Legal Disclaimer: The is a piece of speculative fanfiction. It was not written for profit and no profit was made. All rights to the Twilight properties belong to Stephanie Meyer and Little Brown Publishing Company. I do not claim ownership to these rights nor any intellectual property of Stephanie Meyer.
Author's Note: This is a drabble collection of Halloween inspired prompts from MelWolfgirl and MidnightStarr.
What I want IS What I need
Prompt: Scared
Prompter: MidnightStarr
It was Halloween again. Sam sat on his front steps and held his head in his hands. This year was the worst, it shouldn't have been. He's had five years to get used to all this, to accept it. He's a wolf, he's the beta of a nicely reunited pack, he's going to live in La Push for the rest of his life. He's imprinted on Emily, she's his forever and Leah will hate him for the rest of his life. It's never easy in October, oh hell, fuck easy, it's damn fucking hard come October! The entire month mocking him, reminding him of everything he ever wanted and fate telling him that it wasn't what he needed. However this year? Well this year was the worst, worse even then the first year... when he had thought his heart would implode from the weight of what he had done.
This year instead of just not helping Emily put out a single decoration, he had crept up to the attic, taken the box downstairs and burned every last one of them in the fireplace. This year he had refused to even bring Halloween candy inside the house. EVERYTHING that had anything to do with Leah's favorite holiday was forbidden in his house. At first Emily hadn't minded, she thought it meant that he was purging the holiday from his system, so that there would be room for her in October, for the first time, next year. Then she realized it was because he was in the worst state of mourning she had ever seen him in for Leah.
Thus started the never ending fights, the recriminations. Every conversation became circular. Emily saying that she had had enough, that she was sick of this crap every October, that he need to celebrate Halloween with her instead of with memories of Leah. Sam saying that he couldn't, that he was sorry but she was asking him for the one thing he couldn't give.
It all had ended with him sitting on these steps at 4:00 in the afternoon on October 31'st. Halloween. Sam couldn't do this anymore, his mind couldn't take it anymore. It's just... he couldn't make himself do what Emily wanted him to do. What was worse, he realized that he didn't want to and the vast majority of him didn't even feel bad that he couldn't make her happy. That wasn't normal and it scared the piss out of him.
He stood up and looked at his house, not his home... just his house and realized that he was angry with Emily, angry with the elders and angry with life. Suddenly he wanted what HE wanted for the first time in five years. The absolute scariest thing though was that out of nowhere... he realized that what he wanted was Leah and not Emily, maybe it wasn't ever Emily. Emily had been security when he had had none, a person to talk to about what was happening to him, someone the council kept pushing onto him because it was "fate" a "gift from the ancestors". Leah had been who he loved, the one who made sure that he laughed, the one who hurled herself off cliffs with him, the one who made him a better version of himself. Not a different person altogether.
This scared him to no end, because now that he had finally accepted all of this, he realized that he could never go back into that house and pretend to have a life with Emily. It wasn't possible anymore. Leah though... he had crushed her underneath his boots and shamefully had let others crush her beneath theirs. She may never look at him with anything other than hate and fear ever again. And as frightening as that thought was, he still knew that he had to try.
Either way, his life with Emily was over.
When he got to the Clearwater's house, Leah was setting up a cauldron in the front yard to dispense candy from. She always gave out candy now. She said it was because she liked to see SOMEONE enjoy the holiday and no one enjoyed it more than trick or treating children. She looked up at him and saw the look on his face and suddenly he wasn't the only one who looked scared.
Sam walked up to her and rushed the words out his mouth, not giving her the opportunity to get a word in edgewise.
"I got it all wrong Lee-Lee. What I want IS what I need. And I'm sorry that I let everything and everyone tell me different."
Leah just looked at him for a moment. "Well Sam, it's only taken you five years to figure that out. Congratulations."
He panicked, that was what made him do what he did next. He grabbed her and kissed her, trying pour everything into that kiss. His regret, his remorse, his want and need for her and lastly; still there after five years of being buried... his love for her too.
At first she resisted, then Leah began to kiss him back as well. Her body trying to telegraph just as much into the kiss. When they finally broke apart Sam rested his forehead against hers.
"I want to come back Lee-Lee, I need to come back. Please?" He knew he sounded desperate, but right now his pride could go screw itself.
Leah closed her eyes and smiled. Halloween was her favorite holiday, for a lot of reasons. Opening them she took his hand and asked "Do you want to help me hand out candy?"
Maybe Halloween was Sam's favorite holiday too.
