Disclaimer: Spooks belongs to Kudos and the BBC.
A/N: Thank you again for your reviews. Some of the details from this chapter have been taken from The Personnel Files.
Chapter 7
Ruth was pacing in Harry's office when he opened the door.
"Is it time?" she asked.
"He's here. Are you ready for this?"
"Ready as I'm ever going to be, I guess," she said, reaching out her left hand.
Harry grasped it with his and squeezed before Ruth loosened her grip and threaded her fingers through his. Harry understood that she wanted that physical connection and support as she faced this meeting with her father.
Ruth took the lead but paused before she turned the corner into the lounge. Harry reached forward and kissed her on the cheek and gave her a smile before she turned the corner to face her father.
As she entered the room her father stood from his seat in one of the high back chairs. Ruth moved to stand in front of the sofa, Harry following close behind her. They'd needed to drop hands to walk into the room but once Ruth and Harry sat, she reached out for his hand once again. James took his seat and the three looked at one another, none sure what to say.
James took a chance and broke the ice. "Ruth, it's good to see you again. Thank you for agreeing to meet me," he said, his nervousness clear.
"Yes, well the meeting on Thursday was a little overwhelming. I'm sorry I ran out like I did."
James shook his head. "Don't blame you one bit. I guess there's not a good way to learn what you did," he said.
Ruth dove right in, asking her father what he'd been doing in Australia these past 25 years.
James described the life he built for himself after he left England, working as a GP near Brisbane. "I found other activities to occupy my time; I visited with and read to residents in an aged care home, and I traveled around Australia and New Zealand. It was a good life but not the life I wanted," he added.
"Tell me about what led up to you faking your death. I assume you heard what Grace told me but I need to know the details and why you made that choice."
James talked a bit about his visits to his cousin in Tehran and then the early months of 1981 when he knew a protective detail was watching his family. It was stressful for him to try and act normal, not wanting to alarm his wife or daughter. When the agents from Six began watching them, James had met with the agent in charge to discuss possible scenarios, one of which was the possibility that Iranian agents turning up in Exeter.
"Whose idea was it for you to fake your death?" Ruth asked.
"Theirs. I never wanted it and part of me was naïve enough to believe it would never come to that. I said I wouldn't do it; that if I had to leave then my family had to come with me, but Six insisted that we would never be safe. If the Iranians came looking for me and my entire family suddenly disappears, then the search intensifies. If the Iranians came and I was dead, having left behind a mourning wife and daughter, they would likely leave you and your mother alone. I hated it but I loved you and your mum and I didn't know what else to do. I felt like I was drowning, ironic I guess, given the manner of my faked death, but the only way for all of us to survive was to take the help that Six was offering."
James couldn't look at his daughter, too afraid of what he might see on her face.
"Did you ever remarry?" Ruth asked in a quiet voice.
He shook his head, still looking down. "I never remarried, never even had a serious partner. I went on a few dates but I always felt as though I was being unfaithful to Betsy so eventually I stopped dating. I had a few good friends who included me in their holidays and celebrations." James paused and finally looked at Ruth. "How is your mother? Grace told me she's alive and that she remarried."
Ruth nodded. "She goes by Elizabeth now; David always called her that and she said it made it a little easier for her not to be called Betsy. They just celebrated their 21st anniversary. They're happy… I can't even imagine how she's going to react to this news."
"I know my… reappearance will be a shock to her but I have no desire to disrupt her life. I'm glad that she's happy; she certainly deserves it. I'd like some guidance from you about how or even if she's told about my return. I don't want to cause problems in her marriage," James explained.
"I won't keep this a secret from Mum," Ruth replied emphatically.
"I understand. I don't suppose she knows about your job," James ventured and both Ruth and Harry flashed a look of surprise.
"And what job is it that you think she has?" Harry asked, speaking for the first time.
"I was told she's an intelligence analyst for the Counter-Terrorism section of MI-5. Is that not correct?" he asked.
Ruth and Harry exchanged a quick look before Ruth spoke. "Yes, I'm an analyst for the Security Services and no, Mum doesn't know. She thinks I'm an analyst for DEFRA, the Department of Food and Rural Affairs, which is my official cover. She was worried when I worked at GCHQ when the only threat to my life was dying of boredom. I didn't want to worry her."
"I was made to update my signature on the Official Secrets Act when I was interviewed at Vauxhall Cross earlier this week, which is likely the only reason they told me. I've abided by the OSA for more than 40 years so I'm not going to break it now. As for your mother, maybe we can take a bit of time to figure out the best way to tell her. Not long mind you, but a few weeks perhaps until you decide what's best," James suggested.
