A Crack fic If I ever saw one. Rated M for the end. Rough and short Lemon. You have been warned.


Behind Closed Doors

Rukia walked through Seiretei as usual on her way to the Kuchiki manor. It was a proud and noble house. Clean, orderly and large. The army of servants were neat, tidy and better dressed and mannered then the average person. Scandal was never part of such a noble house.

The gardens were landscaped to perfection. Every blade of grass standing at attention and measuring a perfect 2 inches. Every flower in perfect bloom, every tree the same shape.

The entire place always ran at top efficiency. There was never a bad odor. Even the horse stables were immaculate and had a sweet scent. Somehow even the dirt in the garden looked clean.

It was to this house Rukia came home every day. She was not alone in this conservative old fashioned Japanese style mansion. Her brother the great lord of the clan, the noble captain of the sixth division Kuchiki Byakuya lived there too.

It wasn't easy for her to live up to such standards of perfection. Every moment acting properly, moving properly, speaking properly. When the two would go out, they shone like stars, prim and proper.

To say he was OCD was an understatement. It drove him mad if something was out of place, dirty, or if the proper etiquette wasn't followed. It was especially bad when they were out in public, Rukia, an adult would be scolded. Her brother held her to the highest standards when they faced the world and no less was expected inside the manor.

Yes every morning she had to spend an extra hour getting ready but it wasn't nearly as long as her brother did. His obsession with perfection was even worse. No one had hair that could compare to his. It was long, soft, and shiny of the deepest blue black. When he left the house he looked like a prince. Rukia had to try to live up to those standards of perfection everyday.

Things were getting hostile in the Kuchiki house. Years of pent up anger and repressed feelings had built for nearly a century. They were friendlier now, but Byakuya still treated her like a child that needed his guidance and protecting.

She was getting sick of not being allowed to do anything. The last time she tried to date he frightened the man off and he never spoke to her again. When she wanted to go out with her friends he made her stay home and have a quiet diner with him instead. When she bought a new dress to wear he made her go back and change before letting her go out.

They would argue like crazy, and finally, so she wouldn't have to listen to him yelling at her anymore, she would give in.

Rukia walked up to her front door and sighed. Then taking a deep breath she fixed her posture and walked through the door.

"Rukia we discussed your poor posture before." Byakuya said.

"What? How did you know?" she asked surprised at his insightfulness.

"The whole house could hear you stomping up the walkway. Which is another thing you need to work on." he said.

"Since when did this all become about me? As I recall I caught a certain jerk head of the household sneaking out to go eat commoner food the other day. " she pointed her finger at him.

"I do not sneak out Rukia. Besides I am the adult here." Byakuya said turning his nose up at her.

"Adult! That's a laugh. I'm just forty years younger then you." she yelled.

"Just do not say I was the one who called you an old woman." he poked her sensitive button.

Byakuya wondered what was wrong with the girl in front of him and why she infuriated him so much. It seemed to be her life's mission to make him miserable. She never appreciated anything he ever did for her.

One time she tried to go out with this guy who had the worst reputation, and instead of thanking him for getting rid of the sleeze, she yelled at him. Her friends weren't the most savory of characters and he took it upon himself to step in and make her stay home when he found out they were planning on going to a rough bar that night. If she had gone she would have been arrested with the lot of them. But did she thank him? No. Then there was the time she tried to leave the house in that short tight red dress without an escort, It was for her own protection he made her change.

"That's it I've had it!" she yelled waving her fist.

"Rukia watch your temper." he said.

"Temper! Temper! I'll show you my temper." Rukia at her wits end grabbed onto his scarf and began choking him with it…

"R.R..*cough* Ruk" he grabbed the long end of the scarf and tugged on it pulling her to the floor. She fell flat with a thud, her arms and legs sprawled out on the perfectly shined hard wood.

"If your trying to kill me you will have to do a better job then that." he said looking smug.

"I'm going to get you for that." she said looking up at him, hatred burning in her eyes.

"Really Rukia, your no match for me." he taunted her and waved her off.

"You just wait Byakuya Kuchiki when your not looking, I'm going to get you."

"Really Rukia do you really think you can threaten me." he said trying to intimidate her.

"You forget who knows all your secrets and weaknesses." she said standing up to him trying to meet his height and failing.

"Shall we make a wager on it?" he said.

"What do you have in mind?" she said her eyes narrowing.

"I will bet you can not go a week without loosing your temper."

"Well I bet you cant go that same week without correcting or yelling at me." she said

"Fine what shall we wager?"

"If I win you have to let me do whatever I want from now on without question." she said.

"If I win you have to be my personal slave and do as I say from now on." he said.

"Hell no!" she yelled.

"I doubt your intelligent enough to control yourself. Your already getting testy." he said taunting her.

"Deal." she said and they shook on it.

