"I love you more than words can wield the matter;
Dearer than eye-sight, space, and liberty;
Beyond what can be valued, rich or rare;
No less than life, with grace, health, beauty, honour;
As much as child e'er loved, or father found;
A love that makes breath poor, and speech unable;
Beyond all manner of so much I love you.."
~ William Shakespeare
King Lear – Act 1, Scene 1
.
S
For long years, Shion could not do anything but rein himself in every matter regarding Nezumi. He had tried his hardest to respect his boundaries, to respect his decisions, to try and make sure his own actions and opinions—his desires—didn't make Nezumi feel uncomfortable. He had slipped a few times… he was only human… a mere human very much in love with the one person he had to hold back with. So he had kissed him when he couldn't say goodbye and he had begged him to stay when Nezumi said his. But everything else he felt, every other word coursing through his very being he could not speak but left within him; pleading to be let out, every selfish desire, every last bit of his yearning for the one person in his life that meant everything to him—so much that everything meant nothing without him—was tucked away, denied and buried deep in the aching drafts of his heart. For over four years, Shion had been aware of what Nezumi was to him; aware of what he himself wanted to be to him… For an even longer period of time, he had known Nezumi was the most important person in his life. He was, the moment Shion had laid eyes on him, and he always would be.
Four years after he was left standing atop a hill, his soul chasing after Nezumi's drifting back, his feet grounded in the earth beneath him and his heart torn somewhere in between, Shion felt hands, lips, tongue… he felt Nezumi himself reach far deep into the depths of his heart in prolonged chrysalis and break every last restraint, releasing him from his long, long confinement. It was okay to touch him… it was okay to desire him… it was okay to let his head fall back and his name to leak through his lips into the evanescent intervals between heavy sighs. Letting his voice cradle the name like a precious gem; laced and entangled in a drawn-out moan as it flowed out of his lungs; catching the flickering flames of his eternal love as it left his chest. It was finally okay… to love him. To love him more than anyone ever loved another being.
Pulled into the dizzying hotness of Nezumi's mouth, Shion teetered at the very edge of losing control. With his leg draped over Nezumi's shoulder, feeling purposeful hands touch him down there in ways he had never before imagined and the overpowering need to thrust into that teasing mouth wrapped around his throbbing arousal, Shion could barely breathe. His eyes closed tight shut at every flick of Nezumi's tongue over the most sensitive spots he himself didn't know he had, and shoot wide open; blind to everything around him when Nezumi's mouth closed around the tip and gave him impermanent sucks that tore keening moans through his trembling lips. Somewhere in the staggering haze he had fallen in, the warmth of the hand rooted on his thigh disappeared without warning and wrapped around the base of his length. Shion could not stop the loud groan escaping him at the first tug nor could he prevent his legs tense and his muscles lock taut around Nezumi's head. One of his hands, no longer satisfied with the light handling of Nezumi's hair, buried itself in a fist around his own snowy hair as Nezumi's hand steadied itself in a perfect rhythm; sliding up and down his length in impeccable unison with his mouth working over the head. Shion's back arched, head rolling backwards, crimson eyes unfocused and lost in overwhelming pleasure.
Splitting him in two, fire was ascending. Between his legs he could feel the powerful expansion of fierce heat; incited and driven by Nezumi's mouth and hand. Shion could no longer stop the "Ahh!"s that fell from his lips every time Nezumi's hand stoked him upwards. His hips were twitching under the weight; wanting nothing more than to meet Nezumi's every move, riding the furious fire that whirled inside him. The muscles in his lower abdomen tensed with each tug, sending shocking waves of heat through his body, prickling on his dewy skin, shooting through his nerves and exploding in his heart with every frantic beat.
Shion could feel his climax roll in with paralyzing intensity. Before he could voice it—so that Nezumi could pull back— the mouth around his aching arousal had vanished with a wet sound that stole a shiver from him. The moan that followed was filled with protest and need but Nezumi obviously had other plans as his tongue languidly slid over his length, momentarily postponing his climax but taking nothing from its crushing intensity. Shion drew in a much needed breath—and his mind went blank the moment he released it… Nezumi's hands had returned to his thighs and with one languid motion he had taken Shion in his mouth, as far and as deep as it would go. Shion's gasp was lost in the following groan; one he let slip through parted lips, one that rang clear in the bedroom. His hand was back in Nezumi's hair, his back arching and tears collected at the corners of his eyes with how much pleasure he was feeling. The pressure of Nezumi's tongue, each bob of his head as Shion's length was devoured by the hot, wet confines of his throat, made Shion cry out in ecstasy. Nezumi's name spilled through a crescendo of moans and his whole body shuddered when Nezumi hummed in between his movements.
