must be hard working with each other, you must make time for each other outside of work." She told her in a no-nonsense manner. "But I'm sure you can get over whatever argument that's sitting between you. No point in holding a grudge, when you could be happy." She smiled.

Sarah opened her mouth, closed it and opened it again. She nodded, "I'll try." She smiled, if only for the patient's peace of mind.

It nearly broke Sarah's heart when the test results came back and she had to stand by Connor as he gave the woman her diagnosis. She had a growth around her heart, undoubtable causing the blood clots that were causing her to lose her vision. They could operate, something she wanted to talk to her family with first, and they transferred her up to the ICU to monitor her condition. She smiled and winked and nodded between Sarah and Conor when she was wheeled past.

She smiled as best she could as the woman left, but felt like crying when she left. It never got any easier, not being able to make everybody better. It when she turned back to the ED bay that she noticed Maggie, April and Will whispering together. It wasn't unusual, not when it came to being discreet about patients but her interest was piqued when all three turned their heads to look at her and then immediately away so fast she half worried about them getting whiplash.

She tipped her head to the side slightly, trying to figure out if she should even ask. But they looked over again so she couldn't help it.

"Should I ask what's going on?" She asked, joining their little circle.

Will scratched in ear, his nervous tick, and April glanced around like she was looking for somebody in particular.

"It's Joey." Maggie said, "Doris seen him having lunch with one of our new ED students, who told Ethan who told Con..."

"We just weren't sure if you wanted to know." Will cut across. "We didn't know whether to tell you or not."

She could have sworn they were going to mention Connor's name but she shook her head, now she was just hearing his name everywhere. "Its fine, you guys. We broke up weeks ago, I mean I guess he's allowed to see new people." She said, but then wrinkled her nose, "But another student?"

"That is what I said. You are better off without him." April told her.

"Thanks guys, but I'm fine with it, he can date whoever he wants. Hey, Maggie, could you keep an ear out on Mrs Victoria Danes? I just consulted on with C..." she caught herself before she uttered his name, "Dr Rhodes. And she's a very touch and go case."

"Of course."

With that Sarah made her way off to have her break, there was no way she was going to the canteen now, she opened the door to the doctors lounge to find Ethan holding Connor in place.

"Man, I'm telling you, don't do it, they've broken up..."

"Everything all right here?" She said, slipping into the room.

Connor looked like he had just seen a ghost. "Well that's even worse." He practically growled to Ethan who tried to tell Sarah that everything was fine before chasing him out of the room. She was curious, but she had seen plenty of heated confrontations over patients in her time there.

It wasn't until near the end of her shift that Maggie found Sarah. "Hey, that patient you were wondering about?"

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm sorry Sarah, she agreed to the operation but it was too late."

Sarah's stomach dropped and she sighed and shook her head, "Thanks for letting me know Maggie."

"No problem." She said, squeezing Sarah's arm. "Hey, we're all going to Molly's tonight, you coming?"

It sounded exactly like what she needed. "Yeah that sounds great, I'm nearly done, I'll meet you there."

And she had planned on it. Until Dr Rhodes was pulled off a surgery and Dr Kingston took over, he ordered half the team to come and help him. It was hours later, after a successful operation, going home to change and eat, before she ventured to Molly's. It was very late, but she figured she might as well chance going and hoping some of them were still there instead of hanging around at home thinking of her shift.

The place had to be the emptiest she had ever seen, she couldn't spot any of her friends, but went up to the bar and ordered a soda anyway. It was only then that she noticed who was sitting down the bar from her.

She idly wondered if she would ever stop getting butterflies whenever she saw him.

He was hunched over, a beer nestled in his hands, and staring at the counter in front of him.

Everything was going fine. She planned on having a quiet hour to herself, ignoring the man who was ignoring her. That was until the fight broke out among the men at the back. Glasses were shattered, voices were raised and the two or three remaining firefighters and Connor managed to break them up. From what she could see, the men weren't hurt, just annoyed, one had a bloody nose but she watched Connor check it before Herrmann ordered the men to be tossed out.

Herrmann was talking to Connor before he turned and called her, "Hey Sarah, we could use a doc over here."

"No, we don't." Connor told Herrmann before looking at Sarah as she approached.

That was it. She had had enough, and had ticked her off.

"Yes. You do." She told him, before pulling up the arm of his shirt that was covered in blood. "Now sit down, and let me look at it. We're work colleagues, we're meant to work together right?" She spat his words back at him. He didn't get to be the only one annoyed that their situation. "Goodwin wouldn't appreciate it if I let you get infected. Herrmann, can I have your first aid kit please?"

While Herrmann was away, Sarah examined the nasty cut on his arm.

"It's from the glass." He told her.

"I know."

"I'm fine."

"You're not." She glared up at him.