"Better keep a look out Rukia and I wont be here to help you this time." he said looking bored and walking away.

"You're the one whose going to need help Byakuya." she smiled because it felt funny not calling him Ni-sama.

"Address me…" he said and stopped himself from finishing the sentence.

"What was that Byakuya? Do you like how I address you? I think honorifcs are so old fashioned, don't you? I think the first thing I'm going to do is change out of this stupid kimono."

"Whatever you want Rukia." he said holding down his anger.

Most of Monday was quiet. The day went about normally until dinner

"Oh my I cant seem to hold my chopsticks tonight." she said proceeding to eat her food with her hands while wearing her uniform slovenly instead of dressing in an appropriate kimono for dinner.

If there was one thing Byakuya couldn't stand was a lack of manners and refinement. If she didn't use her best manners or dress appropriately it drove him insane. It was bad enough if someone else did it but not her, she was a reflection of him and if she was doing wrong it was his name it ruined.

"Yuck! Hot Hot Hot" she spit out her food and fanned her tongue.

"I am sorry Rukia I was under the impression you liked habaneras." he said watching her take a big gulp of water.

"You know I don't like… deep breath 1,2,3,4...deep breath…That was very thoughtful of you…Bya-bo." she said narrowing her eyes and curling up her lip.

"What did you just call me?" he said giving her a death glare.

"Bya-bo I think it's a cute name for a cute little man. Don't you think it's cute?" she said.

"It is very… cute Rukia." he said gritting his teeth.

"I'm going to bed now. Goodnight Bya-bo."

Tuesday 3 A.M

*boom**boom**boom* The entire house vibrated. Byakuya was shaken and startled from his sleep. He jumped up and grabbed for his sword, his head moving back and forth looking for an intruder.

'I'm on the highway to hell! Highway to hell!' *boom*boom*

"Rukia." he said ripping through his sliding door scattering paper and wood everywhere to get out, and grabbing onto the walls to push through the hallway ready to kill.

"Oh Bya-bo what are you doing up this late?" she asked.

She was wearing a night gown well if you could call the dental floss that just barely covered the most important parts a night gown then yes that is what she was wearing.

"Ruki…" he calmed himself. "…What are you doing my sweet Rukia." he said with his eyes bugging out in a very scary manner.

"I couldn't sleep so I thought I would listen to some music. I'm not disturbing you am I Bya-bo." she said giving him a seductive look and spreading her legs apart a bit to show some more skin.

"Rukia you put on some cl…I wonder if the problem you can not sleep is because you are cold." he said taking in her body with his eyes one last time before throwing a kimono at her landing it on her head.

Tuesday 7 A.M

"Where are my clothes!." she said sifting through the closets and drawers.

"Oh are you missing something my sweet Rukia?" he was leaning against the door frame.

"I took the liberty of buying yoy new clothes." he said.

"You know I don't like to wear k…" her fist was waving then she pulled her fists down to her sides squeezing them so tightly they turned white. "It was very thoughtful of you dear brother, to buy me all of these pretty kimono. Whatever would I do without a brother like you?" she said through her teeth. "Um what am I supposed to wear to work?"

"Might I suggest the blue one." he pulled out a blue one and handed it to her.


Rukia walked out of the house in the very same kind of kimono a fake geisha would wear the hem came above her knees and the top was cut very low. She looked more like a hooker then a geisha. Byakuya never expected her to walk out of the door dressed like that but she did.

*whistles*

"Oh baby"

"A geisha girl!"

"I'll give you a candy bar." another man said.

"THAT"S IT!" she yelled." No I cant get mad, I cant get mad. 1...2...3.…4...5. He's going to regret this one." she said flipping open her phone. "Kiyone inform he captain I will be a little late today, there's something I forgot to do at home."

"Hey Rukia, wow Rukia what's with the getup?" Renji asked.

"I just thought I'd wear something different today." she answered.

"You look so hot. You want to go out after work?" He was eyeing her like candy.

"I think that may be fun, lets go to that bar. You know the one." A light bulb went on in her head.

"Oh yeah that one. I never thought you'd want to go there. I'll buy you a lap dance." he said smiling devilishly.

"I have a better idea, could you do me a favor? You see I have this bet with captain stick up his ass."

A short explanation later.

"HA HA HA HA that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Sure I'll help you but if he try's to kill me I'm blaming you." Renji said.


8 P.M

"Kuchiki Taicho there's a message for you. It says you must immediately go to this address you sister is in serious danger hurry." said his third seat. Byakuya didn't think he just began to move.

Rukia peaked out at the stage still wearing her short geisha costume. Drinking men sat around the stage waiting for the next song to start. Renji sat in the front row incase someone tried to get near her. He wouldn't normally allow her to do something like this but it shouldn't go very far.