The impending climax pressed in with crushing heat, sweeping all sense of reason and perception clear of his mind, blinding him with fire as hot as white lava. Shion's back left the bed, his whole body tensing as he curled forward, hands tightening into fists around Nezumi's hair he could not loosen. The sight of his length disappearing in Nezumi's mouth knocked the air out of his lungs. He felt himself being torn apart, bursting into cracks at the ends of every nerve and he could not speak, he could not warn Nezumi through the lengthy cry that stole his breath, he could not tell him that he was… that he was about to…
N
He was at the edge, the end of his rope, hanging on by a barely-there thread, and he was watching it slip right through his fingers. Shion had finally given in, had allowed the feeling to completely consume him, and now, he was being swallowed up by it. Left in the wake of his own passion, he was nothing more than a trembling mess with hands clutching at whatever they could hold, all in a vain attempt to pull himself together.. before he fell to pieces. But that was the plan; it always had been. Nezumi wanted—no, needed—to break him, to let him submerse himself in the depths of ecstasy.. and to clear that restless mind of his. He had to give Shion exactly what he deserved: an escape.. freedom.
His movements were abrupt and unexpected.. but far from unwelcome. Shion had practically bolted up off of the bed before curling himself forward; he had somehow nearly gotten to the exact position he began in.. except, not quite, if anything, he had drawn himself closer to Nezumi, so close that his breath—hot and fleeting—brushed just passed Nezumi's ear. Nezumi ached to cast a glance upward the moment those hands coiled tighter in his hair, with that same vice grip from before. He needed to see that face, flushed darkly, that hovered just above him. Oh, to see the fruits of his labor!—but not yet. He wasn't finished, and getting sloppy this far in the game just wasn't like him.
Just a bit longer..
Shion was at his limit, Nezumi knew that. All he needed was one final push, and he'd come undone.
..And—push.
All at once, heat suddenly flooded his mouth. The reflex for most would have been to jerk away, spit, and then probably send a few pissed remarks to the receiver, but Nezumi remained still. He didn't pull away in disgust, instead, he waited and took his time. With only a bit of trouble, he swallowed down the bulk of it in one gulp before slowly dragging his lips and tongue along Shion's length, withdrawing himself fully this time. The vulgar sound accompanying that action was one even he felt a bit embarrassed about as he swallowed again, harder this time. Running his tongue along his bottom lip to catch any overflow, but not removing a hand from Shion, Nezumi tilted his head upward. He could finally appreciate his—
..Just the sight of Shion made a shiver shoot up his spine, his breath catch in his throat, and his knees go weak. He wasn't the type to feel that way, especially not at a time like this, but that expression—fuck, that expression—was enough to drive anyone insane: the way Shion's lips were parted, mouth opened, as if there were some word hanging on the tip of his tongue that he lost mid-thought, and the way his eyes had gone hazy, like they weren't in this moment, like his mind was lagging behind, trying to catch up to what had happened. Shion was disoriented, and clearly.. still feeling the final waves of his orgasm. He was still lost in the aftershock, and just that look alone made Nezumi want nothing more than to keep him there, to prolong his pleasure as much as possible.
Tipping his head down once more, grey eyes fixed on red. It was an intent stare, one he could only keep by tilting his head at a certain angle, but he wanted Shion to see. Because he knew: if Shion could see him, then he could see Shion. Nezumi could watch every little tremor rake down his spine, any small twitch of his lips or flutter of his lashes, all the minor details that he hadn't gotten a clear view of before.
Deliberately licking his lips before parting them, Nezumi drew the flat of his tongue around the base, curling it as far as he could before changing angles—still keeping his eyes on Shion, all the while. His pace upward was steady; after all, clean up was a very precise job, and he hadn't any intention of leaving behind a single drop. Each movement was slow, nearly dragging, but that was the point, Nezumi wanted to lengthen any shiver or sigh that overtook or escaped Shion. He gauged his speed on every reaction. And by the time he had finished, Nezumi retracted his hands, giving them a once over, before running one beneath Shion's thigh, unhooking it from over his shoulder.
..So, that was the end of it.
And yet, he made no attempts to lift himself from between Shion's legs. He merely slid his hands up Shion's thighs once more, letting them rest atop the fabric, but that was it, that was as close as he'd get to Shion from here on out. His self-control had been stretched painfully thin. If he got any closer, he'd get lost in Shion, but to move even an inch away.. now, that would just be torturous. He could simply settle for the half way point, settle for simply watching Shion like this.
Nezumi closed his eyes for a brief moment, letting out a somewhat shaken, breathless sigh.
This was plenty enough.
S
Shion came inside Nezumi's mouth.
