Chapter 7: Wrenching Hearts Open by Crowbars

Don't own Oregairu and Watchmen.

8man's Journal, October 20, 2035

Woke late, fell asleep wearing glasses and was relieved to find them undamaged. Was wearing clothes from yesterday, they smell, have no time for laundry but felt uncomfortable asking anyone else to do it for me. Komachi will tease me, Keika-chan will probably ruin them by mistake and asking Saki Kawasaki is out of the question. Feel too embarrassed to have her wash my clothes and underwear. Not happening, hence apply deodorant and cologne. They don't mix together. Bothers my nose and give away my position when tailing someone.

Troublesome.

Felt killing intent upon noticing Taishi Kawasaki this morning. Not unnatural but lately those have been less and far in between. Today a butter knife looked like a good murder weapon. Of course he sensed his impending doom and gave me a questioning look.

Took out my handkerchief, rubbed it over his white shirt collar and showed him red lipstick marks. Like an idiot he looked at Komachi for help and gave away his partner in crime. Komachi was about to receive another lecture, been a while since she had one, maybe, should try again explaining her about the bird and the bees, would be painful for both of us but she really needs to retake those lessons. My advance towards Komachi came to an unfortunate halt when Saki Kawasaki moved in front of her. She shielded her from me and gave me a look that clearly spoke of divine retribution and righteous fury. She was smiling a rather cruel smile which bore acute resemblance to mine. This is wrong. She is copying me and making me soft. She is supposed to be on my team, older siblings preserving innocence of their younger siblings. She gave Komachi the 'talk' when she felt like she was ready to ride that slippery slope.

Pervert. Pervert alert. Should go kill yourself Hachiman. No this is Taishi Kawasaki. He got these ideas in your head, imagining his older sister in a police uniform, your police uniform.

…holding your gun, barrel in your mouth, tears in her eyes.

Good reminder. Felt comfortable getting back to my unlovable self hating and self loathing self. While Saki Kawasaki educated my sister, Taishi Kawasaki found himself learning only three important lessons from me. One was practicing abstinence, and then there were medical procedures involved in getting a vasectomy, thanks again Shiromeguri-senpai for having us on such a short notice, and finally solving a police investigation where the murderer behind a sting of killings was a scorned female serial killer who liked castrating his male victims, which in no way was sexist but a valuable lesson for piggish men to learn to respect women. Gave Taishi Kawasaki photos of victims to commemorate him solving such a tough case and watching him lose sleep over them made me sure he would never take advantage of Komachi and what they will have will be genuine.

Don't know what people think of my means and methods but I did something good. They are in a happy relationship, Taishi plans to marry her, he is just figuring out a few details like buying a suitable ring and a proper way to propose because any idiot can go down on his knees.

Other night when Kawasaki was waiting for me to return, she somehow lost her ring. It was a family heirloom, belonged to her late mother. Light were on and she was looking for them everywhere and trying to be helpful I lend her a hand. She was thankful of course and she began searching for it under her sofa. She probably dropped it there, when she was fiddling with it, a bad habit of her, she takes it off her fingers and then puts it on again, something out of anxiousness and worry which then was directed towards me for not coming back early. Of course my way of apologizing was better than expected. She prefers actions than words and hence after calculating all possibilities, employing a fraction of my police skills and eliminating most places where she could have already looked at, common sense dictated me to search behind a heavy armoire. Budged it a little with my shoulders, then dropped on both knees and found it quite easily without even trying to overexert myself.

Solved her case

Found her mother's ring

And then put it on her finger.

Both of us looked stupid.

She towered over me when I was down on both knees before her. She bent her back a little, lowered her hand and placed her palm before me. Instead of giving her the ring, like expected, out of sleep- deprivation my mind decided to help her out a little more.

She was taken aback by my actions.

She was standing

I was down on both knees

And she allowed me to put her mother's ring on her dainty little finger.

Repeating myself again

Our actions meant nothings. She looked flustered and her cheeks turned red. She tried to say something, opened her mouth. Both of us are terrible in speaking to one another. One of us had to ruin this imaginary dramatic moment.

Saved her the trouble

Lazily got up, facing her, then yawned without closing my mouth and without saying anything else, not even a little 'goodnight' went to my room and closed the door on her shocked and flustered face. She said nothing else and allowed me to seek comforts amongst nightmares.

Slept in

And now here are.

Skipping breakfast, everything had tomatoes in them, my compliments to the chef. Saki Kawasaki said she was in the mood for tomatoes, no one dared question her. Obviously breakfast was uncomfortable. Me leaving, made matters worse. Everyone misunderstood. Of course, my reasons had justifications.