Byakuya walked into the room which was heavy with smoke. Scantily clad women held trays balancing beer bottles and sake. Rukia spotted him and motioned for the music to begin.

"This next girl is fresh meat. Give it up for the blue geisha." *applause*

Rukia walked out onto the stage as the music began. Byakuya froze when he spotted her. It was his first instinct to grab her and drag her out of there but there was no way she would go through with it, she would surely stop on her own.

She pranced on the stage in her high heals and bent over.

"Oh yeah baby!" someone yelled.

Being a shinigami she was very limber and had no trouble with the acrobatics of the pole.

"Take it off!" a man yelled.

She teased with her sleeve.

"Hey handsome. Wow aren't you Byakuya Kuchiki? What are you doing in a place like this?" a waitress asked.

Byakuya didn't pay her any attention as he was filling with a mixture of extreme lust and rage. The patrons of this establishment will never know how close they were to being murdered that night.

In less then a moment Rukia was abducted from the stage, finding herself back at the manor being thrown onto her brothers bed.

"What's wrong Bya-bo? Couldn't wait to get me into your bed." she said looking self satisfied.

"Rukia… you have gone too far"

"Ah ah Bya-bo remember our bet." she said

"…My sweet sweet Rukia.." he calmed himself. "I simply wanted you home with me tonight. Do not be mistaken, I could never find someone as short as you attractive. You have the body of a little girl." he said.

"WHAT DO YOU Mean I… yes I am short aren't I. Although I'm not surprised you don't find me attractive considering where you work all day its obvious you prefer supple young cadets." she said with a crooked smile.

"RUKIA I…I shall show you my preferences." he startled her by grabbing her by her kimono.

Pulling her toward him he took her lips roughly and kissed her pushing her back on the bed. When she really seemed to be getting into it he pulled back and looked down at her on the bed with a smirk.

"Just a little girl and I prefer women. You better go back to your room." he said infuriating her so much she threw a pillow at him and stormed out of the room.

Byakuya was disappointed she left but if she had stayed any longer she would have had the upper hand because he wouldn't have been able to stop himself. Rukia was furious so furious she had forgotten what she had left for him in his shampoo bottle and she cranked up the music again.


5:30 P.M At this point no one has slept much in two nights.

"RUKIA!" Byakuya ran down the hallway to her room.

"Yes Bya… Bya HA HA HA. You look. Pft HA HA HA HA." she rolled around on the floor laughing.

"Do you think this is funny?" he said pointing at his hair now streaked and blotted with red and yellow spots.

"Oh opps. When I borrowed your shampoo, I guess I gave you a bottle of bleach instead. Oh now, no need to worry. It works on you. Pft HA HA HA." she kept laughing and holding herself while rolling around.

He went back to his room to calm himself. Picking up his Kensaiken the vein in his head nearly popped out. The sacred heirloom of beautiful platinum was now covered in pink paint and had chappy heads colored on it and huge pink rhine stones glued to it, the sad thing was he couldn't leave the house without wearing the damn thing and he didn't want to show her he was upset.

"She is not going to win!" he said placing the pink item on his head.


Byakuya passed his men in the halls all of which were whispering to each other.

"Taicho what happened to your hair? It looks..It looks… The thing in there is pink. HA HA HA." Renji laughed as Byakuya' fist shot out and met the mans jaw throwing him to the floor as the phone rang.

"What is it?" he answered the phone.

"Just wanted to say nice one last night. I didn't think you had it in you." Kyoraku said into the phone.

"What are you talking about?"

"Abducting a stripper! Right off of the stage too, you're my hero. If you haven't had your fill and want to go out again tonight. *click* hello?" Kyoraku said.


12:30 PM Lunch

"I see you haven't been able to dye it back." she shoved a huge spoonful of rice into her mouth letting lots of it fall to the floor.

"I will be working from here for the rest of the day. The salon will reopen in the morning." he said trying not to use his death glare.

"What is this its delicious?" Rukia said gobbling up her food in the most disgusting unmannerly way.

"Yes it is very good. It is something we have not had before. Oh the cook saved this for you." he threw a rabbits foot at her.

"It isn't a…a….a rabbit. Oh god." she got up and ran holding her mouth. Byakuya laughed as soon as she exited the room.

When she got to her room she screamed in horror. Making Byakuya laugh loud when he heard it from down the hall. There was her large pink Chappy The Rabbit plushy hanging from the ceiling beam by a noose in the middle of the room. His right eye dangling freely and white stuffing sticking out of his back.. She tried to escape the sight by running into her bathroom closing the door.

When she turned on the light she fell back to the floor. Her collection of 1951 Chappies of the month were all laying in a pile decapitated, all of their heads impaled on various items in the bathroom. Even her favorite one for that year, the light blue head was sticking out of the rubber duck.

