Dusk deepened. I noticed Fangtasia's new bartender, (Chow?) was creeping around in the cemetery. I guess that should be of comfort, but its pretty unsettling. Well, this had been quite a long day. Poor Tara! I really regret talking with Eggs now. Nobody is safe with me around. I wish I had more to give her. I am not much help for Jess, either. The good news on that front is while I was working the lunch shift, Jason offered some real help to Hoyt. After seeing Jason in action in Dallas, I think(as crazy as it sounds) they may be able to track her down. Hoyt thinks Maxine may have found out about Jess's parents, which could make matters even worse. I really need Bill's help. Unnghh… What I have to do now is concentrate on helping Bill. I checked 1800-free-411 for Fangtasia's number.( Hey, if you listen to an ad, you don't have to pay the fee.)
An answering machine clicked on with a prompt to press 1 to talk to a live human or a dead vampire, (cute.)
"Hello. This is.."
" Sookie Stackhouse, what a pleasure… This is Pam."
"Oh, hello Pam."
" I heard you all had some adventure in Dallas, yes?"
"Yes, you could say that."
"And recently an immortal DemiGod creature waged war on your hometown?"
"Yep. "
"Well, that must have been quite a donnybrook."
"It's sure a mess." I sighed.
"And now Compton has got himself abducted?... Do you ever feel the life of a supernatural companion may not be for you? " She stifled a snort.
" Lafayette, the fellow you tortured, in the basement? … He says dealing with you all is like trying to run up a big, wet manure pile in ballet slippers," ( true, but he didn't say manure)
"He's got quite the flair for metaphor, that one. " I could almost perceive a smile in her voice." At least none of you are suffering from ennui."
"Ennui? …Is that a new flu?" I thought.
"I have been counteracting my boredom proactively- since I may not be asked to join in on the current mission." resentment marked her last words.
"Yes," I thought. " The current mission, please go on… because I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do!" I'm the only one that doesn't seem to know about it yet, my mind grated. Furthermore, if Pam explains it, maybe I won't need to be interrogated further by tall, blond and mysteriously departed.
"Oh, that's good," I supplied eventually.
"Yes, I am applying online for the Vampire Channel's new reality series "Vampire Survivor"
(Oh gulp.)
"What do you think Sookie?"
(I think I hope to hell there's no human camera crew!... and what could they possibly do for challenges?)
" Oh, you'd be real good Pam, " I believed it. "I would watch," (with my eyes closed.)
" Eric, and I had a disagreement over my participation in Mississippi; and he suggested a new show. He thought it should be set in the tropics. Makers of disobedient vampires could send their charges and it would be entitled : she paused, "Dis-pleasure Island"
I didn't have a response for that.
" He has a wonderful sense of humor, don't you agree?"
"Yep, he's a real peach" (if you're terrified of peaches)
" Cosmopolitan magazine writes that a sense of humor is the #1 factor in a woman choosing a mate. My Master is the complete package," she clicked off proudly.
"I'm sure you're right." ( … but have the bomb squad check that package )
" Is your Master (gag) available to speak with me now, or could you maybe discuss the plan… or this bodyguard with me?' (please)
" Oh, I wouldn't think of denying Eric that privilege," she purred. " Has he not arrived, yet?"
Oh, shit.
