Disclaimer: There can't be that many Eoin Colfers in the world. It's not a common name, is it? I assure you, I'm not one of them.


Artemis trudged through the gardens of Fowl Mansion, trying to keep his temper in check, cursing his mother and her sudden urge to throw a Christmas party. Being an Angeline Fowl party, the Christmas party was, of course, noisy.

Too many people, too many drinks. Even the enormous, luxurious Fowl Mansion could barely contain the amount of guests it was harbouring, but most of the guests had been kept indoors and away from the gardens, which was precisely why Artemis chose to escape outside as soon as possible.

He could always return to his room, away from the clutches of false manners and social obligations, but it would feel more like a cell than anything else. Artemis Fowl typically hated the outdoors, but tonight he would allow it to be his refuge.

His mind wandered, unbidden, to the city beneath the ground and its inhabitants. He wondered what his friends were doing as of now.

He hadn't seen them in seven months, since they'd narrowly escaped death in a lost tomb buried deep within Egypt. More than thirty weeks. Artemis groaned; he already missed the pounding adrenaline of nearing danger.

If danger was a magnet, he'd be a helpless little paper clip, irresistibly attracted to its very presence. Perhaps that is why he spends so much time with Holly. Unpredictable, violent, and certainly dangerous in her own right.

His musings are interrupted abruptly when a party guest that had wandered astray from the crowd stumbled into him, half-drunk with champagne and sporting a ridiculous grin.

"'ello there!" she giggled, throwing an arm over his shoulder in what she might've drunkenly interpreted as a comradely gesture. "You're the host's son, aren't you? A silly girl's name or something. Athena?"

Artemis sniffed in disdain, but he knew he was inclined to behave politely, for his mother's sake. Even if she was too stone drunk to remember anything tomorrow morning anyway.

"Artemis, actually," he said. "I was named after my father, it's also a general term meaning a hunter."

"A girl's name is a girl's name, 'rtemis," she giggled again. Artemis wondered if her vocal chords were impaired. "Stop deny-ing it."

"It is occasionally used as a girl's name, yes," he said, his tone even but his expression implying severe condescension.

"Don't matter to me," she says, looping her arm around his. Does, he wants to correct, but he restrains himself. "Thought you looked rather attractive actually, but you ended up sulking in a corner the entire night. So boring."

Artemis wants to shoot back a retort, but decides that she is not worth his time. Just as he is constructing a well-thought polite lie to get away, she un-loops her arms from his and hurls into a nearby bush.

How pleasant, he thinks, his nose wrinkling in disgust. She stares at him in confusion for a bit after hurling, as though trying to remember what exactly he was doing in front of her, before shaking her head and stumbling away.

Artemis is about to walk back to the mansion to have a good night's sleep when he notices the bush that the drunken girl had puked in. Walking closer subconsciously, he fingers the berries in his hands but accidentally pricks himself.

He studies the slowly bleeding wound on his fingertip with odd disinterest.

It is a holly bush. There are a dozen of decorations based on hollies in his home, among others, tonight. He knows, because he counted them while trying to avoid a couple aristocrats intent upon discovering the true amount of wealth the Fowl family possessed.

Hollies were generally quite toxic to humans, causing diarrhoea and other ailments when ingested; but it was also very important and vital to birds and other wildlife. Artemis cannot help but wonder at the irony of the situation.

A human, no doubt, but also a fowl. A painful necessity, perhaps?

It is a bad metaphor, but as his hands close around a fallen holly branch, he ignores his bleeding hand and smiles.


Yes, I'm aware it's a bad metaphor, but I read an article on holly bushes and I just couldn't resist. Anyway, new chapter, yay!

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