She tried to escape the room but when she turned to the door the orange Chappy she just bought was stuck to the door with a knife. There was a note.

'Do not bother looking. You wont find the rest of your collection. If you admit defeat I might be willing to give them back. Your loving Bya-bo.'

She crumbled the paper. "It ends tonight." she said determined.


"Bya-bo are you ready for diner?" she asked.

"Rukia what on earth are you wearing?" he said viewing her wearing a potato sack with her hair sticking out in every direction.

"I hope you don't mind …I dressed for dinner." she said." Oh who could be at the door?"

"Hey lets party!" an already half drunk Matsumoto walked in through the door with Hisagi holding her up.

"Thanks for having us over." Ikkaku said entering with five other guys behind him.

"Rukia what is going on?" Byakuya asked.

"Hope you don't mind Bya-bo I invited some close friends and all the ranking officers from the 11th squad." Rukia said.

"Oi Kuchiki that look is an improvement." Kenpachi said laughing and pointing at his head.

"Oh that does not look pretty. I cant look at you anymore." Yumichika said.

"Bya-kun likes pink? I'm so happy!" Yachiru said grabbing onto his scarf and swinging from it.

"Crank up the music." someone yelled.

The scene was chaotic people were falling all over the place dancing, the music blared through every room. Items got knocked over. Byakuya was about to crack. But if he was going to crack, he was going to take Rukia with him.

"Oops I'm so clumbsy." she said smearing her dinner on his clean uniform.

"Oops It slipped." he said dumping a bowl of rice on her head.

"Sorry about your scarf." she said blotting soy sauce on the priceless item with her fingers.

"The filth will remind me of you sweet Rukia. What's that?" he asked quickly.

"Huh?" she said turning around. *slice*

"What did you just do? My hair!" she yelled.

"Senbonzakura thought you needed a trim." he said laughing.

She moved toward the hallway gulping a bottle of sake and letting it drip down her chin.

"You are not allowed… my sweet Rukia drinking might not be good for you." he said following her and chasing her into one of the empty rooms.

She kicked him in the shin so he pulled her by her messy hair.

"Tyrant!" she said pushing him away.

"I suggest you call this whole thing off now Rukia." he said, the noise in the background getting louder.

"Really! Me give up? I don't think so. You're the one who's going to give up. I can go on like this forever. Your going to want to sleep at some point. I'm never going to let you rest or leave this house looking respectable." she said.

"Say you give up now." he said pulling out Rukia' other favorite Chappy from his sleeve.

"You give that back to me now!" she demanded.

"Or you will do what shorty?" he asked.

"Is that the best insult you can come up with?" she said.

"I could think of some other things to call you but I am still a gentlemen." he said.

"I have no manners. I'm a monkey. Ooh booga booga." she jumped up and down in her potato sack dress.

"I am warning you." he held the rabbits ears in one hand and in the other he took out a lighter. His blotched hair and pink Kensaiken still in tact.

"Don't you dare!" she said the flame now burning and getting closer to the rabbits little foot.

"You know what you are?!" she yelled her eyes burning with anger.

"What am I Rukia!" he yelled.

"You're a big fat control freak!" she got closer to him.

"And you my sweet Rukia are a spoiled brat." he said.

"I'm the great lord Kuchiki I'm so much better then everyone else because the stick up my ass is the biggest." she said mocking him.

"Well I am a short helpless girl who can not achieve Bankai. Oh Save me Ichigo." he said mocking her.

"You stuck up noodle wearing ass!." she got in his face.

"Unrefined midget!" he said back to her.

"Snob!"

"Street Rat!"

"Bastard." she said as her eyes diverted to his lips.

"Bitch." he whispered onto her lips.

They looked at one another for only a moment before their lips met in full force. Their arms and hands running all over each others bodies. He slammed her up against the wall. She encircled her legs around his waist. He ripped off her potato sack dress in one pull. She tore open his kimono. He did not look for permission to enter her as his lips continued to smash against hers. He took her hard and continually banged her up against the wall. Each time he pumping her to the sound of the base in the background.

"You ready to give up yet?" he said biting her on the neck and moving in her more slowly.

"No and you already yelled at me so you loose. Ahhhh mmmm." she moaned.

"I do not think so my sweet Rukia. You are the one who lost your temper first." he said running his hands over her breast.

"I did not!" she yelled at him trying to move away.

"Your not going anywhere." he pinned her in place more tightly.

"Ok so we both lost." she said pulling on his lower lip with her teeth.

"I plan on claiming my prize every night and some mornings." he said then moaned and unloaded into her.

"If I lost and I'm your slave, you lost too, so you have to let me do what I want. That cant work."

"Sure it can. Do whatever you want. When you are a good girl I will reward you and when you are a bad girl I will punish you." he placed kisses along her jaw line an down her neck.

"I can live with that." she said as he captured her lips again.