Today Sagami leaves, don't know why I keep calling her Sagami in my mind. She married Totsuka, took his name but now she is his widow. Is that it? My tendency to hate change, maintaining status quo, refusal to find love when she shares breakfast with me every day, for over a decade.

My hubris lacks originality.

/

Checked emails in diner. Zaimokuza sent over a few illustrations for his latest light novel, high in fan service. He wanted my thoughts, sent them and added a few more ideas. A good change of pace does wonders, thinking about police work all the time is redundant, have to entertain other ideas to find clarity amidst fog of indecisiveness.

Tobe is not an option. He needs to heal first, find another safe place to hide, will visit him later, some other day. Cancelled next appointment with Haruno Yukinoshita, was serious about it, never called, never said anything. She shouldn't be expecting anything else from me.

Ebina is currently left in charge of Falcon Facilities. She has skills and qualifications, more than capable to run things for the time being. Yukinoshita Yukino said her husband left country to look over his interests abroad. When she made a statement to the press, knew she was lying. She never speaks for her husband.

Hayama is in the country.

Maybe he is in Chiba.

Have to find him and find him alone. Using police resources is unthinkable. They will think me mad and throw me in an asylum. White straitjackets will spoil my look. Need everything in black and gray for white leave stains. In dinner ordered omelette rice and read another email, again from Zaimokuza. He says not to visit him anytime soon, says Ebina has moved in with him, and having me there would make her uncomfortable. Wonder whether she knows he sent me this email. Zaimokuza can be stupid sometimes, sending me something like this makes me interested. Ebina is an interesting figure in all this, a liaison between Hayama and Yukinoshita. Back in high school she was a part of his clique, whereas Yukinoshita was with me and Yuigahama. However she was common denominator between Miura and Yuigahama back then and maybe now. But she is careful, always knew behind all those fujoshi antics of her lied an intelligent mind. Might risk my friendship with Zaimokuza but my need to talk with her is rising. She is moving out of her fortress, moving in with Zaimokuza in nowhere close to the heavy security and protection detail she was always guaranteed by keeping up pace with Hayama, being his personal assistant, she earned more money than me. Of course she lived alone, no love, no time for relationship. Always thought this thing with Zaimokuza was a fling, might not be entirely wrong even now, but she is taking a chance. Should take a chance myself and question her, not like Tobe, nowhere near as extreme. Zaimokuza will be there, by her side and I will be there under the pretence of looking after a friend. Good excuse. Zaimokuza would believe, Ebina not so much, but after my questioning session, she would grow close to Zaimokuza even more. Expect him to punch me and throw me out. Once again my actions brought to couples together. First it was Totsuka and Sagami, now it will be Zaimokuza and Ebina. Should have considered couples counselling, as an alternative profession instead of shady police work, might have lived longer and had a chance at true happiness

No matter.

Ate omelette rice with ketchup and waited for Sagami to show up.

Mobile is on silent mode.

Making white rice into pages is difficult

Making red ketchup into ink is hard.

Ate quietly and forcibly began writing in my mental journal. Felt completely at unease results of an incomplete entry since last time. Began tentatively:

"Eating out and disturbing local diner. Usual complaints. Not making any progress. Problems at home are cropping up. Saki Kawasaki is causing me trouble. Need to do something, but don't know what. She is looking for something which can never be there. Tired of old excuses. Need to find better ones. Carefully try to stay away from home. Not possible. Delve deeper into case. Possible. Meet Sagami now. She has something to say. She is running academy, check how things are going. Look into other related killings-"

No…

Not good.

Writing mentally in by journal has become problematic. This time around there was no distraction. This mental exercise of mine is causing me problems. Should try later after finished eating.

Took mouthful of rice and swallowed with glass of water.

"-like Ooka and Yamato. Not similar but there might be something missing. Tobe might be holding out. Pay him a visit. Inspect other avenues, streets, abandoned buildings. Might have links to other cases, counterfeiting operations and street drugs seem to have no connection but giving them a look seems nice. When everything is hopeless seek information in muddy shoe prints and study fecal matter of animals. Dirty business-"

Exhuming idiocy. Entries making no sense. Puzzling myself. Need to stop.

Eat in peace and wait for my opportunity.

Something has to happen.

More will die. Nothing I can do.

Only keep those I cherish safe.

Small list

Easy work

Bad breakfast.

/

Ok trying something new again. Breaking journal entries into two. Not much going on. Expect next chapter to have a little more action.

Till then

Review, fav and follow.

Won't betray your dreams.