Please review, the more reviews the sooner I'll update. I would really like to know what you think of this chapter. I kind of had a bit of trouble writing it...but I kind of like how it came out.
Oh and one more thing, Julia hasn't realized that Addison is Dr. Montgomery. I was going to make her realize in this chapter but I decided to do that for the next chapter, because there's going to be a huge twist, kind of I guess.
Enjoy :)!
Chapter Seven
When you're little, nighttime is scary, because there are monsters hiding under the bed. When you get older, the monsters are different. Self doubt…loneliness…regret. And though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark.
- Grey's Anatomy
I awake screaming from a horrible nightmare. It's a nightmare about Frank. It's a nightmare about my mommy. "Mommy," I scream and fight and kick thinking Frank is still on top of me. "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" I continue to yell until my face is red with tears. All my screaming wakes all the other kids up who are sleeping in the same room as me. "Looks like the little freak is having another nightmare!" an older girl sleeping a few beds down says snarling. "Get the freak to shut up," another girl says. "Morrison will be mad at all of us if you don't." Morrison was what the kids called the lady who owned this place. She was the boss lady. If you ever did something bad, you went to her office for a punishment. Sometimes the punishments were really bad. "Shut the hell up," yet another girl yelled at me. The older girl jumps on my bed and sits on me. She puts one of her hands over my mouth and the other in a fist in the air. She's about to punch me. Frank punched me before because I ran and hit when he came over. Frank was really mad. "Stop crying like a baby," the girl says so only I can hear. "I'm not in the mood for getting another strap and neither are you. So suck it up little freak and next time you have one of your stupid nightmares, I'll punch the shit right out of you." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I say my mouth still muffled in her hand. "You better mean it," she says getting off me. "A black eye won't be the only thing you're getting. I'll cut off all your hair in your sleep as well." The chatter that fills the room falls quiet. "Are we clear?" the girl asks. I nod because I don't want to lose my hair. My hair is the best part of my body. And to make sure, I don't have a nothing nightmare that night, I force myself to stay awake. So I lie on my back look up at the dark ceiling whimpering as tears begin to fall from my face.
It's the next day. I'm sitting at a table clutching my doll tightly. Sitting beside me is Ms. Rebecca. A lady named Elizabeth and a man named Jeff are sitting across from us. "I like your shirt," Jeff says smiling at me. I squirm a little in my seat. Frank used to smile at me. I'm a little bit scared. "Is purple your favourite color?" Elizabeth asks me. I nod my head as my eyes stay focus on my lap. Today I'm wearing a purple long sleeved top with a jean jumper over it and the same purple tights I had on yesterday. "Elizabeth and Jeff are nice people," Ms. Rebecca explains to me. "They want to take you home. You should talk to them. They're not mean." My head goes up straight to look at them. I don't like them. I want to go to my apartment with my mommy or Dr. Montgomery. Not these people. "Your doll is very pretty," Elizabeth says looking at my doll. I hold it closer to me, if that's even possible because I'm already holding it so tight we can't breath. "What's her name?" "Montgomery," I whisper through my trembling lips. "That's an interesting name for a doll." "Dr. Montgomery was a doctor in the hospital. Dr. Davis was too. He took the gun shot out of me." My eyes light up. I just love talking about the hospital. I love talking about Dr. Montgomery and all the other doctors and nurses in there. "Are you guys doctors?" I ask Elizabeth and Jeff as they exchange glances. Jeff shakes his head. "I'm a electrician. Elizabeth is between jobs at the moment." I nod understanding. My mommy never had a job. "Would you like to come home with us?" Elizabeth asks me softly. "Are you taking me back to my apartment to see my mommy?" I ask. "No," Elizabeth shakes her head. "You'll come stay with me and Jeff for a little while. Does that sound like fun?" "No," I say without questioning her statement. "No. I don't want to go to your house. I want to go back to Mike's house. I want my mommy or Dr. Montgomery to take me home." "Julia," Ms. Rebecca says trying to claim me down. "You can't go back to Mike's house. He's not there anymore. I think you owe Jeff and Elizabeth an apology considering they do want to take you home with them." I don't say anything. "Hey, know what." Jeff says suddenly. "On the way home, how about we stop by the hospital and then you can see Dr. Montgomery for a little bit. Wouldn't that be fun." I jump up and down in my seat excitedly. "Yes, oh yes!" I say the happiest I've been since I got to this horrible scary place. "I would love to. I'll be really really good. I promise. Can I go please please? Let's go to your house now." I jump up and start running towards the stairs. "Hold on there!" Ms. Rebecca says. "You can go in a little bit. Why do you go to your bed and get you things ready with Elizabeth. Jeff needs to fill out some papers and by the time you are packed, you'll be able to go." I skip of happily towards the room filled with beds as Elizabeth follows me. I couldn't believe I was finally getting to go see Dr. Montgomery.
