'Lily, I am so, so sorry.' He had said it, at last.

Severus Snape had spent his post Lily lifetime paying for what he'd blindly done, but to have the incredible chance to say those simple words to this woman was a blessing of closure, a catharsis, it was welcome pain. The leaden weight he never knew he'd been carrying slid from his back.

'I know Severus love, I know.' Lily said softly. A tear loosed itself and tumbled to her chin, it fell splashing onto his white hand. She reached up to stroke a strand of black hair from his thin pale face, held his cheek and with her thumb traced his eyebrow, smoothing the twisted arch. 'Oh sweetheart, the remorse stops here, now, do you hear me, it was not your fault. Nothing was of your choosing.'

Severus closed his eyes and nodded, slowly releasing his breath as more of his heavy armour slipped.

...Love?...Sweetheart?...Severus whomped the little bird before it could cheep.

Severus, softened by Lilys gentle acceptance sighed,

'You do know everything, don't you.'

Lily nodded, she swatted her tears away and shaking her head to clear her thoughts said,

'There was no definite plan Sev, it was coincidence that you were listening at that door the night Trelawney was there with Albus, she was just wanting a job, the same as you were. Sometimes paths converge and the course of history pivots. The Ancient Magic, Equilibrium, Fate, call it what you will, just saw its chance to avert a terrible thing from continuing, and took it. It created time. Time enough for Albus to gather and re group. It also created Harry.' Lily stroked his nose again, 'Severus you were dealt a terrible hand, the worst that could happen to a living being.'

'But Lily, I continued living, you died...and...'

She stopped him, laying a finger gently to his mouth,

'You should know there are worse things than death. Goodness Sev, you had to live believing that you had killed the only thing that you had ever loved.' Lily seemed quite fascinated in the curve of his lip, she drew her hand away, a little abashed. Severus watched this and paused, he blinked before admitting,

'I wanted to die.' He really had too. There was nothing like the feeling that the soul of your being had been cut out with a blunt spoon to bring on morbid sentiments. He had never recovered, survived yes, but 'living' was not an applicable verb to describe his existence.

Lily took a strand of his hair and tenderly tucked it behind his ear,

'I know, well my part of you did die, but the rest of you didn't, and that was because of Albus. You know, I believe Albus knew that something hugely important had happened, intuitively, he could recognise a gift when he saw, heard one. He guessed that something had happened with Harry, not exactly what, but I think that he had a fair idea. He also knew that that monster could and would return. Albus would have been pretty set that you were to live. You see Sev, Dumbledore too lived with the remorse of having been effective in the death of one he dearly adored. He knew for himself the drive that remorse and desire for redemption can instil in a person, and with that drive instilled in you Severus, the resulting energy would be formidable. He recognised that in the act of killing me Voldemort had unwittingly created the most lethal weapons in Albus' arsenal, you.

The exhausted Wizard leant back and sat on the ground.

'Yes, yes he did. I would never have stopped.'

'And you didn't, not of your own volition. No one else could have done what you did Severus, absolutely no one. With your past, your brilliance, your unique range and capacity, you were marked, primed and set in motion. My death was necessary for this to happen. It is all so hideous, believe me I know, but we are talking of the bigger picture Severus. I am happy to have died to bring an end to that terror.'

'Yes. I understand.' Numbly, blankly Severus let his breath go, turned to sit on the grass beside her and resting his chin on his knuckles looked out over the fields. He had spent his entire life as a pawn to one master or another, why wouldn't it go this far, the universe itself had pulled his string.

But really he had been dealt a corker.

Lily smiled sadly.

'It really was neat little design, the best always are, simple, ingenious and extraordinarily effective. Just a few well appointed words, amazing,' she reached out and playfully shook his shoulder, 'Oh God Sev, I know this is hard, but just think, without that missive and the resulting effect, we would not be sitting here now, together.' The Witch with the green eyes smiled a little shyly.

Severus was a little taken aback. He took his time thinking it through, yes it was true that the events however astonishingly grim did lead to this, but what he could not fathom was why Lily was here. They had had no contact whatsoever since the night they had talked outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, and there on the stairs of Gryffindor Tower Lily had turned and walked out of his life forever, it was not her parting words but the ensuing feeling of utter desolation that echoed in his nightmares and had him waking up sweating.

The Wizard rubbed his hands over his drawn and miserable face. He drew a deep breath and asked,

'Why are you here Lily, why did you come here with me?'