The blinding heat that hung above him crushed him with staggering force. Shion's cry of ecstasy didn't seem to suffice as he felt his entire being splitting open, his sight went glaring white, every single muscle in his body convulsing with the waves that ripped from the very core of his body. He could not breathe, could not think, he couldn't even blink as the single most powerful orgasm he ever had in his life almost knocked him out. The mere sight of Nezumi's mouth remaining still around his arousal, his eyes closed and his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, added an extra wave of excruciating pleasure that sent his heart in disarray in abrupt beats and his hands to tighten around evening black tresses. His hips twitched, involuntarily riding his orgasm in fractional, barely noticeable jerks into the suffocating heat of Nezumi's mouth.
Nezumi's lips and tongue moved along his overly sensitive length and the sensation stole violent shivers from his spine and tremulous gasps that rushed into his lungs without ever coming close to satisfying his need for air. Shion found himself shaking in Nezumi's hold, feeling goosebumps breaking over his skin. The brush of air feathering against the wetness of his length where Nezumi's tongue had just swept over reduced him to a whimpering mess of overheated limbs. His head spun, his sight blurred and urging sounds of overwhelming pleasure he had never heard himself make fell in to the narrow space between his trembling lips and Nezumi's ear.
When Nezumi's mouth released his length with a sound that misfired jolts of fire through his nerves despite the staggering sense of transcendent oblivion he swam in, Shion was sure he would fall on top of Nezumi. Swaying on spot and somehow managing not to fall, Shion was barely able to notice Nezumi's grey eyes that were staring hungrily at him. The haze in Shion's mind was too thick for him to focus on anything as he was hardly able to keep himself up. But when those ethereal grey eyes remained fixed on him, drinking in his expression Shion felt himself thoroughly and completely exposed. Every feeling in his frantic heart, every desire in his aching body, every thought and every unspoken word was bared naked. He was transparent and more vulnerable than he had ever been before Nezumi's piercing gaze. Instead of making him want to recoil and fold into himself in self-preservation, Shion wanted to expand further for him. To reveal more… to share everything… to let Nezumi in deeper than anyone had ever waded into another person's being.
Nezumi tilted his head without ever breaking the gaze and licked his lips. Shion's core responded with a burning pulse cutting through the somnolent heaviness draped over him. Before his very eyes, Nezumi's tongue darted out and curled around his length, sweeping clean every last drop of the thick liquid coating his flesh. His silver eyes with dark lashes, accented by the golden tint of the bedside lamps, never released his own crimson eyes. Shion felt himself shatter in Nezumi's captivity; dissolving into incandescent molecules and atoms that comprised him. Shivers took a hold of his spent body as they shot heady currents of heat-rush to his dizzied mind and tugged at the few tiny droplets of sweat cooling his skin. The sound that left his lips and flowed into the tiny space between their faces was feeble and long. Something in between a drawn-out sigh and a low moan. His arousal was still too sensitive to touch but Nezumi took no prisoners as he let his tongue slide over every inch. Pleasure —a kind that he had never felt before; sore and aching — brought tears in his eyes as Shion continued to stare into Nezumi's grey gaze.
—I love you… I love you… Nezumi… Nezumi… I love you so much…
Shion closed his eyes as a single tear slid down his cheek over the red scar. He felt Nezumi pull back, his hands finally letting go of his length but not his body as they rested on his thighs. Opening his eyes, Shion stared into Nezumi's eyes one more time. His hands were still in his hair and they were still as close as their positions allowed them to be… Shion sitting at the edge of the bed with Nezumi knelt between his legs. For a long moment Shion tried to understand the vastness of the truth about himself and Nezumi. About what they truly meant to each other and about how far they were willing to go for one another. The blazing glow of silver in Nezumi's eyes was as beautiful as it had ever been. Burning bright with vitality and sharp perception. His hair was disheveled due to Shion's grip, his lips reddened and full, his expression inexplicably calm despite the raging fire in his eyes… Shion's hands dropped from his hair and passed his shoulders as they locked around the collar of his shirt. Without an ounce of reservation, Shion sealed Nezumi's lips shut with his own as he pulled Nezumi towards him with such force that he fell back on the bed with Nezumi on top of him. His tongue brushed over bruised lips and into Nezumi's mouth, a foreign taste tingling on the tip of his tongue —his own essence —and something hot and hard pressed against his groin.
They were not done yet…
N
How could he begin to explain?
The words.. all of them, simply escaped him. They fluttered away long before he could draw them into coherent thoughts, and he had to wonder just where that quick wit of his had gone. Had it somehow dulled between the breathless kisses and wandering hands?
Like a creature robbed of its natural defenses, he mourned the loss of his sharp tongue. His favorite weapon had been stolen from right beneath his nose, and now, he sat unsure, far more unsure than he recalled being in these past months, of how he felt, but more so, what bothered him most was the fact that he hadn't an idea where to start in unraveling these complicated feelings. They were a tangled mess, bunched in his throat, making his already short breaths.. heavier.