I wasn't like most children who were scared of the monsters under their beds or in their closets. To me, closets and underneath beds were safe. They were places I could hide to get away from the things that scared me. Sometimes, I hid in these places to get away from Frank or one of my mom's friends or even my mom herself. The difference between me and most kids was that the monsters they visualized weren't real. My monsters I was scared of were real. Frank was a monster and sometimes when my mom was drunk or high, she was the monster. When I was younger even though Frank was dead, he still scared me and he still does. Everything about him is going to stay with me forever even though; I'm dying to forget. When I was little, I was scared of people. I was scared of men who looked like Frank. I was scared of all men. I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling. I lived in fear everything thinking he would come through my nightmares and get me. I never told anyone about Frank because I was afraid. I was afraid of what might happen to me. I was afraid because I pretended Frank wasn't real. I pretended Frank wasn't a person. I pretended Frank was the monster. Frank was the bad guy who haunted my nightmares. I had nobody when I was younger to hold me and tell me Frank wasn't going to hurt me anymore because he was dead because nobody knew about him, having told nobody about him. Even though he was dead, he still hurt me every night in my dreams and tonight it was no exception.
"STOP!" I awoke sitting up screaming not knowing where I was. Not knowing if I was still sleeping or awake. "STOP FRANK PLEASE!" I yelled into the darkness of the night.
Suddenly, a light turned on and it wasn't dark anymore. I felt somebody's hand on my shoulders as they shook me to get me back to reality.
"PLEASE DON'T FRANK," I yell again refusing to open my eyes.
"Julia wake up," a familiar voice says, one I recognize from my childhood. "I'm not going to hurt you,"
I continue to squeeze my eye shut as I listen to the voice talk. I know it from somewhere. I just can't remember where and I want to remember. I want to remember so badly where I know the voice from. Except I can't, so I open my eyes to see Addison sitting on my bed beside me, which makes me remember the events that happened from earlier. I sit up a little bit more and hug my legs against my chest I rest my chin on my knees.
"Where are we?" I ask her quietly and confused.
"You're in Seattle in mine and Derek's trailer."
The trailer. Now I remember. I remember when Addison drove up to this sliver aluminum camper trailer type thing saying, "We're home." I remember thinking about how it was the worst place I've ever stayed at. I remember being shocked. I knew Dr. Torres had said trailer but I didn't picture a camper trailer. I've stayed at pretty bad places and apartments through out my life but nothing compared to this piece of junk trailer sitting in the woods in the middle of nowhere. I mean it wasn't a piece of junk but it didn't look like much to be honest. I had pictured one of those house trailers in a trailer park when Dr. Torres had said trailer. I now understood why she'd said trailer like she did. And my bed wasn't really a bed. It was the table with Addison had lowered and somehow magically turned it into a bed.
"Are you okay?" She asks me concerned when I don't respond.
I manage to nod my head. "I'm sorry for waking you up." I look down at my feet. I'm waiting for some angry words, maybe a beating, or to get soap in my mouth but nothing happens. "Aren't you going to get the soap?" I ask her as she looks at me confused.
"What soap?"
"Nothing. Never mind," I mumble under my breath.
Addison and I sit there as we listen to the rain hit the trailers roof.
"Well, since we are up, why don't we go back to the hospital and pick up some magazines and get some snacks from the cafeteria. We can hang out in my office and once your ready to sleep again, we'll find a free on call room to crash in."