"Dr Reese, I think I know..."

"I'm treating you, if you'd like a second opinion I can take you to Med..." She shot at him before thanking Herrmann for the first aid kit.

"Sarah..." He uttered her name in defeat and she felt like her heart skipped a beat.

"Fine. But you have to let me take care of this then."

He just started brooding at the counter.

She knew a bad day when she saw one. And she tried, but she couldn't help but worry about him. No matter how much distance had been put between them, she still cared.

"You're really not used to being fussed over are you?" She smiled while she sorted through the bag.

He scoffed, "Hardly, have you met my father?"

"Well, I'm used to fussing, I have three little sisters..." She said, cleaning the wound as best she could. "…so let me do what I'm good at..."

He didn't argue anymore, he just sat still, watching her.

"You're distracting me." She mumbled.

"Now, or just in general?" She saw the edge of his lips lift slightly. But she remembered the last time they had gone crossing a line. She decided that he didn't get to pretend they could flirt, she was still hurt. He didn't want this, he didn't want them, so she couldn't let him know how much he did distract her. She didn't satisfy him with an answer as she pulled the bandage tight.

"It's no use, you're going to need stitches." She said removing her gloves. "How much have you had to drink?" She asked, examining his pupils. It was like torture, having to look into his eyes, when they usually avoided her.

"Not enough to have to have it done in Med, I have my kit at home, I'll stitch myself up." It was true, she noted, he wasn't drunk, but he didn't look great either.

"I'll stitch you up." She said before asking Herrmann to get them a cab.

It was a quiet drive in the cab, she followed him up to his apartment where he let her in. It was fancier than she expected, but so undoubtedly him. The shelves of books, only rivalled her own. He was a bit of a clean freak but she could see bits of him everywhere, not in the décor, no pictures or momentous because there were none, just his copies of the newspaper, his jacket lying over his chair.

He retrieved his medical kit from the bathroom and sat down at his table while she got to work.

She was at a loss of anything to say, but the silence was too deafening, too much walls between them. And his small smile and the fact that he was calling her Sarah? She didn't know where she stood with him anymore.

She started stitching, "I heard about Mrs Danes."

He flinched a little as she worked, she didn't know if it was from her work or from her words "Yeah, I was ready to operate, but she was convulsing, and she had a DNR. Just like Downey."

She drew in a breath and nodded. Bad day.

"I'm sorry, Sarah."

She didn't know what to say, but he was too close and she couldn't let him in again. Not when it had hurt so much. Not when there was suddenly such uncertainty over where they stood with each other. She finished patching him up, and checked for signs of concussion.

"I think you are good to go. I'll let myself out."

"Sarah, where are you going, it's two o'clock in the morning."

"I'll get a cab." She shrugged.

"That's too risky."

"I know where I'm not wanted Dr Rhodes." She used his formal name like a weapon to defend herself.

"Sarah, you can stay in the spare bedroom, I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you." He didn't get to care anymore, not when he had put so much space between them.

"Yeah, I mean you can't lose a good work colleague." she said, glancing around the room to not let her sudden tears fall. Because she was tired, and not just because it was late but because she wished it could go back to how things were before.

"You kept my note." He said as he got up and approached her.

"What?"

"In your locker, I saw it last week, you kept it..." and she couldn't help but feel like it was a question.

"Yeah well," She sighed, "I needed any inspiration I could get...you remembered my order."

They were going around in circles, too close, then too far apart, and it was like something was squeezing her heart.

He smiled, one of his genuine smiles that reached his eyes, "You made an impression." he sighed, "I'm sorry Sarah, just please stay, I don't want you getting hurt."

She didn't particularly find the prospect of trekking across the city very appealing right now so she relented, "Alright."

She mightn't have liked him at the moment, but that didn't mean she didn't want to spend time with him now. Not when his walls were crumbling down, and he was in pain. If nothing else but that she owed him. He had always made her feel better, apart from that almost kiss, and she could see the pain in his eyes, and it wasn't all from his arm.

Despite being annoyed and confused about where they stood with each other, she couldn't help but think that he looked adorable when he was tired, all messed up hair and soft eyes. She refused his offer of food, or hot chocolate, or anything else. There was no point prolonging this all if he was just going to desert her again. So he went and got her one of his t-shirt and bottoms, and showed her where the spare bedroom was.

"Bathroom's just down the hall, you need anything just let me know…" She wanted to tell him that all she needed was for him to let her in again. "Thanks for…Thank you Sarah." It was one of the first times that she had seen him looking unsure of himself, nervous even.

All she did was nod and he left her to it. She changed quickly and set her alarm for early the next morning so she could be gone before they could have another awkward run in. The distance had been bad enough, this weird, uncomfortable feeling between them now just twisted the knife. She crawled under the covers and tried not to dream of Connor Rhodes.