Nezumi relished in the way afterglow took hold of Shion. It was the one thing he could admit, the only thing he was completely certain of. He knew that, within this moment, it was enough to just sit before him, to bear witness as Shion hung at the paramount of ecstasy with a haze lingering in his eyes, an added heat and pitch to his voice, and a dizzy air swept about him. It dared to carry him away, and Nezumi felt overwhelmed by how heavily his actions affected Shion. He had been a part of this rush of pleasure, and that was all he needed, all he wanted.
It was enough—Oh god, was it ever enough!—just to see this side of Shion and know that it was reserved for his eyes only, that it was a side only he could invoke within Shion.
..But, maybe—no, there was no"maybe"—that was, without a doubt, a fucking lie.
It wasn't enough. It wasn't even close.
Nezumi was a living, breathing, hot-blooded man with just as many needs and desires as Shion. He wasn't some God with nerves of steel nor one with unyielding self-control. He was at the edge, holding back from his impulses, going against himself thanks to a his slowly-dwindling willpower.
This was only enough because he refused to accept any more. He felt unworthy of any more, and that was why it had barely gotten this far, why he had told himself before that he'd simply kiss those lips, kiss Shion over and over until he felt satisfied, but Shion's desires drug him in deeper than intended. Nezumi had let himself get caught up in the passion burning within Shion, the longing building within himself..
But this was it: this was as far as they'd go.
He was sure of it.
..Pretty sure, at least.
After all, this was his fault, not Shion's. Nezumi was the idiot who hadn't given Shion any credit. He hadn't thought twice about just how hot Shion's voice could get when it spiked in pitch during abrupt gasps or how it could roll along at a perfect register during languid moans. God, how could he be so fucking stupid not to consider just how intoxicating it would be to have those hands knitted in his hair, tugging and jerking at him in a way that sent shivers down his spine.. And that wasn't even close to the way it felt to have those hips rocking against his mouth, riding out an orgasm. He was a fool, a damned fool, not to think of how lost he'd feel beneath that usually overly observant gaze.. as it went out of focus, drifting far away to a place beyond what he could see.
He wanted to be where Shion was..
People lied all the time, proclaiming that one person's pleasure was their own, but in Nezumi's case, in his case regarding Shion, there was truth to it. Being here, like this, was, honestly, the first time he felt enraptured, the first time he felt taken.. and the first time, dare he say it, he felt drawn to someone.
Neither of them said it, but his feelings echoed Shion's thoughts.
Shion's hands raked through his hair at a steady pace, one that drew a shiver out of him as his eyes slowly opened once more. The sight of Shion leaning forward with that dizzy haze still in his eyes, with that air of paradise lingering on him, with an offer to join him there, left Nezumi starstruck.
His resolve slipped away, had shattered into pieces, and he was too taken by the moment to care about gathering them up.
Shion had bypassed all the games, all the childish tendencies, and raced into a pressing sort of kiss—hard and sloppy, as if he still hadn't fallen from his high. Nezumi couldn't complain, especially not when his body reacted to Shion's hands jerking at his collar, tugging him upward again, and drawing him back atop Shion on the bed. A low sound crept from the back of his throat, one he had been trying to swallow down, and he felt feverish—it was a foreign feeling.
He barely jerked away—lips searing and wet from kisses, mouth open with shot pants leaking out. Grey eyes remained wide and bright. He knew what was happening. Nezumi knew that he should pull back and get away from Shion. But those eyes left him feeling entranced. Even as he glanced away, licking his bottom lip, trying to find an escape route, he found himself drawn back.
Nezumi wanted it. He wanted it in a desperate way he hadn't ever experienced before. It was useless to pretend otherwise. He had never felt so exposed in his life, so how could he run away now? The short answer: he couldn't.
His hands, which had been flat against the bed on either side of Shion's head, slowly slipped behind it, clutching at that messed hair. His fingers twisted and coiled in it, as he sank lower, pressing himself against Shion, chest-to-chest.
The kisses were hungrier than before, maybe even a bit needy—no, they were definitely needy. But he wasn't the only one submitting to instinct. Shion's kisses were wet, messy, and sloppy. He was staggering through the motions in a way that felt candid and real, a way that attracted Nezumi even more, that made his own need intensify.
This couldn't go farther though..
But it seemed every part of him, everything aside from his own mind, needed it to.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
This is the seventh chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.
Nezumi = A-Wanderer-No-More. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]
Shion = Me at Shion-of-No.6 [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]
This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.
I hope you'll enjoy it.
Preview image by Fujiroku [ fujiroku. tumblr. com ]