I'm speechless. I've never done everything like this before. It's the middle of the night. But it sounds fun and Addison never questioned me about the nightmares either. Every talks about how step mothers are wicked and evil, like in you know the movie Cinderella? But I think it's going to be fun having a stepmother around.
I awake the next morning to the sound of a door closing, startling me so much, I fall off the couch and onto a pile of magazines which where on the floor.
"Mini D!" I hear a male voice say as I open my eyes to see Mark standing in the office. "What the hell happened in here?" He asks looking around the place.
Addison's whole office is a complete disaster zone. There's magazines covering most of the floor up and where there weren't magazines, there were popcorn and pieces of chips. In the middle of all that sat a half eaten, melted tub of rocky road ice cream and an opened pizza box with only a couple of pieces left inside it. All I remembered was a lot of going through magazines, a lot of eating and then a lot of dancing to songs I didn't even know. Then, there was a lot of yelling as Derek had come in to tell Addison he needed her help in surgery which Addison had refused to go to because she wanted to spend time with me and not to mention the fact that Meredith Grey would be scrubbing in on the surgery as well which made Addison even more furious as she had begun to throw pieces of popcorn at Derek causing him to leave, Addison in tears. Derek then had come back seconds later with Dr. Webber whom everyone called the Chief. Addison, unaware that Dr. Webber was there threw the piece of pizza in her hands at Derek who ducked and therefore it landed right on the Chief's face. Causing the Chief to begin yelling at both of the explaining how childish they were being and because Addison had thrown the pizza at him, he let Derek win the argument, so therefore Addison had no choice but to scrub in for surgery.
"Hell," I moaned, yawning and standing up on my feet and then flopping back down on the couch I had passed out on.
Mark collapses down beside me. "It looks like that."
"It was horrible," I grumble, still not having completely woken up yet. "Derek and Addison had a fight and Addison refused to scrub in to monitor Derek's pregnant patient during the surgery Derek had to do because Meredith was assisting him. The Chief had to come and settle the argument and Addison attempted to throw pizza at Derek but it hit the Chief so he made her scrub in."
"I missed that?" Mark says stunned
"I thought my life was messed up," I say to Mark. "But this hospital. This mess Addison and Derek are in-"
I'm cut off my Mark's laughter; probably trying to picture what went down last night. I begin laughing to. We both laugh so hard we're clutching our stomachs because of the pain. We both laugh so hard there are tears in my eyes. Laughing is the best medication for anything. I haven't laughed this hard over something in a long time. Our laughing is stopped as Addison walking into her office. Her body, her energy was drained and there were dark circles under her sleepless eyes. She was no longer in her sweatpants and Yale tee-shirt she was wearing earlier when we arrived at the hospital. She was now wearing a navy pair of scrubs and a white doctors jacket over her scrubs. Addison looked like her was going to burst any second. She turned to Mark and I sitting on the couch and opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Mark broke the silence.
"Mini D," he turns to me, his eyes serious. Not playful like they were a few minutes ago. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a 50-dollar bill. "Go down to the cafeteria a get some coffee or breakfast or something okay?"
That's adult talk for get out of this office now before Addison pulls somebody's head off. Even though food is the last thing one my mind right now, I take the 50 dollar bill and leave Addison's office.
I'm don't want to go the cafeteria so I walk towards the nurses station, maybe to listeni into some gossip. I stand against the wall, close by for a few minutes listening to the nurse chat about nothing I didn't already know about. I yawned, still tired for last night so I headed towards a door marked on call room which Addison had mentioned last night would be okay to sleep in. Thankfully it's empty and I climb up to the top bunk, close my eyes and attempt to go to sleep. Except that doesn't quite get to happen as I hear a bunch of ruffling, the sound of clothes coming off, the door closing, and laughter as the couple banged into something. I move onto my back, look at the ceiling and plug my hands over my ears to block out the moans. I lay there awkwardly unsure what do.
"Derek," I hear a female voice say between the kissing and the breathing.
