The next two days were some of the longest of Katniss' life. The blizzard raged on unceasingly—to step outside was to be blasted by the driving wind, to be invaded by a bone-chilling cold. Travel even a short distance was next to impossible.
Katniss felt like a caged animal. During the day she prowled from window to window, anxious to detect any lessening of the storm. Her mother and Prim sat by the fire, trying to calm her, but their reassurances fell on deaf ears.
At night Katniss lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the shrieking of the wind. She could not stop thinking about Peeta. Her imagination ran wild, feeding her all sorts of terrifying images of him, lost and wandering in the storm.
Why had he been so insistent on leaving? Didn't he know how dangerous it was? His coat was much nicer than her own, but would it be enough to protect him? Surely, surely he had had enough sense to stick to the road. If he had tried to cross the Meadow, it would have been far too easy for him to lose his bearings, only to wander in circles until cold and fatigue overcame him. But if he stayed to the road, there were fences and mailboxes and lampposts to guide him, and houses for him to take shelter in if he needed to.
She knew he was smart enough to figure that out. She had to believe it, or she would go crazy.
When she did sleep, it was only to suffer from horrifying nightmares of finding Peeta's frozen body buried in the snow, blue and stiff in death. Or else she would find herself wandering lost in the storm, chasing after Peeta who was nothing more than a vague shadow, always too far ahead to see clearly. In these dreams, she knew that reaching Peeta meant reaching safety, but she could never catch up to him, and he seemed deaf to all her attempts to call out to him.
Sometimes she thought the blizzard would never end—that it would rage on and on until the end of time. But of course that was impossible. On the third night the storm finally blew itself out and they woke up to a bright and sunny, if cold, day.
The roads were still impassable, but Katniss was determined. She couldn't take another day of not knowing. She brought out the shovel and dug a path all the way to the Hawthorne's, three houses down. After two hours of hard labor, she found herself knocking on their front door. Thankfully, it was Rory who answered. He was shocked to see her.
"Katniss! What are you…how did you…is something wrong? Is it Prim…?"
"She's fine, Rory," Katniss hastened to assure him. "Everything's fine, I just came to ask a favor."
"Hi Katniss!" Said Hazelle Hawthorne, coming to stand next to her son. "How are you? Did you all come through the storm all right?"
"Yes, we didn't have much damage. Just a few shingles gone. How about you all?"
"Same," Hazelle answered. "But won't you come in? We were just about to sit down for lunch."
Katniss glanced over Hazelle's shoulder. She could see Gale sitting at the table, determinedly avoiding her gaze.
"Thank you, but no," she said. "I just came over to see if you still have that old pair of snowshoes? I wondered if I could borrow them for a while."
"Of course," said Hazelle. "Rory, could you…?"
"I know where they are," he answered. "I'll be right back."
Hazelle turned back to Katniss.
"We miss you around here," she said, her voice low.
"I know. I miss you guys, too."
"Don't you think it's about time for you two to make up? I've never seen you apart for so long before."
"It's not up to me, Hazelle."
The older woman sighed. She was about to say something else when Rory came running back to the door.
"Here you go, Katniss," he said, handing over the snowshoes. He had his coat slung over his arm. "Mom, is it okay if I run over to the Everdeen's for a bit? I want to see Prim."
"Go ahead," his mother said, and he whooped and started running down the path Katniss had just made.
"Put on your coat!" Hazelle called after him, then she turned to Katniss and rolled her eyes. "Young love," she said drily. Katniss laughed.
"Thanks for the snowshoes," she said. "I'll try to get them back to you this afternoon."
"No rush, Katniss. Just don't break an ankle using those things or your mother will have my head on a platter."
"Don't worry. See you later."
Katniss strapped on the snowshoes and headed for town.
Getting through the Seam was slow-going, and by the time Katniss reached town her ankles and calves were aching. She pressed on, though, determined not to spend one more night worrying about Peeta. Fortunately, once she reached the paved streets of town she could move a bit faster—most of the merchants had spent the morning shoveling their sidewalks in anticipation the flood of customers that were sure to come after the storm.
Before she knew it, Katniss was standing in front of Mellark's Bakery. She hesitated for a moment—now that she was here she was almost afraid to go in. What if her worst fears had come true?
Finally she gave herself a mental shake and forced herself to move. She flew up the stairs and through the door. She heard the tinkle of the bell above, but was momentarily blinded after coming in from the bright sunshine. Finally she was able to see that the store was empty save one person.
Standing there in front of her was Peeta, holding a broom, alive and well. He wore an apron, and Katniss could see smudges of flour on his shirt and in his hair. When he saw who had come in, his face lit up.
"Katniss!"
She couldn't speak. After all her worry over the past few days, after the pacing and the nightmares and lack of sleep, and the tortuous trek to get here, she had only one emotion left to feel when she finally saw him safe and sound.