Ruth nodded. "I'll think about it," she said.
There was a pause in the conversation before James spoke once again. "May I… will you tell me about your life, after I left that is?"
Ruth was surprised by the question, as though she hadn't considered that he would want to know about her life.
Ruth looked at Harry and smiled. "Could you please make us some tea?" she asked.
Harry looked between Ruth and her father before nodding. "Of course. I'll back in a bit," he said before standing and leaving the room for the kitchen.
Ruth turned back to her father. "I'm not ready to revisit those dark days I went through after your death, not with you."
James nodded in acknowledgment. "That's fair. I'd love to hear whatever you're willing to share."
Ruth was telling James about her time at Oxford when Harry re-entered the room with the tea tray. She paused in her speaking as Harry poured tea for Ruth and then James before passing the cup along, allowing each to add milk and sugar as desired.
"Ruth was just telling me about her time at Oxford. I knew she would be at the top of her class wherever she went, but the fact that it was Oxford is special. It's my alma mater, you see," James said by way of explanation.
Harry nodded. "It's mine as well, though I didn't read Classics like Ruth," he explained.
"What did you study? I apologize, I haven't asked what your profession is," James said.
"I studied Philosophy, Politics, and Economics," Harry said before turning to Ruth, silently asking her opinion about being honest.
Ruth glanced at Harry but before he could say anything she said, "Harry is the Head of the Counter-Terrorism Section at Five. In other words, he's my boss," she added, her eyes daring her father to question their relationship.
"Oh, well I guess that makes things a little easier, not having to hide what happened at work each day," James responded. "Have you been together long?"
"A few months," Ruth responded, "though we've worked together for nearly four years."
James nodded. "Well, you both obviously care for one another. Betsy – your mum - and I had that same look when we were together," he added, a smile gracing his face at the memory. "After you left Oxford, where did you go? You mentioned another place, CGHQ was it?"
Ruth briefly told her father about her stint at GCHQ and why she made the move to London and the Security Services.
"And that's pretty much it. I work, sing occasionally with a choir, and spend time with Harry outside of work," Ruth concluded.
James smiled. "It makes me so happy to know that you are happy. I hope we can get to know one another again and build a relationship, but whether we end up close again like we were before I left or if we never move past the 'just friends' stage, I'll respect your decision. Make no mistake, I want very badly to be close you once again but I won't force that on you." With that he stood from his seat. "I think I've imposed on your company enough for today." He turned towards Harry and reached out his hand. "Harry, it was very nice to meet you and I hope we'll have a chance to meet again." James took a few steps towards the doorway where he stopped just short of Ruth. "I'd like very much to see you again soon but I will wait to hear from you. You have my contact information, yes?"
Ruth nodded. "I do and I'd like to give you mine. Do you have email?"
Harry watched as father and daughter moved into the entry and exchanged pleasantries. A minute later, Ruth walked back into the room and reclaimed her seat next to Harry. She sniffled and wiped a tear that made its way down her cheek.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked.
"Nothing. I just hugged my dad for the first time since I was a little girl. It felt good," she added.
Harry wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, placing a kiss in her hair.
"I should have asked him if he needed a ride home," Harry commented.
"No, he asked about the nearest Tube station, so I pointed him in the right direction," she replied.
"How do you feel?" Harry asked.
"Good, I think. But it's also very surreal. I still haven't gotten used to the idea that he's actually alive and not buried in Exeter."
"Do you think someday you'll be close again or at least see him as your dad and not the guy that disappeared for 25 years?" Harry asked.
Ruth shrugged. "A part of me feels like this is a dream come true. Do you know how many times I wished for him to turn up and tell me this was all a bad dream?"
Harry wrapped his arms around Ruth. "Probably thousands," he said and Ruth nodded in agreement.
"Would it have been better had he stayed in Australia and you not learn the truth?"
Ruth didn't speak right away. "I don't think so. Maybe if the circumstances were different, if he'd been a criminal on the run or something like that. I still don't understand why he couldn't have come back sooner or why my mum and I couldn't have gone to be with him. I know I'm not getting the whole story," she said.
"I agree. On Monday you need to call Grace Olivier and try to get some answers. If you don't get anywhere with her, let me know and I'll start making calls. But until then, we have a free weekend. Let's get out of the house and not think about your dad for a while."
"Thank you," Ruth said, turning in Harry's embrace so she could hug him back. "Thank you for being here and not making me go through this alone."