"Merei-"
I sit up as I listen to the heavy breathing, the moans and not to mention my fathers name being said by a voice that had to be someone ones other then Addison's because Addison was in her office. The voice obviously had to be Meredith's. I sit on the side of the bed, feet dangling in the air, looking down at a top less Meredith Grey and my father as he began to kiss her neck and work his lips was down her body. I was seriously scarred for life. I reach over on the bunk, grab the pillow and then drop it down on both their heads, making them look up at me. Meredith shrieked, realizing she and Derek weren't the only people in this on call room. She quickly grabbed the pillow I had thrown down at them to cover her exposed chest with. While Derek stopped kissing her stomach and looked up at me, he opened his mouth and then shut it realizing it was me sitting there.
"J..Ju…M…Mini….Mini D?" He struggles with his words to find the right name for me.
"Do you mind?" I roll my eyes, annoyed. "I'm trying to sleep because I did get a lot last for some reason." I glare at him then jump down off the top bunk and onto the floor. I turn to Meredith. "Who are you?" I ask even though I know exactly who she is.
"Mer—" Meredith begins except I cut her off.
"I know who you are," I interrupt her. "You're the intern that's fucking my father."
"Father? Derek?" Meredith looks at Derek with helpless eyes and a pale face as if she's just seen a ghost.
I then walk towards the door, about to push it open. "Did you forget about you wife, Dr. Shepherd?" I ask him. "You know who I'm talking about right? My stepmom, Addison Shepherd?"
"Mini D," Derek says. "I…I…Addison….you…I…Meredith" He clearly doesn't know what to say.
"Oh, I forgot to ask you," I say pushing the door open. "How's our DNA going daddy? Did you get the results back yet?" I ask rudely walking out into the hallway towards Addison's office. Figuring she and Mark had enough time to talk about whatever they wanted me gone to talk about.
I'm about to go around the corner but then get stopped by bumping into somebody.
"Sorry," I mumble looking up to see the O'Malley guy from the other day.
"Hey," he says recognizing me. "You're the girl from yesterday. Did you find what you where looking for?"
"Yeah. I did."
"Are you okay?" He asks looking at my pale face and my discouraged blue eyes with dark circles forming under them. "You look sick."
I shrug. "You would be too if you say what I just saw." I slowly continue towards the elevator and to Addison's office.
"Wait," O'Malley says running after me as I press the up button on the elevator.
"What?" I ask irritated. I right, after what went down in the on call room, I'm really not in the mood for talking.
"What did you see?" O'Malley asks curious.
"Are all doctors in this hospital this nosy?" I ask even more irritated.
"I'm sorry," O'Malley apologizes. "I just…I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I don't think you are."
I turn to O'Malley as the big metal door to the elevator open.
"I know you think your some big shot doctor guy since you saved a heart in the elevator and all." I say stepping into the elevator. "But you really are too full of your self." The elevator's door closes and I press the button for the maturity ward.
A few minutes later, I finally get to Addison's office. I push open the door to tell Addison the news about Derek and Meredith only to see Mark's naked ass up in the air, his body pressed on top of a naked Addison. It's like a Derek and Meredith déjà vu all over again except with Addison and Mark, whom I thought were trying all along to get into Derek's good books. As if the Addison Derek Meredith relationship wasn't twisted enough already, Mark had to go step in the picture making it a Mark Addison Derek Meredith relationship, therefore causing the relationship to become even twistyer. The door to Addison office slams shut.
"Mini D," Mark says shocked, falling off Addison, grabbing a magazine off the ground to cover his penis.
"Mini D?" Addison looks at Mark and then back to me realizing I'm in the room. "Oh my god, Mini D!" Addison shrieks. "Mark its Mini D."
"This is all fucked up," I say going back out the office door.
I leave Addison's office not looking back. The little bit of hope which I was still holding onto was gone. Everything was gone. The family I've always wanted was gone. The only thing that wasn't gone was this nightmare I was living in. The nightmare was the only real thing in my life right now. It wasn't just Frank whom still scared me every day. It was the fact that I was unwanted, unloved and worthless. I'm falling more apart each day I continue living. It's like each day, a piece of me dies. Nothing seems worth life anymore. I have nobody and nothing to live for. I felt so lost and so alone. The only way I saw out of this mess was to end my nightmares and the only it seemed to end those was to die. Like I said, everything was gone and soon, I would be gone too.