Pure, unadulterated rage.
"You ASS!" She yelled, and flew at him. He jumped back, dropping the broom with a clatter. "You inconsiderate, selfish, stubborn ass!"
With each word she spoke, she gave him a shove. When he was finally backed into the wall, she started using her fists to beat against his chest.
"What the hell were you thinking? Do you have any idea how scared I've been? Do you have any idea? I thought you were dead!"
Peeta had been trying in vain to catch her hands, to stop her assault. Finally he just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, trapping her arms against his chest.
"You jerk!" She sobbed, her voice muffled against him. "How could you do that to me?"
"Katniss, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he said, his breath warm in her ear. He wrapped his arms even tighter around her, and she finally stopped trying to fight him. Instead she wrapped her own arms around his torso and held on for dear life. She couldn't stop crying.
"I've been so scared…"
"Katniss it's okay. I'm sorry I frightened you, but I'm here. I'm fine. Everything's okay."
He was stroking her hair now, and she felt him give her temple a small soft kiss. She finally started to relax. He was so warm and strong and there.
"Why did you have to go?" she asked, her voice plaintive. "Why didn't you stay with me?"
He sighed. "I guess I should have, but…did I ever tell you that I've been sneaking out at night to come meet you?"
"No," she sniffled.
"I know it's ridiculous—I'm a grown man. But…you've met my mother. I usually do anything I can to avoid a confrontation with her, so I've been keeping it a secret. That night…if I hadn't got back home, she would have found out. She never could have kept me away from you, but she would have made things very…difficult. I didn't want anything to jeopardize my time with you—I've been living for our walks together. If I lost that I don't know what I would do."
"You still should have stayed," she admonished.
He laughed softly.
"I know. I was halfway home when it finally started to dawn on me what an idiot I had been. At that point, though, I didn't really have any choice but to keep going. Took me over an hour to get here."
Katniss didn't say anything. She just held on tighter.
"I'm really sorry, Katniss," he said again.
"I know," she whispered.
"Thank you for worrying, though," he said softly. "I didn't think you…I didn't know you cared so much."
She pulled back a bit to see his face. His blue eyes stared into hers.
"I do care, Peeta," she said. "Don't you know that?"
He nodded.
"I think I'm starting to realize," he whispered.
They just stood there for a moment, looking at each other. Katniss was starting to realize, too. Then Peeta lowered his head and kissed her.
For once in her life, Katniss allowed herself to enjoy the moment. She didn't think, she didn't analyze, she simply felt. She felt the strength of his arms holding her tightly to him, the warmth of his body against hers, the tenderness of his touch. She felt his lips soft and warm on her own, the happiness bubbling up inside her.
All she knew was that she wanted that feeling to go on forever.
They stood like that, lost to the world, for several minutes. Then they heard the jingle of the bell over the front door.
Startled , Katniss pulled away and turned around to see the person who had just walked in. Her heart sank when she saw who it was. Ethel Jessen was known as the District's biggest gossip, and she was standing there with wide eyes and a grinning mouth, looking for all the world as though she had just walked in on the biggest scoop of her life.
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Katniss was already a good ways down the sidewalk before Peeta caught up to her. He grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop.
"Katniss, wait."
"Peeta, let me go."
"No, Katniss. We need to talk about this. Please."
"Let me go," she repeated, trying to pull her hand away.
"Would you stop?" Peeta said, and for the first time, Katniss heard anger in his voice that was directed at her. She froze. "Stop trying to run away from everything. You can't hide us forever, Katniss!"
"This is exactly what I've been trying to avoid, Peeta! Now everyone is going to know…"
"You're right. They will. The damage has been done, Katniss, so will you please come back and talk to me? If nothing else we need to figure out how to handle this."
Katniss looked at him. She knew he was right.
"Okay," she said.
Peeta let out a relieved sigh. "Okay. Come on."
Still not releasing her hand, Peeta headed back to the bakery. As they climbed the steps, he told her, "Just go straight on back to the kitchen while I take care of Mrs. Jessen really quick. Don't worry, my mom and dad are both upstairs."
"All right," said Katniss, and when they went through the door she walked straight to the back, carefully avoiding the gaze of Mrs. Jessen.
"Sorry about that, ma'am. What can I do for you today?" she heard Peeta say as she pushed her way through the swinging door and entered the large kitchen.
She wandered around aimlessly, picking things up without noticing what they were before putting them back down. She couldn't stop thinking about the way it had felt to kiss Peeta, and she couldn't stop wondering how they were ever going to get out of this mess.