'Because I wanted to,' Lily stated simply, 'Severus, I so wanted to, the part of my soul that always loved you split off and came here to look over and wait for you.' Lily Evans was looking searchingly at the Wizard crouched in front of her, looking for any hint of understanding. She found none, but caught the glinting dawn of...something.

...what the...? Snape gasped,

'But you walked away from me Lily, I tried but you were having none of it, you would not even listen to me...and,' he was just getting started on his moan when Lily started vehemently shaking her head and held up her hand in an unmistakable command, she waved her index finger in front of his nose,

'Now you stop right there, Severus Snape. How dare you accuse me of walking away, when you'd been doing just that to me for years. How the hell do you think it made me feel to watch you waltzing away down a murky path that I could never follow ...did you ever stop to consider my feelings, what that did to ME?'

Lily was nut busting furious this time, looking straight at the startled Wizard she yelled,

'You left me Severus Snape!'

...Oh Shite... He had never considered this.

'But why did you not say anything?' he faltered. The Potion Masters face was a mess of horrified confusion.

'God Severus, why did you not say anything, you never confided in me, I had no idea how you really felt until I saw you holding my dead body.'

'But, but, I just never...imagined you'd ever...' He became extremely pale as the resounding claxon of enlightenment whanged through his body.

'Oh love, I know that now. But we could never have been together anyhow, But Ye Gods I tried Severus, I tried but no, you just wanted to hang out impressing those awful excremental pals of yours, dead set on the mayhem and murder that was to come. So much potential and you had to become such an arsehole. What would I have done while you were out blasting Muggles? Do you really think I could have hung around all cozy girly with Bellatrix, drinking schnapps and discussing the latest torture technique? No, I had to finally concede defeat and let you go, that day under the beach tree was the end. It wasn't that one word Sev, it was oh, everything, years. I had to decide for my own safety to step back, permanently. I did not want to but Severus I could never have followed where you were headed, it really scared me, you were becoming really scary.'

She looked at him checking that he was taking this all in. He was. She continued,

'Do you really think it would have felt safe for me to share my feelings with you? For you it may have seemed normal practise, but dark nasty stuff just isn't what a lot of people fancy for breakfast.'

Wow, he had never guessed she had ever been interested, this was a revelation. It was just that his plan of trying to impress her with his prowess in the Dark Arts was sorely misjudged.

It had taken the death of Lily for him to understand the reality of what his damaged mind had been directed towards and he was not proud of it. Snape had taken time to consider his compatriot Death Eaters and had not liked what he saw, every one poisoned with dull witted prejudice. Against his real feelings he had accepted this grim pre-requisite for Death Eater gang membership as the cost of acceptance and approval.

It had proved to be too high a price. It could kill. And death hurt the ones left behind, really fucking badly. Severus could never before have conceived just how deep the human heart could feel, how the grief of irredeemable loss, guilt, remorse and the frustration of utter impotence could culminate in one life long blinding silent howl of agony.

A flash of clarity and he saw it all, two paths leading in entirely opposing directions. It could never have been any other way.

She was gonna let him have it after all, not for killing her, but for not loving her enough.

'You wonder why I chose James, Sev?' Noticing how he winced at the mention of this hated name, she snapped, 'Well shut up and listen. It was because he was the absolute opposite of you, there were no comparable features and also nil chance of running into you at social gatherings. I could not be reminded of you in any way, it would have been too painful. Of course I do love James, but I had set myself on being alone and he just wooed me over and that was that.'

Lily looked at the man leaning back on his hands, his chin on his chest in absolute despair.

She softened, looked into the sky breathed deeply and let it go. She felt her shell of anger crack.

All had been said, grievances aired and now there was clean pure space. He had suffered enough, and so had she.

Lily lifted herself and knelt down in front of him. Stroking away his black hair she took his face.

'Look at me.' Taking his chin Lily lightly tipped up the broken Wizards face to look into his astounded glittering eyes. He felt emerald green running, prickling over his skin.

'But he wasn't you Severus, you always fascinated me, since the day we met, you were so sharp, quick, focused, even your name... Severus,' holding his name with her lips she savoured the word, '...Severus...There are alot of James and Nigels and Nevilles but only one Severus.'

Lily searched deeply into the blackness of his gaze,

'Severus Snape, you have the deepest, strangest, saddest eyes I have ever seen and I sat here and waited for the day when I would once again see them open.'