She heard the bell over the front door chime again, and then Peeta came into the kitchen and hung his apron up on one of the pegs lining the wall. "Come on," he said, taking her hand to lead her through a door and up a staircase. When they reached the top, Katniss realized she was standing in the Mellark's living room. Mr. Mellark was sitting in a chair next to the windows, reading a book. He looked up as they entered.
"Dad," Peeta said, "Do you mind covering the store for just a little while? I need to talk to Katniss in private."
Katniss blushed, but Mr. Mellark just smiled kindly.
"Of course, Son," he said rising from his chair. "Take your time, but keep it down—your mother is napping in her room."
"We will, Dad. Thanks."
Mr. Mellark headed for the stairs, and as he passed he briefly placed a hand on Katniss' shoulder.
"It's good to see you, Katniss," he said quietly.
"Thank you, sir," she said.
Peeta led her down a hallway to his bedroom. She looked around with curiosity—she had never imagined herself here. It was unexpectedly small and, she saw to her amusement, messy. The bed was unmade, and there were clothes strewn here and there. The corner of the room nearest the window was devoted to his artwork. His desk was there, and it was cluttered with pencils, notebooks and loose paper. The wall above was covered with a mosaic of his sketches and paintings.
She walked over, eager to get a closer look. Although she and Peeta had spoken extensively of his love for art, she had never seen any of his work firsthand. She could see immediately that he was extremely talented. His favorite subject seemed to be people, as she saw many faces staring back at her from the wall. She recognized his father and brothers, and children who could only be his nieces and nephew. There were also many faces familiar to her from school—Peeta's friends. But the face that appeared most often was her own.
"Sorry," Peeta spoke softly behind her. "You're kind of my favorite subject to draw. I hope it doesn't bother you."
"It doesn't," she answered honestly. "They're amazing. Truly, Peeta. All of them."
She turned to see him smiling shyly.
"Thanks," he said.
Then an awkward silence fell between them as they both remembered the reason they were there.
"Look, Peeta," Katniss finally started, but Peeta swiftly interrupted her.
"I love you."
Katniss just blinked. "What?"
"I said I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time."
Katniss didn't know what to say.
"Peeta, I…you…you can't."
Peeta laughed.
"What do you mean, I can't? I can. I do."
Katniss shook her head. "No. No…"
Peeta stepped across the room to take her hands, and then he started to speak very rapidly.
"I know you don't feel the same way I do, Katniss. That's okay. And I never would have said anything unless…The way I did it before, when you asked me why, that was a mistake. I knew you weren't ready but I just wasn't thinking. But now, the way you kissed me downstairs—don't you think there could ever be a chance you could love me, too?"
He looked imploringly into her eyes. Katniss wanted so badly to tell him yes, to see his face light up with happiness. But she couldn't.
"Peeta, it would never work," she whispered.
"Why not? Because I'm from town and you're from the Seam? That doesn't matter, Katniss."
"It does."
"It doesn't. We could be together and nobody would care except a few random idiots."
"You're wrong."
"I'm not. For god's sake, Katniss! How could you of all people…your own parents, they made it work. According to my father, they were madly in love. They were happy, Katniss."
Katniss jerked her hands away.
"Yes," she said bitterly. "They were in love, and just look what that got them. My father died and my mother was destroyed, Peeta!"
She stopped, suddenly realizing she had revealed too much. Peeta stared at her, understanding dawning on his face.
"You're not afraid of what people will think. You're afraid of getting hurt if you let someone get too close to you."
"Maybe I am. You weren't there, Peeta. You don't know what it was like."
"So, what…your solution is to be alone for the rest of your life?"
"I'm not alone. I have Mom. I have Prim."
"And when they're gone?"
"Better to be alone than to be broken."
Peeta was looking at her in disbelief.
"You can't really think that."
"I do."
He shook his head.
"No. No, you care about me. You said it. You kissed me."
"I do care about you, Peeta. As a friend. The kiss…the kiss was a mistake."
"It wasn't."
"It was. I was emotional, I haven't been sleeping…"
"Those are just excuses."
"Peeta, please…"
Before she knew what was happening, Peeta had swept her into his arms. He pressed his lips insistently to hers, and for a moment Katniss couldn't help but respond. But then she gathered her strength and pushed him away with both hands.
They stared at each other, breathing heavily.
"Katniss, don't. Please don't do this."
"I'm sorry, Peeta," she whispered, and ran out the door before he could see her tears.
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AN: Well, there you go. An extra-long chapter, chock full of stuff, just in time for your Cinco de Mayo reading pleasure. (I hope). And you guys! Over one hundred story alerts for this fic. That totally blows my mind.
I was half-awake when I edited this, so if you see any glaring errors please let me know.
Also, I just thought you all should know that I very nearly cut this chapter off when Edith Jessen walked in, but I decided I should keep going for a bit. Aren't you glad? Don't you think I deserve a reward? Something like…I dunno…a review?
